CHAPTER TEN

Whenever I'm alone with you

You make me feel like I am free again

Whenever I'm alone with you

You make me feel like I am clean again

However far away, I will always love you

However long I stay, I will always love you

Whatever words I say, I will always love you

- The Cure, Love Song

A week passed of mind-numbing boredom for Padme. She had a parade of new clothes and luxuries brought into her rooms. A droid was assigned to her to get anything she wanted, including whatever she wanted to eat.

She spent most of her time tuned into the intergalactic news stations, listening to news from all over the Galaxy. It was heavily censored by the Empire now which was obvious from the tone of the content. If you believed the news, everything was hunky dory apart from the pesky Rebel Alliance and those systems that would not fall into line. There was no whisper on the news of the Jedi. It was as though the entire Empire believed they had all been destroyed.

The door between their suites remained shut and Padme battled between feeling relieved and annoyed with Anakin for sulking to such a degree. She remembered that he had a tendency to pout if he didn't get his own way.

In his own rooms, Anakin himself was torn between the fear that she would say something else that would leave him winded for days and the desire to see her face. They had been apart for so long that it was cruel not to be able to see her now.

After seven days of pacing in the doorway between their rooms, he finally worked up the courage to unlock the door between them. Padme was watching a hologram of the news, sitting next to the projector table and leaning over its edge, her head leaning on one hand. It was an attitude that bespoke both concentration on what was happening and an underlying boredom.

She glanced up as he strode purposefully into the room but didn't move an inch. "Hi Anakin," she said, her boredom evident in her voice. She was as relaxed and unselfconscious as she ever had been in his presence. Obviously their argument had no lingering effect on her. He felt relief. He had thought she would be angry or resentful or would ignore him.

"There is something I would like your opinion on," he said briefly.

She raised her fine eyebrows. She had not been expecting that. "Okay," she said, looking at him expectantly.

"Can you please come through to my central messaging system, it's a report from the Langsho system," he said, standing back and gesturing into the large project room in the centre of his suites.

Curiously, Padme got up and walked through to the large hologram projector.

"I have a message here from their Ambassador. He wants help negotiating a trade deal with a neighbouring system. Unfortunately, I have no experience with trade negotiations. I would appreciate the benefit of your experience," he said with a humility that reminded Padme for a brief second of the very young Anakin she had become reacquainted with on their journey to Naboo.

She looked at him oddly but nodded and said, "of course".

Anakin played the full message for her. She was silent for a few moments afterwards. "If you want my advice, you'll have to give me a couple of days to do some research on both systems. I don't know whether the deal he is proposing is in the best interests of both systems. I'd like to understand the economic, social and environmental impacts of the deal first," she said seriously.

Under his mask, Anakin smiled. It had worked perfectly. Padme was actively interested in something which would stop her from getting bored and discontented, and he knew he had the best person for the job in making the recommendations. He did not underestimate Padme's ability any more than the people of Naboo or the Senate had.

He knew as long as he could feed her tasks that did not make her compromise her political beliefs, they had a better chance of living harmoniously. He knew his Padme and she liked to be both busy and useful.

- - -
A month passed and Padme learned to adjust to her confinement. Sometimes the walls of her suite seemed to close in on her and she felt desperate just to walk down a passage. On the other hand, taking on the rather large projects that Anakin seemed only too happy to hand over to her completely gave her a far wider scope and view of the Galaxy than she had had since her time as a Senator. In some respects, she was doing more because her work wasn't just related to representing Naboo or the Opposition in the Senate – it had a broader scope.

Of course, she couldn't negotiate directly with Ambassadors and other representatives. Anakin would deliver her recommendations to them. She knew he didn't change any of them because often times counter claims were made and negotiations would go on for some time. She felt like she was doing something valuable again. It made her shattered personal life a bit easier to bear.

