To my reviewers - err... umm... Reviewer.
NeptuneHelena: Ya probably didn't get the author alert on chapter 6 cuz FF.net was have server probs that day and I was damned luck to even post the chap, so I'm betting it didn't recognize the update. At least, that's what I think happened. Anyways. You have good timing. Your review came to me on a day I wasn't feeling so hot, so it made me feel better.
~*~*~*~*~ Chapter 7:
This comment was the last straw. Wu Fei was very tired of watching these two clowns dance around each other in a strange evasion. It was painfully obvious to all in attendance how the two felt about each other. And despite his inner feelings for Duo, he was willing to step aside and let Heero have him. But he had just heard Duo pour his heart and soul into Heero's arms. and now Heero was leaving? Just like that?! "Yuy, don't you fucking dare!" Wu Fei fought the urge to scream and settled for grabbing Heero by the collar of his jacket. "Yuy did you hear a fucking word Duo said? He needs you now more than he ever fucking has!" He ground out between clenched teeth.
"He can't forgive me. and I don't deserve to be forgiven." Heero whispered.
"Yuy your are a sadistic, cold hearted, son of a bitch. Don't you know? Every person that man up there has ever loved has left him. And now. You are doing the same damn thing! Now unless you want to leave this house in a body bag you will be leaving with that man in your arms. Understood? Because I will not sit idly by while you torture him with his past!" Heero's face turned a strange shade of white then. Once again he was hurting Duo. and he hadn't even realized it!
~*~*~*~
Yuy's face turned a ghastly shade of white as he realized that I was correct in my statement of his blatantly hurting Duo. But what could I do? There was no ways under Nataku's grace I was to stand by and watch while Yuy tore out the heart of the man I care about, toss it on the floor, and stomp on it.
Suddenly something flashed behind his eyes before they hardened as he turned and walked out the door¸ despite my warnings. "That bastard" I growled, before I turned and went up the stairs to comfort my American comrade.
As I neared the door I could hear the American's quiet sobs come muffled through the door. I knocked politely before entering so as to let him know I was coming in, he hates being caught off guard during these moments of weakness. I slowly walked over to the side of the bed and sat down. He was lying on his stomach, his arms tucked beneath the pillow into which he was weeping uncontrollably. I gently placed my hand on his shoulder to reassure him that I was there for him. The violet-eyed angel sat up and looked at me, his tear-stained face enough to break my heart, then vaulted forward into my arms, wrapping his own around my waist and abandoned his pillow for my black tank top. A position very similar to the one we shared on the night after I caught him off guard.
~*~*~*~
"You've been hiding your feelings from us.. Covering everything up with that jester's mask of yours. And don't you dare even try to deny it.." He warned, his voice taking on a feral tone. " I saw your little 'ritual'."
Duo's eyes went wide with horror. "Y-you. saw?" His voice quivered a little as he tried to imagine the look on Wu Fei's face the previous night. Wu Fei just nodded. "What you've been doing is an injustice not only to us, your fellow pilots and comrades at arms, but to yourself."
Duo just stood there looking shell-shocked momentarily. "You won't tell anyone, will you?" He finally ventured, his voice sounding small. Wu Fei sighed, noting the sudden change in Duo's demeanor. "On one condition."
"And what's that?" The American asked, his voice still sounding small and weak.
"That you'll promise to be more open with me at least and you'll explain what that 'ritual' was all about."
"Okay." Duo gulped and nodded slowly, before taking a deep breath.
"First off... we may wanna sit down 'Fei... It's not a pretty story to tell, or hear." The violet-eyed youth said, meaning to stall long enough to figure out where to start. Gods he so did not wanna be telling this to anyone...
"Alright." The raven-haired youth agreed, noting the other boy's apprehension.
After they had gone and grabbed some tea from the kitchen they settled onto the couch in the living room.
Duo sat staring uncomfortably at the warm liquid in his mug for a few moments before Wu Fei spoke up. "Maxwell?"
