Author's Notes: Before you start, there's a small thing I want to warn you about! Um, if something is in italics (other than the title, author, and chapter title at the beginning of the fic), it is meant to be a flashback or a dream. If it's a flashback, it'll normally have something that tells the date of the flashback. Okay, enjoy the story!
Pursuing Sanity
By: Max Pilote
Chapter Two – We Were WrongA clatter rose from the next room, as if a box of things had been hurled across the room. Remus J. Lupin stood from his seat beside the sleeping James in order to investigate the noise. As he walked in the next room, he had to duck to avoid being hit by a flying book.
"Sirius, please keep it down. You'll wake James, and he needs his rest." said Remus in his usually calm tone. "Why, pray tell, are you making a gigantic mess out of your apartment?"
It was like watching a frantic puppy look for its favorite ball, only there was no air of happiness around Sirius Black. Only anger and fury radiated from the normally carefree aura about the young wizard as he glanced on briefly at his roommate before returning to his search.
"Please answer me," pleaded the werewolf with a frown.
With a heavy sigh, Sirius turned to Remus. "I can't remember where I put my wand," he said bluntly, throwing the blankets and pillows off his bed before moving on to dig through the chest of drawers, throwing clothes across the room.
"It's in the kitchen where you left it," answered Lupin wisely. "But why to do you need it? There isn't much left to be scared of now that James had defeated Voldemort."
"Because this is my fault!" said Sirius angrily, grabbing his wand off the kitchen table before turning to leave. Remus was standing in the kitchen door, blocking him.
"What is your fault? What are you talking about?"
He looked down at the ground. Only a few hours had passed since he had rescued James from the ruins of Godric's Hollow, where he surely would have died if Sirius had only come later than he had. There was no way he could forgive himself after seeing James like that.
"It was my fault that Voldemort nearly killed them! I was the one stupid enough to suggest that we make Wormtail the secret keeper because I was too stupid to trust you. I can't believe we thought that you , of all people, were the spy. No, instead we chose a rat! I left the lives of some of the few people who are that precious to me in the hands of a rat! We should have known when we discovered his animagus form. We should have known that he'd turn out to be a traitor! I'll never forgive myself unless Pettigrew is dead."
Remus frowned in that way a mother may when she was looking at her child sympathetically. He didn't move from his place in the doorway.
"Sirius, the authorities will catch him," he said, a pathetic attempt to calm down the enraged Padfoot. "You can't just kill him. It's against the law, Sirius. This isn't like breaking school rules. If you're caught, you don't just get a slap on the wrist or a week in detention. You get sent to jail, Sirius. Azkaban of all places, damnit! You can't survive in a place like that. No one can."
"You're not changing my mind, Moony, now move," said Sirius threateningly as he pointed his wand at Remus.
Lupin didn't move, though. Just as his roommate would not falter on his decision, the werewolf would not falter on his. He was not going to let Sirius walk out of that house unless by force.
"Remus! Move!" demanded Padfoot. He didn't want to hurt Remus, but if he didn't move...
He had been his voice of reason for years now. Every time Sirius had given any indication that he was going to do something stupid or dangerous, Remus would always be there to remind him that he had to grow up. There would be Lupin, standing beside him and shaking his head in disappointment, saying that they weren't in school anymore and it was time to shed his old habits and silly ways.
Sirius Black was deaf to that little voice of reason now. There was only that one cold voice, filled with malice and anger, telling him that there was only one way to make things right. It spoke only of revenge, but he spoke it so loudly that Lupin's desperate attempts to calm his friend were in vain.
"No, Harry! Don't eat that."
A soft, almost melodic laughter filled his ears. The sun shined faintly through the deep blue curtains into the room where he was currently sleeping. Slowly, he opened his eyes. The dim light from the shining sun gave the woman sitting on the end of the bed a beautiful and radiant glow. Red hair cascaded over her shoulders, slender hands trying to softly pry it from the fingers of a beautiful infant boy in her arms.
She turned to him, her beautiful green eyes shining with happiness and love.
"Good morning, sleepy-head," she said, her voice melodic and soothing. "Say hello to Daddy, Harry."
The infant giggled as the woman gently tickled him.
"James, are you feeling okay?" asked the woman softly, noticing that he said nothing.
He smiled and sat up, "I'm doing great, sweetheart. And what is little Harry up to this morning?"
"Little Harry is chewing on Mummy's hair," she replied with a smile, for the baby, of course, couldn't talk. He giggled and squirmed in his mother's arms. Holding her baby closely, she moved to a spot beside her husband and kissed his cheek.
"I love you, Lily," he whispered softly with a smile on his face.
"I love you, too," replied the red-headed beauty as she placed the squirming infant in his father's lap.
