Chapter 4
Only Odessa and the Plot are mine!
Responses to reviews at the end!
What little sleep Odessa got was interrupted by Han's desperately hungry cries in the early hours of the morning. He finally fell into a peaceful slumber shortly before the sun rose, leaving Odessa exhausted but unable to sleep as the first rays of light filtered into the room. Finally accepting the fact that she wouldn't be able to sleep, she rose and examined her body. Her midsection was still swollen and tender, but nowhere near as large as it had been before Han was born. Tentatively she started her morning exercises, and while some things were excruciatingly uncomfortable, the act of going through them helped her feel a sense of familiarity, as if things were finally going to get back to normal. Once the sun was fully in the sky, she went into the kitchen to prepare a light breakfast before preparing for the day. As she entered the kitchen, a knock came from the door.
Opening it, she saw Padmé. Yet, instead of the tear-streaked face of the past departures of the Jedi, she was actually smiling, greeting Odessa cheerfully, she bounded into the apartment.
"Good Morning! Auntie Padmé here, ready to whip you into shape to be a proper mommy!" she said excitedly. Odessa smiled.
"Let's have some breakfast first, and enjoy the few moments we'll have before he wakes up. I'm surprised, I would have thought you would have been more torn up about Anakin's departure – it did seem quite sudden, after all," she replied. Padmé looked at her curiously.
"Well, Anakin told me the day after he returned when he would have to be leaving, so I've been preparing for it. And he's promised that he'll contact me every day, so it won't be terribly lonely. Besides, I have a new man in my life now," she said, grinning. "You look worse than I do – did you get any sleep last night?"
"Not much. Han must wait until I'm finally asleep to decide he's hungry, and I had a lot on my mind last night, before going to bed." Odessa looked down at her hands as she thought of Obi-Wan.
"Well, he should start sleeping through the night in four months or so. Maybe two if you're lucky, but I'd say to bet on four. And what did you have on your mind?" Padmé asked, concerned.
Odessa looked at her friend, unsure of what to tell her. Finally deciding that Padmé was perhaps the only person she could trust, she sighed.
"Obi-Wan. He's…I'm not sure. I expected him to stay as far away as possible for me after the fiasco when Han was born, but quite the opposite happened. He seems genuinely concerned about me, in a manner that may not be entirely proper for a Jedi, and I'm not exactly sure how to interpret it," she said tentatively. Padmé sat beside her and gently placed an arm around Odessa shoulder. "Of course, I'm probably the last one to be saying what is and isn't proper for a Jedi, but he struck me as the type so firmly rooted into the rules that I must be imagining things. But if that's the case, then it means something's happening with me that is definitely not proper. I don't know – perhaps I'm just being overly emotional in the post-labor time. I'm just very confused, and it makes me uneasy," she continued. Padmé was silent for a moment, then looked up at her.
"Are you in love with him?" Odessa snapped her head up so quickly that she could have given herself whiplash, and cast Padmé a hard look. But seeing her friend's concerned face, she immediately softened.
"No. I mean, I enjoy spending time with him, but I still love my husband. He's a wonderful companion, but it could never be anything more than that," she said. Rising from the couch, she went into the kitchen to finish preparing breakfast.
"'Dessa, I know I've never been in your position, but your husband died, not you. If you feel something for Obi-Wan, it's not a crime, nor is it an insult to your husband's memory. Surely he wouldn't have wanted you to be alone for the rest of your life – from everything you've told me, his greatest goal was to ensure your happiness. If Obi-Wan makes you happy, it would be a crime to deny those feelings," Padmé said gently.
"I'm not in love with him," Odessa said vehemently. "It's just – I think he may be in love with me. And that could create an uncomfortable situation for everyone. I enjoy his company, and appreciate the help he gave me when Han was born, but I'm not sure if he expects anything in return." She looked up at Padmé with a lost expression, and her friend walked over to her.
"I've known Obi-Wan for many years, since I was Queen of Naboo. He isn't the type to let his personal feelings get in the way of anything, including friendships. But I've never been as close to him as you are, so I'm not sure how he'd react in that kind of situation. I just can't see him being the type to ruin a friendship for selfish reasons – he is many things, but selfish certainly isn't one of them." Odessa looked up at her with a weak smile. Just then, the sound of Han's cries filled the apartment. Odessa sent a withering look to Padmé, who smiled at her.
"You go get the baby, I'll finish breakfast. He's probably hungry, too."