Duo looked up at his companion and smiled sadly, before letting the gesture fade away and turn his attention to the mug in his hands. "Before I say anything, you should know that I..." He paused.
"What?" the Chinese youth prodded gently.
"I'm not like the rest of you guys... I've never known true family." The usually exuberant youth said quietly.
The Shenlong pilot turned onyx eyes on the person in front of him in confusion. " I don't understand, what are you getting at?" He asked, truly perplexed. The longhaired youth before him had never been one to dance around any topic.
"I grew up on the streets, 'Fei. I'm nothing more than a filthy street rat." The boy answered, not looking up. "The closest thing to a family I ever had was the Gang and the Father and Sister Helen."
The Asian youth remained silent, waiting for the other boy to continue.
"To be honest. It's because of them my name is what it is."
"Oh?" The Chinese boy asked, intrigued.
"I was on the streets fending for myself for as long as I can remember. By the time I had turned seven I had snuck aboard an Alliance Military ship and had ended up in the L2 area. On colony V08744. It was there that I met Solo and the rest of our gang. We were like brothers. We always helped out with everything and took care of each other. Solo, especially. We were like his children. However, shortly after I joined the group a plague swept through the colony. Everyone in the gang got sick, except for me. The hospital had the cure but they were run by the federation who would only give to the people with money, which automatically ruled us out. So instead I ended up sneaking into the hospital and stealing it. I got as much as I could carry and took it back to gang. I gave it to everybody I could, but I didn't get enough. It was too late to go back for more. Solo died that night because of me." A single tear slid down the youth's pale alabaster cheek. " With Solo's death I became Duo, because he once told me he'd always be with me. After that I became something of our gang's leader. I became the new 'Big brother' so to speak. Taking care of the others was my responsibility. And things were pretty good considering our style of life. Our raids were usually successful; we often had enough food to feed everyone once a day. Until the night I decided we'd raid the alliance base. That didn't turn out so well... In fact the soldiers had us cornered pretty quick. Then one soldier told us that some church had decided to take us orphans in. Life at the Maxwell Church was okay. We had adequate clothes and food. We had places to sleep and they even sent us to school. All the others eventually even go adopted. But I kept getting sent back to Father Maxwell and Sister Helen. I think it was I was too wild, too used to street life, although I was only seven. Also, I had already given up believing in God. And if there was a god... It was the God of Death. The Father and Sister Helen liked me, so it was okay that I kept ending up back there. They were sort of my parents for a short while. Until the night that the rebels took up position in the church to retreat, regroup, and reorganize a plan of attack, saying they only needed one Mobile Suit. The Father told them that they shouldn't be fighting', which they didn't really appreciate so one of them hit him in the side of the head with the butt of his rifle. When Sister Helen begged them to stop the accused her and the Father of being alliance spies. I couldn't stand it. So in exchange I told them I'd get them their damned suit if they left the church and then I left, determined to keep my word. When I came back the church was in ruins. The alliance had attacked and destroyed the church. I found Sister Helen amongst the rubble; she was in her last moments of life. The Father was already dead. With her last breath Sister Helen wished me her uncaring God's blessing and safety. Perhaps if I hadn't stolen the mobile suit, if I had stayed at the church I could've warned them and they could've escaped."
Wu Fei nodded in slow understanding, getting a feel of the guilt that was bottled within the beautiful boy in sitting next to him. In that moment, Duo took a slow deliberate breath to keep him from breaking out, crying.
" After that I ended up living on the streets again for a while, it wasn't that hard because I was only living at the church for about a year, not even. I met up with Professor G. when I was twelve or thirteen. I had stowed away on his ship and had been living off the food supplies there, of course I eventually got caught by a couple of goons who took me straight to him, kicking and screaming. Literally. After that I ended up with the sweepers, working under G while my gundam was being built, and I'm sure you know the rest." He concluded his story... still staring down into the mug of the now cooling liquid in his hands.
"I see..." The Chinese boy said after a moment letting the story sink in. " However, that does not explain what I saw last night." He finished, still wanting an answer for his question.
