A/N: I know there's some innacurracies in this chapter but....for the sake of the story let it go. thanks.
Chapter 5: The Idiocy of Them All
TC was immediately tackled by a large hair creature. Rhia interpreted the shrieks that followed as cries for help, as the beast was completely eclipsing the hobbit, and showing no signs of relenting.
"Hold on TC!" Rhia yelled and looked around her for an object she could use to beat the creature off. The saw two ponies standing nearby watching the scene in complete disinterest. Rhia noticed the scords hanging off the saddles, and she quickly grabbed one.
"Rhia!" TC screamed.
"I'll kill him!" Rhia then proceeded to beat the creature repeatedly with the face of the sword.
"NO!" TC cried as the beast turned his attention to Rhia. "Sammy, leave her alone!" TC commanded, but the warg ignored her. "Sammy! Don't you dare!" It took a few more commands before Sammy finally ceased his pending attack. "Sorry, he's kind of going through an identity crisis right now." TC informed Rhia, who was trying to avoid looking at her. At that point TC realized her face was dripping with Sammy slobber, so she wiped it off, to the best of her ability, much to Rhia's relief.
"So that...is that a warg?" Rhia asked, poking Sammy's forehead, causing a growl.
"Yeah, picked him up on oour way to Helm's Deep." TC said, mounting Sammy. "Hop on one of the ponies, we're going to see Sam."
"Sam? As in Samwise Gamgee?"
"Yes."
"You know him?"
"Rhia...did you not listen when I explained what happened?"
"I thought you made it up."
"Judas Priest how'd you think we became hobbits?"
"I don't know, I thought you'd gotten too into your role-playing!"
"Well we are royally screwed." MC pessimized. "We have to get back to Hobbiton somehow, but the only way I know of is from inside my house and through that front door, but that really isn't an option anymore since my mom thinks that I invited two male friends over to practice their gay habits, then she walked in on me and my two femal friends locked in the bathroom and automatically assumed we were doing lesbian things with each other!" MC stopped her rant and stared at Merry and Pippin, expecting consolation of some sort, but recieved none, since Merry and Pippin had no idea what MC had just said, so they simply stared back.
"So..." Merry said, once he'd decided the awkward pause had lasted long enough. The utterance was a waste however, as it was followed by another long, awkward pause.
Finally, Pippin spoke. "I just don't get why what we did was so bad."
"Well it wasn't, but my mom thought you were doing something else. This is a whole different world that you guys are used to and males do different things than you probably are used to. Can we just leave it at that?"
"No." The two hobbits replied in unison.
"Why are you so red?" Pippin asked upon MC's severe blushing.
"Because I really don't want to have to explain this to you guys, okay? Now, can we start working on a plan to get back to Hobbiton?"
Merry and Pippin begrudgingly complied.
Sam's eyes widened when he saw TC and her beloved pet walking down the path. He didn't recognize the girl with her, but he could only assume she was troulbe, especcially since she was human.
"Rosie you should go inside. You don't want to meet these two." Sam said to his wife, who was standing next to him.
"You know them?" Rosie asked, suspicious of the human.
"Well, one of them. The hobbit. She went with us on our quest with Mr. Frodo. That's the one thing I resent about him, he's the one who invited her and her other friend along. I have no idea who the human is, but you really don't want to know this hobbit."
"Oh..." Rosie looked somewhat surprised that Sam actually seemed to hate someone, but trusted his word and went into their hobbithole.
"You again." Sam greeted coldly as TC and Rhia reached his fence. "And you have a new friend. How nice. What havoc are you two wreaking today?"
"None..." TC replied, and would have continued were it not for Sam cutting her off.
"Where's MC?"
"Earth."
"What?"
"We went back to earth. Regular earth, not Middle Earth, just earth, after Frodo left we came back and our hobbit hold was MC's house so we went back there and couldn't get back here so we got our friend Rhia to help then me and her came back here but MC, Merry, and Pippin are stuck back in regular earth so will you help us get them back?"
Sam stared for a moment, then blinked, then spoke his reply. "Even if I knew what you were talking about, I wouldn't help you." Same started to turn back to his hole, but TC stopped him.
"Do you have a map, then?" she asked.
"Why?"
"We'll get help from Aragorn, since you won't, but I can't find Rohan without a map."
"He lives in Gondor, TC." Rhia whispered."
"I can't find Gondor without a map." TC corrected.
"I don't think you could find it WITH a map, and even if you could, what makes you think Aragorn would help you?"
"We'll tell him we'll leave him alone if he does."
"Whatever you say." Sam went into his hobbit hole and shut the door behind him. TC and Rhia waited for several minutes, then Rhia said she didn't think he was going to give them a map, and TC agreed.
"I'm sure I could find it, I mean, I have been there before..." TC stated.
