I dreamt that night, that Spike had been taken from me, he had disappeared. It wasn't just that he disappeared, he had fought to stay and I had slept through it. I went out to look for him, found him just as the sun was rising. He was lying on the front lawn, beaten and bruised. There was a black rose lying next to him. As I watched him, the sun rose, and he turned to ash right before my eyes. I heard a far off sound. I couldn't place it. Then suddenly, I knew what it was. I was screaming.

"Reina, Reina, REINA!" Spike was screaming, trying to wake me out of my dream.

I woke with tears streaming down my face. Spike was holding me, trying to comfort me from the dream. Only, it wasn't a dream. It was a premonition. Oh god it was. It couldn't happen. I wouldn't let it happen.

"What did you see?" He asked.

"A black rose, next to your ashes. That is what I saw!" I was calming down, but not much.

"A black rose?"

"Yeah, did you miss the part about your ashes?" How could he be so casual about this?

"The rose was naturally black, or had it been soaked in blood?"

"It was inconsistent black, so it might have been blood. What does it matter?"

"It could be that Angelus is back in town. He was bloody pissed the last time you kicked his ass out."

"It could be him, I'll have to check it out. I'll do it tonight while I am out. But what if it's not him? What if something kills you, takes you away from me?"

"It won't happen."

"What?"

"Are you going to let me die?" Duh, no.

"Hell no. Not even hell no, but fucking hell no." I say.

"Then I am not worried." I love him. He has confidence in me when I don't. He shouldn't have confidence in me; people I love tend to die. No matter what I do, they die. I know I sound really calm about this, but really I'm not. I can barely ever find people who aren't so terrified by me that they will talk to me before they run away. And then I finally find a person I like, and they are taken away from me. The universe is sick. Completely and utterly sick.

He sees my concern for his well being in my eyes and he leans forward and tells me not to worry. Then he kisses me. So not fair. At first it's just a chaste kiss, but soon enough his tongue enters my very willing mouth. Did I mention he is the best kisser ever? Well, he is. His mouth leaves mine and he moves down to kiss my neck.

"Oh god, I missed you." I manage to moan out to him.

"Me too baby."

His hands are on every part of me all at once. One is massaging my breast, making me moan his name, and the other is on my ass pulling me tight against him. My hands are running up and down his back and into the front of him to work on his pants. He lets me far enough away from him so that I can undo the button and pull down the zipper, then I am right back pressed against him. Of course, while I was getting his zipper undone, he moved his hand down into my pants and into me.

"Oh Spike!"

His erection is pressed right into my stomach, but that is really not where I want it. I flip him over so I am on top. He pulls my pants down to my knees and inserts one, two, three fingers into me.

"Fuck yes. Don't stop, don't stop." Then he stops…asshole.

To get even with him toying with me, I reach my hand into his undone pants and take his dick into my hands. He moans. I move to pull both his pants and mine off. Neither of us wears underwear usually, not unless he wants me to wear a thong for him. I sit between his legs and lick up the inside of his leg and around the base of his cock, then up to his belly button.

"Baby please, please." He begs.

"Please what?" I ask.

"Suck my cock"

I am happy to oblige. I take him into my mouth, a little at a time. Faster he asks. Nope, payback is a bitch. Just call me a bitch. I go incredibly slow, licking every part of him. Finally he begs me to take him all. Ok. I start pumping him harder with my mouth.

"Oh baby, suck me, suck me, oh god suck my cock!"

Just as I know he is getting close, he pulls my mouth off of him, and up to his mouth. He kisses me so hungrily that I am momentarily stunned. It wore off fast. I kissed him back and moved to straddle him. Just as my legs move up to the sides of him he thrusts into me.

"Fuck me." I scream.

He complies. He thrusts into me harder, faster, stronger, and deeper each time. I reach down and grasp him in my hand and squeeze. It causes him to go harder, and all at once both him and I are gone and over the edge.

For minutes after we came, I couldn't feel my legs. I don't think Spike could either. We laid there with me on top of him with him still in me.

"I missed you so much baby." He says.

"Me too."

"I love you." I say.

"I know." He says, "I am so glad to be home."

Yeah, that is the answer I was looking for. I am serious. He just said I was his home. He didn't say he loved me, but I already knew that. Yeah it hurts, but not enough for me to ruin what we have now. He knows pretty much all about me, but what I don't tell him, is that I hurt a lot of the time. Not from physical pain, not usually, but from a pain that I have had my entire life. A thousand years of pain has made it so I hardly notice it anymore, whereas it used to hurt like a bitch at any given moment. Nothing has ever made it go away, but the thing is, I think that if he told me he loved me, it just might start hurting less. But I won't do that. I don't want him to leave me like everyone else. I need him, because I think that if I don't have him, then there is nothing holding me back from bringing hell down upon this world so that humanity would suffer with me.

I woke up later, after having fallen asleep after three more rounds of sex, and it was close to six. I had to be gone at eight. I had a job tonight. I had gotten a job to kill this cop gone bad turned two faced. He was at one point an assassin. That fact alone made him worth my time. I kill only those that would have a chance at killing me. Otherwise it is just no fun. I think I am going to go at it physically tonight. Anyone can kill with magic, but only those skilled can kill by hand. Or gun, I hadn't decided which. I'd taken a shower and was getting dressed when Spike woke up. He watched me put on my ¾ pants. They were black leather and had straps that connected the front and the back laced up each side of me. I put on my kick ass boots and then halter across my chest. I strapped two guns on my hips, a couple of knives on each arm, a mini sword down my spine and some knives in my boots. I also had a gun in the back of my pants. Do I really need any of this to kill someone? No, but I like to be creative in killing. I lean over and kiss him good night, tell him to call me if anything or anyone comes here, and then I put my leather jacket on over all of the weapons. I call Faith, a friend of mine, for the details of the job and then I am out into the night on my motorcycle, coat billowing out behind me. Another night of killing, dancing, and sex. I never said I hated all of my life. I love the parts of it where I get to do what I am good at, what I was born to do. I love nights like tonight. I love kicking ass. And after the job, I had one ass that I was going to kick for the very last time.