A/N: OK! Third chapter. This one took me a really freakin long time. Better review it, punks! i love you guys who are reviewing...um, yeah. so, just keep in mind it starts off in rory's p.o.v. the night lorelai proposed- when she was looking in through the glass. alright? alright. i seriously love you if youre reading this. major kudos. MAJOR MAJOR KUDOS! kudos for all. kudos for everyone.

Disclaimer: I do not own gilmore girls. i do, however, give the wb lots of money- owning, as i do, all three seasons on dvd so far, the soundtrack, and a few gilmore girlsbooks (my guilty pleasure.)

IT BEGINS!...try to enjoy. and review.

Rory had never seen her mother's face like that. In the one momentary glimpse she'd ventured through the glass, so many words, motives unspoken so loudly passed through Lorelai's eyes to her daughter's that Rory had to look away. It had strangled her with its hopelessness. She couldn't face her mother's intense (more than intense; the emotion was tangled in her mouth, skin, bones, poise- and Rory could see it extend somewhere much deeper) hopelessness and utter disappointment just then, facing quite enough of her own. She'd looked away. It felt, almost, to her, another blow to her self-respect. So she couldn't face the consequences of her choices? Couldn't face that she'd essentially cut off communication, respect, and any pride between her mother, her best friend, her mentor, and herself? No, she couldn't face it. She couldn't even say, just then, why leaving Yale was worth cutting out basically her entire life. Her past, her present, her future- and all the relationships and endless love that she'd relied on in her time.

The world felt unbelievably cold just then to Rory Gilmore.

Folding the last pair of pants she'd packed and laying it down neatly in the last drawer, she finally chanced another glance outside. Lorelai was gone. She sighed and collapsed on the bed Emily had set up, and folded her hands on her stomach.

So. What now?

It was only a bit after seven but, not surprisingly, she was exhausted. Her body hadn't done much but her mind and emotions had taken quite a beating. A beating she'd administered to herself. Yup, it was all her.

She hadn't given her decision much thought. She hadn't made the usual pro/con list with her mother or even slept on it. There was one pro and one con that she could see clearly in her mind, though, but the pro tipped the scales. Con- everyone would be angry. Disappointed. Pissed. She'd be on her own until she decided what she wanted to do with her life. Pro- she needed to do this for herself. She was tired of trying to please everyone and doing the right thing and she was tired of studying her brains out for something that had recently gotten much farther away in her dreams. She didn't know how to explain it or get through to the people who'd been there while "being" Christane Amanpour and getting into the Ivy League had been her obsession and study every moment of her life- she had just changed. What had changed her? She wasn't ready to answer that question for herself just yet.

Distantly, she heard someone knock on the door.

"Yeah?"

The door opened soundlessly. "Rory, would you like something to eat?"

It was Emily.

"I think I'll just go to sleep, grandma. Busy day." Rory's voice sounded lifeless even to her. There was a pause as if Emily was deciding whether to comfort her or not- as if her disappointment was fighting what Rory would probably expect. Rory was glad she didn't approach her.

"Alright."

And the door closed shut again. Rory drifted off to sleep, thinking of her mother's face through the glass.

She awoke to the sound of her cell phone- the song "Milkshake." God. Lorelai must have set it without her permission again, probably yesterday morning, pre the Weston's chat. Now she'd have to change it again. What had it been the last time Lorelai'd changed it? Oh, yes- the Prince of Bel Air theme song.

Fumbling, she found it folded in the Thursday of her days of the week underwear. What the freak had it been doing in there?

"Hello?"

"Rory?"

"Logan."

"Yeah, um, I've been trying to get through to you for about two days now. You stood me up, Ace." He sounded unusually subdued.

Crap. "Oh, my god, Logan, our post-finals lunch! It was at a fancy restaurant, too! I'm such an idiot. Ugh, god, I just had a lot of things on my mind, and I really needed to tell my mother something, or I would've lost my nerve. Oh, I'm such a moronic- thing. I'm a thing. I'm a jerk and a thing. I'm so, so sorry," she added sincerely.