"I know. I'm getting to that." Replied the flaxen haired youth placing the mug of now cooled liquid in the coffee table in front of them. " It's just that. I've never told anybody this before."
Duo looked nervous. It was logical considering Wu Fei had yelled at him not long before. Wu Fei decided he had better make the first move if he was going to do anything about Duo's 'ritual.' "So Duo... why do you perform this ritual?" He asked eagerly. He could still remember clearly what it had looked like. Duo had taken a small switchblade, red in color he recalled. It had a broken handle and didn't retract anymore. He had carefully rolled up the left sleeve of his shirt and placed a bowl beneath his arm. He had then ran the knife carefully along his forearm whispering, 'I'm sorry I'll do better. I'm sorry I've sinned. I'm sorry they died. I'll win next time.' Repeatedly. He had allowed the cut to bleed it self closed. It had shocked Wu Fei he had punished himself this way.
"That was." He began and stopped again.
"That was what?" The dark eyed you prodded.
"That was my way of remembering... of asking forgiveness." Violet-blue eyes narrowed as they tried to fight back tears. "I'm the only one left to remember them all 'Fei. It's just so overwhelming to know that I'm the only person left to carry their memories, to say they existed. And, it's my fault..." Tears started to slide down the pale ivory skin as the elfin boy stopped fighting them, not caring anymore whether his comrade saw.
Wu Fei gently placed a hand on the shoulder of the boy beside him, concern and understanding shining in his Onyx coloured eyes. Suddenly, the long haired boy turned and vaulted forward, wrapping his arms around the Chinese boy's waist as his shoulders started to shake as he began sobbing, burying his face in the Asian youth's black tank top. " It's all my fault 'Fei. It's my bloody fault..."
~*~*~*~
That's it for now readers. Hope ya'll know that I appreciate the reviews I get, and flames are used to heat my house cuz my furnace is broken. Also, if you guys feel like sending me any drawings or art for my story, I would LOVE you for the rest of eternity, cuz I can't draw anymore. I lost my mojo. Anyhow. Gotta scram. R&R folk!
NeptuneHelena: Ya probably didn't get the author alert on chapter 6 cuz FF.net was have server probs that day and I was damned luck to even post the chap, so I'm betting it didn't recognize the update. At least, that's what I think happened. Anyways. You have good timing. Your review came to me on a day I wasn't feeling so hot, so it made me feel better.
~*~*~*~*~ Chapter 7:
This comment was the last straw. Wu Fei was very tired of watching these two clowns dance around each other in a strange evasion. It was painfully obvious to all in attendance how the two felt about each other. And despite his inner feelings for Duo, he was willing to step aside and let Heero have him. But he had just heard Duo pour his heart and soul into Heero's arms. and now Heero was leaving? Just like that?! "Yuy, don't you fucking dare!" Wu Fei fought the urge to scream and settled for grabbing Heero by the collar of his jacket. "Yuy did you hear a fucking word Duo said? He needs you now more than he ever fucking has!" He ground out between clenched teeth.
"He can't forgive me. and I don't deserve to be forgiven." Heero whispered.
"Yuy your are a sadistic, cold hearted, son of a bitch. Don't you know? Every person that man up there has ever loved has left him. And now. You are doing the same damn thing! Now unless you want to leave this house in a body bag you will be leaving with that man in your arms. Understood? Because I will not sit idly by while you torture him with his past!" Heero's face turned a strange shade of white then. Once again he was hurting Duo. and he hadn't even realized it!
~*~*~*~
Yuy's face turned a ghastly shade of white as he realized that I was correct in my statement of his blatantly hurting Duo. But what could I do? There was no ways under Nataku's grace I was to stand by and watch while Yuy tore out the heart of the man I care about, toss it on the floor, and stomp on it.
Suddenly something flashed behind his eyes before they hardened as he turned and walked out the door¸ despite my warnings. "That bastard" I growled, before I turned and went up the stairs to comfort my American comrade.