It did not make things easier for Anakin to bear. Working with her allowed him to spend time with her without the tense undercurrent of all that had been left unsaid about their past but the distance between them outside of work bothered him deeply. He had wanted Padme with him as his wife not as a colleague. He found it easy to work with her. He never had to explain anything because her mind was as quick as his own. It was a relief after the hard work of making his Generals understand his plans and requirements. He felt comfortable with her. It had always been easy to be around her and he still found her presence restful.

On the other hand, he still wanted to reach out and touch her face or hair. Sometimes he had to clench his fists to stop himself from doing so. He didn't know when he would have the courage to even take off his mask in her presence. It had become a convenient way of hiding his thoughts and emotions from her. Without it, he knew he would feel hideously exposed or vulnerable. Unlike Padme herself, he had never been able to contain his emotions - particularly around her. As a young man, just the thought of seeing her had made him sweat with nervousness. Her coolness had been a counterpoint to his heat. Everything he thought and felt had been written on his face for her to see. He knew that nothing would have changed.

- - -

Padme had discovered some disturbing new facts regarding the trade agreement that the Langsho system wished to make with its neighbour.

"Did you know that the Langsho system has a military presence throughout the Tilgalm system?" Padme asked one day, reading some diplomatic information that had just come to hand via one of the spy network.

Anakin looked at her sharply. He had not known that. Not only hadn't he known it but it was illegal for one system to occupy another with military without the Empire's express permission.

"We will put a stop to that," Anakin said. His tall dark figure radiated menace which Padme could feel almost like something physical from the other side of the room. For a flash, Anakin was lost in Darth Vader completely once more in Padme's mind.

Padme didn't ask what he meant by that because she did not want to know.

Within a couple of weeks, she found out. The spy network reported that the Empire's own forces had entered both Langsho and Tilgalm systems in order to pull Langsho's army out of Tilgalm. Many of Langsho's military died in the ruthless attack.

Not only was the Langsho military attacked and swiftly defeated but heavy fines had been imposed in order to discourage any other potential law breakers in the Empire. The government of Langsho was very, very unhappy.

Padme's face was very grim when she received the reports on the Death Toll. Anakin was away overseeing the operation between the two systems. According to the reports, not just thousands of military had died in the attacks but millions. Civilians inevitably caught in the battle sites died in the hundreds of thousands.

"Is it worth it, Anakin?" Padme said to herself, shaking her head. She felt light-headed at the carnage.

She confronted him when he returned a few days later.

"Why didn't you use more guerilla tactics and infiltrate the systems more slowly?" Padme asked, her fine brows drawn together. "It still would have succeeded but you could have saved so many lives. What is the point of such an aggressive campaign?" she demanded.

"It was quick and it sent a strong message to the other systems who may think of crossing the Empire," Anakin said darkly. He had killed many of those soldiers himself and using the Dark Side of the Force so intensely over a long period always had an odd effect on his moods.

Padme sensed the difference and instinctively knew there was no point talking to him at that point. During times like these, Anakin was completely submerged in Darth Vader and there was no reaching him. Even the way Anakin moved at these times was different. The Dark Side seemed to make him more fluid and dominant, like a panther stalking in the jungle or a dark shadow moving along a wall. He seemed even less human, as though the mask and armour was the true outward expression of who he had become inwardly.

With a look of furious disgust, Padme turned on her heel and marched through to her own suite. She hit the lock with her fist on the other side and threw herself on the couch in disgust. She had never tried to lock Anakin out before. She knew that if he was really determined to get into her suite, he could but generally he only came in if her door was open. She doubted he would intrude now.

From the other side of the locked door, Anakin could feel her disgust hit him in waves. She was angry and underneath the anger was a kind of fear, not for herself but of what he was now capable of. Like a cloud, the influence of the Dark Side lifted slightly. He head felt a bit clearer. Tuning into her emotions meant he could not focus on the Dark Side of the Force as much. It was a startling revelation.