He had so many qualities of both his parents. Harry had obviously inherited his father's unruly black hair, and it looked as though he was going to need glasses, just as James did. From his mother, he gained her beautiful green eyes and soft complexion. He was playful like his father, and a handful for his loving mother.
Lily kissed James softly before getting up.
"Where are you going?" he asked with a frown.
"To make you breakfast, silly."
James nodded and started to play with his son, hoping that he could distract him from tugging on his hair. Harry giggled sweetly as his father tickled his stomach and made silly faces at him. Sometimes, it amazed James that such innocence still existed in the world, as dark as it was.
With the rise of Voldemort and his iron will to cleanse the world of all whom he deemed unworthy. It was his plan to rid the world of magic of all those who had even the slightest bit of muggle lineage in their blood. The pure-bloods who claimed to befriend those whom the Dark Lord deemed dirty were not spared from his wrath.
All of the wizards and witches lived in constant fear of Voldemort. They always asked the same questions. Were they going to be the next victims of Voldemort and the Death Eaters, his loyal followers who were willing to do anything for their dark master? Would they always live under the horrible reign and fear that You Know Who had established?
James chuckled softly at the mention of that silly epithet for the dark sorcerer. He was unsure of how such a silly thing had started, probably out of fear, but people everywhere never dared speak his name. It was almost as if they believed the very mention of his name would bring his wrath down upon them.
The infant Harry began to cry as Lily's scream echoed through the house. James tried to get up, but his body wouldn't move. Harry started to cry and scream, frightened. The only thing his father could do was hold him closer. Ever since he had begun to date Lily, James's life seemed so much like a dream. Now, it was quickly turning into a nightmare. He heard Lily scream, but this time she cried out for him, calling out his name desperately as if she were expecting him to rush to aid. His body wouldn't move! He couldn't get to his wife!
Harry continued to scream, so James rocked him gently, whispering that everything would be okay.
"Daddy will always keep you safe," he whispered softly. "Don't worry, Mummy will be okay and we'll still be one big happy family forever."
It was like a hand was squeezing his heart. Even he didn't believe his words as he heard the footsteps come up the stairs. He continued to tell Harry that he would always be safe and that Daddy would always protect him, no matter what. As the door burst open, he knew exactly who would step it.
"Daddy and Mummy love you," whispered James softly into the crying Harry's ear. "Mummy and Daddy will always love you."
The room was suddenly filled with a blinding green light, and Harry's crying suddenly stopped...
James woke up, involuntarily crying out in fear as he sat up quickly. Faster than he had sat up, he laid back down. Pain shot through his entire body when he moved. It made his stomach turn, nausea threatening to overwhelm him.
The door burst open. The broken wizard jumped from fear, half-expecting it to be Voldemort.
"Calm down, Prongs," whispered Remus soothingly. Sirius came in shortly after him, the two forgetting their quarrel when they heard James's cry. "What happened?"
Prongs shook his head, "Lily and Harry...where are they? Are they alive?"
Sirius frowned as he sat on the edge of the bed. He noticed the panic in his friend's voice. It hurt him to say what he had to. "They are very much alive, but you can't see them right now," he said, his voice full of remorse and regret. "You are a danger to them right now, for the Death Eaters are probably looking for you. You defeated their master."
A bewildered look replaced the worried one that had once been on James's face. "I defeated Voldemort?" asked the confused wizard. Why didn't he remember that?
The two Marauders exchanged worried glances. Sirius temporarily forgot his plans for revenge, the malice and fury covered by worry and concern. Gently, he felt James's forehead for any sign of a fever. Then he nearly laughed at himself. Of course the beaten wizard would have a fever. He had been lying bleeding, his body buried in the wreckage of his home while the rain poured relentlessly upon him.
Remus shook his head at Sirius. "He isn't delirious. He's in shock," he muttered softly, not wanting James to hear. "Of course he doesn't remember defeating Voldemort. Imagine how traumatizing that was? Anyone would block it out of their memory. He'll remember eventually, just don't say anything about it. It might cause him to panic."
Sirius laughed slightly. "Sorry, I was just trying to make you cheer up," he said quickly as James turned his curious eyes on Padfoot.
"Then why can't I see Lily and Harry?"
"Because," said the wise werewolf, clearing his throat authoritatively, "it was Dumbledore's feeling that we split you two up, seeing as though the Dark Lord seems to be focusing most of their attention on you."
It was a complete lie, but they both knew that James would believe it for the time being. Eventually, he would remember, but that was not the time they should worry about that.
They watched as James went back to sleep, his body and mind exhausted and worn. At least they knew he would live. For a few hours there, fear hung heavily in the air at the tiny apartment in London. It seemed as though their old friend was going to die.
