Okay, I'm a little disturbed that some of you guys think 40 and 45 is old – LOL! At this age, both Padme and Anakin will live for at least another 30 to 40 years! And there is plenty of action to come, I promise…

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

"Its a fire, these dreams they pass me by
This salvation I desire, keeps getting me down
Cos we need to recognise mistakes, for time and again
So let it be known for what we believe in
I can see no reason for it to fail...
Cos this life is a farce, I can't breathe through this mask like a fool
So breathe on"

- Portishead, It's a Fire

Anakin came into their suites later than usual one rest period. Padme looked over at him and smiled. "I'm getting old, Ani. I can't stand all this new music," she said, gesturing to the discordant noise coming out of the music station on the messaging device.

"I think the idea is that you're supposed to take drugs when you listen to it," Anakin said through his mask. His wry tone was not caught by the artificial voice.

"Ah! That would explain my problem," Padme said and switched it off with a relieved expression.

Anakin went through to his medical niche and removed his helmet and armour. It had been a long day. The Rebel Alliance had successfully launched an attack against the Star Destroyer, Anakin's latest project in fighter ships. The Star Destroyer had swallowed up the small Rebel Ship Tantive IV and he had been unable to extract any information from the captured rebel ship's Captain. He had choked him to death in the end. A certain Princess Leia had been also been captured on board but he had her put into a prison cell. He would question her later with an interrogation droid. He had had enough for one day. Besides, it was hard to face questioning the Princess for some reason. She was young and although she had behaved with great courage and self-possession, he sensed her youthful vulnerability. In some ways, she reminded him of Padme as a young Queen. It would be hard to make himself do anything to hurt her. He hoped she just spoke of her own accord.

"What's worrying you?" Padme asked Anakin gently, as he took a sip of red wine with his dinner. He didn't often drink alcohol because he said it made it harder to use the Force. Occasionally, when he had had a particularly bad day or it was a special celebration, he had one small glass of wine.

Padme wondered how many times she had asked Anakin that question in the time she had known him. It seemed like there was always something bothering him.

"We captured our first Rebel ship today," Anakin said bluntly. He knew Padme would not be pleased.

She wasn't. "Were there any survivors?" she asked, almost not wanting to know.

"We captured a Princess Leia," Anakin replied, feeling troubled again at the thought of the young woman.

He suddenly felt a stab of fear so strongly that he winced. He realized almost instantly that it came from Padme. He looked up sharply. Sure enough, her face was pale and her hands shook as she picked up a glass of water from the table.

"Do you know her?" he asked sharply.

"I've heard of her," Padme replied faintly. She knew she would have to concoct a series of lies now to throw Anakin off the scent.

"From where?" he asked with a frown.

"I did have contacts in the Rebel Alliance when I was free, Anakin," Padme said and then clenched her slender jaw and looked away.

"Who is she?" he demanded.

"The child of a friend of Yoda and Obi Wan," she said, stretching the truth a little.

"She's dangerous," Anakin said flatly.

"I'm glad," Padme said defiantly. "The Rebel Alliance needs strong young people like Princess Leia."

Anakin stood up and began to pace. Padme knew it was a bad sign.

"She's stubbon. She won't talk," he muttered.

"Good," Padme said, proud she had a daughter that did not give in to fear.

"I will have to torture the information out of her. It would be easier all around if she would just talk," Anakin said angrily.

Padme's back stiffened and she clenched her hands into fists. "If you enjoy torturing young woman…" she began contemptuously.

"No, I don't enjoy it, if you must know," Anakin said, whirling around on her and leaning over the table with his face close to hers.

"Don't try and intimidate me, Anakin," Padme said, pushing him away. "I've known you too long for it to work on me."

Anakin stood back and looked down at her with a tense face. "She reminds me of you… When you were a young Queen and I was still a little boy who thought you looked like an angel," he said, suddenly quiet.

Again, he detected a ripple of fear in Padme.

"If she is royal and a young woman, that is hardly surprising," Padme said more calmly. Padme took a deep breath. "Are you planning to kill her?" she asked.

"No," Anakin replied flatly. "I'm not sure I could," he admitted. He knew he would keep seeing Padme's fourteen-year-old face in front of him if he tried to kill this young woman.

Padme let her breath out. "It would not be wise. The Rebel Alliance is strong enough to damage one of your Star Destroyers, and they could and would seek revenge for her death. I don't think Sidious would be pleased with the consequences if you killed her," Padme said reasonably. It was all she could do for her daughter now. She felt so damn helpless.

"Grand Moff Tarkin will probably decide her fate if she doesn't talk," Anakin said.

Padme turned her tense face away from Anakin. Was all this hiding her children from Anakin only going to end in him killing them rather than turning them to the Dark Side? And which was the worse fate for them? Padme didn't know.

- - -

Despite earnest attempts to explain to Princess Leia the gravity of her situation, the stubborn young woman refused to talk. Although there was still something about her that reminded Vader of a young Padme, he realized their personalities were completely different. Princess Leia was mouthy and feisty. Padme had always been very cool and restrained; a perfect counterpart of Anakin's own hot-headed, passionate nature.