Odessa went into the bedroom, deep in thought. She knew in her heart that she still loved her husband with every ounce of her being, but she couldn't cast aside the thought that what she was feeling for Obi-Wan was the same way she felt when she was first reunited with her husband. Unfastening her shirt, she lifted Han to her breast, and he instantly quieted down as she fed him. She just didn't have the time for anyone to fall in love with her now. She had Han to take care of, and a demanding job at the temple, which would only get more difficult. Every day she spent at home with Han was a day that more work would pile on, and as it was Merina despised it when she was distracted. To throw a relationship into the picture would just be asking for trouble, and it would be too much for her to handle. Yet if what Padmé said was true, then she needn't worry about it now. She could try to avoid the situation, then deal with it should anything come up. As Han finished up, she placed a towel over her shoulder, and held him against her chest. Gently patting his back, she waited for him to burp before buttoning up her shirt and returning to the kitchen. There she found Padmé cooking a hearty meal on the stove, with a large pot of coffee brewing on the counter.
"Oh dear, that's a lot of food. I haven't had that much of an appetite since Han was born – you're making enough for a small army!" Odessa exclaimed.
"Nonsense. If you want your baby to be properly nourished, you need to be properly nourished. Plus, you'll heal quicker if you eat. So here you go, eat up!" Padmé told her, handing her a plate piled high with food. Gently shifting Han to one side so she could accept the plate, she made her way over to the table and sat down. Padmé joined her shortly after, and took Han so Odessa could eat. Begrudgingly she began to eat, certain that there was no possible way she could finish everything Padmé had prepared. Yet her appetite reappeared as she ate the delicious food, and it seemed in no time she had cleared her plate. Padmé returned Han to her arms, and ate the significantly smaller meal she had prepared for herself. Odessa gently rocked Han and he drifted into a light sleep on her shoulder and waited for Padmé to finish. She finished, and they went into the nursery. Padmé showed her the proper way to change a diaper and they spent the day going through daily chores that Odessa would need to do to take care of Han. It was exhausting, but fun for everyone.
Late in the evening, both Padmé's and Odessa's communicators went off nearly at the same time. Padmé disappeared into the nursery to answer hers while Odessa settled in the living room. Answering it, the head and torso of Obi-Wan appeared in the air in front of her. He grinned hugely at the site of her.
"Well, aren't you a sight for the eyes of this travel-weary negotiator! Glad to see you up and about – I was a bit worried that that son of yours would have run you ragged by now," he said to her. She smiled at him, perhaps a bit shyly.
"It's good to see that you arrived safely, Obi-Wan. As for being run ragged, well, he does do that, but it just makes the times when he sleeps all that much sweeter. I hope that your trip wasn't terribly difficult?"
"No, It went quite well. I think Anakin was a bit disappointed that we didn't run into any battles, but I'd prefer to start off this mission well. We still haven't been told how long we're expected to remain here, but I'll let you know once I do," he told her.
"Well, that's good. Hopefully most of the mission will be like that. Are your accommodations comfortable?" she asked.
"As comfortable as cabins on a starship can be. At least we have our own rooms. Anakin gets a bit grumpy if he has to share a room with someone for too long. Admittedly, I'm glad about it, too – no doubt he would frown upon my contacting you right away, with all the trouble I've given him about his friendship with Padmé. Perhaps I am a bit hypocritical, but I haven't bothered him about it in a while. He seems to be concentrating on his training more, and putting his personal feeling aside. I'm quite proud of him. He actually told me just now that he was going to be meditating, and asked to ensure that he wouldn't be disturbed for the next half hour." Odessa looked away, smiling. While she knew that Anakin should be chastised for lying to his master, it was quite an ingenious way of ensuring enough time to talk with Padmé. Yet she was troubled by Obi-Wan's attitude. Why was he already comparing their friendship with that of Padmé and Anakin? True, he didn't know the extent of their relationship, but he had to know that Anakin had deeper feelings than simply friendship for Padmé. She turned back to him.
"Well, it's good that he has his own personal space, then. I know that when I was a general in the war, one of my favorite perks was my personal room. It gave me a chance to escape the reality of the situation every now and then. And it will give you the chance to keep me up to date with all the action that's happening out there, without worrying about the prying eyes and ears of your apprentice."
"Indeed. But enough about my apprentice – how is your budding Padawan?" Obi-Wan asked. Odessa smiled.
