Lar-ton's A/N: Hey reader people. We'd firstly like to start off this a/n by talking about the London Bombings. We were shocked, saddened and angry at the bombings and questioned what drives people to commit such acts.

Our sympathy and support goes out to anyone hurt by the bombings and we also say that is up to us as a county to stand up to terrorism and show we shall not back down.

We are a strong country and this is proven by how much people pull together during crisis. I think our gratitude should be shown to the fire, police, ambulance and other emergency services for their tremendous effort and bravery.

Thanks to all reviewers, we adore you!

And now on with the chapter, and we thought it was time for Lister to get his own back...

Lister reckoned that if there had been an award for 'most uncomfortable and excruciatingly awkward situation ever', he'd say this double date had to win it.

No contest.

He had a feeling it was going to be bad, but his feeling turned out to be wrong: it wasn't bad. It was horrific...more than horrific. It was torture.

Jessica had taken them to 'La Bella Villa', one of the more 'trendy' bars onboard the Dwarf, where Lister was promptly hooked up with Marcie.

She was a curvy little thing; with big blue eyes and curly brown hair…she was also very clingy. Within seconds of meeting Lister, she was holding his hand, touching his leg, batting her eyelashes and just generally being irritatingly affectionate.

After nearly an hour of Lister being fondled about by Marcie, Jessica announced she was going to powder her nose and asked if Marcie would care to join her.

Thankfully, she did.

Once in the bathroom Marcie applied a seventh coat of lipstick, nervously fluffing her hair, "So do you think he likes me?"

Jessica snorted before spraying herself liberally with perfume "yeah!"

"Really?" asked Marcie, "It's just, I'm not so sure this is a good idea...leaping straight back into a relationship after breaking up with Brett..." she trailed off and bit her lip to stop the tears from flowing.

Jessica paused halfway through touching up her mascara "It'll be good for you. Dave is a lovely lad, it's obvious he's keen on you" she grinned "who knows, it could lead to bigger things!"

Marcie frowned, "Like what?"

Jessica gave her a sideways glance, "If I ask you something will you promise not to be freaked out?" Marcie gave a brief nod, "Well I was thinking of like a... group...session...thing..."

Marcie's eyes widened as she realised what she was talking about, "But... well... I wouldn't mind...but do you think they would...ya know...mind?"

"We'll have to see"

Marcie lent on the sinks, "Well do you think i'm in there then?"

Jessica smirked, "Honey, you are in there like a shopoholic in a Debenhams half price sale."

Rimmer tightened his grip on the menu although he'd already ordered and stared jealously at Lister.

As soon as Marcie had come onto him, Lister had flirted back shamelessly. Rimmer knew it was unfair and wrong to both Lister (since they weren't going out anymore) and Jessica (since they were) but he just couldn't help but be jealous though. "You and Marcie seem to be having fun," snapped Rimmer bitterly, "She's well in there, am I correct?"

Lister grimaced, "She is SO NOT..." Lister was about to follow this with a disgusted 'in there' but realised how jealous and bitter Rimmer sounded about the whole affair, "She is SO NOT up for discussion Rimmer."

Rimmer practically tore the lamenated menu in two he was pulling the feeble plastic so hard, "Good for you Lister." he spat..

"She's nice," commented Lister casually after a brief pause.

"Just nice?" asked Rimmer, feeling his spirits raise at the thought of Marcie not pushing Lister's buttons.

"Yeah, she's a pretty girl...just not my sex" he grinned.

Rimmer was fighting a loosing battle not to smile, but then Lister added, "I'd still shag her though-"

"What?" laughed Rimmer, hoping he'd heard wrong, but the sinking feeling in his stomach argued otherwise

Lister raised his eyes to meet Rimmer's and he grinned "I said I'd still have sex with her" he watched with some mild amusement as Rimmer coughed and looked away, so he continued "she does actually turn me on, I wouldn't have to work myself up to shag her" he paused "I mean…. it's been ages since I've had a half decent sexual experience!"

Rimmer's mouth dropped open, "Well" he choked, "you didn't seem to complain that night after the annual crew appreciation party about your 'sexual experiences'"

Lister growled, "That's because I pissed out of my head!"

"Oh I see," snapped Rimmer "You need to be completely and utterly blitzed before you can have a good time in bed!"

"With you, yeah!" replied Lister coldly "there isn't enough alcohol in the world!"

