WHERE'S MY VOLUPTUOUS HUNNY?TALES OF SYMPHONIA FIC
GENRE: ROMANCE/COMEDY
WARNING: WILL CONTAIN SOME MATURE CONTENT! YAOI/GAY IMPLICATIONS AND SUCH! PLUS UNDERAGE DRINKING AND STRIPING AND STUFF…
DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN TALES OF SYMPHONIA... BLAH BLAH BLAH... OR THE CHARACTERS... OR THE "I'M TOO SEXY" SONG… OR MOLSON CANDIAN…

WRITTEN BY: TRINNYCHAN AND JACK BABY

CHAPTER 1

Lloyd was excited to see all his friends again as he rode to Altamira. He landed carefully on the beach and ran towards the inn.

"Hey Lloyd! Welcome to the party! You're the first one here!" Zelos exclaimed happily.

"Alright! I thought I was gonna be late." Lloyd signed with relief.

Sheena soon barged into the main room. Soon followed by Genis, Raine and Kratos. After followed by Presea and Regal. A few other "hunnies" arrived and it was getting close to seven o clock. Colette then clumsily fell through the door.

"I'm so sorry I'm late! But on the way here I tripped on that rock! And that rock… and that rock… and that other rock… and some weird metal thing sticking out of the ground!" Colette explained all in one breath.

"Don't worry about it my cute hunnie!" Zelos tried to assure her.

Dinner had finished, and guests were beginning to accumulate at the mini-bar, where scantily clad women in bunny ears were serving drinks. Among those in the bar was Genis, sipping on a margarita.

"Genis? How did you get into the bar? You're a minor!" Lloyd pondered.

Genis quickly responded to Lloyd, "Shhh! Not so loud! I'm not supposed to tell you, but Kratos hooked me up with some fake id! Please don't tell Raine!"

"Don't worry, Genis! I won't tell! Besides, she's too drunk to notice!" Lloyd pointed out. The two looked over to see Raine sitting at the bar.

"MARVELOUS! This is the best specimen of wine yet!" Raine shouted with joy.

Lloyd slightly edged farther from Raine and whispered to Genis, "I think she's drooling." Genis let out a laugh. Lloyd then set out to give Zelos his birthday present.

"Hey! Zelos, want your present?" Lloyd asked.

"Sure! I can't wait to see what you got me, buddy!" Zelos squealed in delight. Lloyd took out a large envelope and handed it to Zelos.

Zelos opened the envelope and read the card aloud, "Sorry I couldn't get you the real thing… but Sheena refused to pose nude!" Zelos pulled a blow up doll out from the card.

"A blow up doll! What kind of a guy do you think I am?" Zelos yelled.

Lloyd laughed, "Why, you're the Zelos kind of course!"

Zelos sighed. Among Zelos' gifts were a butt waxing kit, a leather thong, a pimp hat, a porn video, and many other… interesting things. Being rather disappointed by these gifts, he sat in a corner.

"Hey Zelos! I know what'll cheer you up! A raunchy strip tease!" Sheena said, delighted.

"What? Are you serious?" Zelos asked, disbelieving.

Sheena answered happily, "Of course! Anything for Zelos on his birthday! Come on, this way!" Sheena then dragged Zelos off to a secluded room.

"I'll be right back, so wait for me!" Sheena shouted.

"Okay, my sweet voluptuous hunny!" Zelos squealed with glee as Sheena walked back to the bar where Regal was sipping a Molson Canadian. She then quietly whispered something undecipherable to Regal. Slowly, Regal arose and walked to the secluded room where the unsuspecting Zelos waited. Quickly Regal turned off the light and music started to play.

"I'm too sexy for my love, too sexy for my love…"

Zelos awaited anxiously, and the lights turned on to reveal… Regal.

Zelos mouth feel wide open. "Regal? Where's my voluptuous hunny?" he questioned.

"Right here, baby!" Regal shouted in reply.

Zelos blurted, "What? Uhh… why are you wearing your shackles?"

"I'm wearing them for you, Zelos!" Regal shouted with joy.

