Chapter 8

I woke up really freaked out as my hand only felt an empty bed next to me. I looked over and saw no Buffy. For a second, tears welled up in my eyes. I thought that all of it had been a dream – Buffy coming alive. It was only me hallucinating. She was never here. I was still alone.

I jetted downstairs only to find her in the kitchen tossing some eggs onto a pan.

She was humming a tune. I could swear it was the song "Holding out for a Hero." Her humming broke out into singing. Not knowing I was there, she sang loudly.

"I need a hero!"

I just gazed at her, but suppressed my laughter and tears of joy.

"I'm holdin' out for a hero in the mornin' light! He's gotta be- Ah Dawn! ouuuuchh!"

That was my clumsy sister for-ya.

She had burned her finger and swore. Loudly.

"Oh great. Just what I need to make myself better. Hi, I'm Buffy with a big ugly burnt finger."

She pouted as I laughed, holding my stomach. I told her she was going to be just fine as I giggled some more and stuck her red finger underneath the cool water of the faucet.

I let myself bask in the feeling of her hand touching mine. She was really here. It wasn't a dream.

My thoughts drifted off and it suddenly occurred to me that my favorite vamp was probably still sleeping like a baby on the couch.

I gazed towards the family room where he had slept but Buffy said, "He wasn't here when I came downstairs."

"Oh." was all I said. "But, he'll be back later anyway, so we don't have to worry or anything."

I wasn't worried...just disappointed .

We had spent the whole day cleaning the house. We sorted through Mom's old things. That was something that we had put off for a long long time. But what she had said to me as we sorted through them, I will never forget.

"Dawn?"

"Yeah?"

"I believe you."

"Hmm?"

"I believe...th-that you...love...Spike."

"Oh Buffy. Thank you thank you thank you! I knew that you would." I pulled her into a hug, but she quickly pulled away.

"And I am gonna...try to..umm..be okay with him being here." She suddenly widened her eyes and made her point clear, "Not that...okay. I'm not saying I want to be with him...I need you to know that. I will try to...be friends with him. That's all I can offer you."

But hey, I said to myself, this was sooner than I had expected! It was great. It was progress. And I was lovin' it so far!. But wait...

"Buffy?"

"Yea?"

"What made you changed your mind?"

"Umm..well when you and Spike were talking last night."

Oh..she was there which means she saw me ...OH!

"Oh...what I did...It wasn't...It didn't mean anything. We're just-"

Buffy smiled.

"I know Dawnie, I know...But if it did mean anything, you would have known that I knew."

"Why's that?" I asked.

She put on the sweetest smile and said, "Because you would be dead!"

And we both burst out laughing at the idea of Spike and I being together. I pulled her into another embrace before we released and she stood.

"Well, we're done with the clothes and other personal belongings. Now let's attack the bills!" she said with sarcasm dripping from her voice.

But it was weird. It felt weird. Buffy had never treated me this way before...it was different...she was acting different. She was...treating me...like I was an adult. Like I was someone she could trust and turn to. I smiled to myself but was utterly confused by her sudden change. I stopped walking behind her.

She noticed and asked, "What's wrong?"

"Why...are you treating me like I'm not some stupid brat?"

She stared at me and said, "Just the way you took care of me last night, and the way you took care of Spike."

She looked down and said in a softer tone, "You inspired me last night. And I never knew that you had grown up so much."

I inspired her? That was weird to hear. But I smiled and told her, "The growing up only happened after you were gone, so it wasn't your fault you missed it."

She gave me a weak smile. There it was again. I had been noticing it since yesterday. Her weak smiles. She would be cheerful for a while and then once in a while a sudden sadness would appear on her face. I didn't know why she wore that face, but I decided that now that she knew I wasn't a little girl anymore, she would tell me when she was ready.

After that, we did actually sort through our financial situation. It was pretty bad, and Buffy kept wondering how the hell Mom used to pay the bills. I told her I would get a job...that I could find one at a local Jamba Juice ( A/n: really good fruit smoothie place in Cali). They hired 16 and over. Buffy refused as I knew she would, but I insisted. There was no way that she could slay and work and finance and clean and cook and...the list went on. I was here for her, and I let her know, and Spike would be-...hey...Where was Spike?

"Buffy?"

"Yea?"

"I'm a little worried about Spike. It's dark outside and he still hasn't come back."

She just shrugged and was about to speak, but then noticed the genuine look of concern on my face. I really had started to get worried, and I wanted to go out and look for him.

"Hey," she said to me with reassurance. "Anyway, I have to go patrol. I'll look for him."

"I could come with?"

"A world of no!"

"But I thought you said I was all grown up- "

"Yea, but I never said you could patrol with me. There's a difference."

Damn. Well, at least I had tried. I watched her leave, and sighed. I really hoped she would find him. I was starting to miss him already.

She hummed "Holding out for a Hero" once more as she strolled through the cemetery. She was supposed to be slaying, but her mind was elsewhere. Her mind was focused on what had been bothering her from the beginning...from the very second she was back.

And that one thing was...being torn out of somewhere where she had been free, where she didn't have all this pressure on her and where she didn't have to slay and fight for her life every night.

She had been ripped out heaven...and now it felt almost as though she was in hell. All the things that were piled up on her. Her friends' feelings, all the bills, the slaying, spend time with Dawn, cooking, taking care of the house, and now, on top of all that she had piled on another task: being friends with Spike.

She couldn't take it anymore. What the hell. Literally.

