Pursuing Sanity
By: Max Pilote
Chapter Three: Remember and Recover
The clouds floated lazily across the sky as midnight finally acme upon them. Sirius Black smiled softly as he watched Remus fall into a deep sleep against him. Guilt tugged at the edge of his soul, reaching its cold grip out to squeeze his heart whenever he would gaze upon the gentle wizard. Even though they had distanced themselves from one another, he still worried about Remus. When his mind wandered, it normally found itself thinking of the gentle Lupin all alone in a world that was far from kind.
He could see Remus, curled up at his cabin, cold and alone. Sirius could only imagine how hard it was for Remus to make ends meet, for no one would hire a werewolf.
Endless was his regret and shame. There were no words hidden deep within any of the languages spoken upon earth that could express how sorry Sirius was. He felt as though it was his fault. It felt like he was the one who had caused the current condition James was in. It felt as though he had wronged Remus is some way.
How could he have been so stupid? Why did they think that their dearest friend could possibly be the traitor?
Sirius mentally kicked himself. It had been the werewolf. Even after they had found out that Remus was a werewolf, they never rejected him. Instead, they went to great lengths, becoming animagi just to be with the poor boy while he was no longer himself. Remus had started to believe that the werewolf didn't matter to the Marauders.
Obviously, it meant something. It turned them against the very person who depended on them the most. Remus was right, as he always was. He could never escape the werewolf. Just when he thought the beast wasn't a problem, it came back and bit him.
Moony stirred slightly, but he did not wake. A soft smile played on his lips. Padfoot's gaze wandered to the bedridden James Potter.
How many things was he going to mess up? More importantly, how was he going to make things right? No matter what James and Remus said, it would never feel right to him. He had almost killed James and he hurt Remus in a way unimaginable.
Even if they forgave him, could he ever forgive himself?
Sirius looked to his discarded wand. He was going to destroy the entire cause of this horrible night. He was going to erase the existence of that dirty rat from the face of the earth.
Careful not to wake Remus as he stood up, Sirius grabbed his wand and coat. He scribbled a small note and decided to leave before he began to regret his decision. Whatever he was going to do, it had to be done now.
The storm that had been raging continued to tear through the town. Thunder roared, echoing the very anger that Sirius felt in his heart as he walked swiftly down the street. Lightning flashed, the brightness mirroring the radiance of the flame of revenge burning in his eyes. Nothing was going to stop him.
Peter was going to pay for what he had done.
Birds sang softly, praising the day as if it were the beginning of life. The sun shone softly into the room, casting a warm glow through the curtain and across the bed. James Potter opened his eyes, and smiled softly. For a while, he felt as though he might never see the sun again.
He turned his head to see Remus smiling softly at him. "I thought you might never wake up, it's almost four in the afternoon," remarked the werewolf with a smile. "Padfoot should come home in a few moments."
"He went to work?" question James. It was a Saturday. Sirius never worked on Saturdays.
"Not quite," replied Remus with a chuckle, "for he has gone to see Dumbledore and to tell Lily that you are doing quite well. She thought that you might have died. So, he shouldn't be that long."
The door to the house opened. "Speak of the devil," said James as Sirius came in. "Welcome home, Padfoot."
"You'll be very happy to know that Lily and Harry are unharmed, and that Lily is worried sick about you. She has also told me to tell you that she's going to kill you for scaring her like that," explained the reckless wizard. "Dumbledore says that as soon as you are well enough, you and your family can move back into your old house and settle down once more."
That was great news. For the past year, James remembered his life in the now destroyed Godric's Hollow. Every day had been spent living in fear. They went to sleep wondering if they would never wake up. They woke up wondering if today was the day that Voldemort would come. James remembered his regret and sorrow that he could not raise Harry in the same peace that his parents had been raised in. Instead, the poor child would have grown up in fear and worry.
The fear began to rule their lives. They couldn't leave the house, which made it very hard to know what had been going on out in the world around them. Even though it was stupid to be scared of that, they were scared to even be seen near the windows. This was pointless, for only one person knew their whereabouts. Only one person knew, and he betrayed them.
