Title: The Wedding Planner
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Genre: Romance/Humor
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Rating: PG-13
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Disclaimer: MINE!!! =Except the characters= Damn!! I knew it…
Oh well, =shrugs and sighs=
Kill CLAMP!!!
Chapter IV
With these Heavenly Words I describe thee,
My love
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Let me tell you that my doubting started immediately.
When he said, "Speak, daughter" His voice was very hoarse. If he thought that he sounded masculine and sexy with that phony voice he had another thought coming.
I was almost convinced when he started yelling stupidities… "WHAT?! You're marrying? You must be kidding girl…that's called self-inflicted suicide!"
I figured that he was not a very intelligent person…
As he kept tripping over his own lies, I felt like I could roll my eyes. It was obvious that he wasn't the priest. But it didn't matter. I had a lot of free time, and I wanted to see how he made an ass of himself.
But oh boy…he really got me mad when he called me kaijuu. Nobody ever called me that, except Touya, and he really hadn't anymore since I had broken his toe the last time I had stomped on him…
I blew my top.
And the temptation was far too appealing to resist.
I was smiling as he screamed for bloody mercy.
"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!! KAIJUU!!!!!!!!!BLOODY HELL!!!!! OH FUCK! MY FOOT IS A BITCHING PULP! DAMN IT! DAMN IT! DAMN IT! BLOODY BITCH! IDIOTIC, ARROGANT, SNOBBISH ASSHOLE! AH, KAMI-SAMA, MY FOOT!!! THEY'LL HAVE TO AMPUTATE IT AND IT WILL ALL BE YOUR GODAMNED FAULT! DAMN YOU! STUPID IMBECILE!"
Well, not exactly mercy, but he was screaming just the same. -
I just tapped my foot as he went totally ballistic, jumping all over the place, grabbing one of his feet. Supposedly the one I had stomped on, but I was quite positive it had been the other one…
I completely ignored the insults he was showering on me. As if I cared about what an idiotic hopping mad man had to say.
When he finally returned to his few wits I had my head cocked to one side and was arching an eyebrow at him.
"Let me say Father that you have a rather um…extensive vocabulary for someone who has consecrated his life to the Lord All Mighty." I said, smiling evilly at him.
"Uh—um—I—I am human. A human is bound to commit mistakes." The guy said, looking at the ceiling.
"Uh-huh" I said, not believing him at all.
"All right, all right. I am not the priest, I am his apprentice."
"Yes, of course!" I gasped. "How come I didn't notice?" I said, rolling my eyes. "Go take that shit to an airhead." I said brusquely.
"That's what I'm doing."
My first impulse was to slap him. But hey! My hand doesn't touch trash.
"You should stop talking to yourself then. They say that that's a clear sign of madness." I said, smiling-and-sweet-dimpling him (Just like Tommy said -).
He opened his mouth after some minutes (taking that time to comprehend my so difficult insult) and looked at me with cute little daggers shooting from his chocolate eyes.
Surprisingly, he calmed himself and inhaled rather sharply, making me wonder if he had respiration problems…if he did, I hoped he would have an attack (such Good Samaritan I -).
"You're just a pebble on my road to heaven. Another trial God put in my way for me to prove my devotion to him." He said, looking heavenwards, and folding his hands in a praying position in front of him.
"Oh well, keep up the language and we'll see if that pebble doesn't turn into a stone" I said, winking at him.
He growled and calmed himself again.
Aw come on! We want an outburst here!
"But what did I expect from someone of your breeding?"
He looked at me, confusion dancing the conga in his eyes, making me remember Tomoyo.
"Someone of your etiquette!"
Nah, confusion hadn't just passed by in his eyes. It had settled camp there.
"YOUR CLASS" I exclaimed, waving my hands in the air. He was so much like Tommy, it gave me the shivers.
I just prayed to Kami-sama, or whoever heard my prayers, that it wasn't to be someone like him that was to marry Tommy.
"And exactly what class is that?" He said, stepping dangerously closer.
"You don't really want to know. Being brought down to earth may cause really serious damage to your extremely over inflated ego." I said, smiling.
"Believe me…I want to know."
"Bastards. That's your class." I said, my smile turning into a right out grin.
To my surprise, he just shrugged.
But he had to be seething by this time!
Ah, whatever, he was doing it internally.
"I know your type" He said, looking over my shoulder.
"Nani?" I said. In the midst of something I'd always switch to my native language, unconsciously. (What)
"You're Japanese! I just knew it!"
"Go eat some shit baka" I muttered.
"Typical for your ranking." He muttered.
"And what's my type, Mr. Know-It-All?"
