The Greatest Show Ever 4
A/N: I really hate this chapter… so read it at your own risk! Also if any of you like Dean you should skip this one, actually what are you doing reading this? Skip the whole story ;)
And don't tell me that Dean's OC coz I really tried to do him little justice, but having a gag reflex every time I ended up writing him this way…
Last thing - you are great! Thank you all very very much for your reviews!
Disclaimer: What I own – my laptop (that I even named!), too many dvds and cds (in my mother's opinion), a twisted imagination (in everybody's opinion) and this story… What I definitely don't own – GG, Milo (I admitted! Yes! Phase one accomplished lol) and thousands of other stuff that would make me rich and famous…
(Opening. The stage looks completely different than usual; there are white flowers everywhere. A hot looking guy in a tight t-shirt, FBI Fabulous Bachelor Inside printed on it, is sitting on a chair, assuming model-like poses.)
We can hear voices. It's Lorelai and Luke.
Lorelai: … and then I heard that the poor guy went totally Psycho! (expecting a reaction from Luke).
Luke (not listening): That's nice…
Lorelai: Luke, you're not listening! We met a real life Norman Bates!
Luke (seeing the change of scenery and the new guy): What the… Who the hell are you?
Lorelai (seeing the new guy): Oh wow! I mean… that's a nice change… new narrator… new and (eyeing the guy) improved…
Luke: This is ridiculous! I mean it never was serious but now they added to this insanity a life size Ken doll!
Lorelai: I think he can talk and move, which means that he's not a doll but…
Rory and Jess enters. Jess is pushed in by Rory and he looks furious.
Lorelai: Rory! Look! I think they gave us a new toy!
Rory looks around taking in the changes.
Rory: That's great! Reeeeeeeealy great! Just what I needed today…
Lorelai: What's wrong? I bet it's Jess' fault!
Jess looks even more furious but says nothing.
Rory: Not everything is his fault mom! (beat) Except for today…
(Lorelai looks triumphal.)
First he refused to come here today so I needed to use a little force to get him and now he refuses to talk…
Lorelai: It's not like he usually talks volumes.
Rory: Mom! That's not the point!
Lorelai: Not that I'm interested in Jess' state of mind but why this sudden rebellion?
Rory (lowers her eyes): Erm… It's nothing… He just got mad… He doesn't like tonight's choice of guests…
Jess (suddenly finding his voice, shouting): I don't like? I don't like? They did this on purpose to piss me off!
Lorelai: He talked! Rory it's alive! It's aliiiiiive mwahahaha!
Jess (annoyed): Haha Lorelai… (realizing something) You know, that's what was said when (looking angrilyat Rory) our guest appeared on this Earth…
Lorelai looks confused.
Rory: Uh oh…
Someone's voice cuts the silence.
The guest: Very funny… but it's getting a little old, Jess…
Lorelai, Rory, Luke (sigh): Dean…
Jess (sarcastically): Bagboy… Long time, no see, huh? (beat) Let's keep it this way!
Rory: Jess, come on… Try to be civilized…
Dean: Rory, you know better than anyone that you're asking for impossible…
Luke: Dean, why don't you just shut up?
Dean: I guess it runs in family…
Lorelai: Hey!
Dean: I'm really sorry Lorelai. I just can't stand him. Not after everything he did to Rory.
Jess (sarcastically): Oh, please! At least I didn't introduce her to the wonderful world of adultery!
Rory (shocked): Jess!
Dean (triumphant): It really bugs you that she chose me to be her first…
Rory (shocked and angry): Dean!
Jess: Maybe first… but certainly not the best, right Rory? I've had enough for tonight… (he leaves.)
Luke: I think I've had enough, too. (blushing) Too many details about Rory's… erm… life… and Dean's presence… I agree with Jess on that… (he follows Jess.)
Dean (contently): I guess it's just the three of us… Just like the old times…
Lorelai (to herself): Four, there's our silent narrator.
Rory: Ok, Dean since you're here why don't you just tell what you're supposed to tell and leave?
Dean: Rory, aren't you happy to see me?
Rory (muttering): Not really… (smiling politely) The story please!
Lorelai (still to herself): Why would they give him a job like this if he's mute? It's not logical! Ok they needed an eye candy but still… he's supposed to do more than just sit and look hot…
Rory: Mom!Work with me here! NOW!
Lorelai: Wow Rory! Aren't we testy today!
Dean: I just wanted to say that it feels really great to be back with you two. To feel just like at the beginning when it was just the three of us!
