Sorry this has taken longer to put up than usual but I was reading the new Harry Potter book and who is interested in fan fiction with HP6 just out? Not me – LOL! All I can say having finished the book last night is, thank goodness I now have the Star Wars fandom to play in. I won't bore you with my impressions here, so on with the story…

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

God has called us to be lovers and we frequently think that He meant us to be saviours. So we 'love' as long as we see 'results'. We give of ourselves as long as our investments pay off but if the ones we love do not respond; we tend to despair and blame ourselves and even resent those we pretend to love.

– Rich Mullins

Nearly half a year had passed since Anakin had seen his son. Padme had been subdued for a long time after Anakin's revelations about Luke. He had the feeling that she was expecting him to find Luke again quickly but the boy had seemed to disappear into thin air.

In the meantime, he had his hands full overseeing the construction of a new Death Star far more powerful than the last had been; the Death Star that his own son had destroyed in a daring attack worthy of any Jedi. The project was behind schedule and he knew Sidious would not be pleased. He would have to supervise the project more closely.

- - -

Only a few weeks later, Sidious visited the Death Star for a tour of inspection. Vader had managed to bring the construction back on schedule in that time. Sidious was obviously pleased and said so. Once again, Anakin felt the rush of pleasure in having pleased his master. It was a pleasant change from the severe punishment he had endured after the first Death Star's destruction.

Sidious went on to visit the Command Ship and spent a full day with Vader there, making plans for the next phase of the Death Star and for finally destroying the Rebel Alliance. Vader knew that finding Luke was central to Sidious' plans. They both knew that if Luke was taken out of the Rebel Alliance and turned to the Dark Side, the Alliance would surely fall.

Before he left the Command Ship however, Sidious sent Vader on a spurious errand. He had someone he wanted to visit without his apprentice being present.

Padme glanced up from her work when the main suite door slid open. She hadn't expected to see Anakin back so soon but it wasn't Anakin standing in the doorway.

Padme drew her breath in sharply. "What are you doing here?" she asked angrily as Sidious entered the rooms. "Where is Anakin?"

"Darth Vader is fine. He is running a little errand for me. I wanted some time to speak to you alone without your husband knowing," Sidious said smoothly, hobbling into the room. Padme was surprised at how much he had aged. If Sidious died soon, Padme realized with a start, then Anakin would be the new Sith Lord. She liked that idea less than Anakin being the Sith apprentice.

"I don't want to speak to you," Padme said decisively and turned her back on the old man and crossed her arms before her.

"Oh but I think you should," Sidious said insinuatingly. "You're still a beautiful woman. You still hold the heart of my apprentice in the palm of your small, pretty hands. I don't think you understand what an influence you have over him."

"I'm his wife, of course I have influence in his life. Not that it's done any good. You've proven the far stronger influence over all these years. I know what Anakin does in the Empire – all the death and destruction and misery he unleashes at your command. I listen to the Galactic news. What good has my influence been?" she asked with a shrug. "I may as well have not been here all this time for all the good I've done," she added bitterly.

"Have you ever said that to him?" Sidious asked curiously.

"No, he doesn't listen to me. Haven't you just heard anything I said?" Padme replied angrily.

"You cause him great inner conflict. Every time he obeys my commands, he thinks of what you would say and how you would feel about it," Sidious said, taking a few steps further into the room.

"So what?" Padme said with another shrug. "He still obeys you regardless."

"He doesn't have a choice about that. Don't you understand the tie between a Sith Master and his apprentice by now?" Sidious asked, watching her carefully.

"He has a choice," Padme contradicted him flatly. Padme turned slightly and looked at Sidious over her shoulder. "Why are you here? What do you want?" she asked bluntly.

"My apprentice hasn't told you the entire truth about your son, Luke," Sidious replied after a pause.

That got Padme's full attention. She whirled around and looked at the Sith Lord with narrowed eyes. "What do you mean?" she asked.

"Did Vader tell you what happened when he dueled with his son?" Sidious asked, smiling at Padme's suddenly white face.

"I didn't know that he had fought Luke," Padme said, suddenly quiet and withdrawn. A frown marked her fine brows.

"Yes, a quite spectacular light sabre duel from what I understand. Your husband had a battle of it but he finally forced Luke down a ventilator shaft and out into deep space. After he cut off one of Luke's hands, that is," Sidious said and grinned horribly.

Padme sat down abruptly. "Luke was hurt?" she whispered.

"No, Vader maimed his own son! That is what happened!" Sidious cackled.

Padme was about to drown in a tide of emotions that were too overwhelming to name when a small voice in the back of her mind suddenly made her look piercingly at Sidious.

