Jayne had left his bunk hatch unlocked. So when River placed her hand on the latch, it gave easily. She slipped inside, and gently lowered her feet to the floor.
His room was dark, but he had left a low light on in the corner. As a result, she could clearly see him laying on his bunk, on his front, his chest rising and falling in sleep. The light threw low shadows across his back, and down his arms, revealing both the curve of his muscles and the purplish bruises on his skin.
Once again she remembered the way he had stood in the hold that first night. He had stood so confidently, so strong - like a tree. And now, as he lay before her on his bunk, he looked like a totally different person. He was physically – and she could feel, emotionally - beaten out of recognition. She felt, once again, a pang in her chest.
The patterns she had used to sense from him had been so straightforward, so resolute. But now, she realised, there was nothing but confusion, doubt…and a deep sadness. It was as if that person she had known was no longer whole – but a shadow.
He was feeling, she realised, as she had when she had first arrived on Serenity. How she still felt sometimes - when dark memories drifted through her dreams. The only difference was, that his body currently described his inner feelings. Hers betrayed nothing of her inner self.
She felt a strong desire to touch him.
Slowly, she approached him. As she did so however, she realised he was naked beneath the thin sheet that laid over his body. But whereas before she had felt fear at his physical presence, at that moment she felt none. She knew he had no will to use his body against her, against anyone. He wasweary.
She wanted to run a hand across him, to ease the pain, raw in his mind. To soothe and return him to himself - as she had so often wished someone would for her. She felt a knot of emotion come to her throat.
Where was River Tam…? Partly within her, but also – still on the operating table.
She lowered her head and let the tears come. "They shot the tiger on his chain," she murmured, her voice trembling.
For a moment, there was only the sound of her quiet sobs, and the low hum of the ship's engine. But presently, a low growl came from the shadows. "Gorram it,"
River started, and stepped back. The voice continued: "If you're gonna bawl can't you do it quietly." His body stirred. Slowly, like a great beast getting up from rest, he rolled sluggishly over to his side. The light fell across his face, revealing the bruising around his cool, blue eyes.
For a moment, he regarded her with vague curiosity. But then, shrugging his shoulders, seemed to accept her presence. "Why yer cryin' anyway, I gorram don't know. I wouldn't thought you'da been happy as a drunk to see me like this. After our last words."
His eyes clouded over slightly. "Not sayin' that you were wrong some anyway. In fact, you wereright. Turns out I'm even more of a dumb sommbitch than even you could imagine. Even with all those brains o' yours." He gave a slow, heavy sigh.
River caught her breath between her sobs. She shook her head. "No. No sommbitch." she said, "You never told them. You never told them about me."
A bitter expression flashed across his face. "Yeah, well, I wouldn't take that too much to heart. It weren't ruttin' heroics. I had other things on my mind."
A quiet moment passed. She continued to watch him. This was a man who was around twenty years her senior. A man had spent his life killing, maiming, and on most occasions laughing about it later. Whose most intellectual thought had probably been about a gun.
But as he laid there now, she could feel his suffering for every moment. For every decision, and for every act. He had a new humility. She didn't know why – but to her, it didn't matter.
It was bizarre – but she had never felt closer to anyone in her life. Despite everything that he had said and done. She moved ever so slightly closer to him, reached out a hand, and laid it gently on his arm.
Almost as soon as she did so, his eyes flashed up to meet hers. But as he looked at her, she saw confliction in his features. Shock, caution, confusion, sadness. And then, as she started to stroke him - finally, understanding.
Her eyes stayed on his. She knew that at that moment she would be utterly unable to explain how she felt. The sympathy and empathy she felt for him as he lay there, beaten and broken. She just hoped her eyes could convey it.
"I thought we talked about the Jayne touchin'" he half-joked, but his voice trembled. At which point he suddenly looked away. She heard him exhale, like a man fighting to control himself. His shoulders gave a slight heave.
It was too much for River. She pulled back the sheet, crawled in beside him, and pressed her head against his chest.
The mercenary momentarily tensed, his breath quickening. But as she laid there, motionless save for the hand on his arm – he slowly began to relax.
No point questionin', he thought to himself. And gorram it, she feels nice.
So he laid his head back into her hair, and breathed.
It felt like the early hours when she awoke.
