Disclaimer: To disclaim, or not to disclaim, that is the question. Eh, might as well. Not Jo, no rights, except the right to the pursuit of happiness, in writing this fic! Also, sadly I must admit to making an error in my author responses last week. I told cupcakeswirl and NixiNox that Severus would dream a little dream about his daughter this week- d'oh, it's not 'till chap 15! Lo siento mucho!
Don't Call Me Daddy
Chapter 14- Makin' Whoopee
After a month of teaching dunderheads, Snape was more thankful than ever for Fridays. Once the last flagon of shrinking solution had been tested, the Potions Master double checked the third years' marks for error- not that he'd ever made one- and placed the grade book in the desk drawer. Warding the classroom, his pace quickened as he neared the corridor leading to his private quarters.
Stepping through the portrait hole, stygian eyes narrowed. Lorelei and Septimus were not playing on the center rug, as was their habit. He hurried into the bedroom. In the dim light, he saw that Lorelei was asleep. Turning to the bassinet, his heart slammed against his chest. It was empty. Forcing himself not to panic, he retraced his steps and walked into the nursery. The cot was empty too. Running back, he shook his wife's shoulder, demanding to know,
"Where is Septimus? Where is our son?"
Pushing back disordered spirals, Lorelei sat up and said after covering a yawn,
"Albus came by for a visit, and saw how tired I was. He volunteered to watch the baby so I could take a short nap."
Septimus had been staying awake more during the day while still waking every 3-4 hours at night. Severus didn't blame his wife for being tired. She had insisted after the first few weeks that he not get up with the baby more than once a night. He couldn't argue the logic that he couldn't feed the baby, and needed to be rested in order to teach a full load of classes. Reluctantly, he had given in to her insistence, even if wasn't exactly gallant. Relieved to hear the explanation, Severus' tone gentled,
"I'll go to Albus' office and retrieve him."
Lorelei caressed his cheek. "May I have a kiss hello?"
His lips twitched at the corners, "You may have a kiss goodbye as well."
The feel of her body and mouth pressed tightly to his made Severus long to resume unrestricted relations. He found the reminder that only one more week was left to go simultaneously cheering and depressing. Warm, wet kisses were accompanied by a warm wetness spreading across his chest. Pulling away, Lorelei looked at the beside clock and gasped,
"Severus, I've been napping for over two hours! It's time for Septimus to nurse."
Taking off his milk stained teaching robes and shirt, he smirked,
"I never would've guessed."
Admiring the view as she stripped and swiftly dressed in a nursing bra, top and denims, he followed as she jogged toward the Headmaster's office. Students found the sight of teachers rushing through the corridors quite amusing- until he deducted house points. The gargoyles allowed entrance after he spat the asinine password 'Wonka's Whipple Scrumptious Fudgemallow Delight'. Inside the circular office, the white-haired wizard looked up from his desk and said genially,
"Good afternoon, Lorelei, Severus, is Slinky watching the baby?"
While his wife gaped, Snape asked in a deadly whisper,
"Where is Septimus?"
Standing, Dumbledore spread his hands,
"Minerva volunteered to take him back to you…she hasn't?"
Glaring, the younger man spoke through clenched teeth,
"No, she hasn't."
Blue eyes behind half moon glasses were worried, although Albus said lightly,
"Minerva must have enjoyed his company so much she lost track of time. Let us go and see."
The trio headed to the Transfiguration classroom. Inside, McGonagall's last class was changing porcupines into pincushions. The professor caught sight of them in the doorway and smiled as she neared,
"I must say, Septimus is a delightful child. I…"
"Where is he?"
Lorelei's carrying tone made students turn and crane their necks in hopes of seeing a drama unfold. Minerva stammered,
"Didn't…didn't Pomona return the baby? She offered to when I met her in the staff lounge."
A muscle beneath Severus' right eye began to spasm. Ignoring the tic, he grated,
"No"
Without another word, he led his wife away. He heard the professor dismiss class early. The clicking of sensible heels indicated McGonagall had joined their search for Septimus. In Greenhouse 5, Sprout looked up from demonstrating how to utilize kelp as fertilizer with a questioning expression. Snape jerked his head irritably. Pomona bustled forward, pulling off her gloves. Meeting him in the doorway, she exclaimed,
"What a healthy specimen young Snape is! I wish my seedlings thrived half so well."
Resolving grimly not to raise his voice, Severus asked with deceptive calm,
"What did you do with our son?"
Brown eyes widening, Pomona repeated,
"What did I do with him?" She looked at the four faces and said in a voice that could be heard throughout the greenhouse, "I gave the boy to Hagrid, of course, after a student ran up to me in the corridor and said that a few of the mandrakes had managed to share pots, if you know what I mean." From the stifled laughter, the students did and found the idea humorous. Snape did not. The woman shook her head, "He said he'd take the young 'un on a short walk and then deliver him safe and sound to his mother." Visibly upset, the woman twisted her patched hat between agitated fingers, bellowing to her students, "Enough gawking, you're dismissed, and I want a quarter scroll describing the types of seaweed used in fertilizer next class."