For nearly an hour, they sat in silence. Either they dare not speak out of fear of waking James, or they were angry with one another for the argument in the kitchen.
Remus J. Lupin only wanted to keep his friends safe. For the past year, he had hardly spoken to them. Somehow, they had thought him to the spy among the Marauders. They cut him off from the group, scared that he might sell James out to the Dark Lord.
Tonight, however, he got the call from Sirius.
October 31st, 1981
He smiled softly to himself as he looked at all his old school things. There was something about Hogwarts that made him smile, despite his horrible ailment. As he sat in the large chair in front of the fire, torn and beaten like most of the items inherited from his parents, Remus J. Lupin smiled softly as he searched through his school things.
A wave of sadness passed over him as he pulled an old picture from one of his old schoolbooks. It was a picture of the infamous Marauders, makers of the Marauders' Map and Purveyors of Magical Mischief. On the right was chubby little Peter Pettigrew with a bright smile on his round face. On the far left stood himself, his caramel colored hair windblown while his amber eyes stared blankly into the camera. Standing beside him was one of his greatest friends, Sirius Black. Sirius, as usual, had the biggest smile on his face, his grey eyes shining with a strange sort of happiness that made everyone else smile. At times, he could be insensitive, but he was still understanding.
Beside Sirius stood James Potter. Those two should have been born brothers, they were so alike. James was this tall boy with a good-natured smile, black hair that refused to be tamed, and round black glasses over hazel colored eyes that held a burning determination in them. He was smiling at the camera, clutching his beloved broomstick in one hand. If there was one thing that Remus would always remember about James was his unbreakable desire to fly. That was his passion. When he was on his broomstick, he was no longer part of this world. When James Potter mounted his broomstick and took off into the air, he was in his own little world, consisting only of the sky.
Of course, these were the infamous Marauders. The four teenagers smiling carelessly and playing around in the moving picture were Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs.
Remus couldn't remember the last time he had been called Moony. Then again, the Marauders were such a distant memory now. Shortly after graduation, James Potter got married to the woman of his dreams, Lily Evans. Soon, they bore a son, Harry James Potter. Remus had only held baby Harry once, and that was before the troubles started.
It was obvious that Voldemort was searching for the Potters. Thus, it was decided that the small family hide away from the darkness of the world, giving them a chance to raise their son in peace.
Suspicions of a spy among them started to grow within the Marauders. Unfortunately, the suspicious were focused upon Remus. Since then, he had heard little of his friends.
He took to hiding in his little cabin, hoping the world would never find him. Still, sometimes he found himself wondering who the real traitor was and what was to happen to the Potters.
The werewolf sighed and placed everything back in the box, putting the picture on the bottom once more. He stood from the chair and carried the box back to his bedroom, placing it on the top shelf of the closet. There were some memories that would never leave him. Even if he wasn't trusted by his friends anymore, they had been great when he actually had a friendship with them.
"MOONY!"
The name sent unwanted chills down his spine. It had been months since he had heard that name, especially directed at him. The voice, too, sent an unfamiliar wave of emotion sweeping through his body. A tear came to his cheek and he wiped it away.
With urgency, he rushed to the fire place and saw Sirius.
"What is wrong?" he asked with a frown.
"We were wrong about you, Remus. You weren't the spy, it was Peter!" exclaimed Sirius. His voice held a panicked and frightened tone, with a small mixture of sorrow and remorse.
"What is wrong?" asked Remus. "Whatever it is, it sounds urgent."
"Peter betrayed James! Voldemort tried to kill the Potters, but James defeated him! I need your help, James is dying!"
He was frozen to the spot. James and dying were never two words that he expected to hear in the same sentence. He remembered, when they would visit James in the hospital wing after particularly bad Quidditch games, that James would always brag that he was invincible.
Maybe they were starting to believe that.
"Moony, we don't have any time to waste! Get your werewolf butt here now! I can't stop the bleeding!"
To be continued...
Author's Notes: Woo! Chapter three turned out to be a long one, didn't it? I know the story is moving along a little slow, but it'll get better, I swear! Anyway, I didn't expect this story to get such great results! Wow! Thanks for all the great reviews for chapter one! I loved them! Hopefully, these reviews will continue for the following chapters.
A Sirius Fan: I thought that James deserved a chance to go after the man who betrayed his family. Thanks.
Tracy: Thanks for the great reviews! Don't worry, I will update regularly.
Chris: The chances of this turning into a Harry/Ginny fic are nil. I don't write Harry/Ginny, sorry for the disappointment. I do, however, plan to write another fanfic that focuses more on James/Lily. This story doesn't go that deep into it, sorry. Thanks for the review, though!
angelkeety: Don't worry, you won't have to kill me. I will update regularly and definitely finish this as soon as I can. Thanks for the review!