Chapter 11

Piled high with folders, Charlotte tried to walk softly around her. Everyone had for the last week. The whole palace had been walking on egg shells. Queen Clarisse sat at her desk, working as if she were a machine. She didn't like to be bothered these days, and it weighed heavily on all those who lived and worked around her.

"Charlotte I need these papers sent immediately over to Sebastian. I also need the copies I asked for earlier, and make sure there are four copies, color coded for Parliament in the morning. I'd like to get through this stack of papers when you have time, also. They need to be finished today. Have you gotten through to Ambassador Peasley?"

"No, I'm sorry Clarisse, I haven't had time to try again." Charlotte had almost considered lying to her Queen.

"Really Charlotte, you know I need to speak with her immediately. You seem to be slacking off lately. Really, you must get your mind on your work." Queen Clarisse lowered her glasses while chastizing her assistant.

"I do apologize Clarisse. I am moving as fast as I can go." Charlotte spoke as she tried to keep from crying.

"How about you try a little faster. Are you still going through those files Charlotte?" Clarisse's words were harsh. The woman brought new meaning to the words ill-tempered.

Charlotte finally lost it. She dropped the files as tears dripped from her eyes. "I, I can't do this anymore!" She turned and ran from the room.

Clarisse stood up. "Charlotte?"

Staring at the mess of papers on her office floor, Clarisse knew it reflected her life right now. It was one big mess, having no order or priority about it. True, her health had improved physically. Her body had healed well, all signs of the bruising vanishing. She still took medication for her ulcers, often pushed by her ladies' maids. She didn't like taking it, but resigned to their pleas. Lately she had lost any feeling for herself. She could have pain, or not. She could eat, or not. Sleep, or not. She did her duty, working from sunup to sundown, and that was all. Luckily she had not one formal gathering scheduled, except for the usual Parliament sessions. She sat through those cold as ice.

She padded down the carpeted hall, knowing full well where she could find her. She tapped lightly on the door and waited for an answer. When no answer came, she pushed it open and peered in.

"Charlotte?" After scanning the room twice, she saw the outline of her elbow against the arm of plush chair she cowered in. Clarisse walked over and sat herself across from the young aide.

"Charlotte, I came to apologize. I very much owe you that." Charlotte sat quietly, listening to her words, not knowing whether to speak or not.

"The last week hasn't been easy, on any of us, and I, well I guess I have been acting quite badly," Clarisse continued. "I know I should be happy now that I know I have a granddaughter, but I'm not. I feel so empty and alone." She stood, walking the length of the room as she spoke. "My work takes the feeling away Charlotte. It's all I feel I have left."

"I know," Charlotte softly answered.

"You said yourself that you knew my reasons better than anyone." Clarisse managed a small smile at her. "Charlotte, I am sorry for putting so much on you. Maybe I do need to get away after all."

"I'm sorry for running out on you."

"Don't be silly, you have nothing to be sorry for." Clarisse put her hand on hers, reassuring her.

"I can arrange some time for you, if you still want it."
"I need it, don't you think?" Clarisse pulled her up and both women held hands as they returned to work.

They were met at her office by the Prime Minister. "Hello Sebastian." Clarisse held out her hand.

"Clarisse. I came by to let you know that the Viscount will be released tomorrow." Clarisse drew in a deep breath.

"I know it worries you. Don't let it. I told you I would handle him. I threatened to have him removed from Parliament, and he knows I can do it." Sebastian placed his hand on her back, bringing her to the sofa to sit with him. "I wouldn't recommend having Joseph near him though."

"Well, that won't be a problem." Sebastian's eyes glared at her. "He's gone," she explained.

"You fired him, or he quit?"

"He just left. I guess it was a little of both. We had an arguement over Mabrey, and things went from bad to worse, and he just left." Clarisse almost choked on her words. She had not spoken of him the whole week he had been gone. It was harder than she realized it would be.

"I'm sorry, Clarisse. I really am." He knew she had feelings for him, deep feelings. It wasn't hard to notice.

"Oh Sebastian, it's not for you to apologize. You know, I am really in need of a cup of tea, would you join me?" She tried to lift her spirits.