As I neared the door I could hear the American's quiet sobs come muffled through the door. I knocked politely before entering so as to let him know I was coming in, he hates being caught off guard during these moments of weakness. I slowly walked over to the side of the bed and sat down. He was lying on his stomach, his arms tucked beneath the pillow into which he was weeping uncontrollably. I gently placed my hand on his shoulder to reassure him that I was there for him. The violet-eyed angel sat up and looked at me, his tear-stained face enough to break my heart, then vaulted forward into my arms, wrapping his own around my waist and abandoned his pillow for my black tank top. A position very similar to the one we shared on the night after I caught him off guard.
~*~*~*~
"You've been hiding your feelings from us.. Covering everything up with that jester's mask of yours. And don't you dare even try to deny it.." He warned, his voice taking on a feral tone. " I saw your little 'ritual'."
Duo's eyes went wide with horror. "Y-you. saw?" His voice quivered a little as he tried to imagine the look on Wu Fei's face the previous night. Wu Fei just nodded. "What you've been doing is an injustice not only to us, your fellow pilots and comrades at arms, but to yourself."
Duo just stood there looking shell-shocked momentarily. "You won't tell anyone, will you?" He finally ventured, his voice sounding small. Wu Fei sighed, noting the sudden change in Duo's demeanor. "On one condition."
"And what's that?" The American asked, his voice still sounding small and weak.
"That you'll promise to be more open with me at least and you'll explain what that 'ritual' was all about."
"Okay." Duo gulped and nodded slowly, before taking a deep breath.
"First off... we may wanna sit down 'Fei... It's not a pretty story to tell, or hear." The violet-eyed youth said, meaning to stall long enough to figure out where to start. Gods he so did not wanna be telling this to anyone...
"Alright." The raven-haired youth agreed, noting the other boy's apprehension.
After they had gone and grabbed some tea from the kitchen they settled onto the couch in the living room.
Duo sat staring uncomfortably at the warm liquid in his mug for a few moments before Wu Fei spoke up. "Maxwell?"
Duo looked up at his companion and smiled sadly, before letting the gesture fade away and turn his attention to the mug in his hands. "Before I say anything, you should know that I..." He paused.
"What?" the Chinese youth prodded gently.
"I'm not like the rest of you guys... I've never known true family." The usually exuberant youth said quietly.
The Shenlong pilot turned onyx eyes on the person in front of him in confusion. " I don't understand, what are you getting at?" He asked, truly perplexed. The longhaired youth before him had never been one to dance around any topic.
"I grew up on the streets, 'Fei. I'm nothing more than a filthy street rat." The boy answered, not looking up. "The closest thing to a family I ever had was the Gang and the Father and Sister Helen."
The Asian youth remained silent, waiting for the other boy to continue.
"To be honest. It's because of them my name is what it is."
"Oh?" The Chinese boy asked, intrigued.
"I was on the streets fending for myself for as long as I can remember. By the time I had turned seven I had snuck aboard an Alliance Military ship and had ended up in the L2 area. On colony V08744. It was there that I met Solo and the rest of our gang. We were like brothers. We always helped out with everything and took care of each other. Solo, especially. We were like his children. However, shortly after I joined the group a plague swept through the colony. Everyone in the gang got sick, except for me. The hospital had the cure but they were run by the federation who would only give to the people with money, which automatically ruled us out. So instead I ended up sneaking into the hospital and stealing it. I got as much as I could carry and took it back to gang. I gave it to everybody I could, but I didn't get enough. It was too late to go back for more. Solo died that night because of me." A single tear slid down the youth's pale alabaster cheek. " With Solo's death I became Duo, because he once told me he'd always be with me. After that I became something of our gang's leader. I became the new 'Big brother' so to speak. Taking care of the others was my responsibility. And things were pretty good considering our style of life. Our raids were usually successful; we often had enough food to feed everyone once a day. Until the night I decided we'd raid the alliance base. That didn't turn out so well... In fact the soldiers had us cornered pretty quick. Then one soldier told us that some church had decided to take us orphans in. Life at the Maxwell Church was okay. We had adequate clothes and food. We had places to sleep and they even sent us to school. All the others eventually even go adopted. But I kept getting sent back to Father Maxwell and Sister Helen. I think it was I was too wild, too used to street life, although I was only seven. Also, I had already given up believing in God. And if there was a god... It was the God of Death. The Father and Sister Helen liked me, so it was okay that I kept ending up back there. They were sort of my parents for a short while. Until the night that the rebels took up position in the church to retreat, regroup, and reorganize a plan of attack, saying they only needed one Mobile Suit. The Father told them that they shouldn't be fighting', which they didn't really appreciate so one of them hit him in the side of the head with the butt of his rifle. When Sister Helen begged them to stop the accused her and the Father of being alliance spies. I couldn't stand it. So in exchange I told them I'd get them their damned suit if they left the church and then I left, determined to keep my word. When I came back the church was in ruins. The alliance had attacked and destroyed the church. I found Sister Helen amongst the rubble; she was in her last moments of life. The Father was already dead. With her last breath Sister Helen wished me her uncaring God's blessing and safety. Perhaps if I hadn't stolen the mobile suit, if I had stayed at the church I could've warned them and they could've escaped."
