Disclaimer: We may be a writing partnership, but we are not THE writing partnership. All hail Grant Naylor: The lords of comedy!

A/N: Okay, Liz would like to state that her brother could eat off their toilet as it is that clean and sparkling and if he argues about the cleanliness off the toilet, Liz will make him eat off it to prove her point. We're sorry for the lateness of this chapter (lowers heads in shame) we're bad, bad writers… (Liz cries for dramatic effect whilst Becky plays violin in the background)…we've both suffered writers block for this chapter but it's finally finished! We apologize once again for the delay and hope you enjoy the chapter. Reviews welcomed and adored! To all readers, we love you! Lar-ton

Once out of the claustrophobic atmosphere restaurant, Lister breathed a sigh of immense relief.

It was all just too much.

He couldn't bear watching Rimmer and Jessica as they held it each other close, kissed and smiled affectionately at each other…. just like he and Rimmer had done.

He was just about to turn to Marcie and ask her what room she was in, when she placed her hands either side of his face, pressed him against the wall and kissed him.

At first he was shocked to resist, but after a few seconds he had the common sense to push her away.

"What are you doin'?" he asked, holding her at arms length

"Giving you a kiss," she replied innocently, turning her head slightly a gazing at him curiously as if she was trying to work something out.

"Why?"

"Because Jessy said you like me…" she frowned "you do like me, don't you?"

"Yeah" replied Lister "but not in that way…" he let his arms drop, "the thing is Marcie…you're not my type"

"Oh" she replied casually "and what is your type?" she gave a grin "Rimmer?"

Lister laughed nervously (secretly freaked out that she'd clocked on) making Marcie squeal "ohmygod! It is, you like Rimmer!"

"Used to like" he corrected coldly, walking off down the corridor.

Marcie frowned and chased after him "Used to…why, what happened?"

"Nothing major" said Lister, quietly, devoting a lot of concentration to not crying "he just broke my heart, that's all…."

Marcie's head snapped up, "He did what? How? Wait- Jessy said you'd had a bad break up... were you two dating!"

Lister hesistated before answering "yeah…we'd been together little over a year…and he just dumped me, didn't give me a reason or anything…he just said we we're finished" he stopped and took a deep breathe and swallowed back the tears "Later I found out he and Jessica had been dating for a couple of months…"

Marcie was gobsmacked "I don't think Jess knows, she'd never purposefully take someone's boyfriend if she knew they had a girlfriend…or a boyfriend" she added hastily

"Still doesn't stop it hurting does it?" said Lister, giving her a small smile.

"No" she sighed, "I suppose not…"

"And the worse part is" said Lister, after a short, thoughtful silence "there's no-one I can talk to about it…"

It was only recently that Lister had realised he didn't have any real friends. He had drinking buddies. He doubted firstly is Petersen, Chen and Selby could take the news that he and Rimmer dated. They were shameless 'Rimmer haters' and Lister knew they had homophobic tendencies, calling it 'un-natural'.

He knew for certain that getting sympathy out of the trio would be like trying to get a teenage checkout-till operator to understand the importance of being polite to customers…impossible!

"I've not really got any friends…I've just got people I get pissed with! Hardly the most understanding people in the universe."

"Why don't you come and talk to a few of my friends?" suggested Marcie

"I'm not sure…" muttered Lister

"Woman are the most sensitive and sympathetic creatures on the planet Dave…apart from the bitchy ones…and those who suffer bad PMT…but on the whole we're very understanding!"

"I think I'll pass," said Lister, the prospect of explaining the current situation to a group of women really scared him.

"It won't hurt," said Marcie softly "They'll sympathise and treat you like a human" she placed her hand on his arm "What d'you say?"

He sighed, part of him wanted to wrench his arm away and walk away...walk away from facing up to the pain. But the rest of him was aching for someone to talk to, someone who would listen.

He felt that if he didn't talk to someone about it soon, he'd have a break down.

"Okay" he said eventually "but if you start talking about the 'best way to ease period pain' I'm leavin''!"

She chuckled "We won't, woman's promise" she linked arms and carried on walking down the corridor "I like you Dave" she said, "Can I adopt you?" Like a pet?"

"What?" he laughed, "No, you can't adopt me…what d'you think this is, 'Will and Grace'?"

"I see you more like Jack!" she teased.

Lister folded his arms huffily and let out a disgruntled sigh, whilst Marcie nudged him playfully, "i'm kidding!"

Although pouting, he couldn't help but smile a little.

"Come on," said Marcie, marching him off down the corridor "I can guarantee you won't be disappointed"

It was arranged that the next day Lister would meet a selection of Marcie's friend ("they're a great bunch" she reassured "you're gonna love 'em")

There was still an element of doubt in Lister's mind.

"I hope you've explained to your friends that i'm not the type of gay you can drag along on a shopping trip, I don't wear pink, I don't do manicures and/or pedicures, I don't like or want highlights and I don't think Buddy Holly rocks..."

"Lister" said Marcie, acting annoyed "These are mature, sensible, level headed career women...they have long since abandoned the concept of 'stereotypical gays'"

Lister raised an eyebrow but said nothing

"But they will be pretty upset about the shopping thing...they were hoping you'd offer your opinion on a few outfits!"

"No. I'm stating for the record right here and now, no smeggin' shopping trips. I'm only here cos you insisted I meet some of your friends, that's all!" he said.

Lister didn't like to admit it, not even to himself, but he was nervous. He'd never really had a problem talking to women before, but he normally only did small talk. Quick conversations about work, social life and numerous other subjects you didn't need to go into great detail.

But talking to a group full of women about his break up...it was terrifying. Telling a room full of strangers how you feel about your relationship (or the lack of it). He was about to talk about things he'd never told anyone else, not even Rimmer.

When they were together, there were only two types of feelings in their relationship. Happy or sad. Angry would pop up every now and again, but on the whole it was either one or the other, the latter hardly ever.

One by one, Marcie's friends arrived. There was the usual girly greeting that involved hugging and excessive squealing.

Then came the compliments on: clothes, hair, make up, accessories, weight loss and appearance in general and then finally Marcie finally introduced Lister, who had hoped to remain invisible each time.

Marcie's friends would give him a genuine smile as they said hello to which he would mutter 'hello' back, feeling his cheeks burn with embarrassment.

Just when he thought things couldn't possibly get any worse, they did.

"Dave?" came a voice "What are you doing here?"

He looked up to see a very confused looking Kochanski.

Possible explanations raced through his brain, but none seemed to fit, so he decided to leg it. "Just leavin'," he said, trying to casually slip out the door.

As he turned to make a hasty exit he came face to face with Marcie, who'd dashed out a few minutes before for a quick word with another of her seemingly countless friends.

"Where are you going?" she asked

"Out there" said Lister, nodding to the safety of the corridor hoping she'd let him go.

"Why?" she demanded, "we're all in here"

"I know" nodded Lister "that's why I want be out there" he made a desperate bid for freedom but Marcie grabbed his shoulders and steered him back into the room.