Chapter 9
The first to take the stand was Sabrina. Like Zelda had told her too, she gave a long story of her relationship, being friends after they broke up, and realizing that she wasn't in love with Aaron, and who her true love was. "And that's why," answered Sabrina, sobbing dramatically, "I should be marrying my one, true love, Harvey."
"I can't believe you told her to put on that act," whispered Salem to Zelda.
"It isn't an act," answered Zelda. "Their her true feelings. Only for some reason she's exaggerating them. I wish I knew why."
"Don't look at me," Hilda hissed, when the other three looked at her. "I told her to make sure the judge knew she really meant it, not to act as if she wanted a role in Plan 9 From Outer Space."
On cross-examination, the lawyer drilled Sabrina on her relationship with Roland. Sabrina responded by saying she wanted Roland to take her clock radio instead of her, and that he had tried to win her since. The lawyer asked about her other fiances, Sabrina calmly responded how and why she broke up with them.
Next up was Hilda. "From the moment I saw those two together, I knew they were soul mates. Did I mention they were soul mates? Their soul stones fit together."
"Objection your honor," said Roland's lawyer. "Soul stones are hearsay evidence, and not admissible in court."
"Objection sustained," said the judge. "Zelda Spellman (who was conducting the defense), this is the fifth time your sister brought this up."
"It won't happen again, your honor," said Zelda, staring at Hilda.
Later on cross-examination, the lawyer asked, "Sabrina dated a lot of people, and almost married three. Do you really think she knows what she's doing this time?"
"Of course I do," snapped Hilda. "Sabrina's young, unmarried, she had a right to date. Besides, the important thing is she know's who she's in love with, her soul mate, their soul stones match you know."
"Objection . . ." started the lawyer.
"Sustained," the witch judge sighed.
"Gee, I can't believe they weren't impressed by the fact that Sabrina and Harvey are soul mates," said Hilda loudly, as she left the stand.
"Objection . . ." said Zelda.
"She's your client, and your sister," said the judge.
"That's what I object to," Zelda sighed, as Hilda frowned.
The next witness for the defense in Roland vs. Sabrina Spellman was Harvey Kinkle. Harvey awkwardly managed to give his testimony.
"I hate these trials," complained Salem to Sabrina.
"Why, because their meddlesome and unfair," said Sabrina, happily paying close attention to Harvey's testimony.
"No, because their always full of mush. Love at first sight, high school sweethearts, reunion, blech. My own trial and sentencing was easier on my stomach than this puke-fest."
"So far he's doing good," whispered Zelda, when she had finished her examination. "I just hope he doesn't flub cross-examination."
"You don't mean . . ." gasped Hilda.
"One wrong word and we're done for," said Zelda.
"Why did you break up with Sabrina?" asked Roland's lawyer.
"Oh no," said Zelda. "They did it. They asked him about that night."
"If he tells the court why we broke up," said Sabrina, "they'll never let the marriage go through."
"Harvey's not going to tell them he broke up with you because you were a witch," said Hilda.
"I . . . ah . . . don't really know why," said Harvey, on the witness stand, after a moment's thought.
"Your lying, you broke up with Sabrina because she's a witch."
"That isn't true," objected Harvey.
"Exhibit D," said the lawyer, zapping up a screen. It showed Hilda a few seconds ago, at the defense table. "Harvey's not going to tell them he broke up with you because you're a witch," she said, again.
"Soul stones are hearsay, yet that counts as evidence?" complained Sabrina.
The court, (Roland and the recording secretary) started mumbling and giving Harvey dirty looks. Roland had already been doing that, but now he made a special point of doing it.
"Order," said the Judge, also looking grimly at Harvey. "Continue, counsel," he muttered to the lawyer.
The lawyer asked him if he had dumped Sabrina for being a witch, again.
"It wasn't really like that," said Harvey. "I mean, the couple of years before I found out, I was turned into a dog, frog, made into a bowling pin, pregnant and tonnes of other stuff. That night, I ran a life or death obstacle course to save Sabrina. When I found out, I thought Sabrina had been turning me into stuff for fun, I didn't know the whole story behind it. When I found out the story, I regretted it."
Sabrina, Hilda, and Zelda beamed.
"But you told her you couldn't date a witch anymore," said the lawyer.
"Say no," thought Sabrina, Salem, Hilda and Zelda.
"Yes," said Harvey glumly.
"No further questions," said the lawyer.
"All's not lost," said Zelda to Sabrina. "We still have a good, fighting chance."
"I still haven't testified," said Salem.
"We're doomed, doomed," said Sabrina.
It was Salem's turn to testify. "I have, in my day, crossed many lovers in my path," said Salem, majestically, "but these two are very much in love, and I, with my great character, can witness to the fact that Sabrina and Harvey should wed. What is more, Sabrina will go ahead with the wedding, this time. As I recommended a few months ago, and as I recommended when she was still in high school. And hopefully, she will have the good sense . . . to serve fish at the reception.
"He's pretty good at making speeches," said Harvey to Sabrina. "Except that fish part at the end."
"Yeah," said Sabrina, "Salem's an expert at manipulation."
On cross examination, the lawyer asked, "Why are you serving a sentence as a cat?"
"Ah . . .," said Salem.
"You're the famous Salem Saberhagen. Would be Emperor of Earth," answered the lawyer, "Sentenced to a hundred years as cat."
"I did it purely for benevolent reasons," whined Salem.
"Have you been divorced three times, and do eight sushi restaurants have restraining orders placed on you?
"Ghe?" said Salem.
"Are you worthless as a witness?" asked the lawyer
Salem sobbed, as he was dismissed from the stand.
"Nice going, Salem," said Hilda sarcastically.
"I'll make it up," said Salem defensively, sobbing as he ran from the room in disgrace.
"That just leaves me," said Zelda. "Here to save the day as always."
Zelda took the stand. She went through the history of the past seven years in great detail, with visual aids. She analyzed Sabrina's relationships scientifically, with hypothesis, procedure, observations, and conclusion. In such great detail, that everybody in the room fall asleep. At 10:00 PM, she finished, with the statement, "That it may be scientifically proven that Sabrina and Harvey are right for each other, and the wedding will go ahead. And that this is irrefutable, so the court would be pleased to approve this marriage."
The judge struggled awake, "Counsel, would you wish to cross-examine the witness."
"No, your honor," the lawyer yawned. "Except to ask whether that gibberish had any relevance to the case."
Zelda literally stormed out of the room, before returning to the defense table. Salem, a moment later, rentered the room. "Wait your honor, the defense has one more witness."