The first sense she had was one of total calm. She felt him lying next to her - a man almost twice her size. But instead of scaring her, she felt totally secure. Strangely protected.
She let a sigh escape her lips. She knew that shortly she would have to return to her room, or Simon would come looking - but for the time being she simply wanted to be.
Presently however, Jayne's body stirred. He was still asleep, but had part-sensed her wakefulness. River watched in interest as he moved an arm across to pulled her closer, so her head was against his chest. He then lowered his hand to his stomach, and held her.
As he did so, her skirt rose ever so slightly above her knees.It was at that point she became very aware of her legs on his, and also of his shoulders - pressed against hers. There was also a smell - guns and cigars - but also, something else. Something pleasant, earthy. Him.
She looked down at the dark, powerful arm laying across her. She mused on how it contrasted sharply with the ivory white of her own skin. And then, with a surprise, she also became aware of a slow sensation that was developing in her lower belly. Just where his hand now lay.
To begin with, it felt like butterflies. But it was beginning to be more intense. It moved lower, and began to spread across upper thighs.
She bit her lip in surprise. This was new.
She suddenly felt very alert, and even more sensitive than normal. His skin, despite the scarring, was incredibly soft. He was also beautifully warm. Best of all however, his chest muscles and thighs were, she realised, pleasantly hard. Almost without knowing, she gently began to rub herself against him like a cat.
As she did so, she became aware of his fingers. He had started to stroke her gently, across her belly. His touch was pleasurable – but….she clenched her teeth. She realised, he was being almost too gentle. She was confused.
In her mind she began to feel waves. They were the same, she realised with a start, as those she had felt from Zoe's cabin. But the difference was that this time - the waves were coming from her. And, on a lower level, him.
Slowly the wave began tocombine. She felt as if she was being swept away. Almost without realising, she exhaled, put her hand over his, and pushed it slowly between her thighs.
Straight away she heard his breathing hoarsen and become shallower. She could also feel the beat of his heart through her shoulder blade. It was pumping, faster, louder. He was, she realised, suddenly very awake.
He gave a low growl, and pulled her even closer towards his body. She felt a thrill move through her as she felt a hardness in the small of her back. He then pushed his lips to her ear, and started to talk in a low voice, as he slowly massaged her upper thighs with the palm of his hand.
"I remember once," he murmured. " I told you I would never fuck you out of pity. It was a lie. But," he said, and his voice trembled, "It doesn't mean you have to do it to me."
She shuddered as he swore. That word - fuck - thathad seemed so brutal when he used it before, now seemed to her so vital. She had read about the biology of situations such as these in textbooks. But she had never experienced the actual feeling. It was much more – complex than what she had read.
There was no question of pity. She began to move against him more urgently. Slowly, his fingers moved between her legs. She gasped, gently. And then, closing her eyes, she ran her hands down her body, and rolled to face him.
Her eyes searched for his. She held his gaze for a moment, as if to answer his question - and thenreached forward and pressed her lips against his neck. She opened her mouth, and ran her teeth and tongue across his skin.
Jayne didn't need any further encouragement. He exhaled, and rolled over on top of her, carrying his weight on his lower arms and knees. Again, his eyes locked into hers.
Only moments before, River had felt very little vitality in him. It had all been hidden beneath the darkness of his thoughts. It seemed however, that even at his lowest point, Jayne could not ignore the most basic needs of his body.
River was thrilled.
He opened his mouth to speak again. "This is your last chance." His voice was raspy. He pressed himself against her. "If you want to go, then go now. But don't expect me to stop once I start. Even if you could gorram well kill me now if you wanted. Because right now, I don't care. I don't care what happens to me. I'm beyond it. But I still want you."
His urgency both excited and, at a low level, frightened her. But not enough, she realised, to make her feel threatened. "I won't hurt you," he added. " I know better."
"And I," she replied, "won't hurt either." And then she hungrily reached up to kiss him.
Jayne opened his mouth in surprise as he felt her lips on his. Sex he dealt with – not this. But now, as he felt her breath on his face, and her small mouth leaning for his, he allowed himself to be taken. Hungrily, he replied. His tongue slipped against hers, and then, as he fell into it, he lowered himself onto one elbow, pulled her closer, and began to explore her mouth.
