Hiei's Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Mating Week
Disclaimer: dances wildly There! Now that I've danced, can I say I own it? Oh, fiddlesticks!
"Hey, Yusuke," Botan called cheerfully flying into her favorite spirit detective's room, "look what I go-ahhhhh!!!!!"
Yusuke, who had been flexing in front of the mirror butt naked, screamed and grabbed the quilt from his bed, covering himself with it like a toga.
"Botan!"
"Yusuke?!"
"What are you doing here?"
"What are you doing without clothes?"
"I asked you first! But first, step out and let me get dressed, okay?"
"Um…okay."
Botan uneasily flew back through the wall and waited until Yusuke knocked on the window. When he gave the her the "all-clear" signal, she cautiously re-entered.
Yusuke sat on his bed.
"Okay, what are you doing here?"
"Well, a demon movie producer in Makai wants to make a film based on the Dark Tournament you fought in! It'll be so great, oh Yusuke, we'll be stars!"
"Demons can make movies?"
"Of course, he wants all of you, Team Urameshi I mean, to meet back at the tournament stadium so he can show you what he's got so far!"
"Oh, he's already making it?"
"Yes!"
"Okay, I guess."
Botan threw her arms around Yusuke and ripped him onto her oar.
"Okay, the others are already there, we just need you."
When they got there, a demon wearing a business suit shook Yusuke's hand and explained about the movie. Yusuke asked him to please cut to the chase and show the film.
"Okay, folks," the producer said, "here's a clip from where Kuwabara takes a punch in the diaphragm for Yusuke-you know, the fight between Toguro and Yusuke?"
The movie clip began to play on an overhead projector the producer had bought.
Kuwabara (played by Tim Allen): No guys, I'm the one Toguro's after (weird Tim Allen noise)
Kurama (Sean Connery): No, we'll stay and fight together!
Hiei: (Whoopie Goldberg): I'll take on Toguro by myself if I have to
Yusuke: (Frankie Muniz): No, don't do it, Toguro!
Toguro: (Bruce Valance): Now, I'll get to see your true power
Shizuru from audience: (Cher): You monster!
Keiko (Britney Spears): No!
Yukina (Jennifer Lopez): Don't!
Botan: (Drew Barrymore): Oh Dear!
Hiei immediately slashed his sword across the overhead, making the pictures disappear. Everyone sighed, very relieved.
"What the heck was that?" Kuwabara demanded.
"That wasn't anything like us," Keiko added, "at all."
The producer shifted his eyes awkwardly and began rubbing his hand across his forearm.
"Well, you see, no offense, but…."
"But what?" Shizuru demanded.
"Well, you guys are kind of…lame."
A cold, awkward yet enraged silence fell between the producer and the fighters.
"'lame'?" Hiei repeated in disbelief, "You had a bald gnome with a French accent, and you're saying we're lame?"
Kurama frowned disapprovingly at the producer.
"I see this movie isn't to personify our victory after all, it was simply a money making scandal."
Yusuke scoffed.
"Exactly, sorry, but I won't sign anything to have this movie reach the public; not on your life."
The producer frowned.
"That was pure Hollywood material! You're just a bunch of nobodies!"
"I know," Hiei said, "not classy blonde actors who can't pronounce each other's names right."
Just as a heated argument was on it's way, the heavy door that led into the ring was opened, followed by grumbling.
"I still can't believe they let Juri go through the lost and found, there's good stuff in there and I-"
Koto, who had just entered the stadium, stopped to see a large number of people already there.
"Um," she looked around, "hi."
Yusuke was the first to smile.
"Hey, it's the fox girl from the tournament!"
Koto smiled, recognizing the best fighters she'd ever seen.
"Team Urameshi! Hi! Wow, what are you guys doing in Makai?"
Yusuke was about to say more when everyone heard a deep, loud growl. They glanced at the source of the noise, Hiei…
"Hiei, are you okay?" Yusuke asked.
Kurama's eyes widened.
"Uh-oh."
"Uh-oh?" Everyone else repeated.
"Hiei, can you hear me?" Kurama took Hiei by the shoulders, "It's just as I feared."
Koto shrugged, then turned back to Yusuke, wagging her tail as she happily told him how much she enjoyed announcing his team's victory.
"Stop that at once!" Kurama shouted, "Please, don't wag your tail!"
Koto looked up at him.
"Why?"
"It's Hiei," Kurama replied, holding Hiei down as the smaller demon growled and snarled, "he's in mating season."
Everybody gasped, then Kuwabara and Yusuke broke out into an enormous fit of laughter. They fell to the floor, pounding the ground with their fists as they gasped for air between roaring, foot-stomping, hearty roars.
"Did you just say mating season?" Yusuke squeaked between his laughs.
Kurama nodded.
"This is serious, Yusuke, when Hiei enters mating season and smells a female demon-he's no longer in a conscious state of mind! He could hurt someone," Kurama cast a finger at Koto, "someone like that girl!"
Koto's ears went down and she began to back away slowly.
"Um, c'mon, that little guy? Surely-ahhh!!!!!"
With a vicious snarl, Hiei bit Kurama, ripped himself from the taller demon's grasp, and tore after Koto in a mad frenzy. Snarling and growling as he leapt onto her.
"Ahhhhhhh!!!!!! Somebody, help!" Koto screamed, trying to push Hiei away.
Yusuke stopped laughing and raced over. He reached for Hiei, but the little demon quickly turned a bit Yusuke's hand.
"He bit me!" Yusuke cried.
"Oh dear," Kurama said uneasily, then he had a plan.
Pulling his rose from behind his hair, Kurama transformed it into a whip. He cracked it, then twirled it in the air.
"Rose whip!"
It lassoed around Hiei's ankle, then with a small tug, Kurama pulled him back.
Koto, frazzled, breathing heavily, and her tail wagging out of pure fear, crawled behind Yusuke.
"It's a monster!"
Yusuke sighed.
"I think you should leave, Koto."
Koto frowned.
"But I was eavesdropping on the movie, and it sucked, I wanna make a Dark Tournament movie-out of pure, 100 percent real footage."
Yusuke smiled.
"Really?"
Kurama frowned.
"Yusuke!"
Botan, who had wanted a movie as well, shook Koto's hand.
"Then it's settled, Miss Koto will make us a film!"
If things couldn't get any worse for poor Kurama, Juri walked in eating a bag of cookies.
"Hey, Koto," she called," do you know what time Trading Spaces comes on? I wanna watch it and-"
Hiei sniffed again, then snarled. With one gigantic chomp, he bit the Rose whip in half, then tore after the water demon.
Koto gasped.
"Oh no, Run, Juri! For the love of God, Run!"
Juri, completely confused, looked around, then chewed thoughtfully on another cookie.
"Why?"
Hiei, like a bat demon, made an aerial attack and tackled her.
"Because of that!" Koto finally said.
Hiei began licking Juri's face. Juri screamed, trying to pry him off.
"Help me, Koto!"
Koto stood up, patted the dirt off her bottom with her hands, then retrieved her ribbon she had used to pull Juri out of a tight spot before.
"Okay, here I come, Juri!"
She swung the ribbon and it caught hold of Hiei instead. He glanced at the ribbon wrapped around his ankle, growled, then tugged it, bringing Koto to him.
To Be Continued….
Author's note: Sorry I couldn't spell the actor's names very well! Anywho, please R&R. It'd make me feel special!