Title: Too Much.
Rating: PG
Warnings: SLASH. Angst. OoCness. Additional Warnings: I don't know Star Wars beyond the movies, so please forgive my ignorance.
Pairing: Obi-Wan/Anakin
Summary: The fight on Mustafar ends differently with Anakin defeating Obi-Wan, and so the Star Wars universe is more complicated.
DISCLAIMER: If you don't know who created Star Wars, you need freakin' help. All this but the plot belongs to George Lucas. I also used some of the main dialogues from his script of Episode III (nomatterhowmuchIdidn'tlikeit) ahem.
1. Scar
You didn't want to fight him. You still don't want to fight him, but Yoda left this mission to you and rightfully so. You are -- correction: were -- his Jedi master, bu it is up to you to stop him just the same. He has been your responsibility from the start; a promise to your former master. You took him, raised him, taught him everything you know, loved him, and nurtured him.
Still, that wasn't enough, and for failing him, you now have to face the consequences. But you don't want to. Not like this. He's tearing you apart, and he doesn't need his lightsaber for that. His eyes, once green and full of life, are tinged with fire and hatred - hatred for you.
The heat of Mustafar absorbs your tears, and you're both grateful and resentful for that. Maybe, if Anakin sees your emotion, he'd reconsider his path; he'd know that you still care -- always cared and would come back to you. However, if he sees a weakness, he might exploit it; use your feelings against you. By now, you cannot predict how Anakin would accept your displays of emotion, so you force yourself to keep it in, to keep fighting against your heart and soul and against your brother, whom you love so damn much.
You thought your bond was so strong. Apparently it wasn't. A few sly words from Palpatine -- Sidious -- and Anakin is completely against you, against the Jedi and the Republic, but you can't blame the Sith lord. No, this is all your fault. You didn't train and guide him properly.
You loved him too much.
Isn't it ironic that love was the cause of all this? If only Padme had resisted, if only Anakin isn't so passionate, if only you didn't embrace him as closely as you did, this all could have been prevented somehow. This ultimatum you've been given -- between Anakin and Democracy -- wouldn't exist at all. You've made your choice. You know you can't kill Anakin, but also you know that someone will die.
He glares up at you with brooding eyes from the levitating platform on the lava. You feel relieved that you are on solid ground with the higher advantage, but you are also worried because Anakin doesn't look intimidated one bit. You know that he will try his powers despite his losing position.
"It's over, Anakin!" You call out, wanting to avoid any final test of wills. It has come down to this moment, but you aren't ready for it. "I have the high ground."
Anakin still remains determined and confident. "You underestimate my power," he snarls darkly, as if he's better than you, but you are not insulted, only hurt.
"Don't try it," you say more softly, shaking your head. Fear and dread threaten to overwhelm you because if he does jump then you have to do something. It's either you or him, and you love him too much..
He growls in defiance and jumps anyway. You expect it, but hesitate. You find that you can't bear to harm him, your Padawan. That moment is all he needs. He always did say that compassion would be your downfall. That's how you know Anakin will be the death of you.
Your disengaged lightsaber lies several feet away, and Anakin looms over you from your position on the hot black sand. His blue blade pauses right beneath your jaw, and you fear that a swallow might cause your skin to be burnt by the Jedi weapon. The buzz of the 'saber, the pounding of your heart, and the crackle of the lava fill your ears, and the sight of him, resentful but undecisive, is the focus of your eyes.
You carefully think over your words. You know by this point that what you say or don't will affect the future, but the underlying question burns to come out and so you let it.
"Are you going to kill me, Anakin?" This isn't a diplomatic fight anymore. This is between brothers, friends, the people who once trusted each other with their lives. I still do trust Anakin with my life. You know that there is still the Jedi who smiled at you beneath the present Sith.
"I should," he replies in a noncommittal tone, and your breath hitches with anxiety. You can no longer read his inner emotions like you used to, but can sense conflict. The fire of his eyes wavers. "But I can't." His lightsaber keeps its position, and you know not to be relieved just yet, but your heart nearly stops with it anyway.
You search his dark eyes, but find nothing betraying his true intentions, and you are forced to question him to lure them out. "What are you going to do?"