The pair lapsed into an awkward silence. Rimmer was devastated. Before the break up, he'd thought his and Lister's sex life was both pleasurable and exciting. Had Lister been lying for all that time?

Lister of course was lying about not enjoying sex with Rimmer. He couldn't control the things he was saying; it was like someone had tapped into his brain and had complete control of what he did and said. 'Hmm' they'd think 'yes, that's a particularly bitchy, cruel, heartless and very unkind thing to say to the man you're absolutly crazy about', then they'd make him say it.

Perhaps it was Lister wanting Rimmer to experience even a fraction of the pain he was feeling. He wanted Rimmer to feel like his life was falling apart, like he'd never be happy again.

The thing was, that was exactly how Rimmer felt...but instead of accepting it, he dug himself deep into denial and took his frustrastions out on the person he cared about most.

Lister.

"It's not always been a barrel of laughs in the bed department for me you know" he sniffed,

"Oh really?" said Lister, doing his best to sound uninterested.

"Oh yes. Until I met Jessica I didn't know sex could be fun" he paused and sighed a world weary sigh, "My first time was hardly memorable for the right reasons, I mean you stole my virginity from me," said Rimmer, pointing at Lister who merely laughed

"I didn't steal it from you...you gave me it willingly!"

But Rimmer was having none of this "You knew how young, innocent and inexperienced I was... you took advantage of me, stole my virginity! Gave me a badsexual experience!"

"Cut out the crap, Rimmer " said Lister getting angry "You wanted it as much as I did" he paused before grinning "In fact, you wanted it really really really badly, I'd go as far as to say you were desperate!"

"Desperate?" repeated Rimmer before laughing falsely "As if! It was just something to do to pass the time""

"Come off it, that first time you had my boots off so fast you got friction burn from the laces..."

"That's not true!" argued Rimmer, "I had an allergic reaction to a…to a cleaning product. It brought me out in a rash that looked incredibly similar to friction burn, but it wasn't...it was defiantly a rash!"

But Lister was looking elsewhere; his eyes were locked onto the ceiling before they rolled around the room. "What are you looking at?" Rimmer asked, following Lister's gaze only to see absolutely nothing.

"Flying pig"

"Enough of this childish bickering" snapped Rimmer, slightly annoyed at the fact he'd fallenfor that trick"Lets get back to the matter at hand..." he dropped his voice to a low whisper as not to be heard by others "did you really not enjoy sex with me?"

Lister yawned and stretched, making Rimmer wait for his answer "No." he said finally before asking feebly"And you didn't enjoy it with me?"

Rimmer pretended to inspect the menu "Put it this way...those weren't moans of pleasure coming from my mouth!" he smirked "You however, did sound very…mmm what's the word…satisfied!"

Lister leaned forward so he was just inches away from Rimmer "I faked it"

Rimmer bit his lip, crushed at the news but trying to hide it, "You're a crap actor Lister -you couldn't have faked it, I can tell your lying now."He turned his head just in time to see Jessica and Marcie making their way back from the ladies.

"End this conversation now, the girls are coming back...we'll talk about this later back at the room!"

"So you're not getting any tonight?" teased Lister,

"We'll talk later." said Rimmer through gritted teeth

"No we won't" said Lister

"Why not?" asked Rimmer, panicking because the girls were just feet away from the table

"Because I'm moving out!"

"Look at the two of you" giggled Jessica, slipping in the seat next to Rimmer "If I didn't know better i'd say you were bickering like an old married couple'

Lister and Rimmer exchanged awkward looks, "you could say that" muttered Lister, lowering his eyes to the floor

Jessica continued laughing, "Oh Marcie, would you look at these two? They're typical men, very insecure with their sexuality- don't worry boys, we know you're as straight as a arrow."

"Maybe a snapped one," muttered Lister earning him a glance from Marcie who didn't quite hear what he said.

She sneaked a look at Lister. It was easy to see wasn't exactly relaxed. He'd torn his napkin into tiny pieces and kept shuffling about as if the whole situation was getting to him.

"I think Dave and I had better go," explained Marcie, standing up

"Go?" repeated Jessica sounding rather put out "But it's not even ten yet!"

"Yeah, but I'm not feeling too good and I was wondering if Dave would be so kind as to escort me home…" she looked at Lister expectantly, who smiled

"Sure" he nodded, pulling on his jacket with haste "We'll leave the two lovebirds alone…"

And with that Lister and Marcie left, watched carefully by Rimmer who, for the first time since this whole mess had started, felt like crying.