(Think of me)
Maybe he was being irrational. Mayber he didn't have to do what he was about to do. But, the pain kept getting worse, everyday; he couldn't stand it. What would his brother do?
His brother would want to do the same thing, but he would grit his teeth and deal with it. Well, he couldn't do that anymore. Suicide is supposed to be a sin against God. Oh, well. He'd sinned plenty in his short lifetime so one more wouldn't make much difference, now would it?
(Think of me fondly)
Alphonse sat outside the East Command Base, drowning in his own thoughts, trying to ignore the constant tearing and cutting pain he felt. It was so very strange. On the outside he couldn't feel the difference between hot and cold, rough and soft, a person's skin and metal. But, on the inside, he felt an undescrible, searing pain. For years he'd been hiding it, playing the ever optomistic little brother, who never took anything for granted. What a lie he was living. He wanted to die. Wanted it so badly he was tempted to ask, no, beg, one of the Homonculus to do it. He'd also thought about asking Edward to perform the terrible deed, but reframed from it.
(When we've said goodbye)
His brother. The prodigy alchemist. Edward had sacrificed so much to keep him there, to keep him alive. Was he ungrateful? No, Alphonse loved his brother too much for that. Was he angry? Hateful? Not exactly. He didn't hate Ed for putting his sould in the armor (he would have done the same) but he was just a little angry. Why would his older brother, his hero, put him through this much pain? Al knew it wasn't Ed's fault, but found it easier to blame someone.
(Remember me once in a while)
Alphonse suddenly remembered the time. The President's meeting with the State Alchemists would be over soon. If he was going to do it, it should be done quickly and soon. He stood, hating the sound of his own hollow footsteps. Alphonse had thought of his friends of course; how they would feel, what they would think, things like that. Somewhere along the way, Al had decided that he didn't care. Of course he'd worry about what Edward would do; his brother's mental stabibility was like a ticking time bomb after all. But, that's why he'd asked First Lieutenant hawkeye to look out for him. Whithing minutes, Alphonse had arrived at his destination.
(Please promise me you'll try)
The place could have passed as a park, but it was more for relaxing and just doing nothing. He wasn't worried about crowds of people because it was raining. He sat down and thought a little more.
Did Alphonse have second thoughts about comitting suicide? No. Why should he? Technically, he was 'dead' or 'had died' during the failed human transmutation. So, why should he worr about diening a second time?
Al had left a nice, long letter in the room he and Ed shared, telling him all of his feelings and thoughts from the beginning. A typical suicide letter.
(If you ever find a moment
Spare a thought for me)
For the longest time, Al just sat there, staring straight ahead. He knew there wouldn't be much time left for him to be able to complete his task. Deliberatly, slowly, he removed his helmet. In a sudden clap of thunder, rain poured even more forcefully from the dark sky. The drops of water hit his metal shell, the hollow sound strengthening his resolve. Al put his thumb to the blood seal, the seal created by the hand of a child, and pressed hard. The buring pain lasted for only two seconds before everything went blissifly numb.
Edward Elric ran panickaly through the streets. The rain struck his face, his braid whipping the back of his neck. Mud splashed onto his pants with each hurried step. A thousand thoughts ran across his mind, the most common and reaccuring being that his little brother would never do something like that. The brothers had gone through too much, been together for too long for this to happen.
(Think of all the things
We've shared and seen
Don't think abot the way
Things might have been)
Ed found himself walking towards a long series of benches, near the front of the park. It didn't take long for him to spot Al.
From a distance, one would think that Alphonse was just sitting there lost in thought. One wouldn't think the youngest son of Trisha and Hoenhiem Elric had just comitted suicide. Ed couldn't tell if he was crying or not; the water running down his face could have been a mix of salt water and rain water, or just rain water.
"Alphonse?" he asked softly, ashamed of the way his voice cracked. "Al, please let this be a joke..."
He knew it wasn't when he saw the pieces of broken metal and the gaping hole replacing the seal of blood. Ed couldn't speak, couldn't breath. He felt himself falling, heard someone scream. He didn't know if it was himself or not.
(Think of me
Think of me waking
Silent and resigned)
The next thing he knew, he saw he was in the same room he had run out of. The memories of current events came back in a rush and fresh emotion washed over him. He whimphered and curled into a ball, closing out the outside world.
(Imagine me
Trying too hard to put you from
My mind)
Hours later, Ed got up. He stood over the last letter Alphonse had ever written. Gingerly he picked it up, reading the words again.
Dear Edward,
It's hard to believe that I'm writing this; I'd never expected to. I only wish you didn't have to read it.
I'm gone, brother. I have been for the longest time. After I figured out my thoughts and feelings, I knew I couldnt' bare to live this way any longer. Besides, it wouldn't be fair for you to have to live with a little brother who pretended to be what he wasn't.
There's always pain inside me, lingering with the darkness. I thought I could stand it until we fixed our bodies, and I really did try, but, I'm not as strong as you Ed. I'm so sorry for being so weak.
I figure it's better this way: you can live your life now and not have to worry about anyone but yourself. You deserve that.
I know you're thinking about how you can't do that, get your life together. I know you can Edward; you'll realize that in time. Plus, you won't have to workfor the military anymore, so that means you won't have to put up with Colonel Mustang.
The point is, Ed, I want you to live and be happy. You don't need me around as luggage. I hope we'll meet again someday.
Your forever loving brother,
Alphonse
Ed wiped angrily at his eyes. That dolt! Thinking he would be able to live happily without him. Deep in his heart, Edward knew the cause Al's pain was him. It made his own pain and anguish worse.
(Recall those days
Look back on all those times
Think of the things we'll never do)
They held a funeral in Rezenbull for Alphonse Elric. Although there wasn't a body to bury, the gravemarker sat by his mother's own gravestone. Later, when the sun was setting and everyone had gone, Ed stood in his thoughts. An image of Al sitting in front of him, smiling sadly up at him kept appearing. The little boy's gray eyes held a hopeful sorrow.
"I want to hate you, Al. I want to hate myself," he whisphered into the gentle caressing wind. "I just can't...I could never..."
(There will never be a day
When I won't think of you)
Black-Angel-001: i finally got around to typing this! the song is here for an extra 'oomph' to the fic. the song is from Phantom of the Opera and i don't own it, the movie, or FMA. so sad!