"He's sleeping at the moment – thankfully. He's kept Padmé and me on our toes all day today, but it seems like he's finally settled down. As for being a budding Padawan, well, we shall see about that. I've gotten quite attached to him, and I'm not sure if I want him whisked away to the temple in a few short years. But I'm not sure if I even need to worry – he already seems so much like his father, that it wouldn't surprise me if he weren't a Jedi."
"Well, perhaps when I return, we'll find out. I-" A muffled voice sounded in the background, and Obi-Wan turned his head for a moment.
"Odessa, I have to get going – apparently they're going to actually tell us what's going on now. I'll contact you tomorrow and let you know what's happening here," he said as he turned back to her.
"Alright. Thank you for letting me know you arrived safely, and may the force be with you"
"And you, Odessa." His image faded away. She started into the nothingness for a moment, thinking. She had hoped that his call would smash all of the thoughts and fears she had mentioned to Padmé earlier, but it only seemed to reaffirm them. If anything, it had made them worse. She couldn't ignore the thrill she had felt when she saw his face, heard his voice. She knew that he feelings were more than platonic, and she knew that she had to do something to make them go away. Rising, she silently made her way to the nursery, where she still heard Padmé softly talking. She overheard her farewell to Anakin, and returned to the living room to wait for Padmé. She entered the living room a few moments later, silent tears slipping down her cheeks. Sitting next to Odessa, she rested her head on her friend's shoulder. Odessa wrapped an arm around her friend's back comfortingly.
"It…It hadn't really sunk in that he's gone. Oh, I know I'm being stupid, and that he's fine. But I can't help missing him every time he leaves," Padmé said, her voice barely more than a whisper.
"It's not stupid to feel like part of you is missing when the one you love is far away," Odessa told her friend. "I know I felt it every time I had to leave my husband, and now…well, now I feel it constantly. True, Han has filled part of that gap, but there are some nights where I feel like a part of me will be missing forever." Odessa stared off into space, and Padmé watched her friend curiously. There were a few moments of silence, then Odessa turned to her friend. "But we have each other. We'll be able to make it through everything, as long as we can support each other." Padmé smiled, and hugged her friend tightly.
"I don't know what I'd do without you, 'Dessa," she said sincerely. Standing, she helped Odessa up. "I'd better head home, but I'll be back in the morning." Odessa walked her to the door, and made her way to bed.
He thoughts were swimming with conflicting thoughts. The death of her husband still stung like an open wound, yet it seemed as if Obi-Wan's presence had started to help that wound heal. But why? What about this man, one of the very men that condemned her to give up everything she had worked for, affected her so? And was it his or Han's presence that was truly helping her heal? Han was an entirely different matter. She loved him – of that she was certain. In the few short days that she had had him, he had consumed her soul in ways that no one else had been able to. He was her entire world, yet with the happiness he brought, the ache of the missing companionship she had shared with her husband stabbed like a freshly sharpened knife. But whenever she spoke with Obi-Wan, simply heard his serene voice, pain seemed to fade away. "It's not love," she told herself repeatedly, hoping that through time, she would believe it.
The next morning Padmé arrive at the same time, and they took care of Han together. As expected, both Obi-Wan and Anakin contacted them at roughly the same time of the evening. Obi-Wan told Odessa that he should be free every evening, and they settled on a once-a-week conversation every Wednesday evening, at roughly the same time, if possible. If something came up, he told her he would let her know as soon as possible, but since they could be in battles, it would be hard to let her know all the time. Anakin and Padmé talked for much longer than they had the previous evening, but Padmé appeared much happier than she had after their last conversation. She left shortly after.
They soon fell into a steady schedule. Padmé would come over and stay the whole day, provided the senate was not in session. Anakin was contacting Padmé daily, during his "meditation" times, and Padmé would fret if he were even the slightest bit late. Odessa looked forward to her weekly meetings with Obi-Wan, and the weeks quickly turned into months. Three months after Han was born, he slept through the night, much to the relief of his mother. Padmé stopped coming as often, though they still met for their daily dinners. They supported each other through the tough times, when the Jedi were late in contacting them. Both women worried for their safety, and both could be seen breathing a sigh of relief once a message had been received. It was strenuous, but they kept each other sane.
