Chapter five- it's not your fault (Kimi's POV)

And I almost had you.

But I guess that doesn't cut it.

Almost loved you,

I almost wish you would've loved me, too.

Bowling for Soup, Almost

He should've never told.

Maybe I shouldn't have punched him, but that was my biggest secret he told.

Ok. It's both of our faults.

But now I'm walking to the principal's office, Phil walking on the other side of the hallway, but I'm not looking at him, no matter what.

We enter the room to see the principal, the guidance councilor, Chuckie, Lil, my parents, and Mr. and Mrs. Deville, all staring at us.

"Sit." Pangborn orders.

We obey.

"You both know that fighting isn't allowed on school grounds. That isn't why you two are here. I think I speak for everyone in this room when I say that we want to know why this fight was started."

I hang my head low.

"It's because of me." A sorry voice says

My head snaps up.

"I told some of my friends about a secret of Kimi's that I swore I wouldn't tell. I really am sorry, Kimi"

My eyes soften.

"Phil," I almost whisper, " I punched you in the first---"

"No, Kimi, this was my fault. I am sorry to everyone in this room."

" I am too. Sorry, Phil, but you can't get blamed for everything."

Everyone just stands there, waiting and watching Pangborn.

"I have decided that, because it is against school rules to fight, you both are suspended for three days. But, because you two have already worked this out, this will not be on your permanent records."

Our parents seem happy at that, Chuckie and Lil are sent to our lockers and classes to get our homework and stuff.

My parents come walking over to me.

Uh oh. Time to face the jury.

More punishment is on the way.

"Mr. and Mrs. Finster? I don't want you to punish Kimi. It's not really her fault. It really isn't." Phil says, looking up with his really cute puppy dog eyes.

My parents are in a bind there. I inhale deeply.

"Kimi you're grounded for one week. You will be working full-time after school at the Java Lava for that week. Now excuse us, we need to talk with Phil's parents for a bit."

Did I hear right?

THAT'S IT?

I swear I could have hugged and kissed Phil! (Not really; it'd be a bit embarrassing.)

"Thank you, Phil."

He smiled sheepishly and answered,

"It wasn't your fault, so you shouldn't get blamed."

"But-"

"Shhh. It's not your fault. Umm, Kimi?" He asks

"Yeah, Phil?"

"Can we still be friends?"

I pause before I answer.

"Well, we have to work our way back to being best friends, but yes, for now, we're friends."
He smiles ear-to-ear. I do the same.

Lil and Chuckie appear at the doorway and I hear "Awww, they're having a moment!" from Lil.

"Watch out, Lil, you're talking to a friend of Tommy." Phil sang

Lil blushed a dark crimson color and walked over to her parents.

Chuckie stood confused but I knew what he meant. Lil is deeply in love with Tommy. She thought I'd be mad when she told me, because a year ago, he went out with me and broke up with me; which I then locked myself in my room for the rest of that day until Phil showed up. I was perfectly fine with it. We are friends now.

Eventually, Phil's parents gave him the same punishment as me. Our parents forgot two small things: phones and computers! They never said we couldn't contact anyone. Oh well, it will eventually make up for the lecture I'm going to get at home about …err...my... problem. I just did it to take away the pain.

I took my backpack from Chuckie and my parents and I set off to home. The car ride home with mom was stiff silence, except when she was on her cell. I got really nervous because mom took off the rest of the day from work. That's sort of like taking a week vacation from a normal job. We pulled in the driveway and I jumped out as fast as I could. My mom took a slower time, and because she has the keys, she stopped me from doing anything.

"Kimi, lets go into the living room, we need to talk." Uh oh.

"Mom-" I start to say, she cuts me off.

"Kimi, I talked with your guidance councilor today. I have to say, I am very concerned, honey. This isn't healthy. I also hear that you haven't told anyone, not even your brother. What I would like to know Kimi-Chan is why?"

"Everything is so overwhelming. I don't fit in! Not even at home! Chuckie is like the perfect son, he gets good grades and you never have to worry. As for me, everything is different. I don't get good grades and you always fuss over me. You are never home! Sometimes I need a mother to talk to, but you're never there. Which brings me to Phil. He understood. He was the first to know. I just want to lead a normal life!" I say, starting to bawl.

No one besides Phil ever understood.

"I'm so sorry Kimi. I promise, I will be easier on you, and I'll try to be around more."

Yeah right. I just stormed into my room, blasted some hard and hateful Linkin Park, and muffled my sobs into my pillow.

The next day was really strange.

I woke up the original time Chuckie and I wake up and I just laid there with my eyes shut, listening to the morning (or should I say mourning) sounds. There was no way I could fall back asleep. After everyone left, I signed online. Hmm. No Phil. I wonder why he hasn't talked to me since yesterday morning. I should call him later.

I walk downstairs to my kitchen. I find a note from my mom telling me to 'behave', also that there is macaroni and cheese in the cupboard if I want to make that my lunch.

I walk into my living room. Everything seems really strange I in the daytime. I turn on the T.V. to some old "Dawson's Creek" reruns. An hour passes. I then phone over to the Deville's.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Phil, What 'cha doing?"

"Nothing."

"How early have you been up?"

"Since 6."

"And you haven't called me?"

"Well, I'm dealing with a very big problem right now."

A quizzical look pops on my face. "What?"

"Well, yesterday my mom came into my room and talked to me."

"And you need a lock for your door?"

"Kimi, I'm serious." And it sounded like it.

"Well?"

"My parents. They are…getting a divorce."

I gasp; I can hear his muffled cries.

"Oh my god, Phil."

It's like something you would never expect.

"Do you want to know something else?" He asks while his tears are falling.

"What?"

"They haven't even told Lil yet. They think I can handle this better than her because I'm a guy. It's going to be worse when they tell her this evening because everything has been piling up. I never in a million years could imagine this."

"Phil...I really am really sorry!"

"I-I know. It's just really hard."

I soon hang up the phone and head upstairs.

I go into the bathroom to find my razor.

I cut it straight below my kneecap.

I think of Phil and Lil.

I can't even imagine what they have to go through.

A bit of blood trickles down my leg and onto my foot.

I barely feel any pain.

It just feels good.

I wash off the razor, and then my leg.

In a way I feel like I'm disobeying, but I never made any promises.

These feelings of breathe ability almost made my head spin.

I just folded my jeans back to their original place.

No one has to know, right?

Oooh! I even like the ending to this chapter! Next chapter is Tommy again! R&R!

Ihearu!