Severus and Lorelei were already hastening across the grounds to Hagrid's hut. Behind them, Sprout, McGonagall, and Dumbledore tried to keep pace. Nearing the round wooden structure, the worried father's blood ran cold when he heard,
"Now, now, no gulping yer food, young 'un, yer s'pposed to let me feed yeh!"
A wave of Snape's wand blasted the door open. Inside, Hagrid sat at the table attempting to feed a monstrous chick worms. The stench of the one room cottage made Severus' eyes water as he held his wand in a white knuckled grip and roared,
"Put down that damned, smelly jabberknoll and tell me who you handed my son off to!" When Hagrid's broad face displayed amazement, he continued darkly, "I know you passed him off like an unwanted dragon egg." Raising his voice for the benefit of the three other supposedly responsible adults, Severus condemned, "Just like everyone else in this bedlam masquerading as a school!"
Black beetle eyes gleamed with indignation, "Dragon eggs are never unwanted!"
Lorelei placed her hand on her husband's arm, saving the hairy oaf the hex he so richly deserved. She pleaded,
"Rubeus, Septimus is hungry, and I can't nurse him because I don't know where he is. Please, help us find him!"
Nodding eagerly, Hagrid said,
"I was jus' going to show Ari the jabberknoll chick after our walk when I met Malfoy coming back from the lake. He said he was going in ter the castle, so he'd take the baby back to yeh." Pulling his shaggy beard, he asked, "I done the righ' thing, didn' I?"
Curtly, Severus acknowledge,
"You did indeed." Exhaling sharply, he added, "My thanks."
Lorelei had already started running to the castle. He pushed past the little group watching on the steps and ran faster than he once had trying to catch Potter in mischief. Sprinting down the main corridor, they took the stairs at a reckless pace and burst into the lounge to find Draco advising the girl trying to console a wailing infant,
"Rock and sing to him again, Ginny- he seemed to like it before."
"That's because he wasn't hungry before." the redhead smiled. Her smile widened in relief when she saw Lorelei, "Oh, hello professors, we're so glad you're back. Ari's hungry."
Taking the screaming boy, the siren brought him over to his father, saying,
"Look, Severus, he's just fine. I'll feed him and then you can hold him, alright?"
He touched his son's soft hair and softer skin, reassuring himself that Septimus was unharmed. Nodding stiffly, he said,
"Alright"
She took the baby into the nursery. Before he could do more than thank the young couple for their assistance, Albus, Minerva, Pomona, and even the ridiculously named Rubeus were outside seeking entrance. Within moments, the professors…and student…were sharing their adventures in babysitting. Listening to the lively chatter, Severus muttered,
"I need a drink."
"Here you go." Draco handed him a tumbler of firewhisky, generously filled. Seeing the upraised eyebrows of his former Head of House, the handsome professor grinned, "I figured if I made you a drink, you wouldn't mind me having one as well."
A huff of amusement escaped. Hearing it, the blond said laughingly,
"The others just helped themselves."
It was true. Sprout had opened a bottle of wine and poured a glass for herself and Minerva while her male colleagues drank tankards of Lorelei's father's favorite ale from the Green Dragon. Miss Weasley sipped a butterbeer while entertaining the Headmaster with a story about her brothers' latest gag gift. Slinky, proving house elves knew everything, appeared with two trays of hors d'oeuvres. Handing one to Hagrid, the elf then offered the other to the rest of the guests. Draco chose Highland Pate on an oatcake, saying,
"I tried this during the labor party, its good."
Declining an appetizer, Severus replied dryly,
"I'm so pleased."
The surreal feeling engendered by watching all these people who had passed around his child like a Quaffle ended the moment his son was carried back into the room. Lorelei brought Septimus directly over, smiling as she transferred the sleepy infant into his arms,
"I don't think you'll have to worry about me soaking your shirt for awhile. Ari was hungry."
Choking on his oatcake after hearing that pronouncement, Malfoy excused himself and hurried to get another drink. Lorelei's soft laughter caused her son's lips to curve, even as her husband commented,
"I have repeatedly heard Septimus referred to as Ari." When fine, and falsely innocent eyes widened, he said, "I thought you were going to refer to our son as Septimus in public."
"Well…" she tried to evade, "Our quarters aren't public, and if someone…or several people…heard me call the baby 'Ari', is it really my fault if they do so too?" When he continued to gaze at her without replying, she shrugged, "Fine, it's my fault." Kissing the baby's cheek, Lorelei crooned, "It's the first thing you get to blame mum for, darling, your nickname." Reaching up to kiss her husband's cheek, she said huskily, "Why don't you go rock Septimus in the nursery? I'll tell everyone you two are father/son bonding."
She moved toward the lively group. He called her name. When Lorelei half turned, he said,
"I would not object to Septimus being called 'Ari'."