"You sound it."

"Well, I am. I really, really am. Look, can I make it up to you? You must be really hating me right now but we can have lunch tomorrow or dinner right now. On me. I'll go to the bank right now and I'll get some money and I'll get reservations wherever you want."

"I'd say yes, but the bank's not actually open right now- it closed about five hours ago. Can we just hang out tonight? I'm bummed that we didn't get our post-finals lunch in, but I'm not mad. I promise. Now, Ace, where can I pick you up?"

"I don't think I can right now. Tomorrow, yes, right now, no. I'm sorry, I'm at my grandparent's house right now and it's not your fault but I don't think you want to get in close range of them. They might conveniently forget you're not a practice target when they've got their rifles with them, if you know what I mean." She knew she'd have to tell Logan eventually, seeing as how they went to the same school and were bound to see each other at some point during the summer as they were, you know, pretty hot and heavy. She decided she'd just put it out there, nice and blunt. Though Logan was one person she really didn't want to think any worse of her.

"What's the matter? You're grandparents love me. Last time I saw them they were making reservations at Cape Cod for our wedding day and hiring seamstresses to sew our children's clothes."

"Logan…it's a really long story. Bloody and horrible, with me as Joan of Arc first shooting people's heads off in battle and then everyone else in the world lighting matches on me for committing heresy."

"Rory, what happened?" He sounded genuinely worried.

She hesitated a few seconds before telling him. God, this was hard.

"Logan…I'm not going back to Yale next year."

He laughed. "Yes, you are."

"No, Logan, I'm not. I gave it a lot of thought and…I'm not ready to continue putting myself through Yale using my grandparent's money when I'm not sure what I want to do with that degree of education yet."

"You want to be a journalist." Yeah, I used to.

"Not anymore."

There was silence.

"I hate him," Logan said quietly, but with ounces of venom in his voice.

"What?" Rory was surprised.

"I hate him. He knew you'd do this. Rory, this has nothing to do with you, it has to do with him trying to get back at me for not being exactly like him in every way- for not wanting to do whatever my family 'feels is best.' It's his stupid, tyrannical way of saying 'take that loser, now look who's going down with your ship. Wouldn't you just rather stay dry with us?' He has no right…" Logan was silent and fuming for a few seconds while Rory geared up to fight.

"Logan, this isn't because of your father or what he said. It's because of me and it's my decision and I'm tired of everyone thinking it isn't and that I'm just so helpless I can't think on my own. I can think on my own, it's how I function and right now it's why everyone east of California is pissed at me."

"I'm coming over," he replied simply.

"Logan…"

"I'm coming over," he repeated.

"Fine. I'm in the pool house. Don't let my grandfather shoot you, he's got good aim from golf." Beep.

In the forty or so minutes she was waiting for him, she decided not to do anything. Usually if Logan were coming over she'd immediately sneak into the bathroom to touch up her hair or lip-gloss or outfit, but now it wasn't worth the energy. She just remained prone on her new bed, staring at the Thursday underwear still lying on the floor from when she'd retrieved her phone. Forty minutes- a long time to remain absolutely numb. It was nearly midnight when he came.

She saw him when she rolled over on her bed. He was in the exact same position Lorelai had been in when she'd stared at her daughter through the French doors, only his expression was very different. He was smiling slightly as he usually did, with his arms behind his back and a semi-cocky jaunt to his head so it looked like he could virtually charm the pants off of anyone. His eyes were the things that stood out, though, that night- they were filled with warmth and worry. Mom's wrong about him- he does care; she just doesn't see what she doesn't want to see. She just sees he comes from money and runs away because that's what she did twenty years ago…and, wow, that is about the clearest, most worthy thought I've had in a long time.

She then became aware that she was wearing her pajamas with cakes on them and that she couldn't remember the last time she'd brushed her hair. Or teeth. She grabbed gum from on top of her new dresser and crammed a piece into her mouth, and then opened the glass doors.

"Hey," he said, smiling.

"Hey, yourself," she smiled weakly.

