FLIPPEDDEPPILF
Yuugioh does not belong to me.
Okay, when text is underlined, it means that it is spoken in English. Only Seto, Sanouke and Yuugi have taken the time to actually learn English. And by the way, Jade is not racist against Japanese people, she's just teasing. (After all, she's part Japanese herself)
Wow, I guess you all like the perverted shite, don't you? xD Tsk, tsk, tsk. Your wish is my command. Sorry if this chapter and the last weren't as great as the other ones. I'll try to get back in the zone (Autozone!).
Katsuya rushes out of the room and into the room next door, nearly tripping of over the large pile of books near the doorway. "Itai!" He cries out, gripping his toe in one hand. He has completely forgotten how Seto's body has the balance of string bean wrestling champion (re: none whatsoever) and falls over promptly.
"Ah! Jade! There's a—AHHH! Seto-chaaaaaaan! My love!" He finds himself once more with some crazy girl's arm around him. You know, this Day In The Shoes of Kaiba Seto isn't all that great. What with the fangirls and no balance and—
"Fucking idiot. Man, our grandma is the fucking weirdest." The first girl mutters, pulling the second fangirl's arms from around Katsuya.
He gasps for air desperately before crawling across the floor, staring at the two of them in shock. "What are you?"
The first fangirl leans over, grinning maliciously and says in a painfully slow voice—you know, the voice used when speaking to young children that have forgotten the word for putting food in their mouths, "I am your worst nightmare."
"Jade, stop scaring Seto!"
"It's not Seto, you fucking dumbass! Grandma explained this all to us last night. This is Seto's boyfriend. As in, he is gay. As in he is homosexual. As in he has hard, crazy, gay sex with his gay boyfriend! As in he will not have sex with YOU!" Katsuya talks about as much English as a Swedish person can speak Uchpa, but he hears Seto and sex repeated several times. Which was just about the only word he knew in English.
"Are you talking about me having sex?" He asks angrily, a little pissed that they're talking about his sexual activities without him included in the conversation.
"Yes," the first fangirl answers bluntly, before turning back to her . . . fellow alien creature.
Who looks on the verge of crying. "D-don't worry, S- I mean, Jounouchi-sama! My name is Faye, and my sister's is Jade. Just ignore her and. .and . . ." It seems she can not hold back the floodgates any longer, and she runs out of the room, crying hysterically.
This . . . Jade creature gives Katsuya an amused look. "Faye-chan is a complete idiot. Ignore her whenever possible." Then she follows her sister out, at a slow pace, and crying out in English as she walks. "Grandma, tell the damn Japs that I'm using the bathroom first!"
Katsuya stares at the two of them in surprise and is completely terrified. He needs some ice cream.
Meanwhile, back in the room, Seto is busy glaring at everyone angrily. Stupid Anzu, stupid Honda, stupid Ryou, stupid Sanouke. He could even add his brother to this list! Yes, he's going to say it loud and proud! Damn Mokuba!
"I am going home!" He announces firmly, standing up again, not caring that he is wearing only his boxers (Katsuya's damn spaceship ones, no less). "Give me my clothes!"
Sanouke pouts in a while she obviously thinks is attractive. Yes, if you're blind, Seto thinks furiously. "Not until you're nice, Seto-san."
"Not until you're dead, Sanouke-san," Seto retorts.
"Ooh, you're a fie—"
"Just give him back his damn clothes!" Katsuya's standing in the doorway, arms crossed over his now-slender chest. "Mine, too, while you're at it!"
Honda leans over to whisper in Mokuba's ear while this exchange is going on. "I wonder how long it will take for the two of them to start ravaging the house for their clothes?"
Mokuba chuckles. "I say about three seconds."
But before Katsuya can jump Sanouke and throw her out the window—where he would traumatize some random civilian by having some woman explode in front of him/her . . . which is very bad, for those are not sure—Yuugi stands up, "Stop it! Do you guys realize you're acting like children? Bickering and complaining like five year olds! What you guys need is some—"
"Shut up." Jade has returned to the doorway and at her words one would think the world had come to a complete stop, because everyone in the room is staring at her in a slightly deranged manner. "What?" she asks, a little perturbed by this odd reaction.
"I . . . I don't think anyone's ever told Yuugi to shut up. In his entire life," Honda says in hushed tones, looking rather frightened.
"Not even onii-sama! He listens politely, then says in fancy, smancy terms that he should have told him to shut up because what he's spouting is stupid."
Yuugi looks completely blank. Not that it isn't completely adorable in an odd sort of way, but it isn't one of Yuugi's usual Expressions. Not Cute (Fangirl Translation: KAWAII!), not Confused (Fangirl Translation: OMFG YUUGI IS ALL-KNOWING! WTFzzzzERROR! ), not even the surprisingly rare Sad (Fangirl Translation: AWWW, POOR YUUGI, LET'S SMOTHER HIM IN HUGS SO THAT WHEN HE ASPHYXIATES HE'LL BE SURROUNDED BY LOVE!). He's just blinking.
