Double-Dealing
A/N: First and for most, thanks to Mackenise Jackson for reviewing! Alrighty, I forgot to mention that this story takes place sometime after season three. Caution: this was not beta read. What else was there to say... Oh yeah, this story will not become SJ ship... even though there are slight implications of it.
Disclaimer: Once again, Stargate: Sg-1 is not owned by me and never shall be.
Chapter Two: Confusion
"My name is Samantha Carter. I am an astrophysicist!" she said in frustration.
The flamboyantly dressed man eyed her for a while, "But, you look so much like her…"
"But I'm not!"
"You are the Queen!" the man yelled, trying to convince Sam that she was something she wasn't.
"Once again, my name is Samantha Carter. I am an astro—"
"Yah, yah, the astrophizzy-whatnot! But, you look so much like her!"
"What is all the commotion?"
At that, the man bowed down deeply, "My-my lady!"
Sam turned around, her eyes widened at what she saw. It was a woman who looked like Sam's double, but with long hair and dressed in a gaudy gold gown from the nineteenth century. To top it off, sitting on her head was a sparkling silver crown.
"Once again, what is all the commotion?" she said, unnecessarily stressing syllables in her words.
Sam stood up and looked the Queen directly in the eye, "You—You're… Are we in an alternate reality?"
"Balibob, who is this scoundrel?" she said, pointing at Sam.
Balibob stood up from his bow, "Queen Kukinis, we found her and three of her companions wondering around the Grey Ring. She looks so much like you that we had to bring her here into the light to see her."
"My goodness, she does! Well, granting, I'm more beautiful," the Queen said as she fanned herself.
She sat down on the long velvet couch and motioned for Sam to sit next to her. Sam hesitantly took a seat by the other end of the couch. Frankly, she didn't feel comfortable sitting so close to a glittery, eccentric version of herself.
"Your highness—" Sam started.
"Dear, dear, call me Queen Kukinis!"
Sam nodded, "Queen… Kukinis, my friends and I are here because we sensed a great amount of naqua—"
"Shtup!" Balibob said suddenly.
Sam looked at him, puzzled. The Queen giggled and motioned for her to be quiet.
Balibob was writing furiously in a brown journal labeled "Assassination Attempts".
"It's brilliant!" he said finally.
"What's going on?" Sam asked.
"Balibob is the Chief Councilor of Affairs. He always has these brilliant flashes of thought!"
"I have got it!" he sang.
"What, what is it?" the Queen asked and then turned to Sam, "This is the fun part!"
"We will use you!" he triumphantly said.
"Brilliant! You've done it again!" the Queen said joyously as she stood up and fanned herself.
Sam couldn't take much more of this, "Queen Kukinis, Balibob, I don't have time for this. My friends and I are on a very important mission from Earth—"
"Shtup!" Balibob said abruptly. "We will use you!"
"Brilliant!" the Queen kept saying as she paced back and fourth, fanning herself.
Before Sam could get into a logical debate with these people who were clearly illogical, one of the black garbed men who attacked SG-1 burst into the room.
"There is an uproar in the prison station, my lady!"
XXXX
"Where's Carter?" Jack asked again.
A door was flung open and light spilled into the prison cells.
Daniel looked over, "I think that should answer your question."
Out from the door came flamboyant Balibob, the Queen, Sam, and an entourage of black garbed guards.
"I asked for Carter, not Carters," Jack said. "Am I going insane?"
"Indeed you are not for I too see what you believe you are seeing," Teal'c reassured the Colonel.
The Queen, Sam, and Balibob stopped in front of their cell while the guards went to work calming down the prisoners.
"Why are you in here?" the Queen incredulously asked Jack.
Jack looked at Sam, "Am I missing something here?"
"YES, you are," the Queen answered, "My husband, where is your hideous beard!"
"Yes, what happened to it? Why are you trying to look young? It's hardly convincing and I told you a dozen million times that it doesn't work for your public image!" Balibob shouted.
