"It's been a month and a half since he left…and I am pretty sure I'm pregnant, and the only person's it could be is his…I hope he comes back before I have this baby though…because I've been feeling weaker with each day that passes and I don't think that after I have this child I'm going to live much longer…it's draining on me…I think Ellone realizes this, and she tries to cheer me up so much, but seeing her adorable face and her cute voice telling me he'll be back doesn't help much.
Laguna where are you and why haven't I gotten any letters…are you ok…?
I told Ellone today I was going to have a baby and she put her head against my stomach trying to listen and said "Can he kick yet!" she seemed a little disappointed when I told her it was too soon for that though. Maybe one day you'll come back, even if it's when I'm gone, and maybe you'll find my journal and find out what has happened while you've been gone, because I may not be around to tell you when you do. When I do die…they're going to put Ellone in an orphanage…and I just hope you're here before then so she doesn't have to be alone…" She realized her page was being dotted with tears and wiped her eyes, calming down a bit before writing some more. "She deserves to have someone to care for her, she's always been there for me, even though it seems like she needs me, I really think that the fact is now that I need her more than she's ever needed me.
She worries a lot for a little girl. Somehow I think she knows much more than she lets on. I think she knows that I'm not going to be here much longer because even when she's smiling, I look at her eyes and see nothing but sadness…sadness so strong I almost start crying every time I look at her now.
I've come up with what I'm going to name the baby. If it's a girl her name will be 'Melina' and if it's a boy, I really do love this name; if it's a boy he'll be named 'Squall'. I don't know it just sounds like a strong name. I secretly hope it's a boy for that reason. I would want him to be as strong as his dad is. I refuse to say was, I don't think you're dead, so I will not say was. Would you believe that some people in town are already acting like you've died, telling me to forget about you? I was so angry I never opened the bar that night and got an abrupt apology the next morning.
It hurts me to know I won't be there long for my child after it's born…" She wiped her eyes again and blew her nose, she didn't want to cry anymore. She held her growing stomach a moment, which brought a smile to her face before she continued to write once more. "I want to be a good mother but I know my time on this world is almost up…I want my baby to grow up knowing his mom loved him, and that she really wanted to be there for him but that life is often unfair…I hope you come back to see your baby and take care of him, but I've already talked to the owner of the orphanage about this too, and she said she'd be more than willing to take a newborn baby as well. That Edea is such a lovely woman…Well no more talk of this, I'll go to bed, I need as much strength as I can get to make sure my baby is born healthy! I hope you come back soon Laguna…I really do…I'll Love you Forever…"
She finished up her journal entry and laid in her bed, staring out the window at the starry sky.
"I'm pretty sure that you're gonna be a boy…so Squall, I hope one day, you'll look up at these stars and know your mommy is watching over you…and maybe you're daddy will be back to tell you how much I love you, and how sorry I am that I can't be there for you. Even if he isn't, I know Ellone will treat you like her own baby brother and watch over you for me and for Laguna…" tears stained her cheeks as she drifted off to sleep praying that maybe she was wrong and maybe she would be there for her son after all.
"Raine! Raine!" Ellone called from downstairs. Raine shot up from her bed and ran down the stairs thinking something was wrong.
"What is it Ellone!" she looked at Ellone who turned around and held a newspaper out to her. "Look! Laguna is in a picture!" she held the paper out to Raine, however Ellone couldn't read and didn't see the headline. GALBADIAN SOLDIERS CAPTURED BY ESTHAR SOLDIERS the headline read and beneath were pictures of smiling soldiers who had been captured by Esthar, one of which was the all to familiar smiling face of Laguna. Tears began to streak down her cheeks and Ellone looked at her frowning.
"What's wrong Raine?" she said hugging Raine around the legs. "Awen't you glad to see Laguna is ok?" she looked up at Raine with those same sad eyes that seemed so haunting, but showed concern for her mother-like friend.
"No, honey, I'm fine…I'm just happy to see him…" she lied, plastering on a smile for Ellone. "Go play with the neighbors across the way, I'm going to read the paper…" she said sitting down with it as Ellone nodded and ran out the door. The article had short interviews with soldiers who managed to escape, among them Kiros, she read his part avidly:
"They surrounded us on all sides and stuff. I was lucky, I knocked out one of 'em and jumped through the rest, making my way as far as I could from the scene, I thought my pal was behind me, but when I looked back I realized he wasn't there…they got him…luckily my other buddy made it, he can't talk but I know what he's sayin' and he's agreeing with what I say, so you don't haveta interview him. I didn't see where they took our men, but if they took 'em to Esthar…I don't think we'll ever see 'em again…no one but the people of Esthar actually know how to get into the place after all…" the interview went on, but Raine couldn't read anymore. She sat at the table, slumped over, her head in her arms crying. She knew she'd never see him again now, there was no way. He'd been captured and was being held captive or worse executed already by the Esthar government, and there was no way of rescuing him anyway.
She stayed at home and got someone to run the bar for her that night, sitting alone eating what she had to for her baby and crying into the night until sleep overcame her.