"B . . . but I'm . . . I'M YUUGI GOD DAMN IT!" He takes a running start and rushes at Jade, a savage look in his eyes. In her perspective, he looks like a blonde primate trying to steal her banana. Very, very scary thought. Jade's eyes widen, and she runs in the other direction, screaming, "My banana!" The others just watch in confusion as the small boy chases Jade around the house, both of them screaming several illegible things as they pass certain points. Possibly in colorful language not suitable for Mokuba's young ears.
Ryou is the first to speak up, and he rises to the occasion quite well. "The world just ended, didn't it? This is a sign of apocalypse! OH MY GOD WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE! I WANNA GET LAID ONE MORE TIME BEFORE WE'RE ALL DEAD!" He runs out of the house, and no one has any doubt about where he's going, or to be with whom. Why is a completely different question.
"You see, Mokuba-nii? This is why I do not want you hanging out with Ryou-san," Seto states in a very smug voice.
"But Ryyoouu-kkuunn's got cool hhaaaiiirr," Mokuba whines, which wins him an odd stare from his brother.
"He's . . . got . . . cool hair?" Seto repeats. He is a not a parrot, so logically this repetitive phrase is not something he would usually respond with. If Seto were asking this questions to his very intelligent, yet completely robotic computer it would answer that someone had hacked into the system and completely recreated Seto's personality. Which is not the case. And so, this entire paragraph—excluding the first sentence—becomes nul and void and completely pointless.
"Why are we here?" Anzu suddenly asks, look at all the others. Others not include: Honda, Mokuba, Seto, Katsuya and Sanouke. Seto and Katsuya—having been asleep a good part of the previous twelve hours—were completely sure themselves and shrugged—Seto having apparently forgotten his little brother's reasoning on Ryou 'coolness.' Honda was called at the same time as Anzu and so has the same questions for the others as Anzu does. That leaves Mokuba and Sanouke to answer appropriately.
Mokuba looks at Sanouke pointedly.
"Fine. You are here because . . . I NEED A BLOOD SACRIFICE TO REVERSE THE BODY SWITCH!" Sanouke's eyes get wide and she grins at the young girl and point haired secret lover of Otogi—OH GOD NO ONE KNOWS THAT YET, DAMN IT! HONDA YOU MADE ME REVEAL A SECRET PLOT TWIST!
Shut up, Author Bitch! WHAT PLOT TWIST; you only have a shadow of a plot to begin with, Honda argues with the female at the keyboard. Said author decides this self-insertation is no good, and gives Honda a good mental slap on the head before continuing with story.
"Oh god no!" Anzu cries, and jumps out the window.
Oh, I guess if Sanouke had been thrown out the window she would not have traumatized a single damn person because A) she would have landed on the green grass a good seven feet away from a pedestrian and B) she would not have exploded because she lives on the first floor. And Anzu—being the graceful dancer with the beautiful body that everyone is secretly jealous of . . . or in Bakura's case, openly jealous of—even goes as far as to land on her feet.
And then she runs away screaming. "You know, Sanouke-san, that's the second person to run away screaming from your house . . . don't you think it's a bad sign?" Mokuba makes an attempt at being polite, but Katsuya does not know the meaning of this odd word. Polite, I mean, what the heck is that? Some kind of middle-eastern dessert! Noodles? From Australia?
"What do you mean, bad sign? It's a goddamn neon red sign pointing to her that says, This woman is giant bitch that can't hold her tongue and casts spells on people—oh shit. I was kidding. I LOVE YOU!" He backs away slowly from Sanouke's threatening glare.
"You don't really need a blood sacrifice, do you?" Honda asks in a slightly hesitant tone. Seto wouldn't put it past her if she did need a blood sacrifice. Even if she didn't need a blood sacrifice, he wouldn't be surprised it if she still did it.
She pauses, a finger on her chin, as if calculating the best way to break the news to the point-haired boy.
"She's lying," Faye smoothly inserts smoothly, her gray eyes falling quickly on Katsuya. He grimaces, and slinks over to where Seto is plunked, and stands behind him—carefully watching Faye the whole time in case she decides to descend upon him—and wraps his arms tightly around Seto—rather possessively. This is a clear message that states loudly, I like to screw SETO-CHAN. Not you. To Katsuya's relief, she seems to understand and backs off, reluctantly. "Mokuba wanted the two of you," insert pointed glance at Seto and Katsuya here, who have begun making out rabidly by now, "to have some company when you woke up."
"No!" Mokuba cries, insulted that this girl would make him out to be such a loving and caring person. "I wanted them over here so that someone would restrain you when you tried to rape my brother!"
Faye looks reasonably insulted, even though she had tired just that, and she knew it. "I would never do such a thing!"