At the same time, his other hand slid gently along her lithe body, and pulled up her skirt. Smoothly, hepulled away her underwear. Meanwhile, she leant further forward into his kiss, placing both of her hands on his chest, enjoying the feel of his scars and muscles – and the hair between her fingers.
Try as she might however she could not ignore the feel of his hard shaft against her leg. His arm was now pushing her lower body against it, moving her gently up and down. With each movement, her skirt moved further up until eventually, it was around her waist. She shivered in anticipation as she felt it against her thigh.
In the back of her mind, she remembered the time. They only had so much. So she broke their kisses and leaned back, so she could once again look him in the eye. Wordlessly, he understood. He placed a hand on her haunches, held her against him, and then rolled them both so he was once again lying above her.
Jayne could hardly believe it. Before him lay the girl that had so annoyed him, drove him crazy, hurt him, confused him, been the start of all his troubles. But he wanted her all the same. And further, he wanted to make her happy. It was alien.
He watched her face as he manoeuvred himself against her, and then gently pushed inside. An initial look of shock passed over her features, and she tensed. But as her body reacted for her, he began to feel her relax again. He started to rock against her, slowly.
As soon as her felt her slide around him, he struggled against losing himself. His eyes rolled back into his head. Normally, he felt very much the predator in these situations. But as he was now moving inside her, he also felt her, somehow, move into him.
He felt the light touch of her hands, clasping onto his back. Her legs also raised and wrapped around his haunches. As she did so, he felt her open up beneath him. She pulled him closer, impatiently, with her thighs. He gasped. His eyes once again focused on hers. She was biting her lip, but her eyes spoke volumes. Don't be too gentle.
He waited a moment, enjoying the look of urgency in her eyes. Then, keeping his eyes on hers, he thrust into her more deeply. He exhaled a groan and he felt himself push against her cervix. She in turn pushed back her head and gave a cry.
He began to rock more rapidly against her, enjoying the way she had begun to writhe gently beneath him, her skirts rising higher and higher around her waist. Her skin was beginning to glow with the first flush of perspiration. Jayne allowed himself to balance on one arm, as he brought the other up to undo the light fabric of her top.
As he did so, she raised herself up on her elbows and again reached for his mouth with hers. As their lips met, she felt a shudder pass down his back. His damp palm reached inside and clasped around her breast. He began to massage, open handed -his fingers teasing her nipple. She exhaled, her lips mouthing his name.
His thrusts became faster still.
River's mind was a mass of pulsing, hot vibration. On one hand, she felt his – louder, deeper. And her own, moving in and around his. But as their bodies moved together, faster, she began to feel the waves move into synch. Also, as this happened, she began to feel Jayne's back shudder more frequently. In response, she felt herself begin to momentarily tighten around him. She knew they were both close.
She felt in another world. But at the same time, acutely sensitive of every feeling. Of his own damp chest sliding against hers. His shaft stiffening even more within her. And then, his thrusts becoming more erratic, as his body prepared to climax inside her.
Almost automatically, she felt him begin to pull away from her. But as he did so, she gripped him even closer with her thighs. He opened his eyes to look at her, in surprise. And then, Jayne's eyes rolled back into his head.
As she felt him pulse within her, she felt her own vibrations begin. She clasped her hands around the back of his neck, leant back her head, cand cried out his name.
Presently, she rose up from the bed, and turned to face him. He was lying on his back, covered in a thin film of sweat. His chest was still visibly rising and falling as he recovered his breath.
He saw her move, and reached out an arm."Ya goin' already?". His eyeslooked tired, but also, she noticed, both relieved - and vulnerable.
She reached down and smoothed down her skirts, and then up to rebutton her top. The she looked back as him with an expression she hoped showed her regret at her departure. "Simon," she said, in explanation.
As she spoke, however, she felt a thin trail of moisture run down her leg. Her eyes widened with the realisation of what had just happened. She felt both a rush of concern but also - excitement. Sherubbed her skirt against her thigh. Then she reached across, caught his lips with hers, and then turned to go.
"Yeah, well are you- " he began, but she was already moving towards the hatch. She gave him one, final look - but then was gone.
As the hatch closed, Jayne became suddenly aware of the emptiness of his room.
"- coming back?" he whispered, to the air.