You know those nights where you can't fall asleep because you have too many thoughts in your head, so you concentrate on nothing, but you end up thinking about all those thoughts anyway because you were concentrating too hard on not concentrating on them? This was one of those nights.
2:58 AM.
It wasn't as late as I thought. I sat up in bed and let my feet hit the cold floor. My toes scrunched up from the sudden contact, but I ignored them. I went to the foot of my bed, to where my trunk was, and I opened it. At the very bottom, wrapped up in some of my mother's tissue paper, was IT. IT was what I had feared. IT was what I was too scared too look at, afraid that it would disappear if I did, vanish without a trace, except for the pounding thought in my head telling me I could have done something. But I was tired of being afraid. I scooped it up in my hand and let the weight sink into my palm. IT felt cool and smooth, and I wrapped my fingers around it.
Grunt.
My body froze. No, it wasn't a water buffalo; it was Rachel Burrey, the Human Water Buffalo. She appeared flawless in the daytime, with her perfect teeth, long legs and perky personality, but at night she grunted and snored, like the water dwelling beasts I once saw on the Discovery Channel. What a classic combination. I wonder what her parents think.
I had not awoken the Beast, as I had further observed. I heard her turn over, and then she began mumbling about not letting Ronald Raegan steal her cheese crackers.
I tiptoed downstairs, and into a tall red chair in the far corner of the common room. I brought my knees up to my chin and I unwrapped my prize.
IT just so happened to be the head girl badge.
It's not like I was afraid of the position – oh no. I've wanted to be head girl ever since I first saw one – when I was in my first year. She was rather burly and had a moustache, and smelled faintly of peanuts. Not the best first impression, I know, but what I admired so much was the way the badge gleamed against her black robes, and the way everyone – prefects, teachers, everyone – had a sense of respect for her. She was one of the top students in the school; if that wasn't rewarding enough I don't know what is.
No, what I was afraid of was the thought that if I…admired it too much, or if I was too proud of it, that it might go away. I was afraid that this was just a dream – a nightmare where my biggest wish would suddenly disappear from my grasp, regardless of how hard I held on to it. So, I kept it locked up in my trunk, sure that I wouldn't let it disappear. And I haven't looked at it, or felt it, until now.
I silently folded away the blue tissue paper, letting the badge finally reflect what candlelight was left. I let the wrapping fall to the floor, and I held my reward with both hands. I ran my thumb over the scripted words, lightly indenting the precious silver. My forefinger grazed the pointed bottom, and I sucked in my breath. Someone was there.
I snapped my head towards the dormitory stairs. I felt my eyes narrow slightly and I held my legs closer to my chest. The badge fell softly into my lap and I didn't take my eyes off him.
He was just standing there, an empty glass in his hand, hair tousled from sleep and eyes drooping. His plaid pajama pants grazed the floor as he strode over to my seat, navy blue shirt shifting with his arm movement. He didn't say anything to me, just glanced to my lap and then to my clenched hands. His brow lifted slightly and he looked at me.
"You surprised me," I answered his silent question.
He yawned widely, not bothering to cover his mouth, and scratched the back of his head, ebony hair shifting into an even more unbrushed position, and him not bothering to fix it.
"It's late," he whispered hoarsely. I never knew you cared, James.
"Not tired."
He shrugged slightly and shifted his weight. "You'll regret it in the morning."
"Then I'll regret it in the morning."
He barked a quiet laugh and lazily looked around the common room. "What time is it?" he asked, still in that half-asleep voice.
"Late."
He looked at me and smiled. "Did you study for the Charms test?"
"I know it."
His grin grew wider. "Of coarse," he said, as if he was remembering a fond memory. "Miss Charms. You always were the best."
I almost smiled. I almost said thanks. I almost stood up and asked him about the next Quidditch game. But I didn't. I was glued to my seat, and the small badge in my lap felt like it weighed a ton. I emitted an ugly sound from the back of my throat instead, and then coughed.
"Mmm," he murmured, smile still plastered on his face. I could see the faint outline of a moustache in his upper lip, and his eyes were really dark. Not creepy dark – more like a soothing, familiar dark. I can't describe it.