He burst out laughing.
"That's an insult?"
I glowered at him, and just crossed my arms, ready to fight.
"I know your type" He repeated, getting closer still. I just arched an eyebrow at him.
"I bet you don't." I said.
"You don't wanna bet on it."
"Try me." I said, my eyes heating up.
He sighed and started speaking. "You live with a friend. You drown yourself in your work. You never have boyfriends, and if you have, they don't last…"
I opened my mouth to protest, but closed it when noticed that I didn't have anything to protest for. He wasn't even lying. He must've realized this, because he burst laughing again. "I bet you haven't even been kissed." He said, looking down at me.
"Kuso…" (Shit) I muttered, thinking of how to fire back…but nothing came. "I don't drown myself in my work" I said, pouting, offended this time. "And what if I do? At least I'm not a bastard like you are." I said, my sweetness returning.
"And you're bitter because nobody loves you." He added.
"So what? At least I'm not an arrogant jerk." I hissed out. I had lost. I had gotten angry. That's a first when you are fighting with someone. Never get angry. Keep your cool.
"So what? I'll tell you what. You're going to pay your debt." He said, cupping my face between his rather strong hands.
"What bet??!!!"
"I told you I knew your type." He said, leaning in…
(Nothing subtle let me tell you)
Ah no. This bastard wasn't going to steal my first kiss.
So I pushed him back.
So he tripped and fell.
Oh, I was so sorry.
So I voiced my worries.
"I hope you die." I said with a smile as I walked away from the cathedral that would soon be decorated beautifully for My Best Friend's Wedding.
What? It's a nice movie.
===
Tomoyo browsed through some catalogues, looking up some really kawaii models for her maid of honor. So far, she had found four that she really liked, two that were okay, and three that she wasn't sure of.
"Oh! This is it!" She squealed as she turned the page on the catalogue. She simply loved it! It was so perfect…but it was violet. Sakura didn't like violet…and it wasn't available at any other color. Oh why did life have to be so unfair! She sighed, really disappointed.
=SLAM=
Sakura entered, her eyes sending off the angry vibes. She was angry, Tomoyo could tell.
"THAT FREAKING IDIOT!" She raged as she threw her purse, which collided against the wall at the far end of the room.
Okay, maybe angry was an underestimation. She was totally irate.
"I HATE HIM!!! HE'S SO TOTALLY LOST! OH, BUT HE'LL PAY, OF COURSE HE WILL PAY!" Sakura continued with her ravaging, taking one vase and throwing it passionately to the floor, taking delight in hearing it crash, while Tomoyo cringed. "THE FUCKING BASTARD HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW THAT HE HAS JUST LOST HIS SOUL TO THE DEVIL!" Sakura said, her eyes shimmering hysterically, really creeping Tomoyo, who was just a spectator to this show of the fiend. Sakura continued crashing vases and screaming curses at the top of her lungs, getting Tomoyo worried. Sakura never cursed. Well, maybe she did, but only when angry. (AN: Duh ¬¬)
"Sakura, calm down, remember, this is not our house." Tomoyo daringly peeped up. (The courage of this girl…or the stupidity)
"CALM DOWN?!!!! YOU WANT ME TO CALM DOWN?!!!! GIVE ME HIS NECK TO STRANGLE AND I WILL CALM DOWN DAMMIT!" Sakura shrieked, her face completely red.
"Whose neck?" Tomoyo asked, really thinking that the poor soul was one of Sakura's many employees who had just gotten carnations instead of roses for the governor's daughter's wedding.
"I'LL DAMN HIM TO HELL, SEE IF I DON'T!!!!! I DON'T CARE IF GOD SENDS ME AFTER!!! BUT HE'LL FALL FIRST!" She raved on, not paying heed of Tomoyo.
"WHO ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT SAKURA?" Tomoyo finally screamed to be heard.
Sakura dead stopped her pacing. Who was he?
Who was he?!
She started to laugh maniacally.
"Sakura, are you all right?" Tomoyo asked, seeing her friend double up with an unhealthy laughter.
"NO I'M NOT ALL RIGHT! I'LL FIND HIM! JUST YOU SIT DOWN AND WATCH HOW I RIP HIS INSIDES OUT AND THROW HIS GODAMNED HEAD TO THE FUCKING VULTURES. SEE IF HE'LL DARE CALL ME NAMES WHEN I DO THAT! SEE IF HE WILL! THE DICKHEAD!" She yelled, recuperating her earlier anger, flaming higher even. She got up from where she had been lying from her laughter, and started stomping up the stairs.
"OF COURSE HE WON'T, HE'S A MAN AFTER ALL!" She shrieked, slamming the door to her room.