Anakin stares at you for a moment longer, then with a growl he shuts off his lightsaber and turns away, but you still catch the sight of tears. Your brows knit in confusion as he lets you live, knowing that you are a tremendous threat to the Sith. For a moment you are insulted. Perhaps he thinks nothing of you, that you are no longer capable of killing him. Yet the feelings vanish to be replaced with sorrow and remorse. You've failed Democracy; this is the last time you'll see Anakin like this, where there is at least a faint trace of his love for you. This will be your final memory of him.
"Go," he barks, startling you out of your thoughts. "I just might change my mind."
A shock of terrible pain strikes your heart as you stand, facing the hardened back of your former Padawan. Suddenly, the hot tears can't stop flowing, and your chest constricts as you let out a choked sob. Anakin! Anakin! your mind chants, and then it pauses, waiting for a compliant 'Yes, Master,' but it isn't there. The Bond you two once shared is severed; he isn't yours anymore. You knew he never was, but you like to convince yourself that you've made an impact in his life; that he'd always need you at his side, in his mind, in his heart. But reality comes crashing down on you right at this moment, and your perfect illusion shatters.
You want to say more because this isn't over just yet. There is still time to bring Anakin to the Light.
"You were the Chosen One! It was said that you would destroy the Sith, not join them! " you cry, but Anakin remains unfazed, uncaring. You're suddenly not sure what is listening more, the lava or him, but you continue anyway because this needs to be said. " You would bring Balance to the Force, not leave it in Darkness!"
"I don't want to hear it, Obi-Wan," he says faintly, but you ignore him because all those years of controlling your emotions are gone by this point, and you can't stop the next flow of words that spill from your dry lips. One last attempt...
"You were my brother, Anakin. I loved you."
You swear you see his body twitch, but you blame it on your imagination and faith that Anakin will turn around any moment and embrace you and say that the nightmare has passed, that he will never leave you. But Anakin does turn around, and it isn't to make amends, but to express his fury and poorly concealed, unmistakable pain.
"I said I don't want to hear it!" His voice cracks, and you fight the urge to protect him from his demons with your touch. You've pledged your life to him when taking him as your Padawan, and even though he is no longer, the oath still stands. You'd give up your life if Anakin would only turn to the Light. But the fire in his eyes rekindle and Darth Vader possesses your Anakin's consciousness. "I hate you!" he yells. You flinch, but it isn't the volume that strikes you. "I've always hated you!"
And you no longer know what to say. He turned you away, and you can't argue or plead your case anymore because he has won. What and how you feel mean nothing to him anymore. Yet you can't accept his answer. My soul can't. If he really hates you, then he should have just killed you when he had the chance.
"I don't believe you."
Anakin's glare intensifies. "What!" He strides up to you and leans into you, the slope giving you both equal height. His breath is cool over your burning face, but you try not to think about it. Instead, you focus on his scrutinizing gaze, meeting it with your open, honest one. "You don't think that I will kill you?" The ominous hum of the lightsaber sounds loudly against your left ear, and you realize that its only a mere centimeter or so away from your jaw.
Although his voice is rough and intimidating, it has a strained quality to it, and you figure that he is trying to convince himself of his capabilities as well as you.
"You were like a father to me, and you've betrayed me. I have every right to do this."
You become compassionate and frustrated at the same time; compassionate because you can see his hurt through his conflicting facade, and frustrated because his idea of who betrayed who is misplaced. He abandoned you, not the other way around, and yet you can't be upset with him. You only wish you could make him see that Sidious is the cause of all his pain.
"Don't, Anakin," you say as calmly as possible. "Listen to your h--"
"Just shut up, Obi-Wan," he snaps, and his tone is enough to keep your mouth closed. "I thought I told you to leave." His lightsaber shuts off and leaves your neck only to be thrust into your hands. He passes you and walks back towards the command center.
Even as Mustafar is a lava planet you suddenly feel a lot colder. Your blurry eyes land on his weapon before searching out for your own. Anakin, you decide, died the moment he turned away from you. You've failed again, and you know that much suffering will come long after.
"So you'll just desert everything," you whisper faintly in realization. Taking your fallen 'saber, you return to Padme to finally escape this wretched place.
