Knowledge
By: DramaPrincess87
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Elizabeth, Jax, Francis, or Ashley… the first three belong to ABC and others, and the last one belongs to fellow authoress Huma the Guma. All storylines come from her brilliant "Like A Little Girl Cries".
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Jax knows.
He knows that he should break away from them, let them find their own family balance without 'Uncle Jax' creating unneeded static. He knows that he should by all means find his own family, fall in love, get married, and have children.
He knows, but he can't convince himself to leave.
He knows that he loves Ashley like she was his own daughter and that it would kill him to never see her again. He knows that he cares for Elizabeth like a sister, a best friend, and that he can't leave her alone in this world to raise a child.
He knows that he's only temporarily filling a place not meant for him. That one day, the true holder will assume his position. That he will no longer be needed as much in their lives. That he will cease to be a substitute father and playful uncle for that dear little girl, and a shoulder to lean on for her overwhelmed mother. That he will become just an uncle and friend, if he's lucky.
He knows, but he can't seem to care enough to protect himself. Every time he plays with Ashley, every time he has a deep conversation with Elizabeth, every time he watches 'his girls'… he treasures these moments for what they are. They are tiny drops of love that illuminate his life.
Jax knows… and he's alright with that.
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Francis knows.
He knows what betrayal feels like, the sharp stab of treachery, fear, and a deep set ache of loss. He's been on the receiving end of it many times in his life.
He has an uncomfortable feeling that he's betraying someone now.
He knows that he should tell him that he has a daughter, that a lifetime dream has been fulfilled. But he also knows that if he tells him, Elizabeth could suffer. That he could take away the one unshakable bright spot in Elizabeth's life. That she could lose her daughter.
It would kill her. And since he loves her like the daughter he never had, he could never do that do her. He watches over her daughter Ashley like the overprotective uncle he is, his eyes kicking into the familiar habit of examining the people around her, calibrating the level of threat they represent.
He would die for those two girls. Just like he put his life on the line for Ashley's father.
Francis knows… and he's accepted it.
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Elizabeth knows.
She knows that he will never forgive her for keeping his daughter from him. That whatever dream she had had that they would one day be a happy family together is just that… a dream.
She watches her daughter grow up before her eyes, and it kills her. The first time she saw those blue eyes so like her own, that dark thatch of baby-fine hair that matched her own russet locks… the face that resembled her father. The ache spread through her bones as her baby girl grew old enough to ask about the absent man.
Elizabeth will forever be grateful for the guiding hands that Jax and Francis lend to her. They are indomitable father figures to Ashley, unfailing pillars of support for herself. She knows that one day their sheltered life of love in the Italian countryside will come crashing down around them.
She knows that one day she'll have to tell him that she had his daughter and didn't tell him. That she fled from the life she knew… and him. That if she had to do it again, she would. His life was too dangerous for her and a baby, especially given the circumstances under which her pregnancy began. She didn't want to ruin his life. And she knows that with the exception of Ashley, the one pure beacon of love she has, she may have ruined her own life by cutting him from it.
Elizabeth knows… and it's tearing her up inside.
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Ashley knows.
She knows that she has a life that many girls would kill for. She never wants for anything. Her mother is one of her best friends and an unfailing storage of love and care. She has two devoted uncles that would drop what they were doing for her in an instance.
She knows that there in a hole in her life. She has even given it a name.
Papa.
Somewhere deep inside, she aches a little every time she sees a daughter out with her father. She knows that she has a wonderful life, and she appreciates it more than anyone could ever guess. But that missing piece keeps her life from being storybook.
She looks at the photographs and analyzes her own features in the mirror. Does she have his nose? His cheekbones? She watches her mother's mannerisms and wonders if she laughs like her father. She knows that every question she asks her mother about that absent man tear her up a little inside, yet she can't contain the thirst for knowledge about him. She wishes that she could ask him all the questions that she keeps bottled up inside. If he had known about her, would he have left the business for her and her mother? If he had known, would he have fought for custody of her, or would he have accepted whatever role Elizabeth had left for him in their lives? Did he love her mother?
She knows that all she has to do is tell her mother that she wants to see her father and it will happen. That Elizabeth would gladly give up her own happiness for her daughter's. That one day she'll be able to meet her father and see all the similarities in herself. That one day, the hole in her heart will be filled by the man who should occupy it. That all she has to be is patient for the right moment to put herself out there.
Ashley knows… and that is enough.