"Are you sure?" Rhia asked doubtfully.
"Of course!" TC said confidently.
"Okay then, let's go."
"Alrighty."
"You have to lead though."
"Right..."TC laughed nervously and started walking Sammy down the path.
"About how long will it take us to get there?"
"Long time."
"Are we stopping anywhere?"
"Bree."
"Okay. How far until that?"
"Are you going to do this the whole time? I'll knock you off that pony and leave you there if you are."
"Fine." Rhia sighed. "I feel ridiculous on this pony. My feet are dragging on the ground!"
"We'll trade it in for a horse once we reach Bree."
"No you won't." Sam yelled. The two girls turned around and saw Sam riding towards them on his pony. "You won't trade Merry's pony without tellin' him."
"Then we'll trade yours, what gives?"
"What?"
"Why are you following us?"
"Rosie made me." Sam said sheepishly, causing both girls to laugh loudly.
"Oh! You know how to get to Gondor?" TC asked, causing Rhia to raise an eyebrow.
"No, and I don't have a map either." Sam replied.
"Crap..."
"It shouldn't matter though, right, because you know how to get there, don't you TC?" Rhia prodded.
"Yeah..." TC said, not so confidently.
"So we're screwed." Rhia pessimized.
"Pretty much." Sam agreed.
"Thanks guys." TC muttered sarcastically.
"It's amazing how much nicer these woods seem when you don't have a nazgul on your trail." Sam observed as they walked down the very path where he and the others first met TC and MC. "or hearing hobbits yell obscene things at each other."
TC and Rhia completely ignored Sam. They didn't even hear a word he said. TC was giving Rhia a more detailed description of what happened on the quest. She made sure to include every one of Sam's offences, and may have exaggerated a couple. Of course they were far enough away from Sam that he couldn't hear them if they whispered, so he couldn't figure out why Rhia kept sending him dirty or shocked looks. After a while they reached the Buckleberry Ferry.
"I don't think the ponies can get on that without sinking it." Sam said.
"Sure they could." TC stated loudly and sarcastically. "Well, me and Sammy are swimming across."
"You're going to swim?" Rhia inquired, raising an eyebrow.
"Well, Sammy's going to swim while I ride him." TC replied somewhat sheepishly as she rode Sammy into the river.
"Honestly, could you have picked a different name for that beast?" Sam asked in annoyance.
"Yeah, and I did, but I had to change it. Aragorn didn't want a warg running around with his name."
"Neither do I!"
"When you're king of a country, I might consider changing it." TC yelled back.
"I'm the mayor of Hobbiton!"
"We're not in Hobbiton right now though, you have no power. Are you guys going to cross this river or what?" TC had already reached the other side.
"Alright, how can we get in my house without my mom noticing?" MC muttered to herself.
"I don't know." Pippin replied.
Merry smacked his friend. "I don't think she was addressing us, Pippin!"
"Well that's silly! No one else is here, who else would she be talking to?"
"I was talking to myself." MC informed them, bringing a surprised look to Merry and Pippin's paces, as they;d thought that MC couldn't hear them. The only flaw in that plan was that MC was all of two feet away and no matter how quietly they spoke, she was going to hear them.
"Well, what's your answer?" Pippin asked, earning another smack from Merry.
"If she knew the answer, she wouldn't have asked the question!"
"But she was asking herself! Every question is asked for the purpose of the answer, so why would she ask herself if she didn't know?" Pippin refuted, while MC stared in disbelief at the idiocy of the hobbit.
"Guys, can you stop bickering and help me out?"
"Well fine!" Pippin replied as if she'd had no reason to snap at them.
"So, how do we get in without my mom noticing?" MC asked again. Merry and Pippin were silent. "I was addressing the question to you guys this time."
"Oh. Well, in that case...we still don't know." Merry answered.
"You can't stay at the Prancing Pony!" Butterbur yelled in their face.
"Why not? We haven't done anything wrong!" TC cried, causing Sam, Rhia, and Butterbur to stare at her in disbelief.
"You wanted to roast me!" the innkeeper yelled.
"Okay, well...those two haven't done anything." TC replied quietly.
"Right, so we should stay here while you stay somewhere else." Sam said, smiling.
"There's nowhere else to stay!"
"So you can stay in the stables with that beast of yours."
"That creature is not staying in my stables!" Butterbur interjected.
"Ha, guess you get to sleep outside in the rain." Sam taunted.
"It had to start raining." TC muttered.
"Wet warg can't smell very good. Probably worse than wet dog." Rhia pointed out oh-so-helpfully.
"Thanks Rhia." TC said sarcastically. "Now I have something to look forward to.
"Have fun." Sam said joyously, waving TC off. She smirked in reply, then headed our the door muttering obscenities and otherwise random comments that were unintelligible anyways.