Odessa had rigorously gone through her Jedi exercises after Han was born, and in no time her body was back to her pre-pregnancy form, if not better. She pushed herself harder than she ever had before, and by the time Han was six months old, she felt better than she ever had. She reluctantly returned to work, placing Han in the capable hands of the daycare just down the street from her apartment. It broke her heart every morning that she left him, but in no time he was making friends and seemed happy to be there. She was needed at the library, as things seemed to have piled up around her desk. She worked as furiously as possible, but the true joys in her life came when she returned to her son and spoke with Obi-Wan. Still she vehemently denied her feelings every time Padmé joked with her that she was in love with the Jedi. Her inner conflict was far worse, though – when she closed her eyes to sleep at night, the face she saw in her dreams was Obi-Wan's, as hard as she tried to fight it.
One evening, close to eight months after they had left, Odessa was nervously pacing the living room. Obi-Wan was late. True, he had been late before, but never this late, with no explanation. Padmé hadn't contacted her, either, so Anakin couldn't be in danger. She was torn. Part of her desperately wanted her friend's company and soothing words, but she didn't dare give away her feelings towards Obi-Wan. She could barely admit them to herself. She finally gave up and went to bed, hoping she would hear from him the next day. Yet, less than an hour after she turned in, she heard his voice from her communicator.
"Odessa? Odessa, are you there?" She rushed into the living room, hastily tying her hair back as she sat in front of his image.
"Obi-Wan! I was beginning to think you weren't going to call tonight," she said, hoping to hide the relief on her face. His brow was creased with worry, but he relaxed at the sight of her.
"I'm truly sorry I wasn't here earlier. We had a particularly difficult battle today, and we lost many clones. One of my most trusted commanders was killed, and while it was only a clone, I know it will be difficult to train another to take his place. We had developed a friendship, and it was as if he could understand what I wanted of him before I asked. And it's always hard to lose a trusted friend," he said, a bit hoarsely. Odessa's heart ached for him.
"Well, at least you're safe. I was worried that the worst may have happened. But…was the battle successful?" she asked, tentatively. Obi-Wan sighed.
"Yes, in a fashion. But I don't want to talk about battles tonight, if it's alright with you. Really, I'd just like to forget that the battle ever happened," he responded, looking exhausted. "Tell me, how is Han doing?"
Odessa went into the stories of his escapades in daycare – even at such a young age he was giving his caretakers a run for their money, and she had switched daycares three times in the two months she had returned to work. She told him about her work, and how thankful Merina seemed to have her back. The strict woman had hardly shot her any glares as she tutored the younglings or had to leave early due to a mishap in daycare.
"Well, it sounds like you have your hands full there," Obi-Wan said, visibly more relaxed.
"I do, but it's very fulfilling. I couldn't imagine anything being nearly as gratifying as being a mother," she responded.
"Do you ever feel any…I'm not sure, anger, or regret, that you're not a Jedi?" Odessa paused before responding. She looked away as she formulated her answer, then looked back at him.
"Sometimes. I see the people I trained with becoming knights and moving on, and it hurts to know that I was just as good as them, if not better, but I'll never be what they are. But I know I can't go back, so I try not to dwell on it. I love Han, and I loved my husband, and love is one of the few things worth turning life upside down for. Have you ever been in love?" The last question came out so fast that Odessa almost clapped her hand over her mouth, embarrassed. A slight flush covered her face and Obi-Wan looked away, but it wasn't noticeable over the communicator. After a long pause, he looked up at her.
"Yes. A girl I trained with, long ago, named Siri. She and I were well matched in everything, and against our better judgments, we admitted our feelings to each other. I'm not sure if it was the cause of the argument, but shortly after, she and her master had a rather large falling out, and Siri abandoned the Jedi. I never saw her again. For the longest time, all I could think of was her – where she was, what she was doing. It took years of careful training to finally get over it, but I still feel her absence at times. Do you think that makes me a bad Jedi?" His eyes searched Odessa's face, and she smiled slightly at him.
"Obi-Wan, I could never think you were a bad Jedi. Besides, there are worse things that a Jedi could do. It's impressive that you were actually able to get over her, instead of charging off to find her," she told him.
"Yes well, I find myself in a similar position now," he said, meeting her eyes. She swallowed, and smiled slightly.
"Obi-Wan, I'm glad you're alright. You truly had me worried earlier. But I'm afraid I must get going. Merina, while she has lightened up quite a bit, won't appreciate me being late. Thank you for letting me know that you're doing well." She looked away, frightened that her eyes would reveal too much.
"Odessa, I'm terribly sorry to have worried you," he said. She looked up, and saw that his eyes were full of emotion in a very un-Jedi-like manner. "Thank you for talking with me tonight – I needed something to take my mind off of the battles. You have no idea how much your companionship means to me. Thank you for everything."