"What happened to Voldemort?" asked James with a frown.
Remus took a deep breath and looked at Sirius. Sirius cleared his throat, hesitating.
"James, you defeated him last night. We don't know how, but he's gone," admitted Sirius. "Remus thought it was best if we didn't mention it last night, because it might have sent you into shock."
Prongs simply stared at the two, bewildered and lost.
"What do you remember about last night? Anything at all?"
October 31st, 1981
James smiled as he stood in the doorway of Harry's room, watching Lily dress the fussy infant for bed.
"I don't know what's gotten into him," said Lily in exasperation. "He's been like this all day."
Her husband crossed the room and chuckled, "Let me help." James had a gift for making children laugh. It might have been attributed to the fact that sometimes, he was really a kid on the inside. He kept little Harry distracted will silly faces and noises while Lily put the baby in his pajamas.
Once they were finished, she laid their precious child in his crib, tucking the blanket gently around him. As she watched Harry fall into a peaceful sleep, tears began to roll down her face.
"Why?" she asked, turning to James. "Why does he have to grow up like this? Why does it have to be Harry? He's so young and innocent! He doesn't deserve this!"
As Lily threw her arms around her beloved, he gently stroked her hair. He spoke soothingly to her, trying to calm her down.
"We can't control everything that happens," he explained, "and we aren't going to like everything that happens, either. We're just going to have to do our best to deal with it."
"I don't understand how you can be so brave," said his wife, looking up at him as tears fell rapidly from her bright green eyes. "You aren't even scared."
"That's not true," admitted James. "I am scared. I'm scared to death, but I know that being scared isn't going to help my family. Fear isn't going to protect you and Harry from Voldemort."
Lily kissed his softly and smiled. He had calmed her nerves for the time being.
"We should not dwell on this," she suggested. "It is growing late."
James nodded and told her to go on up to bed. As he did every night, he checked the front door to make sure it was locked. It had become habit now, even though he knew it wouldn't stop Voldemort. A locked door never stopped Voldemort. It would stall him for mere second. Of course, in the event of Voldemort attacking, a few seconds could mean all the difference for Lily and Harry getting away.
Everyday was spent in fear and worry. James always found himself wondering if that was the day he was going to make his last stand and sacrifice himself for his family.
That was the plan. If Voldemort came, Lily was going to run with Harry, and James would do his best to keep the Dark Lord occupied.
James looked out the window and expected to see the peaceful calm that night usually cast over Godric's Hollow. Instead, he saw a sight he had been dreading for the past year. He froze as he saw the dark figure moving down the walkway of Godric's Hollow. For months, they had been expecting this day, but he was still surprised. James grabbed his wand from the nearby table and stood in the doorway of the hallway.
"Lily," he cried, "take Harry and run! Voldemort is here!"
Fear stabbed into Lily like a knife as she took Harry into her arms and grabbed the invisibility cloak from under his crib. She heard the front door shatter as Voldemort broke into the house, his wand pointed James's heart. The terrified mother threw the cloak over her child and herself, running to the family room.
She froze when she saw James standing before Voldemort.
"Move, boy, I want the child!" commanded the Dark Lord, glaring at the foolish wizard before him.
"I will not let you lay a hand on my son!" yelled James defiantly. "He's too young to hurt you!"
Lily had long since run through the kitchen and out the backdoor. James, however, lured Voldemort to the hallway, standing in front of the door as if he were trying to keep the dark wizard out of it.
The trap worked and he threw James through the door, the poor man coming to a skidding stop at the end of the hallway just in front of Harry's door. He forced himself back to his feet and pointed his wand at Voldemort.
"Stop being foolish, Potter! This isn't one of your quidditch games. You can't fly away from me," taunted the Dark Lord. "Just step out of the way and let me kill the child!"