Chapter 5: The Idiocy of Them All
TC was immediately tackled by a large hair creature. Rhia interpreted the shrieks that followed as cries for help, as the beast was completely eclipsing the hobbit, and showing no signs of relenting.
"Hold on TC!" Rhia yelled and looked around her for an object she could use to beat the creature off. The saw two ponies standing nearby watching the scene in complete disinterest. Rhia noticed the scords hanging off the saddles, and she quickly grabbed one.
"Rhia!" TC screamed.
"I'll kill him!" Rhia then proceeded to beat the creature repeatedly with the face of the sword.
"NO!" TC cried as the beast turned his attention to Rhia. "Sammy, leave her alone!" TC commanded, but the warg ignored her. "Sammy! Don't you dare!" It took a few more commands before Sammy finally ceased his pending attack. "Sorry, he's kind of going through an identity crisis right now." TC informed Rhia, who was trying to avoid looking at her. At that point TC realized her face was dripping with Sammy slobber, so she wiped it off, to the best of her ability, much to Rhia's relief.
"So that...is that a warg?" Rhia asked, poking Sammy's forehead, causing a growl.
"Yeah, picked him up on oour way to Helm's Deep." TC said, mounting Sammy. "Hop on one of the ponies, we're going to see Sam."
"Sam? As in Samwise Gamgee?"
"Yes."
"You know him?"
"Rhia...did you not listen when I explained what happened?"
"I thought you made it up."
"Judas Priest how'd you think we became hobbits?"
"I don't know, I thought you'd gotten too into your role-playing!"
"Well we are royally screwed." MC pessimized. "We have to get back to Hobbiton somehow, but the only way I know of is from inside my house and through that front door, but that really isn't an option anymore since my mom thinks that I invited two male friends over to practice their gay habits, then she walked in on me and my two femal friends locked in the bathroom and automatically assumed we were doing lesbian things with each other!" MC stopped her rant and stared at Merry and Pippin, expecting consolation of some sort, but recieved none, since Merry and Pippin had no idea what MC had just said, so they simply stared back.
"So..." Merry said, once he'd decided the awkward pause had lasted long enough. The utterance was a waste however, as it was followed by another long, awkward pause.
Finally, Pippin spoke. "I just don't get why what we did was so bad."
"Well it wasn't, but my mom thought you were doing something else. This is a whole different world that you guys are used to and males do different things than you probably are used to. Can we just leave it at that?"
"No." The two hobbits replied in unison.
"Why are you so red?" Pippin asked upon MC's severe blushing.
"Because I really don't want to have to explain this to you guys, okay? Now, can we start working on a plan to get back to Hobbiton?"
Merry and Pippin begrudgingly complied.
Sam's eyes widened when he saw TC and her beloved pet walking down the path. He didn't recognize the girl with her, but he could only assume she was troulbe, especcially since she was human.
"Rosie you should go inside. You don't want to meet these two." Sam said to his wife, who was standing next to him.
"You know them?" Rosie asked, suspicious of the human.
"Well, one of them. The hobbit. She went with us on our quest with Mr. Frodo. That's the one thing I resent about him, he's the one who invited her and her other friend along. I have no idea who the human is, but you really don't want to know this hobbit."
"Oh..." Rosie looked somewhat surprised that Sam actually seemed to hate someone, but trusted his word and went into their hobbithole.
"You again." Sam greeted coldly as TC and Rhia reached his fence. "And you have a new friend. How nice. What havoc are you two wreaking today?"
"None..." TC replied, and would have continued were it not for Sam cutting her off.
"Where's MC?"
"Earth."
"What?"
"We went back to earth. Regular earth, not Middle Earth, just earth, after Frodo left we came back and our hobbit hold was MC's house so we went back there and couldn't get back here so we got our friend Rhia to help then me and her came back here but MC, Merry, and Pippin are stuck back in regular earth so will you help us get them back?"
Sam stared for a moment, then blinked, then spoke his reply. "Even if I knew what you were talking about, I wouldn't help you." Same started to turn back to his hole, but TC stopped him.
"Do you have a map, then?" she asked.
"Why?"
"We'll get help from Aragorn, since you won't, but I can't find Rohan without a map."
"He lives in Gondor, TC." Rhia whispered."
"I can't find Gondor without a map." TC corrected.
"I don't think you could find it WITH a map, and even if you could, what makes you think Aragorn would help you?"
"We'll tell him we'll leave him alone if he does."
"Whatever you say." Sam went into his hobbit hole and shut the door behind him. TC and Rhia waited for several minutes, then Rhia said she didn't think he was going to give them a map, and TC agreed.
"I'm sure I could find it, I mean, I have been there before..." TC stated.