By this time Jade and Yuugi have both rejoined the group, and have traveled to opposite sides of the room. "You were warm for his pasty-ass form, admit it."
"How about you shut up, Jade? How about that?" Faye is getting a little fed up with this whole make-fun-of-the-hopelessly-pathetic-fangirl game that her sister is playing.
"You know what? I CHALLENGE you! To a duel." The two sisters take their usual 'duel' stances. Faye picks up a horse-broom that is leaning against the wall and clutches it in her hands like one would a baseball bat. Jade moves to pick up a nearby person when a scream pierces the air.
It's Yuugi, hyperventilating in the corner. "Oh shit," Honda mutters, moving towards Yuugi carefully. "You guys didn't mention dueling, shadows, challenges or bunnies, did you?"
Jade coughs innocently while Faye quickly points a thin finger at her. "She did! IT'S ALL HER FAULT!"
"OH NO! Yuugi's gonna hyperventilate now! What shall we do!" Katsuya and Seto aren't paying anyone any mind at all, and Katsuya begun the licking portions of their lovely display. Which Faye and Jade are now watching with drooling open mouths and nosebleeds. "I said what shall we do?" Honda practically screams, hoping to get someone's attention. He fails miserably, though. Mokuba is covering his virgin eyes, and it trying to not hear anything, and Sanouke has wandered off to get them some condoms.
So Honda is sobbing hysterically by now, already imagining the funeral when . . .
"No longer fear, I am here!" A man dressed in a large black cloak, and a mask that carefully obscures a good part of his head and face, flies through the window that Anzu jumped out a little while before. Little hearts appear in the eyes of Honda and Mokuba, while Jade and Faye are still completely taken by the moaning couple on the bed.
The mysterious man—who may smell like sunflowers, or possibly like death, or sex, depending on what anime you've been watching a lot of lately—wraps Yuugi up in his arms and brings their lips together in a display of passion and incongruous heroics. Yuugi's small body suddenly stops flailing, and he gazes up numbly at the man kissing him breathless. When said man finally lets Yuugi go—lightly and carefully, Honda and Mokuba note jealously—he shoots him a wide, friendly grin, and takes Mokuba's arm in a firm grip.
"I am kidnapping your brother, Kaiba-san! FOLLOW ME IF YOU DARE!" With that, he flies out the window again, with the young black-haired boy in tow—giggling inanely, by the way.
Seto opens a glazed eye as he hears someone call his name—someone that isn't Katsuya, that is—and cocks his head in confusion. These thoughts are quickly knocked away by Katsuya—or something that belongs to him . . . well, technically to Seto, but who cares about that anymore?
"SETO-SAMA!" Yuugi cries, Honda taking this moment to cover his eyes before he catches sight of his best friend groping the CEO savagely. "Your brother just got kidnapped!"
And then the world seems to stop for Seto. Even his body and arousal seems to become numb and eventually stops completely. All he knows are those words . . . your brother just got kidnapped. When you come to expect something like a second nature, and then it finally happens . . . you can't help but respond like this. He slowly pushes a confused Katsuya off, and fixes the space-ship boxers—to Jade and Faye's disappointment.
"The time has come, then," he says in a voice that sounds a little sad, even.
"What! What happened?" Katsuya asks angrily, pissed off that someone interrupted their little . . . exchange.
"Mokuba-kun's been kidnapped!" Yuugi explains quickly, and asks Honda to kindly let go of his eyes.
And then Sanouke finally returns, and looks a little disappointed that she now has no one to hand the condom to. She mutters a low curse as she sticks the little package into her pocket. "What happened now?"
"My brother's been kidnapped," Seto murmurs under his breath, looking utterly defeated. He has failed his brother. He allowed his petty hormones and feelings for Katsuya to overshadow the responsibility he had for his brother. And now he is in the hands of a scantly clad woman that will seduce him into giving up his virginity prematurely. And then they will seek refuge in America to live out their lives as secret lovers. And Seto will receive a letter many years later, filled with pictures of grinning children and a suddenly old Mokuba.
It's enough to make Seto cry.
"Well, we'll go rescue him, easy as that!" Katsuya says in a false uplifting tone. He does not want his lover to feel badly about himself, and he knows that Seto is doing precisely that.
"But where did he go?" Seto snaps, resorting to anger in his fragility.
Honda points out the window hesitantly. "Um, if this is any indication, I think that guy wants us to follow him." They all gather around the window where the grass has been cut to read the following:
Kaiba-san, I took your brother to the cave of your secret basement. There you will find yourself faced with many challenges. Defeat these challenges and you will get your brother back. If not, then you are one cold-hearted bastard and I will take this young boy to America where he will be corrupted deliciously by my handsome manliness and me (we are nearly two completely separate beings, that's how delicious I am). Love, ZORRO.
How all that managed to fit on the lawn, no one knew.
OH MY GOD! DRAMA! WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT?