Chapter Sixteen
When I got to Jesse's place, I could tell that there was not going to be our usual cuddling and making out during the movie, or even a movie. Jesse wanted to talk--and seriously. He wanted to know what was wrong with me. Pronto.
Which was fine. I mean, I'd have to tell him sometime. That I might be moving, I mean. He'd notice I was gone and want to know where I was.
I sat down on his couch, where he'd motioned for me to sit. I looked around the room. Jesse had really made his apartment a nice place. When he'd first moved in, it had been empty and sparse, but he'd put some furniture in. He hadn't decorated or anything because guys--even if they were born a hundred and fifty-two years ago--don't decorate all that much.
"Susannah, what is wrong?" he asked. "You have looked as if something has been troubling you all evening."
I had to stall for time so I could figure out how exactly to tell him. It had been two hours since Mom had sprung the prospect of me moving to San Francisco, and I still didn't know how to tell him I that I would most likely be leaving Carmel soon. "Nothing," I said.
"No, not nothing," Jesse said. "Something has been bothering you all evening, and I really would like to know what's bothering you. I don't like to see you troubled, querida." His voice was silky smooth. He was using that voice on purpose to make me give in.
"Okay," I said, "I'll tell you, but only if you'll tell me what you were thinking about yesterday at the beach because you know you weren't looking so well yourself."
"Susannah."
"Jesse."
"Susannah, why won't you tell me what's bothering you?" he said compassionately, but I could tell he was getting a little frustrated with me.
"Because," I said, "I want to know what was bothering you yesterday."
"Fine," he said running a shaky hand through his hair and sitting down on the couch next to me. "I will tell you, but only because you won't let me know what's bothering you until I do tell you."
He took my hands in his. "I've been thinking about a lot of things lately, but mostly I've thought of our future together." He paused. This was good. He was thinking of our future. Together. Together, as in me and him together. Us.
That could only mean one thing, or at least to me: the M-word. Marriage.
Yes, yes, yes, I said silently. If only Gina and CeeCee could see this moment! They would have eaten it up with a spoon.
"What do you want for our future, querida?" he asked.
I thought for a minute. "To be with you," I said. It was a simple answer, but it was apparently the one he needed to hear because he leaned over and kissed me. I kissed him back. We've been dating each other for something like two and a half years, and it always feels the same when we kiss, it's like the only thing in the world at that moment is us our love. It sucks all the normal energy out of me, and it replaces my old energy with a new kind of energy, an energy that makes me feel very excited and kind of squishy. It's the best feeling in the world.
As we were kissing, Spike climbed up onto the back of the couch and let out a plaintive cry, apparently jealous of me because Jesse was paying me more attention than Jesse was giving him, which was exactly nil at that moment.
"You want us to be together in the future?" he asked, ignoring the cat. He wasn't breathing very evenly. I think his breath was more ragged than my own, which was very ragged.
"Of course, Jesse," I said, resting my forehead on his. "What makes you think I wouldn't?"
"Nothing," he said. "I was just making sure because I was going to ask you if you wanted to marry me, when we're finished with school and everything."
"Yes, of course," I said. I couldn't believe it, he had basically proposed!
"Then will you marry me? We will need to wait, of course, until we are finished with school…" he pulled something from his jacket pocket. I had wondered why he had kept it on. I knew I was certainly feeling very hot after all our kissing, so he had to be burning up. I saw that he had pulled a ring from his pocket.
"Yes," I said.
He kissed me again.
After a while he asked what it was that had been bothering me. I told him that I might have been moving to San Francisco, and that I'd been worried about not being able to see him, but then he told me not to worry about it. He said we'd be able to see each other on weekends and during the summer. As he pointed out, I only had three years left of school. I mean, three years is not a terribly long time to wait. I guess. Jesse and I would just have the world's longest engagement, but we were going to get married!
I smiled. I was lying on top of him on his couch, listening to his heartbeat and feeling his chest rise and fall as he breathed. I was quite happy to be there, and I didn't want to leave. Ever. "I shouldn't have been worried, I know, but I was," I said.
"No." He kissed the top of my head and stroked my hair. "I love you. I always will," he said.