"As long as there is life in my body, you will never hurt my child! I will always be there to stop you!" yelled James angrily. "You are nothing but a coward and a murderer. You fight for no noble cause! If it means sacrificing myself, I will stop you! I destroy you!"
It was a brave thing for the wizard to say. His mind told him that he was being stupid and foolish. It told him that he was being an idiot for angering the man who wanted to destroy him. His heart, however, had a different idea. It was his heart that was driving him to believe that he could do it. He was going to defeat Voldemort.
Any hope that he held, felt like it might shatter was Voldemort flung him through the door of Harry's bedroom, crushing the child's crib. The remnants of the baby's crib stabbed into his back, but he ignored it as he forced himself to his feet.
"Where have you hidden the child? Where is he?" demanded Voldemort, glaring at the wizard before him. "You cannot protect him forever."
"You're wrong! I will always protect him. No one, not even you, can harm my son as long as I am alive."
"CRUCIO!"
The pain was immense, unimaginable. His knees buckled beneath him and he fell back to the floor. James Potter couldn't control his body as it twitched and jerked because of the great pain that ran through it. He cried out in pain. It was far greater than simply breaking an arm or taking a hit from the Whomping Willow. This could make any man plead for death.
"If you will not willingly give me the information, I will force it out of you."
For several moments, seemingly an eternity, the spell took its toll on the helpless James. The wizard refused to falter. He was never going to betray his family. He would never do anything to hurt Lily or Harry. Not even the threat of death would make him a traitor.
Then, the pain stopped. Forcing himself to his knees, James looked up at Voldemort, the bright fires of defiance and determination in his eyes. The Dark Lord had never had anyone stand up to him in such a way. Never had anyone say such things to him. Sure, they had come after him in groups, but no one had dared to stand up to him alone. No one person dared to come against him alone, stand strong through his torture, and still be able to look at him with that same defiance in his eyes.
He had to put a stop to someone like this. If he allowed James to live, he would lead the others against him. They would follow this boy's example and they would unite against the Dark Lord.
"You, boy, are a thorn in my side, a thorn that I am going to remove."
James frowned and took up his wand. If he didn't stop Voldemort here and now, then no one would. He would continue to hunt down Harry and Lily, killing everyone who dared stand in his way until it was just the frightened and distraught Lily Potter standing alone against him. Then, he would strike her down before murdering the helpless Harry. James couldn't allow that to happen. He couldn't let this reign of terror go on.
"Expelliarmus!" he cried, and Voldemort's wand jumped from his hands. He caught it in his hand and snapped it in two. He raised his own wand and pointed it at Voldemort.
"This is where your reign or fear and terror ends. This is the part in the story where I give you a taste of your own medicine. This is the curtain call, Voldemort. No one is going to fear you after this."
The two faithful Marauders looked at James and blinked. "Your entire memory goes blank after that?" asked Remus.
"Well, up until Sirius picked me up," replied James as he stared down at his hands. "It sort of goes blank after that. I don't even know what happened or what I did...but it must have been something, because the house obviously collapsed."
Sirius laughed. Leave it to him to make a joke out of a serious moment. "That's our thick-headed Prongs, always forgetting things," he said jokingly, ruffling James's already mussed up hair.
The three laughed together. It had been such a long time since they had done that. Of course, when they had laughed together, there was always that fourth person there. That fourth person, however, was no longer a welcomed member into the Marauders.
When he betrayed the Potters, he dug his own grave and carved the tombstone for it.
Here lies Peter Pettigrew. A traitor and a rat.
Two weeks passed. In those two weeks, many Death Eaters were caught, James had recovered from his injuries, and the Potters were able to move back into their former home.
"James, will you hurry up! Sirius is here already!" shouted Lily from downstairs, holding the infant Harry in her arms as she sat with Sirius Black in the family room. "I am so sorry," she said to him with a frown. "He was up late with Harry last night."
Sirius smiled and gently tickled Harry, causing the baby to giggle. "You keeping your father up late on purpose?" he asked with a smile. James came down the stairs, taking his wand off the little table in the hall.