The door to the room closed and locked shut. Faint screams and muffled whimpers could be heard from beyond the door while music still played. The party continued minus the birthday boy and his unwanted queer lover. Presea slowly walked over to wear Sheena sat.

"What did you whisper to Regal just now?" Presea asked, now curious.

Sheena replied ecstatic, "I told him that Zelos was waiting for his raunchy strip tease!"

Presea noted, a little confused, "That's odd… I always thought Zelos was into girls."

Sheena laughed, "Oh, he was! But not for long!"

Presea shrugged and stumbled off, clearly drunk. Not far from where she stumbled sat Colette, with a drink in one hand, and Zelos' leather thong in the other.

"What a pretty hat!" Colette shouted. She then placed the thong on her head. Kratos walked over and snatched the thong from her head.

He scolded her, "You shouldn't touch something that isn't yours, especially if you don't know where it's been." Colette then slammed her head on the counter of the bar.

"You're… hot…" she mumbled. Kratos then slowly backed away with an awkward look on his face. As Kratos was backing away he tripped over Presea, who had obviously had way too many drinks.

Lloyd hiccupped, "Daddy! Let me help you up!" He then helped his disoriented father off the ground while almost falling down himself.

"Daddy, I love you!" Lloyd shouted. He then hugged Kratos and started to drool on him. Kratos seemed to get very annoyed, as he was wearing a new shirt.

"Lloyd! Cut that out! You're ruining my new shirt." He grumbled angrily. Kratos sat Lloyd down beside Colette.

"Here, you two watch each other, you can't get into anymore trouble." Kratos said. The two, who had decided to take Kratos' advice literally, sat there in a drunken daze and watch each other… very closely… ever so closely. Kratos then sighed and sat as far from everyone else as he could. Being the most sober of the bunch, the behaviour of his comrades was scaring him. Genis crawled over to where Kratos sat, and in an attempt to get up, he hit Kratos' behind with his head.

"Genis! What in the world are you doing?" Kratos shouted.

Genis answered, "Trying to stand up."

"It was a bad idea to give you that fake ID wasn't it?" Kratos sighed.

Genis commented, "When you're mad your left eye twitches." Kratos blankly stared at Genis, while Genis tried to contain his uncontrollable drunken laughter. Not far away, Yuan was giving Sheena a lap dance. Kratos walked towards the two and by this time was very confused.

"Yuan, where did you come from?" Kratos questioned.

Yuan answered slyly, "Oh, hey Kratos! Well I was in the area, and Sheena looked so lonely here all alone, so I decided to come and give her a little company." Kratos then decided to separate himself from the rest of the party guests. He quickly grabbed a beer and started to walk off in search for a room. Kratos soon came upon the room where Zelos and Regal resided inside. Not realizing what was in the room or what was going on inside, he slowly opened the door. Kratos' jaw hung open as he was shocked at the sight before him, and the strange music playing.

"What are you two doing?" Kratos bellowed.

Regal replied deviously, "What I should have done a long time ago."

"Okay… well I'm going to leave now." Kratos inched away. He was about to walk out the door when Zelos started to plead.

"Kratos! Help me! Sheena set me up!" He shrieked.

Kratos replied, "Oh? Well I'm very happy for you…"

"No! No! That's not what I meant!" Zelos screeched. Kratos was once more about to leave the room, when Zelos once more called.

"Wait, Kratos!" Zelos pleaded once more. Kratos turned around to face Zelos, and let out a sigh.

"What is it now Zelos?" Kratos groaned.

Zelos replied, "I love you, Kratos!"

AUTHOR'S NOTES

Trinnychan: Well wasn't that exciting!

Jack Baby: Wow, everyone is extremely drunk already, I can tell this is gonna go well.

Trinnychan: Definitely, I can't wait till Yggdrasil shows up!

Jack Baby: I wonder if he likes chimneys?

Trinnychan: Haha, let's go!

NOTE: Thank you to everyone that reviewed our story so far! I know the prologue was short, and blah, blah, blah, We didn't think it was that funny either. So anyway, I hope this doesn't disappoint you!