TITLE: SHORT STORIES (WITH TRAGIC ENDINGS)
AUTHOR: MACKENZIE ANDERSON
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing, sadly enough, but this story. So, the characters belong to Joss Whedon, and the song belongs to From Autumn to Ashes. Strangely enough, I detest most emo. Huh.
TIME FRAME: Heh. I ... forgot... I think it would be a safe guess to say that it's following season three. Definitely before season seven, I know that much. Seeing as how this was written... way before season seven.
WARNINGS: F/F... get over it. Buffy/Faith pairing. Hints at (gasp) sex, but there is no sex scene.
SUMMARY: Buffy and Faith have an unpleasant history... Faith's come back to try to make amends with Buffy, but things aren't quite that simple.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: So I dug this out of the really old closet... it's been a while. I thought, honestly, that it was still up, but... I think in a fit of frenzy I deleted it. I've been known to do that from time to time. Anyway, hope you enjoy it, and review if you want. I hope that you can understand whose point of view it is... I don't write much anymore, least of all fanfics, but I do edit/beta, so drop me a line if you need assistance. And now, without further ado...
SHORT STORIES WITH TRAGIC ENDINGS
"Here you stand seething with guilt. Silence only justifies this act of cowardice. The look stapled on your face cries out for forgiveness, The one thing that I cannot give."
You actually came back. After everything, you came back. You think I'm just going to forget, and we'll pick up where we left off? I loved you, Faith, and you turned on me! You're just standing there, so quiet, and I don't know what to say.
"Buffy," you say. Softly.
I can't control my anger, and my fist is in your face. You could react, but you don't, taking the punch without question, without trying to hurt me in return.
You've changed.
"Get out. I just got my life back together, and I'm not ruining it for you. Not again."
"Did you ever see that one person And the way they do these things And it hurts you so much it's like choking, choking, CHOKING!"
You once said that you thought I was taking over your life. Maybe I was. You had it a hell of a lot better than I ever did. I mean, damn Buffy! You had it all. The great mom. The loyal best friends. You even had a great guy for a while. You had everything, and I had nothing. You took it all for granted-ran away from friends who were trying to understand. They told me everything, B, all about Angel-He wasn't good enough for you. No one is.
I still wanted you. And, damn, Buffy, when I first saw you…
I stare at you in shock as you punch me, but I take it. I listen to your cold words, and I ignore them.
"Give me a chance."
"I can give you freedom from your guilt, with a flick of my wrist onto yours. I can give you peace of mind with a forced smile. I can give you death with the look upon my face."
How stupid do you think I am? You thought I would just take you back so easily because you went to jail for a while. It does nothing. It doesn't even begin to help. You hurt me, you hurt people I loved, and if I give you the chance, you'd only do it again.
I look at your face and I know that what I do determines what you do. If I reject you, you'll be crushed, devastated, and I almost tell you to leave again. Just to see you hurt as badly as I did. But I'm not that kind of person… I could release you from your self imposed prison, make you happy. I stare at you. I loved you once.
I still do.
I sigh.
"With a short story, The one you add to daily, You are the tragic loss. No story book ending for the fairy tale of you. Just the one composed with blood taken from your pen that you hold in your lifeless hand."
You ruined it, Faith. You don't deserve another chance. I've given you too many.
Aloud, I merely say, "Why?"
"Cry for you. Shed tears, mourn. Wish the end. Cry for you. Shed tears, mourn. Wish the end. I wish the end. I wish the end. I wish the end."
You wanted me to disappear. In all of your accusations, did you ever stop to think that you didn't ask me one damn question? You never even asked my last name-not that I would have told. You never asked about my past except when it had to do with slaying. I tried to be friends with you, and you basically told me to fuck off.
You expected me to screw up, just like everyone else. And I did. I was so in love with you. I would've done anything for you, but you didn't give me the chance.
I can't live without you.