He kissed Lily gently, and then he kissed Harry on the forehead. "Okay, I'm ready," he said to Sirius. "Wish me luck."
Lily chuckled and tried to flatten down his hair, to no avail. "Just be careful," she said to him. "It hasn't been that long."
The two nodded and they left in a hurry. They were already late. Today was a big day for James. He was going to get his job back at the Ministry of Magic as an Auror, and the last thing he needed to do was be late.
They walked faster than normal. The brisk air blew against them and the golden brown leaves that had fallen from their trees crunched and cracked under their feet. Today was a most peaceful day. The joyous celebrations of the Dark Lord Voldemort's defeat were still continuing. It was indeed the start of a new era. A time of happiness and peace for muggles and wizards alike.
"Is Remus meeting us for lunch later?" asked James, trying to make a little conversation.
"Yeah, it'll give us a good chance to really apologize to him," replied Sirius with a frown. "Am I the only one who thinks we were extremely stupid for what we did?"
His friend shook his head and sighed heavily, "We're idiots."
They both nodded, agreeing with each other. James looked up at the sky and smiled softly, "We're just very lucky people that Moony is so forgiving. After all, he forgave you for what you did."
"That reminds me, you've got one killer of a right hook," said Sirius, changing the subject to a much happier one. James and Sirius had gotten into a small argument, which escalated to a fist fight.
"Didn't you break my nose in that fight?" asked Prongs with a smirk.
Padfoot returned the wicked smile, "That's okay, you broke three fingers on my left hand. Remember how we busted out laughing after the fight, nearly falling over each other."
They laughed, before realizing that they had reached the Ministry. James sighed heavily and took a deep breath. "Okay, this is it. I am the great James Potter and I can do anything," he said with a sigh.
"James, you defeated the Dark Lord. I'm pretty sure they'll let you become an Auror," said an exasperated Sirius and he pushed him through the door.
Inside, James shook the hand of the man meant to interview him.
"Ah, I recognize you! You're James Potter!" exclaimed the man with a smile. "It is a great honor to meet you, Mr. Potter. What brings you here?"
The wizard took a seat across from his interview and adjusted his glasses. "I want to return to my job here at the Ministry of Magic. I previously held the position of Auror until I had to hide," he explained. "I figured it was time that I got back to work and put some Death Eaters in Azkaban."
The man nodded and smiled at James. "Well, we could really use you on the force. Since you held the job before, you are obviously qualified. When can you start?"
Happiness overwhelmed James and he smiled brightly, "I can start whenever you want!"
"Very well then, you can start Friday."
Finally, James had picked up the pieces of his life and was putting them back together again.
To be continued...
Author's Notes: Thanks for the AMAZING reviews for chapter two. I seriously was not expecting this story to be this great, but when you put your heart into something, I suppose you always get the best results.
MoNiKa BaTcH: Wow, there's not much I can say to such a marvelous review like that. I guess I can describe a friendship like the one between Sirius and James because I am lucky enough to have friends as close to me as they were to each other. I really wrote this because it never sat well with me that the Potters died. I thought that it was time for a little change of pace (I write a lot of Lord of the Rings fanfictions). I hope you find that little something that will make your own fanfiction great! I can't wait to read it. Oh, and me the next J. K. Rowling? I actually do plan on pursuing a career in writing, definitely get a novel published. It's always been my dream, the greatest goal in my life. Thanks for the great review. I write these things for people like you who enjoy them so much. It makes me happy when someone loves the story as much as you do.
athenakitty: Well, as you can see from Chapter Three, Sirius decided to take a different approach than running out the front door. As for James and his family ever being reunited, you'll just have to see.
Cine: Thanks for the review. Don't worry, I'll try to update on a regular basis. Seeing as though I've been updating everyday now.
Tracy: I've worked out my snag and I'll be updating my other HP fic as soon as possible. Don't worry!
Corky: You're such an ass sometimes, Remy. Makin' me feel bad an' all.