Chapter 11: Jealousy All Around

A/N: Indeed, it has been forever… Sorry! My trip to NY and my 18th b-day two days ago inspired me again! Here you go, more insanity a la carte!

Minerva McGonagall eyed the five guilty parties in the room harshly. The shifting eyes were all the proof she needed to condemn them and she knew that, in this single, rare occasion, the potions master, who was currently performing his carefully perfected sulk in the corner of her classroom, would gladly lend a poison or two. With a deep breath as a ditch effort to remain calm, she spoke softly and slowly. "What… did you lot… think you were doing?"

"Honestly, Minerva, do you really want to get into their twisted little mindsets? Just punish them already!" Severus Snape's impatient drawl didn't exactly bode well with the already irritated Transfiguration perofessor.

"Well, maybe if you can stop pathetically sulking like a stupid teenager, I can get something get!"

"Well, it's not my fault if you get distracted easily!"

"Well, it's not my fault hat you like to stick your abnormally large nose in other people's business!"

"Well-"

"Hey, hey, hey! People, people, people!" Albus Dumbledore, one o f the five who were currently under interrogation exclaimed as he got to his feet. "No one annoys and bickers with Minnie but me! I'm watching you, you little punk." With two fingers, the headmaster pointed to his own eyes and then towards Snape, who was still trying to recover from being accused of flirting with a woman old enough to be his mother.

"Awww, Professor Dumbledore is jealous!" Cassie and Cammy, for whom this is very rare, squealed.

"Minnie!" Rick and Kevin sniggered loudly at the silly name of their strict professor.

"Quiet!" Professor McGonagall said, red-faced and trying to hold onto her last shred of dignity. "Now, if we can stop changing the subject-"

"But Minnie!" Dumbledore, Rick, and Kevin whined in a way that only 6 year-olds can, which is just about their mental age.

"Silence! Do you have any idea how embarrassing it is for me to find out from a fourth year in class that there is to be a ball in the school in which I am Deputy Headmistress?"

"Well, no, 'cause I'm just a student…"

"…and not a woman, so technically can't be headMISTRESS…"

The way those rascals finished each others' sentences reminded Minerva of Black and Potter, or worse, the Weasley Twins! (Fred and George: high-five Make us proud!) At the thought of this, Minerva leaned heavily on her desk. "I'm way too old for this."

"Was that a trick question, Minnie?" The straw that broke the camel's back. She sat in a chair, in awe that this man, her revered boss, was behaving no better than a couple of teenage boys! Not to mention, the combined IQ of those three is quite possibly less than the bird that she transfigured from a water goblet an hour ago. The one that flew straight at a wall!

"Guys, I don't think that was the point." Cammy said rationally. Then carefully, she approached her professor, who, for all she knew, could potentially go crazy cat woman on their asses. "We're sorry we didn't tell you first, professor. It's just that we were talking about it as a plan and a fifth year Ravenclaw overheard and told everybody. It spread too fast and things just got out of hand. We're sorry."

Minerva sighed. She never had a problem being a bit harsh with Dumbledore and his little imitations. She just had a soft spot towards students like Cammy, who reminded her so much of Hermione. She'd considered Hermione to practically being her daughter. Much to her dismay, when she confided in Dumbledore about this, he wouldn't stop referring to her as "their love child." Still, she never could stand her ground against them.

Seeing and feeling the grave atmosphere, our very own Albus stood up solemnly and put a hand on Minerva's shoulder. "I understand your frustration, Minerva, and it's all right…" Minerva looked up, this could perhaps be one of his more profound moments, the ones that reassured her of his ability as a wizard and a human being. She looked up and met his twinkling blue eyes, awaiting the undoubtedly profound advice. "I know you're worried about a date but don't worry, I'll gladly be your escort for the evening! All right kids, run-along!"

When McGonagall recovered from her gaping-like-a-fish state, she found her students gone and Severus Snape trying his best to not burst into laughter. "Albus, I wasn't-"

"Expecting such an amazing offer? Yes, sometimes I amaze myself as well." At this, he stepped in front of a mirror, where his image was busy smiling at him and straightening up his clothes. At this, Severus broke and began laughing like a hyena, no wait, a herd of elephants is more like it. Minerva sent him a deadly glare.