Her dazzling smile was worth the slight indignity his son would bear. Carrying Septimus into the nursery, the wizard shut the door and sank into the cushioned rocker. In the dim light, the baby's dark eyes studied his father's face intently. Severus' heart was tugged when rosebud lips parted and a soft 'Oooh' was heard. Self-mocking, he confessed to tiny listener,
"Your father, who formerly possessed nerves of steel, was panicked not knowing where you were. When you get older, if you play hide and seek in the shops, I may not survive the stress." Miniature eyebrows rose. Amused at the look of surprise, even though he knew Septimus thought it part of a game, Snape stuck out the tip of his tongue and chuckled when the baby did the same. When little eyelids began to close, Severus laid the child on his chest and began to rock. Time passed while father and son rocked back and forth until they both drifted off to sleep.
The day Lorelei had her postpartum checkup, Severus found himself humming. At first, he was unaware of the habit, until Minerva leaned over during lunch and asked,
"Are you humming something?"
He had immediately scoffed,
"Of course not."
He'd realized at once that he'd inadvertently hummed the song running through his mind, 'Light My Fire' but had no plans to admit it. His colleague had not argued, although her look was filled with suspicion. Albus had chuckled, but other than winking, made no comment. During his last class, while the Potions Master recorded marks in his book, students tried the hair-raising solution on each other to test efficacy. The professor noticed a Gryffindor boy in the front row staring. Raising an imperious brow, he clipped,
"You have a question?"
"Are you…humming…sir?"
Narrowing his gaze, Severus answered curtly,
"No. Fifteen points for presumption."
Taking Gryffindor points merely added to the day's contentment. After he'd shooed the bold little blighters out of his classroom, the wizard locked the door and swept down the corridor, humming. Reaching his quarters, he entered the lounge and scowled. Instead of an eager, naked wife, he saw a fuchsia haired metamorphmagus and a werewolf. They were sitting together on the sofa. Tonks was changing the shape of her nose for Septimus' enjoyment. The baby made soft, cooing sounds that brought smiles to adult faces. Glancing up, Lupin smiled,
"Hello, Severus. Lorelei asked us to mind the nipper, here, so you can have dinner a deux."
Walking over to bend and kiss his son's forehead, the wizard straightened and asked,
"Where?"
"The Room of Requirement." Tonks giggled, before Remus' warning look caused her to say with only a trace of a smile, "Don't ask, because we promised not to tell." She made the motion of crossing an X across her chest and held up a pinky. "Not a word"
He inclined his head in assent. Moving toward the bedroom, he stopped and asked,
"Formal attire?"
They nodded, grinning. Severus pretended not to notice. When he re-entered the lounge a short while later, the three were playing on a quilt on the floor. Septimus was on his stomach, looking sideways at a stuffed penguin Tonks was making 'dance'. She looked up and exclaimed in a surprised voice,
"You look…nice…"
The baby lifted his head, only the slightest bit wobbly, and looked at his father. Snape smiled when the infant raised his brows and said, 'Ahhh'. Slinging on a cloak to conceal his tuxedo, he bid the three farewell and strode toward the dungeon stairway.
Opening the door to the Room of Requirement, the impatient husband stared in surprise. The enchanted room had been transformed into a nightclub. Onstage, a grand piano stood in the shadows. Something was on it. Clearing his throat while tossing his cloak onto a table, Severus called,
"Lorelei?"
Instantly, a spotlight illuminated the woman curled on the polished surface. Striding forward, he could see that her deep-red velvet dress was slit to her thigh and hugged curves that looked enticingly toned. It was the dress she'd worn to their first Valentine's Day Dance. On its own, the bespelled piano began to play. A strangled laugh burst from his throat when Lorelei lifted her head and sang in her expressive voice about a bride, a June, a honeymoon and a reason for Makin' Whoopee.
The cat-like sensuality she displayed uncurling and then crawling over the piano's surface dried his throat and rendered him speechless. Her sultry expression and slithering motions caused the notes to wrap around him the way he'd like her to. The song's lyrics were nonsensical. He had no ambition to ever wash 'baby clothes' or sew. It was the way she sang them while undulating to her knees, sliding her hands into her hair and down her body that made it impossible for Severus to take his eyes off his wife. Drawn by her beauty and the desire arcing between them, he moved to the end of the piano. Lorelei slid down in a serpentine fashion that revealed a tantalizing amount of cleavage. Teasingly, she put emphasis on the words 'you better keep her' and 'makin' whoopee'. Goaded into action, he dragged her off the piano and into his arms.
She clung to him, returning the kiss with a hungry passion that fired his own. Lorelei had once told him that his eyes were midnight fires that made her burn until she reached the point where she was consumed and then reborn in the ashes. He exulted that the heat between them was that intense. Feeling her hands pulling at his clothing, Severus burned for her in the same way she burned for him. Hotly, he whispered his need that hadn't changed since their wedding day, to be one with her in love. Lorelei murmured her love while he unzipped her dress and the room shifted to meet his requirement.
A/N: Once upon a time, my mom watched 'The Fabulous Baker Boys' because she liked the Bridges boys, and I saw Michelle Pfeiffer sing on the piano and thought, "I'd like to do that!" I still haven't done that and prolly never will- I think I'd be worried about sliding off the piano- but I had fun writing Lorelei doing her version of 'Makin' Whoopee'! Special thanks to Moranar and Slytherin Love Goddess for pointing out a couple of things that needed changing. Reads much nicer, now!