"I'd love to," he replied.

"It's good to see you, my friend." Shades grasped his hand firmly. He had not heard from him the entire week. "So, tell me, what has been keeping you busy?" Joseph motioned for him to sit. He sat back on the bench, taking in his surroundings.

"Would you believe I've took up birdwatching?" Joseph pointed at the gulls and pigeons as they scrambled about near the pond of the seaside park.

"Ah, no." Shades almost laughed at the thought.

"I sit here and think. It's all I've done for the past week." He was serious now. He looked down at his hands, playing with his fingers.

"You seem to be in a better humor than she is." Shades knew that would catch his attention. Any mention of her would. Joseph stopped and looked at his good friend. "She had Charlotte crying earlier today, so I heard, and I am not surprised. She spends her day doing nothing but her work and enslaving the entire palace staff." Joseph knew from his tone that he was serious about her. He also sounded concerned.

"I thought we agreed that you wouldn't mention her." Joseph held his head down, wishing her memory to fade.

"You knew I would. She needs you, and I know for a fact that you need her."

"No, I don't."

"Oh no? You just said that you spent the day birdwatching, my friend."

"Nothing wrong with that."

"No, not for some people. It's not for you. If you were happy you'd be watching ladies walk by." At that moment a rather striking young lady strolled by, and Shades had to point. "Don't tell me any different, I know you too well my friend."

"What else do you know?" Joseph questioned him.

"I know that a certain Queen is taking some time off this weekend, thank God above. Being her #1 security now, I also know where she is going."

"Be sure you don't let me know." Joseph tried to sound stern.

"Don't worry, I have no intentions of letting you know that she will be at the summer cottage, alone from what I hear, except for me, of course."

Joseph stood up, walked across the walkway, and leaned against a railing. "It's too difficult now. It can't work."
"It can. Talk to her."
"Too much has happened Shades." He got up and walked over to him.

"My friend, listen to me. Please. Whatever is between you, it's killing the both of you. I cannot imagine being in love with a Queen, Joe, but I can imagine it is difficult. I also cannot imagine being in love with my head of security, but I can imagine that is difficult also." Shades studied his friend, hoping he had gotten through his thick skull just a little.

"I'll think about it."

"You do that," Shades agreed, "and don't watch the birds while you do." He pointed at a flock landing on the grass.

Sinking her feet in the sand, she realized she had not felt so free in a very long time. She wasn't far from the palace at all, but the cottage was empty and the beach was solitude. She had only brought Shades, who posted himself at the main gatehouse day and night, except for his few rounds of the small summer estate. It had been cleaned and stocked the few days before her arrival. She needed little, just privacy.

Sitting among the rocks to the south, he watched her. He had come for the past two days, hoping to build enough nerve to approach her. He watched her all day, sometimes late into the night, and again early the next morning. She did little, mostly sit in the sand and cry. His heart broke as he watched her. He wanted to hold her, comfort her, make things right between them. Trust had come between them. Trust and lack of communication. Like now.

Clarisse let the sobs come again. It was easy. It had been easy for the past two days. She was alone, she felt alone, she wanted to be alone, but didn't. Her feelings had numbed to nothing. It mattered not that she was Queen. She didn't know who she was anymore. She felt like nothing. She wasn't needed, and if she was, well they could do without. She couldn't stop crying. She wished to sit and die of a broken heart.

Her body rocked with sobs again as she sat in the sand. He knew he couldn't watch much more. She would have to change. He would too. It would take time. How much he didn't know. He loved her more than life itself, that much he knew for sure. He knew in the back of his mind that if he left this time, he would never have the chance again. His eyes stung as he stood, bracing himself among the boulders. Joseph took a last look at her, willing her to know of his love. He climbed down the rock jetty and headed up the beach in the opposite direction.

She faced the ocean, the breeze blowing open her wrap, chilling her through her suit. Her face was tired, pale, and more aged than it had ever been. She gazed into the distance, with somewhat of a blank stare. She started to walk. One foot in front of the other as the waves began to hit her legs. Time seemed to stand still as she disappeared little by little. The sunset shadowed what was left of her silhouette . Deeper and deeper, until she was gone...