Wu Fei nodded in slow understanding, getting a feel of the guilt that was bottled within the beautiful boy in sitting next to him. In that moment, Duo took a slow deliberate breath to keep him from breaking out, crying.
" After that I ended up living on the streets again for a while, it wasn't that hard because I was only living at the church for about a year, not even. I met up with Professor G. when I was twelve or thirteen. I had stowed away on his ship and had been living off the food supplies there, of course I eventually got caught by a couple of goons who took me straight to him, kicking and screaming. Literally. After that I ended up with the sweepers, working under G while my gundam was being built, and I'm sure you know the rest." He concluded his story... still staring down into the mug of the now cooling liquid in his hands.
"I see..." The Chinese boy said after a moment letting the story sink in. " However, that does not explain what I saw last night." He finished, still wanting an answer for his question.
"I know. I'm getting to that." Replied the flaxen haired youth placing the mug of now cooled liquid in the coffee table in front of them. " It's just that. I've never told anybody this before."
Duo looked nervous. It was logical considering Wu Fei had yelled at him not long before. Wu Fei decided he had better make the first move if he was going to do anything about Duo's 'ritual.' "So Duo... why do you perform this ritual?" He asked eagerly. He could still remember clearly what it had looked like. Duo had taken a small switchblade, red in color he recalled. It had a broken handle and didn't retract anymore. He had carefully rolled up the left sleeve of his shirt and placed a bowl beneath his arm. He had then ran the knife carefully along his forearm whispering, 'I'm sorry I'll do better. I'm sorry I've sinned. I'm sorry they died. I'll win next time.' Repeatedly. He had allowed the cut to bleed it self closed. It had shocked Wu Fei he had punished himself this way.
"That was." He began and stopped again.
"That was what?" The dark eyed you prodded.
"That was my way of remembering... of asking forgiveness." Violet-blue eyes narrowed as they tried to fight back tears. "I'm the only one left to remember them all 'Fei. It's just so overwhelming to know that I'm the only person left to carry their memories, to say they existed. And, it's my fault..." Tears started to slide down the pale ivory skin as the elfin boy stopped fighting them, not caring anymore whether his comrade saw.
Wu Fei gently placed a hand on the shoulder of the boy beside him, concern and understanding shining in his Onyx coloured eyes. Suddenly, the long haired boy turned and vaulted forward, wrapping his arms around the Chinese boy's waist as his shoulders started to shake as he began sobbing, burying his face in the Asian youth's black tank top. " It's all my fault 'Fei. It's my bloody fault..."
~*~*~*~
That's it for now readers. Hope ya'll know that I appreciate the reviews I get, and flames are used to heat my house cuz my furnace is broken. Also, if you guys feel like sending me any drawings or art for my story, I would LOVE you for the rest of eternity, cuz I can't draw anymore. I lost my mojo. Anyhow. Gotta scram. R&R folk!