You can feel him watching until the Nubian ship leaves the atmosphere, and you know this is far from over. There is still hope, however faint it seems as of now.
The one who does not deserve Anakin's abandonment the most is Padme. You gaze at her in her lying unconscious on a bed and gently caress her brow. Right when she needs her husband the most he betrays and leaves her. No, you decide, Anakin has never left her. It is Darth Vader who pushes her -- and you -- away.
Her eyelids flutter open. "Obi-Wan?" she asks breathlessly, focusing on you in her dazed state. "Where's Anakin? Is he alright?"
Before you can answer, she fades back into blissful unconsciousness, and then you wonder what you would have said if she had persisted.
000
Since Coruscant has been taken over by the Sith, the remaining loyalists are forced onto a rendezvous point of Polis Massa. You look at the safe haven of the - now - Old Republic: a base on an isolated asteriod. Your thoughts drift to Anakin in bitterness because he reduced your whole life to this. With a simple pledge, he has changed the lives of billions of people and creatures. Anakin has this much influence. Can he still be the Chosen One that Qui-Gon had believed him to be? Your mind is too plagued with grief and frustration to think about it.
As soon as the ship lands inside the base, you take Padme to rush off to the infirmary, hoping to get her medical attention as soon as possible.
Her face looks so serene, but you know she is going through the same emotional turmoil that you are. "Stay with me, Padme. You're all I have left of him."
A small group including Yoda and Bail Organa meet you as soon as the landing ramp opens.
000
You stand next to a Medical Droid as it takes Padme's stats. The operating room seems so cold and dreary, and by the looks of things it is where Naboo's Senator will pass into the Force. There's metal and dark blue and white and machines glowing eerily in pale lighting. Your hand grasps hers briefly before you accompany the droid to Yoda and Bail, who are in the small observation room adjacent to this one.
"Medically, she is completely healthy," the medical droid says. "For reasons we can't explain, we are losing her."
Your heart beats painfully in your chest. "You mean she's dying?" you ask in a soft, surprised tone.
"We don't know why. She has probably lost the will to live. We must operate quickly in order to save the babies."
"Babies?" Bail sputters out with shock beside you. You are as equally taken aback.
"She's carrying twins."
Yoda nods thoughtfully. "Save them, we must. They are our last hope."
The droid automatically re-enters the operating room, and you follow, completely agreeing with Yoda and with a new determination. Two more chances to make things new.
Padme is now conscious and fully aware of her laboring state. You rush to her as soon as her cries reach your ears, and you struggle to be strong for her and yourself.
"I'm here, Padme," you whisper, taking her hand. " Don't give up."
She nods with difficulty and screams again, and as her voice fades you hear the sound of new life. You look over and a droid has a bundle of blankets in its arms.
"It's a boy."
"Luke," Padme says weakly, letting go of your hand to reach out to him. The droid hands you Luke and turns back for the next delivery. You carefully take the blue-eyed beauty and lean in closer for Padme's reach. A wave of comfort and love flows through you, all of which is coming from the presence in your arms, much to your surprise. He looks at you, and you hold him closer because he, and his twin, will be everything to you. Everything.
Padme winces in pain again and lets out a soft cry, and moments later the droid stands beside you with another baby.
"And a girl."
Her mother gives the barest of smiles. "Leia," she pants out.
You feel her fading, and you have to help her hang on. "You have twins, Padme. They need you."
Brown eyes fill with more tears. "I... I can't." She reaches for your hand, and you squeeze hers gently, reassuringly.
"I need you, Padme. You need to help me." You're surrounded by memoirs of Anakin, and your heart continues to break with Padme's every dying gasp, for Luke and Leia's future without their father. You want desperately to bring Anakin back more for them than yourself, but you're afraid you can't do it alone.
"You know... there is... still...good... in him." She smiles so faintly, but so beautifully and filled with faith. "Take...care..." Her hand in yours falls slack, and her lips no longer move with breath to finish her sentence. The tears you have been holding fall from your eyes, and you glance down at Luke, who is so oblivious and innocent in all this.
Luke will look much like his father, you think, and Leia will be the intimate reflection of her mother.