"I can't live without you," I whisper miserably. "I fucked up, B. Buffy. I just… I didn't think you loved me anymore."
The truth hurts, doesn't it, B?
"Did you ever look, Did you ever see that one person? And the subtle way that they do these things and it hurts so much?"
I watched you, you know. I watched you destroy yourself, and it killed me, Faith! I was dying inside as you turned, as you betrayed me. Betrayed us.
"How the hell could you think that, Faith?" I explode.
But I do know how. I ignored you. I know it, and I knew it then. I was ashamed…
And I was wrong.
"So much like choking down the embers of a great blaze. It's that moment when your eyes seem to spread aspersions, and to scream confessions at the insipid sky parting clouds... You let this one person come down at the most perfect moment."
I tried. I tried so hard, for you. But you didn't want me around, and he did. The mayor meant so much to me, B. So much, that you'll never understand. He was a father, a friend. And he would admit to caring for me.
"Because you wouldn't even tell them that you loved me."
You didn't realize how much it hurt. I was Perfect Buffy's little secret, someone to fuck. Breaking my 'get some-get gone' policy for you, because I loved you. Loved? Or love…
"And it breaks my heart, to know, The only reason you are here now Is a reminder of what I'll never have.. I'll never have.. I'll never..."
I'm not exactly sure if I even loved you. You just… you were so wild, everything I wanted to be. You didn't listen to rules, didn't pay attention to what anyone thought, and I wanted that. I wanted to be that, but I couldn't.
Even getting put in jail. I mean, wow. I never would've had the nerve to turn myself in, even though it was the right thing to do.
Faith, you scared me. When you killed him, you terrified me. You were so calm, so cold, and I didn't know what to do. Is that what caused the rift?
"I was scared too, Faith."
I don't realize until after that I didn't answer the question.
"Standing so close knowing that it kills me to breathe you in... standing so close knowing that it kills me to breathe you in. But this table for one has become bearable. I now take comfort in this, in this, I cherish you."
I thought I was over you. I thought I could come here, confront you, get your forgiveness and leave. I got used to it. Got used to being hurt, to being the cold bitch you thought I was.
I was never cold. I was never the bitch. I regretted everything!
You never asked.
"Yeah? I wasn't scared, Buffy," I say. I lie.
And you'll believe it. Just like you always did.
Just like you always will.
"Did you ever look, did you ever see that one person? And the subtle way that they do these things and it hurts so much? So much like choking down the embers of a great blaze. It's that moment when your eyes seem to spread aspersions And to scream confessions at the insipid sky parting clouds. And you let this one person come down... come down."
"Next thing you'll be telling me is that you don't regret killing him," I say bitterly.
You look almost surprised, quickly recovering, and I wonder if I imagined it.
The walls come back up as you answer.
You shrug. "I don't. He got in the way. His problem."
You mean it. You really mean it.
I gape at you, stunned and not knowing what to say.
"Leave, Faith. Now."
"I cherish you... I cherish you. Just say that you would do the same for me…"
I'm struck by easy it is for you to believe that I'm so evil.
I would've done anything.
Anything at all.
And this is what I get.
I almost laugh. All too easy. So easy for you to hate me, to believe the worst, isn't it. Isn't it!
Know what? I hate you.
I turn, and I start to walk out of the door.
"Just say you would do the same…"
I would've helped you Faith… I would've done anything for you, if you'd have wanted it, but you didn't.
I watch you as you walk slowly, trying to make sense of what just happened, I assume.
Guess your "apology" didn't go like it was supposed to.
"Just say you would do the same for me."
If you let me walk out of here, I'm never coming back.
"For as much as I love Autumn"
It's over, Faith.
It wasn't meant to be.
My life will be better without you.
I'm giving you up, because… because…
I want you to be happy.
I'm a hypocrite.
Because we'd only be happy together…
And I'm giving you up.
So I can be safe.
Is that so wrong, Faith?
"I'm giving myself to Ashes."