"Sakura, you wouldn't mind wearing violet would ya?" Tomoyo called out.
"ARRRRGHHHHH!" Was all that Sakura answered, clearing Tomoyo's doubts as to where she stood in that matter.
"So violet will be." Tomoyo said happily, writing the check and placing the order.
Sakura had let her choose the main color for her wedding, so here she was.
===
"The wench, who does she think she is? Pushing me like that? Oh, but she'll pay…" Syaoran muttered as he entered Eriol's place.
"What happened to you I was…" Eriol started from the kitchen, but then came to a halt when he saw Syaoran in a moth eaten priest robe.
"What happened to you?" He repeated, this time with more conviction.
"…she doesn't know who she's dealing with. She doesn't know the fury of Li Xiao Lang…" Syaoran continued to mutter darkly.
"Who doesn't know your fury?" Eriol said, getting over the fact that Syaoran looked like a beggar.
"She pushed me! Can you believe that?!!"
"Who, your fiancé?"
Syaoran looked up, as if for the first time seeing Eriol.
"What? What are you talking about?"
"About your fiancé."
"Who cares about my fiancé!? I don't! I'm talking about this kaijuu that I met at the cathedral. Such a bitch. All Mighty…talking about All Mighties…that priest will pay also. Who does he think he is, yelling at me that way? But I'll take care of him later…she'll remember the day she met me…oh she'll remember me!" He said, laughing maniacally, as he went up the stairs.
"Father thou art in heaven, hallowed be thy name…" Syaoran slowly turned around to find a kneeling Eriol at the base of the stairs. He looked at him in bewilderment as Eriol stumbled upon the words, and then start up with another one. "uh, what's next. Dear God, I suck at praying…uhh…um…oops…don't send a lightning to kill me?" Syaoran just looked at him and shook his head. This was a lost cause.
Suddenly, he couldn't stop laughing.
Eriol peeked through one of his eyes, and saw his friend really loosing it.
"The only thing missing is the halo Eriol." Syaoran said, making him join in the laughter.
Between laughs, Eriol continued his questioning.
"So, what's up with the priest robe?"
Syaoran abruptly stopped laughing. And his expression…let's leave it at that.
"That fucking bitch…I want her to become a dog…no I want her to become a mole…I want her to become a rat, yes, that's disgusting…no wait, let her be lice…but then she could crawl her way into my poor head and leave her descendants nesting on my head…nah ah, I don't want that."
"Ah she must be really special." Eriol said, with certain sarcasm.
"Yep, she's definitely the girl of my dreams." Syaoran said, rolling his eyes.
"It seems like it." Eriol said, causing Syaoran to start the growling again and stomp up the stairs and slam Eriol's door shut.
Eriol followed him up and knocked on his door.
"Um, Xiao Lang?"
"Leave me alone! I wanna be in my room alone!"
"Ahem…Xiao Lang? I'm sorry to tell you that's not your room?"
"WHAT?" Syaoran said, sticking only his head out.
"Yep, that's my room, you're in my room, and I really wanna get it back," Eriol said, somewhat shakily.
Syaoran narrowed his eyes, nodded curtly, and shut the door.
Eriol jumped when he heard a tremendous clatter inside his room, and he painfully wondered what was becoming of it then. As suddenly as it had been closed, the door was opened, revealing a frowning Syaoran.
"All yours my friend, but you really disappointed me. I thought you had better cleaning habits Eriol." Syaoran said between his clenched teeth, pushing the door, revealing a total chaos in Eriol's once tidy room.
"WHAT THE?!!"
"I THOUGHT YOU WERE MY FRIEND! BUT WHO CARES ABOUT ME?!!! NOBODY!!! THERE'S YOUR FUCKING ROOM!!! EAT IT!! DO WHATEVER YOU WANT WITH IT…" Syaoran hollered, going back downstairs. "AH, BUT YOU'LL PAY ALSO! YOU AND THAT FUCKING BITCH!" He cried, as he slammed the door shut, leaving Eriol standing at the foot of the stairs.
"Ah, Little Wolf is growing. He's howling, barking, and worst of all…he's biting already." Eriol muttered darkly.
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AN: After not so much time, I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!!!!!! Missed me? Oh, I guessed as much ¬¬. Well, here we are. I say WE because my DEAR sister Toushi has joined me in the writing of this chapter. If you like it, don't remember her also in that loooooooooooooong review you will leave. Hehehe…I hope you guys take the hint ¬¬. Well, thanks for reading this chapter and making me happy. And review…that is, if you feel up to it.
v Peace out! v