You weep freely.
000
Bail, Yoda and yourself are on the way to the planet of Alderaan to decide on the Skywalkers' fate for the future.
Since Padme's death and the birth of her twins, you can't help but think about anything else. Lately, your mind has been muddled with Anakin's welfare and of his children's, and you wonder how long it will be until the reunion. No doubt, Anakin will want to see his child (he doesn't know there are twins). Will he also want to see you? What then?
"We're here," interrupts Bail's tired voice.
Alderaan is just like you remember it at sunset. The tall, towering Castle Lands of dome and spires reflect orange rays off their smooth, white surfaces, nearly imitating the suns's color. The ship lands in the hangar, immersing you in white instead of the soothing golden glow, but you barely register the transition.
Bail leads you and Yoda into a conference room, and you assume your business facade once more because you know that your emotions cannot deliberate what will be discussed. You vaguely wonder if they know that Anakin is still alive and that he saved you. Most likely not, and it's best that way. Your mental shields strengthen considerably.
As soon as everyone is seated at the round table, Yoda begins on the issue of Padme's funeral. "Pregnant, she must appear. Safe, hidden the children must be kept."
"We must take them where the Sith cannot sense their presence," you add for good measure because everyone is imagining the worst if he finds them. You, on the other hand, are less skeptical. Anakin didn't hurt you. He would do much less harm to his children.
"Split up, they should be."
"My wife and I will take the girl," Bail says hopefully. "We've always talked of adopting a baby girl. She will be loved by us."
"And what of the boy?" you ask because you want to make sure that he'll be alright.You would immediately take him in if asked to.
"To Tatooine. To his family, send him," replies Yoda slowly, confident that this is the right path.
You want to be some part -- any part -- of Luke's life. "I will take the child and watch over him," you say firmly. Yoda gazes at you thoughtfully, and you try to distance yourself from him because you have the sudden feeling that he knows everything. Ever since you've felt the Skywalkers' power you've been thinking -- hoping -- on this question."Do you think Anakin's twins will be able to defeat Darth Sidious?"
Yoda takes a while before answering, and it might be because he has more than one response. "Strong the Force runs, in the Skywalker line. Hope, we can," he says at last, his large eyes seemingly to peer into your soul. "Until the time is right, disappear we must."
You begin to leave with an odd sense of emptiness. That isn't the answer you were hoping for.
"Master Obi-Wan, wait a moment. In your solitude on Tatooine, training I have for you."
Turning, you give Yoda a questioning look. "Training?" you ask. What are you, nine again?
The green Jedi gives an amused smile, as if sensing your attitude. "An old friend has learned a path to immortality."
Your heart skips a beat with anticipation, and you return to your seat with interest. "Who?"
"One who has returned from the netherworld of the Force to train me... Your old Master, Qui-Gon Jinn."
Your eyes widen in awe and disbelief, and the mentioning of your former Master brings joy and happiness to your being. "Qui-Gon? But... how could he accomplish this?"
"The secret of the Ancient Order of the Whills, he studied. How to commune with him, teach you, I will."
"I will be able to talk to him?" A boyish giddyness bubbles up within you, and you can't wait to see Qui-Gon again and ask for his advice. You feel as if you have never needed him more than this moment.
Yoda nods. "How to join the Force, he will teach you. Keep your consciousness when one with the Force, you will. Perhaps keep your physical self as well."
000
You leave Alderaan that night with Luke asleep in your arms once again. A sort of serene feeling comes over you when holding him, and you like to believe it's because he likes you, feels safe with you, and he emits this comfortable emotion into the Force. You laugh quietly at yourself because it's such a silly thought. Anakin isn't very good at releasing his thoughts into the Force. But perhaps Luke is different.
What are you going to tell this child? Will Anakin be dead to him? He certainly is to everyone else. Yet, Anakin isn't dead to you. You would like to believe he is, since the rational part of you says he is, but the part that is you says he isn't, that he's very much alive and with you just as Luke is right now.
Anakin hates you, but he let you go.
I loved him too much. You still do.
000 000 000
Hi! Thanks so much for reading. If no one likes the 2nd POV (I think this is what its called), then let me know. Just click the Review button and go!