"Why are you telling me this?" Padme asked with a frown, her brown eyes suspicious.

"You are the boy's mother, you have a right to know," Sidious said.

"I have a right to a lot of things that neither you nor my husband have given a damn about for over fifteen years," Padme said tightly. "I would appreciate it if you would leave now."

"I am always happy to oblige a lady," Sidious said and inclined his hooded head. As he hobbled out of the door, Padme could hear him laughing.

Padme could suddenly vividly picture Sidious when he was a Chancellor. He had been such a gifted speaker, so urbane and convincing. She had trusted him once and he had gone on to destroy her life and Anakin's.

With Sidious gone, Padme was able to give in to her emotions. They broke over her like a tidal wave. Quickly she got up and went to her rooms, closing the door behind her. She did not want to find herself launching herself at Anakin the minute he came through the doorway that rest period. It was a fight she could not win. She just needed some privacy and space to sort through the fury, despair, helplessness and pain on her son's behalf.

Most of all, she needed to acknowledge to herself that Anakin was never going to change. He was forty years old and still on the wrong path that he had set for himself twenty years ago. Nothing she said or did made the slightest bit of difference. She knew that he understood why he had made bad choices and even fully comprehended that his choices were wrong but what use was that knowledge to him when he had never acted on it? Now he had fought and maimed his own son, knowing full well what he was doing. The same son that he had longed for all those years when he thought the boy was dead.

She knew that Sidious had told her about it to upset her. She was also sure that he had a deeper motive than just hurting her with the information. She frowned as she considered what that might be.

- - -

Anakin could feel a battery of emotions from Padme as he made his way back to the suite much later than usual. Sidious had left only a few minutes ago and he felt exhausted. He would have so much to get underway the next day but for now, he just wanted to rest.

But he could feel that something was upsetting Padme badly. He could feel anger and an odd kind of helplessness. She was resentful about feeling helpless too. There was grief and resignation there.

When he stepped in their rooms, she was nowhere in sight. This was so unusual that for a moment he panicked, thinking she had finally found a way to escape. Then he noticed her door was shut. With a sinking feeling, he went and took off his mask and armour.

When he came back out he went over to her door. "Padme," he called softly. "Are you alright? I can feel you're upset. Come out and talk to me." He could, of course, just open the door and go in but he tended to respect the few occasions that she wanted some privacy. It allowed them to live together more peacefully.

He frowned at the silence. Then suddenly the door slid open and Padme stood there regarding him expressionlessly. As always, he was struck by how beautiful she was. He never got tired of looking at her even after all these years. There were times when she could still make him catch his breath and this was one of them.

Her hair was out and fell in long curls more than halfway down her back. She was in one of the gorgeous dresses that Anakin supplied for her wardrobe. She was still as slender as she had been as a teenager and the delicate bones of her shoulders that rose above the neckline of her dress made her look far more fragile than she actually was (and Anakin knew all too well that Padme was not fragile).

"I had a visitor this evening," Padme said, stepping across the threshold. Anakin moved aside to let her pass. He badly wanted to kiss her but what she said caught his interest immediately.

"Who would dare intrude on our private rooms?" Anakin said, immediately angry.

"Your Sith Lord," Padme said, an undercurrent of disdain in her reply.

A shaft of fear sliced through Anakin. "Sidious was here?" he asked, almost not able to believe it. His mind ran over the events of the afternoon. He thought the errand to the central power supply for the Ship was specious. "What did he say?" Anakin asked sharply, frowning heavily.

"A lot of poisonous but unfortunately true things," Padme replied. "He said that you had fought Luke and maimed him."

Anakin froze. The very thing that he had not wanted Padme to know was now an open secret between them.

"It's true, isn't it?" Padme said with resignation, her words blunt.

"Yes," Anakin forced out between clenched teeth, leaning against the hologram messaging table with both hands, his shoulders hunched.

Padme looked at him for a long time without saying anything. "I should hate you," she said finally.

"Don't you?" Anakin asked not looking at her, his voice bitter.

"It's what Sidious wants," Padme replied, more gently.

Anakin examined her face carefully but didn't say anything.

"Isn't it?" she persisted.

"I don't know what Sidious wanted in telling you that," Anakin said sullenly.

"Divide and conquer," Padme replied simply.

Anakin frowned at her, not completely understanding.

"You've never studied the art of diplomacy, have you?" Padme said.

Anakin shook his head. "No, I never had the benefits of your education," he said stiffly, still ashamed of it after so long.

