Chapter 30

Gibbs walked slowly back to the hospital, feeling better than had when he left. Meeting Ari today had cleared so much up for him, had allowed him to see clearly for the first time in a long time. He knew that by not killing Ari today when he had the chance, many would see it as him growing weak, but he knew just how much strength it had taken for him not to take out his gun and blow the son of a bitch's head off. And he was strong enough to realise that the world needed Ari. That because Ari had taken Abby, had challenged Gibbs; he had allowed them to find the terror cell. A cell that they hadn't even known had existed. And in doing it the way Ari had, he had maintained his cover within Al Queada, allowing him to move further up the chain.

He couldn't forgive or excuse Ari's methods but Ari had been right, they worked. He had infiltrated Al Quaeda, had access to information they could only dream of, that could prevent another 9/11. Gibbs knew that as long as Ari was out there they would continue this game of cat and mouse, Gibbs just wasn't sure who the cat was and who was the mouse.

Gibbs looked up as he approached the hospital and smiled slightly, Ari had been right about one thing though, he did love Abby. He just wasn't sure what to do about it, three ex wives did not give a man confidence in his ability with women, and Abby was too important to his life for him to screw up. He needed Abby in a way that he couldn't fathom, and that scared him at times.

Gibbs took the stairs, walking slowly, trying to determine what he was going to do, or even if he was going to do anything, but no answer came to him.

Finally Gibbs reached Abby's room and opened the door, pleased that this time she was awake.

"You spring me Gibbs, or I quit" Abby grumbled, without looking up from her channel hopping. Gibbs smiled slightly, realising that Abby always knew when it was him.

"You quit and my life gets easier" he teased, crossing over and placing the Caf Pow in his hand, on her bedside table.

"Oh Gibbs, you are a total god" she said in glee, her hand reaching for the drink and slurping it gratefully. Gibbs watched her, transfixed by her. She had been through hell and still she managed to smile and find enjoyment from just a simple thing like a drink. Abby put her drink down and looked up at Gibbs through her fringe.

"So you go see Ari yet?" she asked quietly, her dark eyes boring into his soul. Gibbs opened his mouth and then shut it again, before moving closer to the bed and sitting down on it.

"Yep" he said softly, watching her carefully as his lips slowly descended on hers.

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Ari rode his motorbike as fast as it and the road would allow, his demons chasing him along the way. Gibbs's words kept haunting him, echoing through his mind like a bullet shot around a room, bouncing away and then back again. He revved the bike, pulling it up on two wheels, using the concentration needed at these speeds to push the words away for a brief time. He skidded into the turning he wanted and slid to a stop under a large leafy tree. He dismounted and stood for a moment looking around and drinking in the silence. He slowly pulled off his helmet and began to walk.

After a slow ten minute walk, he stopped and stared at the white marble headstone before him. His mind flickered back to the time he had come before, only that day he hadn't come to the grave. Agent DiNozzo had arrived and had spent time talking to her. He had watched silently from the trees and had for the first time ever faced the human consequences of his actions. He had seen a strong man grieve for a lost friend, a friend he had killed. He had turned away that day, vowing never to return, to put this sentimentality behind him and get on with his mission. But he had never forgotten DiNozzo kneeling in the grass, his head bowed in despair.

He looked down at the words inscribed on her headstone and pictured her, the hatred that had flashed in her eyes when he had shot Gerald, had shot Marta; the anger and passion when she had looked at him, the scalpel in her hand.

His mother had trained him from the time he could understand that he had a job to do, and compassion had no place in his life. His birth had been planned, his path in life pre-determined by his parents. He had been raised outwardly as HAMAS, whilst in the privacy of his home he had been trained to be a MOSAD sleeper. His home had not been filled with love, but with a cause and with hatred. Gibbs was right and that scared him, he did not believe in people, only in the job he had to do.

Ari knelt on the ground and slowly placed the white rose he had been carrying on Kate's grave.

"I truly am sorry Caitlin" he whispered, slowly standing and walking away without a backwards glance. As he walked though he knew he had to leave his regrets beside the rose, knowing that his life had no place for sentiments and regrets, only the harsh reality of death and politics.

The end

for now...