"Are you sure?" Rhia asked doubtfully.
"Of course!" TC said confidently.
"Okay then, let's go."
"Alrighty."
"You have to lead though."
"Right..."TC laughed nervously and started walking Sammy down the path.
"About how long will it take us to get there?"
"Long time."
"Are we stopping anywhere?"
"Bree."
"Okay. How far until that?"
"Are you going to do this the whole time? I'll knock you off that pony and leave you there if you are."
"Fine." Rhia sighed. "I feel ridiculous on this pony. My feet are dragging on the ground!"
"We'll trade it in for a horse once we reach Bree."
"No you won't." Sam yelled. The two girls turned around and saw Sam riding towards them on his pony. "You won't trade Merry's pony without tellin' him."
"Then we'll trade yours, what gives?"
"What?"
"Why are you following us?"
"Rosie made me." Sam said sheepishly, causing both girls to laugh loudly.
"Oh! You know how to get to Gondor?" TC asked, causing Rhia to raise an eyebrow.
"No, and I don't have a map either." Sam replied.
"Crap..."
"It shouldn't matter though, right, because you know how to get there, don't you TC?" Rhia prodded.
"Yeah..." TC said, not so confidently.
"So we're screwed." Rhia pessimized.
"Pretty much." Sam agreed.
"Thanks guys." TC muttered sarcastically.
"It's amazing how much nicer these woods seem when you don't have a nazgul on your trail." Sam observed as they walked down the very path where he and the others first met TC and MC. "or hearing hobbits yell obscene things at each other."
TC and Rhia completely ignored Sam. They didn't even hear a word he said. TC was giving Rhia a more detailed description of what happened on the quest. She made sure to include every one of Sam's offences, and may have exaggerated a couple. Of course they were far enough away from Sam that he couldn't hear them if they whispered, so he couldn't figure out why Rhia kept sending him dirty or shocked looks. After a while they reached the Buckleberry Ferry.
"I don't think the ponies can get on that without sinking it." Sam said.
"Sure they could." TC stated loudly and sarcastically. "Well, me and Sammy are swimming across."
"You're going to swim?" Rhia inquired, raising an eyebrow.
"Well, Sammy's going to swim while I ride him." TC replied somewhat sheepishly as she rode Sammy into the river.
"Honestly, could you have picked a different name for that beast?" Sam asked in annoyance.
"Yeah, and I did, but I had to change it. Aragorn didn't want a warg running around with his name."
"Neither do I!"
"When you're king of a country, I might consider changing it." TC yelled back.
"I'm the mayor of Hobbiton!"
"We're not in Hobbiton right now though, you have no power. Are you guys going to cross this river or what?" TC had already reached the other side.
"Alright, how can we get in my house without my mom noticing?" MC muttered to herself.
"I don't know." Pippin replied.
Merry smacked his friend. "I don't think she was addressing us, Pippin!"
"Well that's silly! No one else is here, who else would she be talking to?"
"I was talking to myself." MC informed them, bringing a surprised look to Merry and Pippin's paces, as they;d thought that MC couldn't hear them. The only flaw in that plan was that MC was all of two feet away and no matter how quietly they spoke, she was going to hear them.
"Well, what's your answer?" Pippin asked, earning another smack from Merry.
"If she knew the answer, she wouldn't have asked the question!"
"But she was asking herself! Every question is asked for the purpose of the answer, so why would she ask herself if she didn't know?" Pippin refuted, while MC stared in disbelief at the idiocy of the hobbit.
"Guys, can you stop bickering and help me out?"
"Well fine!" Pippin replied as if she'd had no reason to snap at them.
"So, how do we get in without my mom noticing?" MC asked again. Merry and Pippin were silent. "I was addressing the question to you guys this time."
"Oh. Well, in that case...we still don't know." Merry answered.
"You can't stay at the Prancing Pony!" Butterbur yelled in their face.
"Why not? We haven't done anything wrong!" TC cried, causing Sam, Rhia, and Butterbur to stare at her in disbelief.
"You wanted to roast me!" the innkeeper yelled.
"Okay, well...those two haven't done anything." TC replied quietly.
"Right, so we should stay here while you stay somewhere else." Sam said, smiling.
"There's nowhere else to stay!"
"So you can stay in the stables with that beast of yours."
"That creature is not staying in my stables!" Butterbur interjected.
"Ha, guess you get to sleep outside in the rain." Sam taunted.
"It had to start raining." TC muttered.
"Wet warg can't smell very good. Probably worse than wet dog." Rhia pointed out oh-so-helpfully.
"Thanks Rhia." TC said sarcastically. "Now I have something to look forward to.
"Have fun." Sam said joyously, waving TC off. She smirked in reply, then headed our the door muttering obscenities and otherwise random comments that were unintelligible anyways.