I am avoiding my best friend. If he's the one in the wrong, then why do I feel bad?

Remember those "popular" friends I told you about? Well, he's making good use of them now, walking down the halls laughing it up with the rest of the goddamn soccer players. I realize it must have been easy for him without me this summer, because he's having no problem pretending I don't exist.

So, I spent the rest of my first week in agony. This was supposed to be a good time, the time when I finally saw my best friend in the world, where my life finally got back on track again. I can't figure which is worse. Not having Spot around or having him around, but not with me. I don't know why this is so important. Why I can't just move on. People stop being friends all the time; they make new friends, move on. But I feel like what we had was deeper then friendship, if that's possible. And it's hard to let go.

Unfortunately, both of us our as stubborn as mules. But fortunately, neither of us can keep our mouth's shut and both of us fight like pit bulls. And we've had our share of fights. I gave him stitches once, he knocked me out. Even our fights were fair.

So, Friday night comes, with the traditional start-of-the-school-year kegger. I come with Skittery, Snitch and Bumlets. We pre-gamed first because I knew Spot would be there. Apparently, he had the same idea because the moment we walk into the party house I se him stumbling outside to upchuck in the bushes. As usual, he's followed by a fan club of girls squealing, "are you okay?"

I don't know what the fuck I'm doing here, anyway. I wander around talking mindlessly to people I don't give a shit about.

About an hour later, I see him again, across the room. But this time he sees me and my stomach clenches as he charges over. He reeks of alcohol and his eyes are rimmed with red. I've never seen him so drunk, and that was saying something. All the glow and sophistication he'd had on Monday had been lost by too much drink. I wonder for a moment, what had driven him to it? I'd seen him through some pretty bad times, but he'd never been inspired to get this off-his-ass drunk. I can't stop my feelings for him from getting in the way of my anger. He was my friend. And right now, he needs help.

He had approached me glaring angrily but I give him a look that stops him in my tracks. It's my "I'm sorry" look, and I don't even stop to think that he should be the one to apologize. He comes over and stands next to me.

"You doin' okay?" I ask. His eyes are kind of doing this weird blinky thing, like he's falling asleep.

"I'm drunk off my ass," he chuckles to himself.

"Wanna go outside?" I ask. It's crowded and sweaty and the music is blaring. He nods.

We walk outside and find a deserted picnic table way out in the wooded yard. We sit down and he puts his head in his hands. "Yous okay?" I ask again. He nods slowly.

"Just don't let me pass out," he mumbles.

"I ain't never seen you so drunk," I comment. He is looking over at me now, his head leaning on his hand with his elbow on the table.

"I ain't never been so drunk, 'cept maybe once, in the City," I flinch. He looks at me, looks through me with his mirrored eyes. "I'm sorry, Race. I had to go. I just, I had to figure some stuff out, ya know?" I nod slowly.

I take a deep breath. I can't keep the edge of anger and fear from my voice. "So, did ya figure it out?"

He shrugs. "I thought I did. But now that I'm back, I'm more confused then ever." He looks exhausted. His head is starting to loll.

"Oh." I say. I have a million questions. He feels almost like a stranger to me. But how can I ask? Can I ask? Have things really changed? Can they ever go back to the way they were? I may as well try to find out. And there is one question that burns stronger then all the others. "So, how was sex?"

Spot grins sleepily. His characteristic sparkle returns to his glazed eyes for a moment. "It was amazing," he mumbles slowly. "Race?" he asks.

"Yeah?" I reply.

"I did it with a guy." Oh. And on that interesting note, he passes out.

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So, this is coming pretty fast and furious, but Spot and Race have some crazy chemistry! Anyway, let me know what you think.