Love is such a strange thing. I thought I had come to the one place in my life where I understood it. I thought that I had found my one true thing. But in a single moment, all that I though was replaced by three simple words: "I met someone".
I can remember the way he used to look at me, that smile that came into his eyes when we were together. How could that light fade so quickly? Is a single year time enough to erase what was so strong before? I know that I didn't think I would be able to return, but I suppose I had denying that reality. I just wanted him to take me in his arms again and tell me that he would come. I thought we would be together forever. How could I have been so wrong?
But then there are my own distant feelings, though I have tried to deny their pull on my heart. He knew that something was wrong when I came back to the base; he didn't even try to ignore it. And I don't know why, but I told him. His smile was sad and he told me that he was sure I would get through it. But there was something else in his eyes . . . Relief? A spark of happiness? It gave me both a sense of excitement and a sinking dread. I must have only imagined it, he wouldn't feel that way.
I am back in Atlantis now, and it feels more like home to me that it ever has before. Perhaps because my last bond to earth was sundered by the searing pain of loss, by the knowledge that the one you once loved and called your own will no be yours, but another's beloved. Or perhaps it is that there is a stronger bond here for me, though one that I fear to be revealed.
Love is such a strange thing. I have said my goodbyes, and though he remains in my memories, Simon will never again be in my heart. But what I both love and fear is wrapped up in another . . . John please give me time heal.