Princess Leia was immensely frustrating to deal with. In the end, he sent his interrogation droid in and left the room. He did not want to be there while the young woman was tortured.

When he went back to their suite at next rest period, he did not tell Padme what he had had to do. She did not ask either. She obviously did not want to know.

Padme was distracted and distant. Anakin could guess why. It was just one more thing between them, keeping them apart even while living together so closely.

- - -

"Do you remember Alderaan?" Anakin asked over their rest period meal a few days later.

Padme nodded. "I love Alderaan. It's beautiful," she said, smiling as she remembered.

"Was beautiful," Anakin said.

Padme examined his face. He looked very moody. Something had obviously happened. "What do you mean 'was'?" she asked suspiciously.

"Grand Moff Tarkin decided to test the Death Star," Anakin said. "On Alderaan."

Padme drew in her breath sharply and stared at Anakin with horrified eyes.

"The Death Star worked. Alderaan is no more," he said, looking down at the table, his still-handsome face tense.

Padme felt the blood drain from her face. The Palace was no more? The kind King and Queen were no more? The lake and the mountains and the blue sky were gone forever? Padme remembered that the planet had literally billions of inhabitants. None of them would have survived unless they were visiting another system.

"How could you allow something so evil?" Padme breathed, her face white and shocked.

"Tarkin thought it would make Princess Leia talk," Anakin said tensely. "But it didn't. She tried to save Alderaan by lying about where the Rebel base was but Tarkin decided to test the weapon on Alderaan anyway. I didn't realize he was really going to do it until it was too late."

"Billions of people this time, Ani – billions!" Padme said, shaking her head in bewilderment. "When is this going to stop? When are you going to finally know that no amount of power is worth this?"

She got up and walked away from the table.

"I can't anticipate when my generals are going to go mad and do something like that Padme," Anakin said through clenched teeth.

"Those billions of people would be alive if you hadn't built the damn Death Star," Padme argued.

And you would be dead if I hadn't, Anakin thought, suddenly feeling very weary.

"The Imperial Senate is no more, Padme," he told her, tactically changing the subject. "Tarkin ordered its dissolution when the Death Star was finally finished."

"There hasn't been a Senate since Palpatine took control of it over twenty years ago," Padme said with scorn.

"Tarkin has consolidated all the Senate's powers under the Emperor now," Anakin continued.

"This Galaxy has been an Empire for over two decades, Anakin. Nobody has pretended any differently other than Sidious' own puppets and henchmen," Padme said derisively.

"Well, now it's official," Anakin said.

Padme looked at him sharply. He sounded drained, almost like he didn't care anymore.

"This is all good news for you. Why don't you look happier?" she asked acerbically.

Suddenly, Anakin was vividly reminded of Princess Leia. It was exactly like something that exasperating young woman would have said.

"Believe it or not Padme, I haven't enjoyed any of this," he said his gaze far away.

"Then you should do something to stop it," she said impatiently.

Suddenly he glared at her out of angry blue eyes. "Do you think I wouldn't if I could?" he asked through clenched teeth. "I'm tired of all the death and misery too, Padme. But if I fail in any of these things, Sidious will kill you! I won't let that happen," he said vehemently.

Padme looked at him with sad eyes. "It's only one life as against billions, Anakin. And it's not just those who died on Alderaan, it's the millions of others who have died in the past fifteen or twenty years. When does it stop?"

"Do you want to die?" he asked furiously, tears coming to his eyes.

"I've been living in a coffin for a long time," she said with a shrug, looking around their suite.

"Is that how you see living with me?" Anakin asked, getting up. He was bitterly hurt.

"No Anakin, it's not about you. It's about not having any freedom," she said gently.

Anakin pressed his lips together and turned his back on Padme. Why couldn't she see that allowing her to die, allowing her to be away from him in any sense was just the one thing he could not do?

Padme went over to him and put her arms around him. His bowed shoulders and distraught expression always pierced through her defenses. Nothing had changed since Tatooine when he had killed an entire village of Sandpeople in vengeance and then wanted pity. Padme's heart still broke every time she saw him unhappy. She pressed her face against the warmth of his back and breathed in his familiar scent. Eventually he turned around and lifting her chin with one hand, he bent his head to kiss her.

- - -

A few days later, Vader heard a report that there was a foreign ship on board. After checking briefly with his officers that it wasn't a false alarm he suddenly sensed it – a presence he hadn't felt in a long, long time. After issuing some instructions, he paced nervously in the command room until the Force told him it was time to move.

It was not long after that he felt drawn to the hallway leading to the main forward bay. Obi Wan's presence was so strong that he could almost smell him. Sure enough, as he stepped around the corner he saw his old master.

It was both painful and infuriating to see Obi Wan again. Vader's emotions were so powerful that he felt overwhelmed. Once again, he could feel all his old anger and confusion at his master's strictness and criticism. It was like being fifteen again. But more powerful than any other emotion was rage. This was the man who had kept his wife from him for years by hiding her. This was the man who had taken his wife away from him again just after he had found her once more. He had sworn that he would kill Obi Wan one day just for that one act and now, he would.