"Well, if I'm going down, he's coming with me. Albus, I insist on Severus escorting Sybil Trelawney for the evening." Severus' face immediate became one of indescribable terror. He never thought Minerva could be that cruel…

"Ah, yes. Since I pounded Severus into the ground with the competition over my dearest Minerva, I shall arrange for him to attend the ball with Sybil."

"Albus, please don't-"

"Oh, it's no trouble, Severus, I'm glad to do it." As Severus' mouth start flapping like a fish (a desperate attempt to get out of this hellish arrangement), Dumbledore puts his arm around the former death eater. "Oh, don't bother to thank me, my boy. Just invite me to your wedding."

At this, Severus' mind filled with images of tuxedos, white dresses, and death predictions. Instead of his usual elegant swoop, he flailed down the hallway, screaming bloody murder.

"Oh, Albus, you have done him such a favor he is jumping with joy!" Minerva said with an evil smirk and a maniacal grin.

"Have I told you just how much I love you? Welcome to the dark side, Minnie!"

Meanwhile, in the infirmary…

"I can't believe it. You're a grown man, and you can't even take care of yourself." Hermione said as she slowly put a bandage around Oliver's arm.

"I'm a man, I'm prone to get into accidents when doing manly things. I'm dangerous," he said with a flirtatious smile. He was always this silly, but for some reason, with Hermione, he truly wanted to impress her.

"Oliver, you fell out of bed. That's not exactly manly."

"Yea, but when you're awesome like me, anything you do is manly…" Oliver was about to continue the pretense when the potions master burst in, hair all out of place and looking terrified, as if he'd seen the Fat Friar float around naked.

"Severus, are you all right?" Hermione asked at once. She abandoned the bandage and ran over to the out-of-breath Severus. "Are you hurt? Is everything okay?" For some reason, Oliver suddenly felt a spike of hatred towards the Slytherin head-of-house. Granted, they've never really gotten along, and there were nights when Oliver would secretly plot against him for signing the Quidditch pitch to Slytherin, but never anything like this. He glared as though it would create a magnetic effect towards Hermione.

"Hermione, you know that you can consider us…" Severus spat out, "… friends. But I really hate you and that kid over there right now. The things I do for you."

'Well, guess what else you can do for us? Leave!' thought Oliver, but he knew that if he had said that out loud, he would probably get kicked out of the infirmary.

"Oh Severus, you're talking crazy. Are you sure you're all right? Oh, don't tell me. You had that crazy dream where Albus-headed bunnies are chasing you, right?" Hermione asked, truly concerned for the usually calm and composed professor. Suddenly, they heard a low mumbling down the hall heading towards them.

"Oh my God! Hide me! If you have any mercy at all, hide me! I will be eternally indebted to you! Just don't let her find me!" Severus begged and ran behind a curtain. Just then, Professor Trelawney stepped into the room. Having never really liked the woman, Hermione gave an unfriendly greeting.

"Have you seen my dearest Severus? Oh hello, Oliver. I didn't interrupt anything, did I?"

YES! Oliver wanted to scream. Then again, it's not like they could do much with an overgrown bat flying around. Just then, he thought of a way to address the jealousy he'd felt towards Severus. "Why, hello Sybil. Don't worry, Hermione was just patching me up. And in fact, Severus is right behind that curtain right there. He's been waiting for you. Said a little game of hide-and-seek really spices things up."

Hermione could barely react with her jaw dropped and Severus whispered profanities that would make the former dark lord blush. As Sybil dragged him out with a death grip around his neck, he shouted as loud as he could, "You ungrateful bastard! The things I do for you and this is how you repay me! How could you!"

After the pair had left, Hermione was still unable to grasp exactly what had just happened in her infirmary. So when Oliver insisted that nothing was going on, she just nodded and continued to tend to her patient.