"Carter," Jack said, seriously wanting an explanation.
Sam shrugged, "Sorry sir, I'm afraid I'm in the dark on this one. I'm assuming we might have stumbled into a quantum mirror… without realizing it."
"You mean all four of us touched that thing without knowing?" Jack asked.
"I can't possibly—" Daniel said before the Queen pushed Sam out of the way.
"My boy! Oh look what they've done to you! You're so weak and pale and what is on your face?"
"Uh… I'm Daniel Jackson and I don't believe we've met. You are?"
The Queen looked like she was about to faint. Sam was almost ready to catch her, but fortunately, the Queen remained standing. She took out her fan and started to fan away, pacing up and down.
"The boy doesn't know his own mother! Oh, what have they done to you!" she kept muttering.
"I know she's really just your stepmother but don't make her worried like this," Balibob whispered to Daniel, "You should really stop this charade now! You don't have to be an actor all the time!"
Daniel stared at him in confusion, "Excuse me?"
Jack couldn't take much more of this. From between the bars of the prison cell, he grabbed Balibob's green, feathered collar and pulled him over.
"Now you listen here! Daniel ain't the prince and I sure as hell ain't her husband. I've never even seen her before!" Jack shouted.
"Actually, you have seen her before; she looks exactly like Sam," Daniel corrected.
Jack slowly turned his head to the archaeologist, "Daniel, you're not helping!"
"Shtup!" Balibob yelled as he was released from O'neill's grasp.
The Queen stopped pacing and grabbed Balibob's arm, shaking it back and fourth while exclaiming, "Another idea! You are absolutely brilliant!"
"We will use them!" he said, "We will use them!"
"We will use them!" the Queen repeated with a laugh.
"Carter?" Jack asked.
"Let them out!" Balibob ordered.
"Well, at least you're not in prison anymore. That's got to be a good thing, right?" Sam said to them.
One of the black garbed guards came over and unlocked the door. Jack quickly flung it open and walked out, followed by Daniel and Teal'c.
"Come, follow me!" Balibob commanded.
"Do you think something strange is going on?" Daniel whispered to his teammates.
"Indeed," Teal'c responded.
"I still can't get over the fact that this might possibly be another universe," Sam replied.
"Yeah, I can tell you what's strange—what that man is wearing," Jack said, gesturing at Balibob.
They followed the flamboyant man and the Queen out of the prison station.
XXXX
They stepped into a grandiose room that seemed fit for one of those rich, aristocratic paintings. There was a large dining table and a golden chandelier hanging from the ceiling.
"So, what're we doing?" Jack asked.
"One moment," Balibob said as he took out a journal entitled "Plans to Counteract Assassination Attempts" and began scribbling something down.
"Sit, sit!" the Queen offered at the table.
SG-1 graciously took the offer. The Queen sat at the head of the table with Daniel and Teal'c by her right side and Jack and Sam on the other.
Finally, Balibob stopped writing and joined them at the table.
"Okay Daniel, start your customary speech of… why we're here," Jack said.
Daniel pushed up his glasses, which made the Queen cringe for some reason, and began, "As I've already mentioned, my name is Doctor Daniel Jackson. This is Teal'c. Over there is Colonel Jack O'neill and next to him is Major Samantha Carter. We are from the planet Earth and we travel through the Stargate exploring—"
"Shtup!" Balibob interrupted.
Daniel glanced at him.
"I think he wants you to shut up," Jack said in a loud whisper.
Daniel slowly nodded in confusion.
"We do not care why or how you came to be here," Balibob said.
"That is right!" the Queen agreed.
"You all will be used by us and that is that! Call the King and Prince!"
"KING! PRINCE!" the Queen bellowed.
Jack and Daniel, who were closest to her, had to cover their ears and shut their eyes at the sound of her loud voice. As they opened their eyes, they stared in shock at the two who had entered the room…
To be continued…
Yes, I know I ended abruptly but that's how I like it!