- - -

When Anakin went back to his rooms that night, Padme could tell instantly that something profound had happened to him while he was away.

"What is it?" she asked with a frown when he came back into the suite from his medical niche without his mask or armour.

"Obi Wan was here today with members of the Rebel Alliance. They rescued Princess Leia," he said in an odd voice.

"She's safe?" Padme breathed, hardly daring to believe it was true.

"She's certainly escaped Tarkin's clutches," Anakin said in the same odd voice.

Padme frowned at him. "There's more than that, isn't there?"

"Obi Wan is dead," he said directly and tensed for her response.

"You killed him," she said, anger already creeping in her voice. "You killed him! The best friend we ever had and you murdered him!"

"He wasn't my friend!" Anakin shouted. "He kept you away from me. He interfered in our marriage constantly. He hounded and criticized me all the time. He drove me into Palpatine's clutches!"

"Grow up, Anakin! It's time for you to take responsibility for your own actions. You're forty years old, for goodness sake! I know terrible things happened to you that made you vulnerable to Palpatine's lies and charm but don't blame Obi Wan for it! He was always trying to help you, most particularly when he sounded critical. You've had plenty of time to fix the mistakes of the past but you've chosen not to because deep down, you like being powerful and important. Well, that's your choice and I may not like it but I won't have Obi Wan blamed for the messes you've made!" Padme yelled right back. "As for hiding me from you, he did that because I asked him to and I asked him to because I didn't want to spend fifteen years with a slave device in my neck!"

Anakin reacted as though he had been slapped. Padme's temper was so rare that it was always a shock.

He watched as she turned on her heel and left the room. For the first time in well over ten years, she closed and locked the adjoining door between their suites. He knew he wouldn't see her for a long time.

- - -

Once locked in her suite, Padme didn't know whether to feel relieved about Leia or to cry for Obi Wan. In the end, her tears won. She knew that Leia was alive because Obi Wan had let himself be killed.

She knew Yoda would disapprove of her tears. He would say, "a natural part of life, death is. Those who are gone, miss them do not, grieve them do not. They are now part of the Force." She was selfish though. She had wanted to see Obi Wan and Yoda again some day. She missed them. She could remember Obi Wan as a young Padawan when they had visited Tatooine and met Anakin for the first time. She remembered him as Anakin's Jedi Master, all gentle wry humour and unfailingly polite manners. She had no idea how he had changed in the meantime while he had been watching over Luke on Tatooine. He would have been in his early to mid-fifties during his last encounter with Anakin. She missed him. She missed them all.

- - -

Vader could not let himself get distracted by Padme's absence. The Rebel Alliance was proving an even bigger problem now even with Obi Wan gone. In his heart of hearts, he was glad that Leia had not been executed. It would have haunted him in a way that the others he had killed had not. He still wasn't sure why except there was something about her of Padme as a teenage Queen.

It was not long after Obi Wan's death that the Rebel Alliance made their attack on the Death Star. Vader had been anticipating it. He was sure they would use the stolen plans to find a vulnerable spot. He knew the Death Star did not have many but it was impossible to build anything without some structural weakness somewhere.

When he saw a rebel fleet come in and head for a canyon on the Death Star, he realized what strategy they were going to use very quickly. He decided to tackle this situation personally. He had a premonition that something significant was going to happen.

He found picking the Rebel Fleet off very easy. He flew in formation with his two best fighter pilots. His heartbeat did not even increase as he calmly shot the rebel ships. He felt very centred in the Force.

It was not until he reached a final rebel ship that was careering down the canyon toward the vulnerable port that something odd shifted in the Force. He could feel… yes, he could feel a Jedi was piloting the ship but which one? He knew Obi Wan was dead and it was definitely not Yoda; he would have recognized Yoda through the Force.

And yet, there was something achingly familiar about this Jedi. Something so intensely familiar and yet he could not locate who it was. There should be no Jedi in the Galaxy that he was not aware of. With Obi Wan gone, that only left Yoda. Yet, the Jedi piloting the ship had had at least some preliminary training although he was obviously very young in the Force. Could it be one of the new weak breed of Younglings that Sidious had mentioned to him as much as ten or fifteen years ago now? They would be the right age but Vader could sense this one was strong with the Force, very strong. If Sidious had sensed the presence of this young man as a Youngling, he would have recruited him for sure.

Despite the young man's talent, Vader was easily able to get him within sights. Just as he was about to fire, his ship was unexpectedly attacked from above. Vader was angry with himself. He had been so caught up in trying to figure out who this young Jedi was that he had not been paying enough attention. He would suffer for it now, he knew.

His ship started spiraling out of control and he span into deep space. Using all his power with the Force, he wrenched the ship's steering in the direction of the Command Ship. If he could just get the ship within range of its gravitational pull, he would be sucked into the hanger and safe.