He shifted his weight from one foot to another again, and his eyelids were covering half his eye. He blinked once, then let them droop again.
"Go to bed."
He looked up. His eyes pierced mine. I felt unsure about everything. I couldn't even remember if I was sitting down or not. Without another word, he shuffled his feet towards the stairs and slowly climbed the stairs. His voice carried down, and, quiet as it was, rang in my ears.
"Night, Lil."
And then it hit me. James Potter was a completely different person when he was half-asleep.
—
Veronica's head swung like mad, her hair swinging in her face. Her eyes were wide and her lips were pale. All I did was ask her if she wanted to have lunch with Sirius.
"Please, Veronica?"
"No."
"Why not!" I whined. We had been going on like this for awhile now.
"I want to read."
"You're reading too much! You'll turn into a book if you don't stop!"
"Then I won't have to go to the library to read."
"Veronica!"
"What?"
"Why not?"
She sighed impatiently and swatted her hair from her face. This was as close as she ever got to yelling. "I don't need a reason for everything I do," she snapped.
I narrowed my eyes and sucked my teeth. There was something she was not telling me.
"Lily," she said in her I Mean Business voice. "Please go."
I stood up from my seat in the library. I looked down at her sitting there, ankles crossed and eyes cast downward. I had no idea what was going on, so I just left. She'd come around, sooner or later. I was hoping for the sooner.
It was around noon, and lunch was being served. Sirius had decided that we didn't see enough of each other, so he arranged our lunch date. I walked into the Great Hall, and spotted him waving me over, to the far end of the table, closest to the wall.
I walked towards him and grinned. There was a blow-up doll in the seat next to him that looked oddly like me. Sirius had his arms around "her" and was tickling its chin. I walked up to him and raised an eyebrow. He shot me a glare and hissed, "Can't you see I'm on a date?"
I laughed and sat down next to the doll, immediately scooping food onto my empty plate. Sirius completely ignored me, and was having a full-on conversation with the blow-up doll. I looked at Remus across the table confusedly and he shrugged.
"He's weird," he simply told me. I grinned and began stuffing my face.
I began thinking about the homework I forgot to do, so I didn't hear most of James, Remus, and Peters' conversation. All I heard was the last bit of James's sentence.
"…Quidditch game this week? First game of the season, you know. Guess who the star player is." He flexed his muscles mockingly and laughed along with the rest of the guys. I grabbed my goblet and took a sip, but I sucked in a breath at the same time, and I think we all know what happens then. James's head snapped in my direction, just as I was pounding on my chest to stop the coughing.
"You okay?" he asked.
"Fine," I wheezed, then drank down the last of my water.
"So," he said, as if he was continuing our conversation, "are you going to the Quidditch game?"
I blinked. "Yeah," I said slowly. "I always go."
He grinned at me, then resumed talking to his friends. I wiped my mouth with my napkin, and looked around, looking for something to do. I glanced at Sirius, who was still blabbering to the imaginary me. I stood up and ruffled his hair. "Thanks for the meal, Black."
He looked up at me and smiled. "Anytime."
So I stood up, and I noticed that Veronica actually had come to lunch, but was sitting at the far end of the table. The other far end.
"Hi," I said. I plopped my bag on the table and took the seat across from her. She looked up.
"Hello."
I smiled, and there was a silence. I glanced around the Great Hall, and Veronica said, "How was your lunch?"
"You'd know if you'd have been there." I was instantly angry at myself for saying that, and I looked at my lap.
Veronica didn't say anything. I didn't expect her to. She went back to her Potions essay, and only the scratching of her quill was heard.
W sat like that until we were the only ones left in the Great Hall. Everyone else had left for his or her next class; even the teachers retreated to the staff room. I looked at Veronica, who was still hunched over her work, working on her third foot of parchment. I was still mad at myself for snapping, so I just stood up and left. My next class was Divination, which was all the way at the top, in North Tower. To get there I had to cut through the Potions corridor if I wanted to get there reasonably on time. And I really didn't like going through the Potions corridor. Please let them all be in class…
I gulped slightly and tightened my grip on my bag. The hallway was empty; my shoes clicked against the cold floor, echoing on the dim walls. This was the Slytherin Corridor – their common room was here somewhere and this is where they liked to hang out. I kicked myself for staying in the Great Hall for so long.