"You've done more for me than you can possibly imagine," she said, her voice a bit shaky. "There's no way I could possibly thank you enough. But I…I…well, I'm glad that I can be there for you now. The force be with you."
"Sleep well, Odessa." His image faded away, his eyes still lingering on her face. She returned to bed, silent tears falling on her pillow.
The next morning, she called Padmé as early as possible, and asked her to come over. Her friend rushed over, concerned, and found a very distraught Odessa.
"'Dessa, what is it? Is something wrong with Han?" Odessa blinked at her for a moment.
"Oh! Oh, no…he's fine. It's Obi-Wan. He…well, he practically admitted to me last night that he was in love with me." Her voice was a bit frantic.
"'Dessa, that's wonderful!" Padmé exclaimed, smiling.
"No! No it's not! I – I don't have time for a relationship now, even if the feelings were reciprocated!" Odessa told her friend. Padmé shot her a disbelieving look.
"Aren't they? 'Dessa, don't think I haven't noticed how you wait for Obi-Wan's messages, or how happy you are after you hear from him. Whether or not you're ready to admit it, you do feel something for him." Padmé sat on the couch, and motioned for her friend to follow suit. She did.
"Padmé, regardless of how I feel for him, I don't have the time for a relationship right now. I have to raise Han the best I can without a father figure for him, I have to work so I can feed and clothe him – there's just no time for anything else. And what if he returns and expects more than I can give? I might be banished from the temple, or worse! And if someone guesses that Obi-Wan is involved with me, that could have serious repercussions on Obi-Wan's career!" By this point, Odessa's breaths were coming in rapid bursts, and she appeared to be near tears. Padmé put a comforting arm around her friend.
"'Dessa, don't fret. Obi-Wan isn't going to do anything rash. It's out of his character to do so. Besides, it's not as if he can start courting you from the other side of the galaxy, so don't worry about it. Everything will work out for the best. If it concerns you so much, discuss it with him when he returns. Who knows, things may seems different once he's back." Odessa calmed a bit, and looked at her friend apologetically.
"I'm sorry to get all hysterical on you. I've just been overly stressed recently, with Han causing trouble in daycare and Merina making it clear that I'm not to put anything before the archiving. And now, with Obi-Wan acting so emotionally towards me, I feel as though the rug has been pulled out from under me. It's very stressful on me to have a Jedi apparently pining away for me." She said calmly.
"Tell me about it," Padmé said, smiling. "I wouldn't worry. Obi-Wan is a good person, and a good Jedi. He won't do anything to jeopardize you or Han, or himself, for that matter. Besides, I can think of worse things than to have Master Kenobi himself smitten with you," she joked. Odessa glared at her, then smiled. She prepared a small breakfast for the two of them, then got Han ready for daycare. Padmé played with the small boy as Odessa dressed for work, and bid them both farewell as they split ways.
The next week, Obi-Wan was back to his old self. They discussed the battles he had encountered, and she told him of the ones she had studied. She felt a great sense of relief that things were back to normal. They spent hours talking, and as their conversations came to a close, Obi-Wan's demeanor changed.
"Odessa, I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable last week. It was just a very emotionally trying day for me – which only leads me to believe that I truly am a poor Jedi. I hope you can forgive me, and I will do my best to not let another day like last Wednesday occur." His voice was a bit thick, as if he had planned out what to say, but couldn't get the words out. Odessa gave him a kind smile.
"Obi-Wan, there is nothing to forgive. You are not weak because you care for those around you. I think your compassion for others is perhaps your best trait," she told him. He smiled slightly.
"Once again, thank you. Hopefully soon we'll be able to talk face to face. The force be with you, Odessa."
"And you, Obi-Wan. I'll speak with you next week." She pushed the button, and the image faded. She was relieved that he was not acting strangely, but the memories of his words from their conversation the week before still haunted her. If anything, they had confused her more. His words had sparked something inside her, and she found herself practically pining away for him as she had her husband. It was quite disturbing to her, but she tried to push it aside. It wasn't terribly difficult with the troubles of juggling raising her son and a demanding job at the temple. Still, as Wednesday evening approached, she found herself just as anxious as Padmé was every time she was expecting a call from Anakin.
Two months passed with nothing out of the ordinary. Then one evening, Padmé burst into Odessa's apartment, grinning wildly.