"It's really the art of manipulation, you know," Padme said frankly and gave a cynical smile. "Divide and conquer is an old tactic. If you can plant seeds of doubt and suspicion in the minds of individuals then you can effectively manipulate them into self-destructing as a group. Politics is full of it. Why do you suppose there is so much in-fighting and factionalism in any political party?" she asked.

Anakin was looking at her curiously. "Do you think Sidious is trying to make us fight and divide us?" he asked.

"Of course," Padme said with a shrug. "Why else would he tell me anything at all? He is trying to hurt our marriage. It made it much easier for him that he had such a dreadful truth to use."

Anakin looked down. "You're angry," he said, stating it as a fact not a question.

"Of course I am," Padme said bluntly, "he knew I would be. What I don't understand is why he would bother. I obviously don't have any influence over you, nothing like what he has himself. All I can think of is that it has something to do with Luke."

Anakin looked at her sharply again. Two things disturbed him about what Padme said. She obviously had no idea the enormous influence she had over this thoughts and feelings and secondly, he had a feeling that what she said about Luke was absolutely right but he hadn't seen it until just that second.

"He obviously thinks I can influence you on how you deal with Luke," Padme concluded. "Although goodness knows why, I can't influence anything else that you do," she added bitterly.

"You have so much influence over my thoughts and feelings, Padme. I can't describe to you how much who you are influences me," he protested, walking over to her and gently moving a strand of hair away from her face.

"But I can't influence your actions Anakin, so what use is influencing your thinking and emotions?" she replied point-blank.

He frowned and walked away again. Padme had an incredible talent for cutting through to the heart of any matter in any debate (usually to his disadvantage), he thought feeling uneasy.

"Sidious wants you to turn Luke to the Dark Side," Padme stated flatly. "And like everything else that your master has told you to do, you'll do it regardless of how I feel about it. I've seen it happen so many times in the past fifteen years that I lost count a long, long time ago. He obviously expects me to beg and plead with you not to do it but I've finally learned that I'd be wasting my breath. Luke will have to make his own choices. He is out of my reach and I can't influence him. He will have to decide whether to turn Sith or whether to die. One way or the other, I should have known that one day you would destroy him. You destroy everything that you love," she said truthfully.

Anakin looked at Padme as though she had struck him again. "That's not true!" he protested immediately. "I would never kill you and I would never intentionally kill my son!"

"I've been living in a luxurious coffin for over fifteen years Anakin," Padme said with resignation, shaking her head slightly.

"Sidious has succeeded in dividing us," Anakin said shakily.

"Don't blame Sidious for something you did yourself. You did the same thing to Obi Wan, blaming him for the wedge that was driven between us when it was you turning Sith that was really the cause. I know Sidious was trying to use the truth to harm us but he never would have been able to do so if you hadn't handed the perfect weapon to him by injuring our son," Padme said tiredly.

She looked at Anakin's drawn face for few moments. "Sidious has a weakness, you know," she said finally.

Anakin looked at her questioningly. "What?" he asked his gaze suddenly keen.

"He doesn't understand love. He's never loved anyone in his life so he is unable to predict how love will behave. He's stepped into territory he doesn't know trying to interfere in our relationship," Padme said quietly.

Anakin was very still as he listened intently.

"If he had ever loved anyone, he would know that I can't hate you no matter how much I want to. And I want to hate you sometimes Anakin. I want to hate you very badly indeed. Hate is simple, you see. It's straightforward. It doesn't hurt. It isn't vulnerable. It's uncomplicated. It doesn't involve grief or loss. It makes you feel in control. Love is much, much harder," she explained.

Anakin didn't need to be told about the advantages of hate. He knew it all too well. It was fundamental to his power as a Sith. He understood it better than Padme ever would.

"Unfortunately, I can't hate you Anakin. Not even when you make a slave out of me, not even when you maim my child. I can't hate you even when I'm so angry with you that I could scream. When I'm dazed and exhausted from trying to understand why you would do the things that you do - from trying to comprehend your deranged destructiveness, I can't hate you. I still need you even when you can't give me any of the things I really need like freedom and choices and my own life. I can't hate you even though you never change and never fix your mistakes, year after year and decade after decade," Padme said calmly.

She watched the still, powerful figure of her husband. He was a man but he looked as vulnerable as a child right then.

"Sidious doesn't understand that. He can't comprehend it because he's never felt it. He's not capable of feeling it. He expects me to hate you now because that's the only response he can imagine. Sidious thinks he has a complete understanding of the Force but there is one very important part of the Force that Sidious doesn't know and cannot know - the most powerful of it. And that is love," Padme said simply.

With that, Padme carefully lifted the train of her elaborate dress and went back to her rooms.