It's like he is purposefully trying to do everything he can to get under my skin, to shut me out. Wait, let me backtrack.

So, last night, I do everything a good friend should. I find us a ride home with this girl Linney, who is annoying as hell. She has really short brunette hair and keeps peering back at Spot through her mirror and going, "is he okay?", "is he okay?" We're just turning the corner to my block when she finally looks at me and asks, "are you okay?" Yeah, fine thanks.

Anyway, she finds a little too much pleasure helping me get Spot into the house. He's mumbling and stumbling like he's doing a Kurt Cobain impression. We dump him on the couch. It doesn't strike me as weird until later. Lying in bed, eyes wide open, I realize it's the first time Spot's ever slept on my couch. You see, I have bunk beds (shut up) and he's always slept on top and me on bottom. Things have changed, I tell myself. But I just can't let myself believe it.

So, okay, now to the "under my skin" part. I wake up the next morning and he's gone. I mean, the couch is empty. Fortunately, he didn't fold up the blankets we tossed at him last night, because that would be even more depressing. Instead, it looked like he had just rolled out, the blankets were kind of smooshed and his imprint was still in the couch, in a way that kind of made me want to lie down and see if it was still warm. Okay, weird thought. Ignore that.

Point is, Spot's gone. I'm not sure how to take that. It's the first time he's ever just left my house like that. Lot of firsts lately, and I'm not liking any of them. But it does remind me of him ditching me another time, ahem, which I had almost forgiven him for, seriously.

So, I'm tempted to call him or something, but I know that if I do, I won't be able to just brush over the fact that he disappeared, again. In fact, I'll probably get really pissed. And maybe I have no right to. I mean, it's seems a pretty dumb thing to get upset over. Jesus! When did everything get to be so complicated? I swear things weren't like this before. We used to have that easy kind of friendship where you never thought about anything. There's that word again, used to. Remind me to never use it, ever.

So, my Saturday is hell. I'm actually relived when I have to go to work in the evening, but even that doesn't rescue me from my doomsday slump. I swear I'm not this depressing of a person. Seriously.

So, it had to happen. I mean, when ever you just need to get away from someone and think things over, life just throws them I your face and doesn't even give you the chance to sort things out. And you end up even more confused. You will not believe just how confused I was about to get

As you have probably surmised, Spot showed up at the restaurant that night. But, of course, not in a way that I even remotely expected him to. He showed up with one of the soccer players, this British guy named Micah. Oh yeah, and two girls.

I impulsively headed toward the kitchen. For some reason, I thought I could just hide back there, make it go away. You can crown me the king of denial. Or the pharaoh, if you're cheesy.

In fairness, Spot had no idea I worked there (That's what you get for ditching your best friend). If he had, I'm sure he would have chosen another place. I mean, it was a pretty awkward situation all-around. I mean, he had just confessed possible homosexuality to me last night, and tonight he was on a distinctly heterosexual date. Can a person die of confusion? Because I think I'd much prefer it.

So, back to the kitchen with me. But remember what I told you about life? Yeah well, there is no escaping it's wicked sense of humor.

"Race, party of four, table seven," Raj, one of the hostesses, hands me some menus. I don't even need to look at table seven. Lucky number seven. I am the oral history of punk, and my title is Please Kill Me.

I head toward table seven with heavy feet and ringing in my ear. I can do this. In my imagination, I can sail right over there, keep a cool head, smile wickedly at Spot. Total nonchalance. Why is reality always so much worse? Does it ever beat out imagination, or has it just given up completely? I think the later.

So, I approach. They're talking, laughing; the girls are squirming a little, trying to get the guys to put their hands on them so they can pretend to be disgusted. How very All-American.

I reach the table and they all turn to acknowledge me. The look on Spot's face chalks one up for reality. I could never have imagined such exquisite shock.

I am a waiting machine. "How are you guys doin' tonight?" I ask, pleasantly enough considering I can't feel my legs. Micah looks right through me like we haven't had three years of High School (including several classes) together. His date, who possibly has shit up her nose, does the same.

The other girl, Joyce I think, is in my Math class and probably knows who I am due to a closet Spot obsession. So she says, "hi Race," and then looks at Spot like, "hey, did you notice that your friends are my friends?" Nudge, nudge. Spot is studying his menu like it's the SAT and he's got five minutes left.

"Heya, Race," he says out of the corner of his mouth. Normally, I would be mad, but maybe I'm getting tired of it. Or maybe it's the fact that he's cheeks are turning red like he's just been smacked in the face. I don't know if I have ever seen Spot embarrassed, or even surprised. He's always Mr. Cool, Mr. In Control, Mr. Soulless. It's actually nice to see him fazed.

For a moment, just for a moment, I have the power. And I kind of get a little giddy on it.

"So, are ready to order?" I ask, my imagined grin becoming a reality. Micah and the snob order, then Joyce. I write them down and look at Spot.

"Hey Spot, you okay?" Micah asks. Spot jumps a little, I think Micah may have kicked him under the table.

He coughs into his fist and looks at me dead on. "I'll have the penne rustica," he says, like it's a dare. Remember that power I had? I think I may have just imagined that, too.

XXX

A/N: So, I finally update and you see what happens? Must we make them suffer through any more of this? It's just so unfair, and I promise things are about to get even worse, but not in the way you expect, I promise. Hehe…you'll just have to wait and see…

PS Thanks to reviewers because I would seriously stop writing this right this minute if it were not for you. If you would like that, don't review! ; )