- - -

She did not speak to him for three days and stayed behind her locked door. It was not like Padme to sulk so Anakin was rather alarmed. He could tune in to her emotions behind the door. Basically they stayed the same for the entire three days – disgust and fear.

Problems blew up in the Langsho system again and he knew he needed her help. He did not want to override her lock. Their trust was shaky enough without undermining what fragile trust they had established in order to live in close contact.

Finally he hit on the idea of sending her a hologram message.

"Padme, I need your help with Langsho. There is an uprising. If you want to end this thing diplomatically rather than violently, I need you help," he said.

Padme stared at the hologram miniature of her husband. She knew he was being manipulative in order to bring her out of her own volition. Then again, if there was a chance she could save lives by using diplomacy then she couldn't turn her back on that. Anakin certainly knew how to push her buttons and get under her skin.

She sent back a message to Anakin. "Don't think I don't know what you're up to," she said flatly and then walked over to the door and unlocked it.

As he watched her brief message, Anakin's lips twitched under his mask. He couldn't remember the last time he had felt amused.

- - -

The diplomatic solution was taking a longer time than Anakin had patience for. He still had 'peace-keeping' forces in both systems but he wanted the issued settled quickly. He had other projects that were just as important. The whole process from when Langsho had first proposed the trade deal has stretched out to three months.

"How long will this take?" Anakin asked testily one day.

"It could take years," Padme said with a shrug.

Anakin slammed his fist down on the table. "I can't afford to waste years on this!" he said angrily, his mechanical voice sounding harsh.

Padme jumped and frowned at him. "It's the only peaceful solution," Padme replied firmly. He was terrifying enough these days when he was silent. When he was angry, it was far more intimidating.

"Then the solution will not be peaceful," he said with finality and stalked out of his suite before Padme could question him.

Padme did not see Anakin for a few weeks after this. She guessed he had returned to the Langsho system to implement whatever solutions he thought would be faster. She dreaded finding out what they were. While Anakin was not there, the spy reports did not come to his suite. The news reports from the Langsho system were highly censored and thus very vague. Certainly no casualty reports were issued.

All she could do was wait.

- - -

Finally Anakin returned. Padme felt once more that Anakin had vanished into Darth Vader's persona.

"What happened?" Padme asked, the same day he returned.

"We solved the problem," Anakin replied bluntly.

"How?" she asked.

"We put in a new government," he stated flatly.

"You put in a new government? I take it that it's a government that the people of Langsho didn't vote for," she said, pressing her lips together in disapproval.

"Obviously not, there wasn't time," he said. His body language was irritable. He new Padme was about to criticize him and he wasn't in the mood.

"Why wasn't there time?" Padme asked suspiciously.

"Because the old government was gone," Anakin replied sullenly.

"Gone?" Padme repeated questioningly.

"We assassinated them," Anakin said forcefully and got up to pace. "It was the only way to restore peace in the two systems. There is a government in place now that will obey the Empire's laws."

"A puppet government you mean, with you and Darth Sidious pulling the strings. Very convenient, wouldn't you say?" Padme said icily. "You didn't have to kill them all. We could have sorted out the situation eventually."

"How long would it have taken Padme? I have an Empire to run and countless other systems to take care of. I couldn't afford to waste time on just two!" he said furiously, pounding the table with one fist again.

"Perhaps the systems in the Galaxy can take care of themselves given half a chance!" Padme yelled right back. "It's all about your precious Empire controlling everything and everyone in the Galaxy, really. It had nothing to do with establishing peace and justice, and finding solutions that benefit everybody. A galactic government should be an arbiter, not a dictator!"

"It's easy for you to say when you have no real responsibilities!" Anakin shouted, his mask distorting his voice.

"I had these responsibilities from the age of fourteen! There is nothing you can tell me about the responsibilities of good government. You're an amateur and it shows!" she said with her icy brand of anger.