Something fell to the floor with a loud clang. Something that wasn't mine. I froze.
Someone snickered. I swung around and darted my eyes in all the crevices and corners I could find. I'm making myself crazy, I thought. There's nobody here –
A hand to my back slammed me into the wall. A couple torches went out, so it was even darker then it had been a couple seconds ago. Someone's hand reached out and grabbed my cheeks, squeezing my lips together painfully. My head was snapped forward, and into the dark profile of my fate.
He leaned forward. I felt his breath on my cheek. I smelled his sweat. I tasted his yearning. His mouth went to my ear, and I heard him laugh again.
"He wants you."
My legs were shaking and my knees were bumping each other. I felt my bag hit the floor. His grip on me tightened and he twisted my arm behind my back. I winced in pain and tears shot into my eyes. I suddenly heard a loud crack and my whole arm went numb. I felt a fierce pain in my shoulder and I almost screamed. I almost fought back. But he paralyzed me. I was the mouse and he was the cat. He was the one with the gun to my head. And I was the hostage, blindfolded with a lone cigarette hanging from my lips.
He forced me to the ground. I fell with a pitiful thump. I was so weak. He had me. He knew how to hurt me. He knew what got to me. He had me.
Pain, that's all I remember. Bruises, bleeding, cuts. All I could think of was, why? What had I done to him? I never wanted to hurt him; I never wanted to hurt anyone. So why me? What did I do?
Then he stopped. Everything stopped at that moent; the world stopped rotating when he stopped. Everything was dead silent. I didn't even hear him lean over. I didn't feel him move my hair until his lips were directly against my ear.
"He wants you."
I cried. That was all I could do. But I didn't cry from my physical pain. I cried because I realized what he would do to achieve his goal. Lord Voldemort had a wish, a dream, and no one would ever know the lengths he would go to achieve that dream. He would stop at nothing to make his dream reality. And nothing leaves so many options.
I heard him leave. His hard, heavy boots threw themselves onto the cold ground. That sound rang in my ears, and grew steadily quieter, until they were gone. And I just lay there. I couldn't move; I didn't want to. I closed my eyes and let my cheek rest on the smooth ground, letting the coldness numb my bruises. I don't know how long I lied there.
The next thing I heard was laughing. Happy, gleeful laughing. I wanted to get up and scream at the laugher. I wanted to shout, how could you be laughing when I am in this much pain? How can you ever be happy knowing all that goes on in the world? In your own backyard?
I actually tried to stand up. I lifted my head from the ground and squinted down the hallway. I blinked blood out of my eye and, with all the strength I could muster, I screamed.
The laughing stopped. "Oh my God."
A/N: Yeah, I know the mood REALLY changed, but I felt the need. And I introduced Voldemort! he has to pop up sometime, why not now. Please review!
My name change. It isn't permanent, but I got bored with my old one, full reason on my profile.
Arianna: I love your suggestion and (as you can see) I used it! Tell me where you found that saying, I really like it. Thanks so much for suggesting it to me!
bonnythebunny: You were my second reviewer! Now, for the Sirius/Lily issue - I once read a story where Lily and Sirius were close (they dated) and I liked the idea, rather than her thinking he's immature, cuz I see that everywhere. So he might be a LITTLE (cough cough) immature, but Lily doesn't mind it with him. Maybe they were close in a past life or something, I dunno.
DOJ: Thank you for the review! it was, as always, very rewarding, and I'm glad you like the story and, Lily's POV, basically. I hope you like this chapter, even though it doesn't really explain alot! Sorry about that...
Queen Of Day Dreams: I'm really glad you like the story! And your title suggestions were really helpful! ANd I'm really glad you actually did try to help...I wasn't expecting that many people to offer ideas. I hope to get another review from you!