"'Dessa, they're coming back! They'll be back in a month!" she practically shouted, pouncing on her friend and pulling her into a tight hug. Odessa's insides immediately clenched as conflicting emotions tore through her body. While she was elated that she would be able to see Obi-Wan face to face again, as well as excited for Padmé, she knew that she would have to deal with the repercussions of what Obi-Wan had said to her once he returned. And the familiar tingle of excitement at seeing one she had missed for so long had already started brewing in her stomach, despite her attempt to avoid it.
"Padmé, that's wonderful! It's been so long since you've seen Anakin!" Her friend was now sneaking up behind Han, who was wobbling on his little legs as he tried to walk around the living room. She scooped him up into her arms and tickled his stomach, causing him to unleash loud giggles.
"Yes, and you'll see Obi-Wan again," Padmé said matter-of-factly, giving Odessa a curious look.
"Indeed I will. What of it?" Odessa tried to sound nonchalant.
"What of it? Face it, 'Dessa, you're crazy about him. I bet even little Han here knows that," Padmé said.
"Padmé, for the last time, I'm not in love with him. He's a wonderful friend and companion, but nothing more," Odessa said, exasperated.
"Whatever you say," Padmé replied, though she obviously didn't believe her. Deciding it was a losing battle to argue with Padmé, she went into the kitchen to prepare dinner. Her friend continued to play with Han for a bit, then went to the kitchen to help Odessa with the meal. She made idle chitchat abut how excited she was that Anakin was returning, but Odessa was only half-listening. While she tried to appear supportive of her friend, she was really trying to picture what Obi-Wan's return would be like. He would be happy to see her; that was certain. But would he address the issue that had kept her up at nights, or simply brush it off in his attempts to be the picture perfect Jedi? And how would she react, faced with the situation and no place to hide?
"'Dessa, are you listening to me? I think those are thoroughly chopped now, and your communicator is beeping." Padmé's voice snapped her out of her thoughts.
"Oh, I'm sorry," she replied, making her way slowly to the living room. She had a strong suspicion that it was Obi-Wan on the other side, and knew that if she was right, she'd never hear the end of it from Padmé. Reluctantly she answered, and the image of Obi-Wan's head and torso appeared in her living room.
"Obi-Wan, this is unexpected," she lied. In the background, she heard Padmé trying to stifle her giggles. "How are you? Is everything alright?"
"Oh, I'm wonderful, actually. I hope I'm not interrupting anything, but I wanted to let you know as soon as I could – Anakin and I are returning home in approximately a month," he said, grinning. She smiled back at him.
"That's wonderful! You'll have to see Han – he's grown so much in the time you've been gone," she told him.
"Indeed I will. And I hope to spend more time with you this time, hopefully without having to bring you to the hospital. Typically they'll give us some time off after as long of a stay as this was, so I shouldn't be running off at a moment's notice. I'll seek you out once I return. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know – I'll let you get back to what you were doing." Though he tried to contain it, Odessa saw the happiness sparkling in his eyes. It overjoyed her that he was so excited to see her, but it was a bit overwhelming. What did he expect of her on his return?
"That's wonderful news. I'll look forward to your return. Take care – now that you've told me you'll be returning, I'll be very upset if you break that promise," she told him jokingly. He smiled at her.
"I'll do my best. Take care of yourself, and say hello to Han for me," he told her, then faded away. She made her way back to the kitchen, where Padmé was finishing up the meal. She greeted Odessa with a strange smile.
"So, how is dearest Obi-Wan?" Padmé asked, smirking.
"He's well, as I'm sure you can imagine. Happy to be returning home," Odessa responded curtly.
"Returning to you, you mean," Padmé said, still grinning.
"Returning in general, I believe. They've been gone for almost a year; I wouldn't expect anything less than excitement." Odessa told her curtly.
"Well, he sounded like he was looking forward to seeing you in particular," Padmé responded.
"You, my dear, were eavesdropping," Odessa chastised, "but yes, we both know that he does seem a bit taken with me. However, as I have told you many times in the past, the feeling is not reciprocated. There's only one man in my life," Odessa said, sweeping Han into her arms. He giggled as she placed him into his high chair.
"Well, you certainly seemed, er, friendly, with him," Padmé looked at Odessa, still slightly grinning. Odessa sighed.
"Well, we've already established that we're friends. Now, enough of this. Tell me about what Anakin had to say." Padmé laughed. She then went into a long winded tale of Anakin's barely containable excitement, which led to an enjoyable evening of Padmé's stories about the younger Jedi.