"How dare you! I have more power now than you ever had," he roared.

She was deathly quiet for a moment and looked at him with hard, bright eyes. "That's just the difference between you and me, Anakin. For you, it's about power. For me, it was about helping people. We will never agree on this." She turned on her heel and walked away. She wanted nothing to do with him when he was like this.

She avoided him for a couple of days. She did not like it when the Dark Side of the Force was hanging around Anakin like a bad smell. It made her feel a bit sick. She despaired for him at times like this.

Less than a week after he returned, Padme was in her suite reading from a small library output device when she heard a commotion in Anakin's suite. There were shouts of a strange language and a scuffling noise, and then shots from a plasma gun. She heard the familiar sound of a light sabre buzzing as it swung through the air.

Getting up carefully from her couch, Padme crept towards the adjoining door and peered around the edge. There was a large group of Langshan in the room. They were an ugly race – short, squat with grayish green skin and heads made up mostly of a tubular nose cavity. Their eyes and mouth were hidden under folds of thick skin.

One of the Langshan had been thrown towards her doorway by Anakin wielding the Force with one hand. He hit his head on the doorjamb and slumped dead to the floor. Padme relieved him of his plasma gun and crept over his body into the room, keeping her head below the height of the large hologram table that dominated the room.

She could see that Anakin was holding his own against the Langshans. They were dropping like flies. However, he was outnumbered about twenty to one and there was no way he could keep his eye on every one.

He could deflect every plasma shot and manage to kill a large number but the Langshans were cunning fighters. They would attack in a pack and one would try to sneak up behind Anakin while he was busy with the others. Padme noticed this pattern quickly and calmly picked the sneaky ones off from behind the table. Because of the amount of crossfire in the room, no-one noticed that there was another gun going off.

Just as Padme thought Anakin was safe, a particularly small Langshan attacked him from behind while he was busy finishing off the remaining five Langshans currently attacking from the front. Padme almost missed seeing him because he had been hiding for most of the battle behind a couch. Just as the small creature raised its gun to fire a direct hit, Padme shot the gun out of its hand and then finished it with a shot to its head. It had been a near thing.

The fright that last attack had given Padme had given her a bad adrenalin reaction and her hands were shaking as she crept out from behind the table.

"Alright Anakin?" she asked, as he sheathed his light sabre.

He was very still as he looked at her, almost as though his thoughts were elsewhere.

"Are you alright?" she asked again.

"Yes," he replied but all she could hear was the odd sound of his breathing through the mask.

She turned to go. She couldn't figure out why he was behaving so oddly.

"You saved my life," he said suddenly, "for the second time."

"I think you may have been alright anyway," she said, relaxing.

"Why?" he asked, even through his mask his voice sounded different.

She looked at him strangely. "Did you think I would stand by and let you die?" she asked with a frown.

"You hate what I've become," he said.

"I hate the choices you've made and the life you've chosen for yourself but I don't hate you, Anakin. How could I? I'm angry with you often because I don't like what you do but I don't hate you. Do you think that if I had wanted you dead that I couldn't have killed you already?" she asked seriously.

"Do you think you could?" he asked with a touch of arrogance.

"I think you would let me," she said quietly.

Her answer stunned him because he knew with sudden clarity that it was true. If Padme had really wanted to kill him then he would not have stopped her because in knowing she wanted him dead, he would not have wanted to live.

Anakin continued to stare at her. It made Padme feel unnerved.

"You're staring at me Anakin. You know I don't like that," she said.

"Why?" he asked.

"It makes me feel uncomfortable, you know that," Padme said. Suddenly she felt the same way she had when she had seen Anakin for the first time after ten years apart. His stare had unnerved her then and now he was doing it again and she couldn't even see his eyes behind those dark lenses.

"You're my wife now," he said softly, although it came through the mask like a rumble.

"Sometimes I forget," she said truthfully and turned to go back to her own apartments.