He leaned in for a kiss. She opened her mouth and pointed inside to indicate the gum. He raised his eyebrows.

"Okay, now that we've averted an embarrassing and possibly lethal incident involving your mouth, my mouth, and a stick of gum- quite skillfully, I might add- we've got to get to the point. Ace?"

"It's late."

"Not late for me." He walked behind her and grabbed her around the waist and dragged her back to the bed.

"No, not you, but for five eighths of this country, midnight is late. It certainly is late for me."

"I just drove half an hour to see you, Rory, and risked my life, or so you tell me. Now explain why you defended my father on the phone, because anyone would have to be out of their minds to do that to themselves." They were now sitting next to each other on the bed. With Logan staring at her from this close range with genuine kindness in his face, she found it hard not to let him sympathize with her.

"Umm, well, I'm not going back to Yale next year."

"I'm going to fight you about that later, and you know perfectly well I've never lost a fight. Now tell me why everyone east of California is pissed at you?"

"Ok, you know my mom…"

"The wonderful woman who gave birth to you and constantly bites my head off? I've heard of her."

"I told her yesterday afternoon. About Yale. She didn't take it too well."

"I can kind of understand that."

"I mean, my whole life, I've wanted one thing, you know? To be a journalist, to have this big, adventurous, wonderful life- and she's wanted it just as much. She's always wanted me to have more than she did, to have a better life. She's supported me through…everything. Even when she hated what I was doing, she supported me. She's more than my mother, she's my best friend…she had me when she was sixteen, did you know that?" Rory was finding it hard not to talk now. She'd only had her grandfather's consolation that day, and even then it was just he not knowing what to do in the midst of Rory's baby blues. God, she was getting tired of being disappointing. Logan had his arm around her and was rubbing her shoulder with his hand.

"Yeah, I knew that."

"She hates my grandparents and they attack her, but she sacrificed her pride so I could go to Chilton. Which I was absolutely stupid about at first, wanting to give it all up for this guy- Dean, actually…And she's rooted for me every step of my life, and been there for me no matter what…That look on her face when I told her. It was horrible. I wish this thing with her would clear up but I'm not going to go back to Yale until I've found out what I want to do. So she's not letting me live with her…my only option were the two people who'd take me in, yeah, but they'd make mom want to kill me even more. But, oh, her face…"

"Rory?"

"I didn't think I could ever cause her so much pain, but I can. I'm so selfish, but I can't help it if I'm confused now, and…I really wish they gave out pills for this kind of thing. I just want to fall asleep until it's all over."

Logan removed his arm from Rory's side suddenly, surprising her, and stood up to speak to her.

"I'm sorry, Ace, but that's life. Falling asleep is not the point. You have to talk to her. You have to go back to Yale because you're grandparents don't care if all you do is wander, at least you'll be doing something. They have plenty of money, Rory. You're smart and you don't deserve to be here wallowing in what you should have done. And, as much as you fight against it, it is my father's fault we're here having this conversation. Don't give up on your life because of what scum like him says. He shouldn't have any authority in your life, Rory."

She opened her mouth to argue.

"No. It's too late. Go to sleep."

She closed her eyes. She was tired. She could argue better tomorrow. But now, she was exhausted, and drained, and still had Lorelai's face emblazoned in her head.

"Tomorrow, I want to know why people are suddenly trying to murder me. But for now I'll amuse myself by finding the rest of this most hilarious underwear."

Rory gave her boyfriend a strained smile, too tired to be embarrassed, while Logan pulled out Friday and Saturday from her top drawer and laughed.

She slipped underneath the covers and fell asleep as Logan crawled in with her, rubbing her back.