The month passed uneventfully. Padmé's snide comments toned down once she saw her friend's genuine anxiety over Obi-Wan's return, and instead they contemplated what Odessa should do if Obi-Wan did profess his love for her. Unfortunately for Odessa, they came up with no reasonable plan. As the day of their return approached, Odessa was overcome with a mixture of sickening dread and uncontainable excitement, not unlike the feelings she had before going before the Jedi Council more than a year and a half before, after her master had died. When the day finally arrived, Odessa was so nervous that it was difficult for her to do her daily exercises, which typically soothed her nerves. Instead, she found herself pacing in Padmé's living room early in the morning, while her sleepy hostess brewed a strong pot of coffee.
"'Dessa, remember what you told me when Anakin was returning, and I was driving myself out of my mind? Everything will happen the way it's supposed to, and there's nothing you can do to change that. Just relax, and let it happen." Padmé stifled a yawn.
"I suppose you're right," Odessa said, her nerves calmed by Padmé's sensible words. She sat on the couch, and drank from the steaming cup her friend handed to her. Han was curled up on the couch beside her, his cranky complaints of being woken up so early having finally died down. His dark blue eyes were closed as he gently sucked on his thumb. Odessa stroked the bright blond hair on his head as he slept. Padmé sat on a plush armchair across from them.
"'Dessa, don't worry about Obi-Wan. Really. Even if he does have feelings for you, he won't act on them. Well, he won't act on them as long as he doesn't perceive any sort of reciprocated feelings. From everything you've told me, you don't have any feelings to reciprocate, so there's nothing to worry about," Padmé said. Odessa looked at her, then looked back at Han.
"I suppose you're right. I am making far too big a deal of this. Honestly, less than two years after being released from the Jedi, and I'm a blithering mess of emotions! I can't let that be. I didn't work my entire life to become some sort of slave to my emotions, regardless of the situation. Give me a moment, and I'll be out of your hair," Odessa responded, then pulled herself into a meditation position. Padmé watched as Odessa's face became relaxed and serene, and soon her posture followed suit. After a few moments, she opened her eyes and smiled at her friend.
"I'm so sorry I woke you up. I'm going to go drop Han off at daycare and put in some extra time at work – it will help me calm down even more. Thanks for putting up with me." Padmé smiled at her.
"You'd do the same for me, so it'd be pretty rude of me not to repay the favor. I'll drop you a message later, making sure that you haven't gone completely nuts yet. Don't worry, alright? Everything will be fine." Padmé hugged both Han and Odessa as they left, then returned to bed.
Odessa made her way to the temple in a much calmer state than she had been in for months. She worked diligently for three hours, and then Merina asked her to restock some of the shelves, as the younglings had been tearing them apart in their studies. She spent an hour doing this, when she felt a hand on her shoulder. She spun around with her finely tuned Jedi reflexes, and startled the person behind her.
"Well, that's certainly one way to welcome back someone who's been gone nearly a year," Obi-Wan told her as he expertly dodged away from her. Relaxing, she smiled broadly.
"Master Kenobi, you really shouldn't sneak up on people like that – especially those trained as a Jedi," she told him. He smiled.
"Well, Ms. Sinthea, I thought it would be safer for my limbs if I greeted you away from the prying eyes of your lovely overseer – apparently, I was wrong. I know you can't talk much now, but perhaps we can finish the dinner we started last time I was here?" His eyes shone brightly, and she could tell that he was extremely happy to see her. Yet he kept his distance, and only his eyes betrayed any emotion. She straightened up and studied his face. She felt much calmer than she imagined she would, and was grateful for that.
"That sounds wonderful. Do you still remember where my apartment is?"
"How could I forget? Until tonight, Ms. Sinthea." He turned and disappeared through the books. Smiling to herself, Odessa continued restocking the shelves. She returned to her desk an hour later to find a message from Padmé, checking to see if she was alright. She sent a brief reply to her friend, and returned to transcribing battles.
The day creeped by. Finally she was able to pick up Han and return home, the tingle of anticipation filling her stomach. She gave Han a bath (which he wasn't terribly fond of, despite Odessa's attempts to make it enjoyable), and then changed. She stood in front of her closet, finally deciding on a form-fitting yet modest dress in a deep purple. She prepared a simple yet elegant meal for the two of them, and fed Han as she waited for Obi-Wan to arrive.
He was at her door at promptly 7 o'clock. He had a bouquet of flowers in his arms, and his turquoise eyes lit up at the sight of her. She greeted him cheerfully as he entered.
