State of Mind Chapter3

Disclaimer: It gets repetitious , but I don't own them, I'll never own them. There are a few names that are mine. Mild language warning.

Chapter 3

" You want me to do what?" Horatio asked sitting from his desk. He was in the middle of budget reports, and not in the mood for anything.

" Let me have the month off. I'll use up any time that I have left, and I promise that I will double up on the case load as soon as I come back," Speed said as he shifted his weight in the office chair. He had come to Horatio to ask for the time to take Calleigh on a vacation. So far it wasn't looking very good for him.

" I know that you want to help her Tim, but I'm stressed to the limit here. You just got back from sick leave , and we aren't even caught up on the cases that exist now. I don't know if I can stretch this..."

" H, it's for a good reason. I'm going to marry her while we are gone," Speed pleaded.

Horatio sat back and closed his eyes, rubbing the bridge of his nose. He then opened his eyes again," Marry? Have you told Alexx that you plan on eloping?"

Speed looked at him sheepishly and shook his head, " I can't tell her something, until I know for sure."

Horatio handed the phone that was sitting on his desk to Speed, " You might want to call her to give her a date."

" You going to give it to me?"

" Yes , on one condition though," Horatio said as he narrowed his gaze. " The minute you set foot in Miami, you come straight here."

" When I get back, I'll set my bed up in the trace lab," Speed exclaimed happily. He got up to leave the office, turning slightly. " You know that Calleigh will want you there. All of you. Can you see if you can swing a day or two off for the rest of the team?"

" I'll see what miracles I can perform. Go have fun," Horatio said grinning as he looked back at the budget reports. He could use a break from this for a day.

Speed opened the door and walked out of Horatio's office. He headed back to trace to finish up on some reports. He couldn't wait to tell Calleigh.

S/C

Walking in to the kitchen, Calleigh yawned heavily and stretched her arms up. She had spent the better part of the morning sleeping, and she finally felt as if she could get up and function. Being pregnant was taking a toll on her physically as well as mentally. She had felt Tim's frustration about her paranoia, but she couldn't help it. She always felt as if someone was watching her. Even in the house, she didn't feel like she was alone. She made attempts to tell herself that there was noone in the house, but still the same, she kept her gun where she could get to it.

Opening, the drawer, she glanced into it to make sure that it was still there. She felt like a meek little mouse, afraid of even the most innocent noises.

" I'm such a freak," Calliegh said aloud. Her voice echoed through the empty house. She felt uneasy, even though she was still staring at the gun, even though the door was bolt locked, she was petrified. Feeling the tension coming in her limbs, she tried to breathe deeply. She closed her eyes to enhance the relaxation, focusing on Speed and how much he loved her. When she opened her eyes she saw a horrific image. Therrin was standing in front of her holding his hand out for her. It's not real ,he's dead, Calliegh thought to herself. She closed her eyes and repeated the mantra over in her mind. It's not real, It's not real, It's not real , It's not real...

" Calleigh?"

It's not real , it's not real , it's not real...

" Calleigh!"

She opened her eyes and saw Speed standing in the doorway of the kitchen.

" Calleigh, what's going on ? Are you ok?" Speed asked hesitantly.

" I thought he was here, Tim. I did what the doctor said, I closed my eyes and breathed deeply and he disappeared," Calleigh said quietly trying to hold back the tears. She felt as if her whole world was fading, and all that remained was fear. " I feel like I'm losing control, Tim. Every little thing scares me. What am I going to do? I don't want everyone to think that I'm going crazy."

" You are not crazy, Cal. You are traumatized, and pregnant. What you need is time away from here. I just so happen to have two tickets in my truck for the Carribean. Flight leaves in two hours, so you need to get a move on," Speed said as he grabbed her shoulders lightly, smiling, " Honey, you are going to be okay. You–we need to get away."

Calleigh leaned into him sighing deeply. She wrapped her arms around his waist and tightened her grip. She could hold on to him, he was tangible. She began to cry into his chest, feeling overwhelmed by all that was going on with her. Then she felt a little kick in her stomach.

" Oh!" she exclaimed, letting Speed go. She put a hand on her belly as the kick came again.

"Tim, she's kicking." Calleigh took his hand into hers and guided it to the place where the kick was felt. She smiled warmly to herself, feeling this life develop inside of her.

Speed looked up at Calleigh in amazement, a smile tickling around the corners of his mouth. He loved this woman for who she was, and for giving him a chance to be a father. He would offer her the chance to heal and become whole again.

" I love you, Calleigh. I don't know what I would do if I lost you."

" Love is something, I am sure of, Tim. But my sanity , it seems , is shaky at best. I want to reclaim my life. I'm tired of being scared. I'm tired of my mind telling me things that are not true," Calleigh said softly as she gazed into his eyes. " Can you help me, do this Tim? Help me to find myself again?" The plea for life that Calleigh had made her even more vulnerable. She entered into his embrace again, seeking shelter in the arms that could love her.

TBC...

A/N: It's taking me sometime to get this out. I am suffering really bad to put something out. This damn writer's block! ARRRGH! Thanks for hanging in there with me.:)