Lorelai: Sorry kid but at the beginning it was me and Chris… then me and Rory… then me and Rory and Chris at one point… then again me and…
Rory: Mom we get the point… Now remember when you agreed to a little cooperation? (Lorelai opens her mouth to say something) It starts right now! (Lorelai says nothing, pouting.) Dean – your story!
Dean: I'm here to tell you all, the true story about Rory and… him. Thanks to me you'll see what kind of a guy he is and why hooking up with him was Rory's biggest mistake! (Rory looks angry.) He's a punk, a jerk… and a thief! (Rory shoots death glare.) He stole Rory's bracelet!
New guest appears and cuts in immediately.
The new guest: Sorry Dean, but it's not true… I know it for sure!
Dean (angrily): Of course it is! He stole it and then mind warped her to lie to me! (Lorelai chuckles.)
The new guest: No he didn't! It didn't happen this way!
Dean: Yes it did!
The new guest: No it didn't!
Dean: Yes it…
Rory (interrupting annoyed): Oh my God, are you ten?
The new guest (shyly): Actually I am…
Rory (tiredly): You know what… I don't care… Say whatever you want…
The new guest: Than can I say something? (Rory nods.) He didn't steel me… Oh yeah, Dean it's me, the bracelet (waves to Dean.) Rory dropped me at the picnic and he picked me up and I stayed with him for a while. He didn't know that it was you who made me for her birthday…
Dean: The picnic? (accusingly to Rory) You didn't even realize it was gone for days!
Rory: Dean, would you stop! It was a long time ago!
The Bracelet: Yes Dean, she's right! (beat) But you're not wrong entirely either… I mean it wasn't all that innocent… (to Rory) You did totally forget about me! (long pause) It was symbolic! (looks at everybody proudly.)
Rory (reluctantly): Ok maybe it was but we really were friends and only friends at that time! And Dean, you were always so suspicious about everything and so jealous! Our relationship was going downhill with every scene you were making!
Lorelai: Amen sister! Or rather daughter…
Rory: Mom! You're not helping!
Dean (more and more loudly): Maybe I was jealous, but you gave me reasons to be like this! And this whole "he was just dropping some food from Luke's" thing? Ha!
Rory (shouting exasperated): He was!
Long silence.
Lorelai (out of blue): Do you think he'll dance at the end? You know… hot guy… add a pole, disco music, some cocktails with umbrellas and (sing songy) we have a party!
Everybody stares at Lorelai who just shrugs.
Dean: I think I should go…
Rory: That's the best line you had this entire evening…
Dean: So I guess you won't give me your new cell phone number? (Rory looks disgusted) Ok well… see you!
Lorelai (happily): Bye Dean!
The Bracelet: Dean, wait! I'll go with you!
Dean (off screen): Where do you live now?
The Bracelet (off screen): Oh, in Dean box… It's pretty cozy and the company is nice too. We were actually thinking about putting together a football team. Me and The Lord of the Rings cinema tickets…
Lorelai (to Rory): That was some show… How you're feeling babe?
Rory: Tired… But I should talk to Jess before he'll get even madder…
Lorelai: You know there's a bright side to this whole mess we had tonight.
Rory: There is? Then it must be well hidden…
Lorelai (proudly): I don't think he stole this stupid bracelet anymore!
Rory: Great mom… I'm sure Jess will be thrilled to hear that…
Lorelai: Nah… no need to inform him… (suddenly realizing) What should we do about the narrator? Leave him sitting here in this ridiculous pose?
Rory: I guess… Or maybe we should try to communicate with him?
Lorelai (to the narrator, very slowly): Us (pointing at her and Rory) leave now. You (pointing at the narrator) leave? You stay?
The narrator suddenly stands up. He puts on a white shirt and a very elegant jacket; pulls out a notebook and a pen.
Narrator: I must say that I've been witnessing some very interesting interactions tonight. They will definitely help me in preparation for the next show. (the girls look stunned.) And I've got some precisions to make at this point… First – the former narrator didn't go "Psycho" as you nicely put it Lorelai. His problem was diagnosed as a dysthymic disorder, of course in a DSM-IV classification, which personally being a disciple of post-lacanian theories I don't find accurate… And second – the change in scenery is just temporary. We host a wedding after this show, so… (looking expectedly at Lorelai and Rory who stilllook shocked) we (pointing at the three of them) leave now, ok? (he leaves)
The girls still stay mouth opened.
A/N: Is it me or Dean has this pesky tendency of ruining any fun? I tried to make this chapter funny, but Dean's so… bleh… Won't happen again, I promise!
Reviews… please… pretty please…