"Well, look at you! You certainly have bounced back from your pregnancy, haven't you?" Obi-Wan said as she took the flowers from him and put them in some water. He stood in the living room, watching her.
"Thank you for the flowers, and the compliment. I've been keeping up with my Jedi exercises as much as I can, so that really helped get me back in shape. But trust me, running around after a little boy can work wonders, especially if the little boy is as adventurous as mine is," Odessa responded, motioning to Han. He was gripping the couch cushions as he attempted to walk from one end of the couch to the other. Obi-Wan smiled.
"He's certainly grown quite a bit. Though with him starting to walk now, I can imagine your troubles are just beginning."
"You have no idea. As it is he's been tossed out of numerous daycare facilities for causing trouble. I can only imagine what kind of trouble he'll get himself into once he's grown. Come and eat." Obi-Wan sat, and as they ate he told her of the more memorable battles he had encountered. After the meal Odessa put Han to bed, and returned to the living room and sat beside Obi-Wan. He looked at her with the same sort of desperation in his eyes as she had seen that night he had been late, but everything else in his posture was relaxed.
"It's truly wonderful to see you again, Odessa. Really, it's amazing how well you've recovered from your pregnancy. I was worried that the labor had weakened you, with how concerned the medical droids were. But I'm glad to see that you proved us all wrong. Now, you say you've kept up with your Jedi exercises – what exactly does that entail?"
"Well, I've kept up with the mental exercises, obviously. I meditate every day, and I'm constantly working on pushing all emotion away when I'm at work. I've kept up with as much of the physical exercises as I can, but I'm sure my fighting skills are extremely rusty. But everything else has kept me pretty much together," she responded. Obi-Wan looked at her curiously for a moment, then stood. He removed his lightsaber and picked up one of Han's toys, a small rubber ball, from the floor. He tossed the lightsaber to Odessa, then used the force to move the furniture to the edges of the room. She caught it, confused. Pulling a strip of cloth out of his cloak, he moved behind her and tied it around her eyes. She felt his strong hands linger slightly longer than necessary on her shoulders, but then she sensed him moving in front of her.
"Now, lets see what you can do." She felt the ball hovering in front of her, and she ignited the lightsaber. The feel of the cool metal in her hands brought back all the memories she had of the past, and knew at once that her skills were not nearly as rusty as she imagined. In no time she was expertly attacking the ball, exhausting both herself and Obi-Wan. They spent two hours refining her skills, when they both collapsed onto the couch. She reached back and untied the blindfold, blinking in the light. Obi-Was was looking at her, his eyes filled with pride, and an emotion she hadn't seen in anyone's eyes since she last spoke with her husband – love.
"Very impressive, Odessa. I have a proposition for you – how would you like to spar with me in the time I have on Coruscant? I have no need to be elsewhere, since my apprentice seems to disappear in the evenings whenever we return. I can help you reestablish your skills, and you'll have a way to defend yourself, should the need arise. If you're interested, that is – I wouldn't want to force you into doing anything you're not comfortable with," he said to her. She smiled.
"Obi-Wan, that would be wonderful! But…couldn't you get in trouble with the council for that? I wouldn't want you endangering your position for me," she told him.
"Leave the council to me. I shall return the same time tomorrow, and we can resume your training." Obi-Wan stood and walked to the door. She followed him. He turned to her, and took her hands in his.
"Thank you for your hospitality. I'll see you tomorrow evening. You know, I think the council may have been wrong in denying you knighthood, regardless of your child. You certainly have the skills to be a spectacular Jedi knight." He squeezed her hands gently, then left. Odessa slept that night, a permanent grin on her face.
Thank you to all my wonderful reviewers! It makes me so happy to read that you all like my story! Of course, constructive criticism is welcome, too! Feel free to let me know what you think!
Mirielle – your reviews crack me up! I'm glad you're enjoying the story, but I'm not sure what you meant by this: "it seems that you're barely restraining yourself from having the on the light side of the Force" – care to explain? is clueless I love getting your reviews, so thank you so much:-)
Rachel Sparrow – I'm glad you like the story! Unfortunately, I'm not going to have any smut in here…there's really no place for it, and I'm no good at writing it. It's not that I have anything against it (give me a good smutty Snape story anytime :-) ), but there's really just no room for it in the plotline that I have. I'm sorry, but I hope you'll like the story anyway!
Mistress Haruka – Thanks for reading and reviewing! I'm glad you like the story – I'm quite fond of Odessa, too :-).