Chapter 4

Every time I wore those underwear—the ones with the butterflies on them—I realized something good happened. From winning the contest to seeing Justin to getting a free video rental at the place downtown for being the 100th customer that month, something awesome always happened the day I put them on. And that's when I got the idea to use them for youth group on Sunday, which happened to be one day away.

I, however, was not wearing the underwear when Kari called with grapevine news. Yes, no matter what Justin said, I was part of a very remote branch of the church grapevine. Nobody really even knew that I heard some of the news, because I never started any of it or never talked about it with anyone other than Kari.

And the minute I heard her news, all of my hopes crashed.

"Oh, you'll never guess what happened!" Kari said.

"Who?" I said unenthusiastically, going through all of the hoops that were required when talking to Kari. When she reported something from the grapevine, you normally had to prod her. Either she wanted to be prodded—for the sake of drama, she said for some reason—or she had gotten off the subject. Kari tended to do that when she told stories.

"Justin."

That got my attention. "What?"

"Brianna."

Oh no. "You mean, the 'what' is Brianna?"

"They're finally an item," I prayed what she said was just something the grapevine had mixed up or even conjured. Maybe they'd been seen at the mall talking or something but it was really nothing… I was making no sense. Of course, what was I thinking? I'd seen them flirting several times at youth group, just had tried to deny it. No, Justin was mine. But now I realized that it wasn't true, he was not mine and was free to date other girls. Like Brianna.

"Oh," was all I could say. Of course, Kari could not have broken it any nicer to me. She didn't even know of my secret love for Justin. Ha. Secret love. More like obsessive crush. That I'd had for years. "That's cool." Smooth, Allie.

"It was bound to happen, really. I mean they've liked each other for so long…" Kari's voice slowly drifted off, and though I could hear her jabbering still, I wasn't paying attention to what she said. I would rather wallow in my own misery than hear her chat cheerfully about my fate…

Tia Christie, of course, was wondering why I was so down after that phone call. After some prodding I sighed and blurted everything out. "Kari called with news from the church grapevine and was jabbering all very cheerfully about how Justin and this other girl Brianna are practically in love and they're finally an item officially and how they were made for each other and how they liked each other for so long and how it was about time that they got together and I know it will be all very horrible when I go to youth group tomorrow because everyone will know they're an item and they'll be all over each other and I will have to deal with it and it's all terrible because I'm the one who is really supposed to end up with Justin and this is not exactly how I planned for things to go in my mind!"

I could tell Tia Christie was trying not to laugh at my very peculiar way of explaining all of this. When I was upset or angry or excited I always blurted things out speedily and all in one sentence.

"You poor thing," Christie said, her whole face—except for her mouth, which was suppressing a grin—displaying pity for my tragedy. "Don't you hate men?", and when she looked surprised, I explained, "No, I don't despise him. I despise Brianna. She's the one that took my spot. I should be the one that's holding his hand, going to the mall with him, going on dates with him, being congratulated by Kristen and enduring the whispers and knowing smiles by his side?"

"I think you're taking your crush to unneeded lengths," Tia Christie said with a smile. "I think if God wants you to end up with this Justin, then you'll end up with him."

That did not satisfy me, however. When I arrived at youth group the following night, I indeed had to endure Justin and Brianna's happiness. They were like newlyweds: holding hands, whispering conspiratorially about things, smiling at each other at random moments. And me, constantly watching them even though they didn't notice.

Okay, so it wasn't necessarily 'watching' them. I admit it, I was glaring at them. And who wouldn't if they saw Justin in the same light I did? Oh, his hair… and here I go again. I'll spare you and skip that part of the story. You've already heard all about his hair, I'm sure. If not from me, from other Justin Groupies. I'm sure, with that hair of his, there are plenty more besides me out there. And they're all writing their tragic stories because none of them end up with him… I do!

Yes, despite all of the hand-holding and whispering and smiling done by Justin and his ditsy girlfriend, I clung tightly to the fact that no matter what, Justin was going to marry me. Even if it meant that he and his girlfriend tragically break up due to some odd misunderstanding…

And some would ask, why would I go to such desperate measures? Oh, why oh why? Because, years ago, I'd vowed with all my heart that I was going to marry Justin, as sarcastic toward me and affectionate toward Brianna as he may be.