"Come on, Luke, hurry your cute little butt up…" Lorelai whispered to the bush in front of her, almost eleven hours after Rory had drifted off to sleep with Logan. She was crabby and her hair was being ruined, and possibly her shoes. Her darling, really expensive shoes. It suddenly occurred to her she had a real fetish for cute inanimate objects- her entire collection of shoes, her cell phone, her toaster, Luke's tool box, Bert (DIRTY!), all of the useless alarm clocks she'd bought over the years- the one that purred, the one that woke you up with animal noises…and even more than loving them and giving them personalities, she named them, talked to them, and had mini-fights with them. To the untrained eye, I am a homeless bag lady who talks to her shoes. She had to really appreciate Luke, putting up with all her cutesy crap. And all of her other crap, too- her knack for rambling about nothing for hours, the crabby way she got when she hadn't had coffee for half a day. She was a woman with a lot of crap.

And on that note, Lorelai started to realize she really needed to pee. She glanced at her phone- it had been forty minutes. Forty minutes and she'd already used most of her cell phone battery playing Extreme Bowling 2. The Inn probably needed her. Sookie was probably freaking out by now. But they knew her cell number, didn't they? They all did. If they really needed her, they'd call.

She was being extremely stubborn, she knew. Wasn't the point of coming here to talk to Rory? So why didn't she just freaking talk to Rory? Because he is here, the annoying, but true, voice inside her head replied. The boy who had changed Rory so much- showed Rory the rich, snobby way to life far away from Lorelai's boundaries. And Rory seemed to like that form of life. The same form of life Lorelai had been running away from since age three, and pulling Rory away with her.

So what did she expect Luke to do?

Now that's a good question…what do I expect Luke to do? I hope this isn't like the "Stella" incident where he actually thinks "come help me find Rory's chick" is code for "come over, I want to sleep with you." "Luke, my daughter's life is being ruined and I'm witnessing its destruction while stuck in a bush outside of my parent's- who I currently hate, by the way- pool house." Does that say, "I'm not wearing underwear" to you, Lorelai Gilmore?

Not exactly.

"Lorelai!" Lorelai turned her head quickly and saw Luke with his hands cupped around his mouth on the other side of the French doors (in her reveries, she'd remembered the name for the door devices.)

She put a finger on her mouth to signal silence. She felt an overwhelming sense of calm now that Luke was here. He was the only one who could do that to her.

"They're in there," she mouthed, and pointed to the pool house.

"I know, I saw them," he mouthed back. "What are we supposed to do?"

She shrugged, and he pulled out a pen and a piece of paper. Lorelai watched, curious, as he began to write. He then crumpled the paper into a ball and tossed it to her.

Maybe we should just go in and talk to them. I don't see any other way around this.

Oh, Luke, always the sensible one. And he had really nice writing…masculine. Flutter.

She mouthed, "Pen!" and soon that came flying over, too.

She hesitated with the pen positioned above the paper, but she knew what to write. What she wanted to know.

Luke, hate to go off subject, but I really need to know whether or not you said yes. Last night. Remember? Or was I dreaming?

She tossed it back with the pen. And didn't breathe for a full twenty seconds as Luke took what she wrote in, ignoring the butterflies having a Rave in her stomach.

I didn't answer yet.

Ok…

Why not?

Toss.

Let's just focus on the matter at hand, okay?

Toss.

Fine. But this subject is going to come back whether you want it to or not.

Toss.

We're running out of paper!

Frustrated toss.

Ok…what to do…how about a diversion?

Meek toss.

Lorelai, it's very hard to create a diversion when the only material you have is a bush.

Energetic toss.

I'm stumped.

Toss.

How about following the plan of action I advised you to do before we got way off topic?

Toss.

It's too sensible for me. I'm a rebel.

Toss.

You're being really stupid.

Toss.

I know I am.

Toss.

Ok, this is officially a threat- if you're not going in there with me within a minute, I'm going in there alone.

Liberal toss.

Please don't, Luke. She was beginning to panic now. Luke did not look like he was kidding. Toss.

If you intended to just throw a piece of paper back and forth for an hour with me, then why did you make it sound like you really needed me on the phone?

Toss.

I do need you right now.

Toss.

Then let's do something.

Toss.