"You too," I said sleepily. It was nearly twelve midnight, so I guess I had a right to be sleepy, since I'd been up since six thirty on account of having to be at work at eight. Thankfully the next day was Sunday, which meant neither Jesse nor I had to work…but it also meant a gourmet breakfast thanks to Andy, which meant I'd still have to be up early.
Jesse continued to stoke my hair in a soothing manner. I was really enjoying the tingly sensation that ran down my spine as his hand smoothed my hair. My own hands were resting on his chest, feeling his heartbeat and his chest move up and down as he breathed in and out.
That's the last thing I remember before waking up later to hear a conversation between Jesse and my mother.
I had apparently fallen asleep in Jesse's arms, like the heroines do in those books my mother used to read at night before she went to sleep, those books that sometimes make up hilarious euphemisms for sex--like what Gina had said about the ripe-melon thing.
But it's really romantic when it happens in real life.
The falling asleep in your true love's arms thing, not the man of your dreams telling you that your breasts are like the finest of ripe melons, I mean.
After I'd fallen asleep, Jesse decided that he at least needed to call my mother and tell her where I was, if not drive me home. He had picked me up--how I don't know, but I know he did manage to lift me up and carry me to his bed because I woke up as he was doing so--and laid me down on his bed so I could sleep. He would not have, I knew, allowed me to stay over at his place if I had not already been asleep.
But whatever. I was happy to feel his strong arms around me as he carried me. I wished that I could have stayed there forever in his arms, but he put me down and then went back into his living room to call my mother. There was an extension in his room, but I guess he didn't want to wake me up.
Carefully, I picked up the extension. I knew I had to be careful because you can hear the sound--the slightest little sound--through the phone when you're spying on someone through an extension. You can hear a little click if they pick up the phone after you do, or if they hang up before you do.
"Hello, Mrs. Ackerman. This is Jesse. I'm sorry to call so late, but Susannah and I lost track of time…" Jesse said.
"That's okay, Jesse," I heard my mom say sleepily. "Andy and I are watching a movie, so you didn't wake us up."
"It's just that Susannah fell asleep, and I didn't want to wake her. Would it be all right with you if she stayed here tonight? Or if you'd rather I wake her up…"
No, I prayed. Don't come in here! I want to know what else you have to say…
"No, Jesse, it's all right if she stays…" I heard Mom say something to Andy, who said something in reply. "Oh, Andy wants to know if you asked her…"
"Yes," Jesse said breathlessly.
"And she said…"
"Yes," Jesse said. I could tell he was trying not to show how happy he was.
"Oh! She said yes! Andy, she said yes!" Mom said excitedly.
In the back ground, I heard Andy say, "Can I talk to him, Helen?" Mom apparently handed Andy the phone because Andy came on the line next. "Hey. Good news, Jesse. Glad to hear it. I was beginning to wonder when you'd ask…I mean, you asked me like six months ago," Andy said, but he was laughing. "You're good to her. I'm glad to be the father of a girl for once."
I heard Jesse chuckle in reply. "I tried to think of how to ask her. It took me a long time to think about how to go about it," he said.
I sat there, bubbling over with joy! I mean, Jesse had asked permission! I shouldn't have been surprised, this was Jesse after all. But what he'd been thinking about, why he'd been so distant--it'd been because he was trying to think of how to ask me. It hadn't been because anything was wrong--everything had been good; better than good even: it had been GREAT!
Mom came back on the line. "I'm so glad you came into Suze's life, Jesse. She used to be so unhappy, but now, it's like she's almost a completely different girl. So happy. I'm glad for you two, I really am. I promise I won't say anything to her about it…"
"Okay," Jesse said. It was weird, hearing him say that, but he was catching on to the lingo pretty well.
"Did she tell you about her moving to San Francisco?"
"Yes, she did. She was worried about her and me not being able to see each other…" Jesse said.
"She has nothing to worry about," Mom said. "Well, good-night, Jesse. Kiss Susie good-night for me."
She hung up and I hung up the extension quickly. I rolled over and smiled to myself. Later Jesse got in bed as well, and I fell asleep again, smiling and in his arms.