She was barely done reading the short sentence before Luke gave her a swift, determined look (swoon), adjusted his baseball cap, and stepped in front of the glass French doors. And knocked lightly. Lorelai turned bright red (not a common occurrence) when Rory opened the doors and stepped out in her pajamas, looking shocked and confused and tired. When she saw her mother sitting stubbornly behind the bush she looked even more shocked and confused, and less tired.

"Mom!"

"Hello, Rory," she replied coolly, refusing to look at her daughter.

"And Luke…"

"Yep." Luke looked stern. Lorelai had to admire how fatherly he was being to Rory right now even while she (Lorelai) was acting like a spoiled four-year-old.

"What are you doing here?"

Luke looked at Lorelai, and, seeing she wasn't going to answer (and was still behind the bush), replied himself.

"We want to know why you're throwing your life away." He crossed his arms and looked at her.

Rory looked trapped. She immediately went into "deer in the headlights mode" and Lorelai saw Luke starting to crumble. "I'm not throwing my life away."

Lorelai stood up, feeling a sudden anger and motherly need whoosh over her.

"Then tell me why, Rory. Why are you just ditching everything we've worked for over the past twenty years? I was there the entire time. It was what you wanted. I didn't push you toward this goal, you pushed yourself, and I supported you every step of the way. I bought you your first Harvard sweater when you were in kindergarten. You used it as a blankie. Twenty years of your hard work gone to dust. Twenty years of me thinking you'll have the amazing life you've always dreamed of- I've always dreamed of- gone to dust. Why does what he says matter all of a sudden? Don't you remember that time a few months ago when my opinion mattered to you? You've always come to me, Rory, and I've never failed you. This is a mistake you're making. A really freaking huge one. You're not only ruining your own life; you're making a mess of mine because like it or not I am your mother, and whether I like it or not I'll always love you. I can't just stand here waiting for you to make up your mind while you throw your life away- and yes, Rory, you are throwing your life away. Don't give me crap like 'it's a college thing, mom, you wouldn't understand' because I do understand what you're doing here, Rory, you're afraid. You need to stop being afraid. You have to be stronger than this. If it's not El Douche's fault we're in this really crappy position right now, as you claim, then whose is it?" Lorelai was almost in tears and didn't protest when Luke put a protective arm around her.

Rory just looked at her mother. Her gaze was blank, but Lorelai knew her brain was working overtime. Separating what she thought she wanted from what she truly did.

"Rory."

"Luke?"

"I've watched you grow up, and I'm probably more of a father than you've ever had. Your mom is right. You've worked way too long and way too hard to just give something this important. You are going back to Yale next year. Don't turn into Jess, Rory, and stop caring about what's right and what's wrong. Yale is right for you. And my god, you're grandparents have enough stinking money already."

"But-" Rory looked furious now.

Lorelai stepped in. "This is officially not your decision. You're going to Yale next year, and you'll do it willfully or so help me god I'll pull a Mrs. Kim."

"I think I'm going to leave now…Logan?" She looked at him for help. She really needed to be alone now, to think, and find out what she wanted without any more people confusing her with their ideas of what she wanted.

"I have to say, I agree with them, Rory. I stick with what I said last night."

Luke and Lorelai looked at him viciously.

"…When I slept over, in a separate bed, of course."

Everyone stared at Rory viciously.

"Just stop attacking me, everyone, I need some coffee and I need to be alone right now, okay? This is my decision, whether you like it or not, and I'm not going back to Yale just because it's what all of you want me to do. I'm tired of doing that. I'm just…tired." She grabbed her keys and stomped over to her car in the driveway. In her cake pajamas.

The three stood, staring at each other. They'd just triple-teamed Rory. It wasn't in the same context Lorelai thought it would be in, or with the same team. But they'd made an impression. Lorelai could see Rory was already regretting her decision. Ok, she'd officially had closure. Now she could try to focus on Luke. And herself. She saw now that Rory needed space to make her decision. They'd done all they could.

Lorelai felt a need to point something out.

"I really…need to pee."

Logan wordlessly pointed her in the direction of the pool house bathroom.

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you better review, as i just lost about ten calories just using my freaking pinkie.