As Buffy sat there in front of the grave, she stared ahead of her, agonizing over her bad fortune.

He had left before sunrise to go get things from his crypt and bring them to home, now that he was staying here. He had dropped off the stuff at home. I was so happy to see him. I had grown really worried for the past hour.

But as he stepped into the house, he was so unsure of himself. He was so worried as to whether I wanted him to live at home with me still, since Buffy was back. I laughed and told him that I really did want him to stay. He smiled at me, wider than I had ever seen.

Suddenly, I had realized that Buffy was probably still looking for him while patrolling, and told him to go find her and bring her back.

She was so caught up, she didn't sense a certain vampire in the shadows watching her.

Spike lurked in behind a tree watching Buffy lost in thought.

He saw the pained expression on her face and frowned wondering what was on her mind. He had seen that look on her face a few times last night. That look of distress, bother, and disappointment.

He scoffed silently and thought to himself 'Yea. She's lookin' real hard for me.' But as he shook his head at his stupidity, actually thinking that Buffy was concerned and looking for him, he didn't realize that a vampire had risen behind Buffy and she hadn't seen it or sensed it.

It lunged at her and tackled her to the grass. It sat on top of her and she stared wide eyed at the creature on top of her. She couldn't move. She didn't know why. It was like she didn't want to move. It was like she had given up, that this was her chance to die fighting. It wouldn't be like suicide...would it?

The vampire stopped and looked at her. "Slayer. Looks like you've lost your edge."

Tears slid down her cheeks as she commanded him to bite her. The vampire gave her a strange confused look, but she didn't see it to clearly because he was knocked off of her by someone else.

Spike dug his fist into the vampire's face multiple times before plunging the stake through its heart.

He got up, wiping the dust off his coat. He turned to find Buffy still lying on her back.

"What's the matter Slayer?"

Buffy quickly scrambled off the ground, and glared daggers at him.

"'Cause I could swear that that vampire was about to have you as his dinner."

Spike saw it behind all that anger. He saw the fear beneath those hazel eyes.

"What's wrong? Buffy, if you're in ... if you're in pain ... or if you need anything... or if I can do anything for you..."

"You can't. And I don't really want to talk about it."

With a sigh, he didn't push it. Buffy leant on a gravestone nearby, and Spike leant on the one right across. He dug at the dirt beneath him with his boot before saying what he had wanted to tell her for the longest time.

"I did what you asked me to."

Buffy looked up from her gaze towards the ground.

"I took care of Dawn, for you." He chuckled a bit before continuing. "It started out that way. I took care of her because you would have wanted me to. But-but then I started loving her. It had nothin' to do with you of course. She is such an angel."

He abruptly looked at her.

"You aren't going to stake me now are you?"

Buffy gave out a small laugh. "No I'm not...And I kinda believe that you love her."

Spike's eyes grew wide and he gulped. "You-you what?"

"I do."

"Oh."

There was a minute of silence before he spoke up again after much thought.

"I want you to know that I did save you."

"Hmm?"

"Every night I saved you, in all sorts of flashy ways with a bunch of nasty moves like throwing that pansy doc off the tower."

Buffy watched wide-eyed as a tear rolled down his cheek and his eyes were focused downward.

"Of course...I didn't save you when it mattered. I cried over you-your end. Every night and day."

Buffy spoke up softly.

"Maybe I didn't want to be saved."

Spike's head shot up to look at her shock.

"What? Why the bloody- "

"It doesn't matter. Let's just go home."

Buffy started walking swiftly towards home, but Spike ran in front of her and blocked her path.

"Spike, just let me go."

"No," he said strictly as he held her tightly by her arms. "Buffy there's something seriously bothering you, and you have to tell me what it is."

But Buffy had had enough of this. "Let go of me! Why are you so concerned anyway?"

"Do we have to go over this again?... I. Love. You…remember?"

"Oh please spike, save that crap. Having me cry on your shoulder about my sorrows doesn't mean you can be my best friend, nor does it give you an all access pass to get in my pants. I can't believe that you are such a pig! That's it, right? 'Ohh look at poor helpless Buffy. I think I'll go and act as her knight in shining armor so that she will fall straight into my arms!' Well you know what Spike? You are just a disgusting monster, like you always have been. You maybe Mr. Nice Sweet Guy when it comes to Dawn, but no matter how grown up she is, she's always been biased towards you from the beginning. I'm the one with the level head who sees what you really are."

He took it all in. Every single cruel word etching into his skin like daggers. He felt them all and it stung and it hurt. He felt the tears cloud his eyes. Why was he such a bloody poof. Care about her and then get all his emotions thrown back in his face.

He held back his tears and spat his words out.

"You know what Slayer? .." He was about to continue but then bit back the remarks he wanted to bark back at her. Yelling back wasn't going to show that he was less of a monster and more human. He just did the only thing he could. He turned and walked out of the cemetery leaving Buffy in the mess of her own emotions.

'Shit' Buffy thought. 'We're right on our way to becoming pals.' She was just so confused. She knew Spike wasn't trying to come on to her or try to provoke emotions from her in any way. She just wasn't used to letting Spike be nice...letting him be friendly. It was a whole new world to her, and she wasn't ready to let anyone in…let anyone know what she had been through.

And to add a 'Nice Spike' on top of the mountain of things she had to accommodate to...was just too much.

Buffy let the tears fall in frustration, as she figured out what she needed to do first. Spike was the only one who she had told her problems to. For some reason, she felt like she could tell him, because he wasn't a part of the spell. He had listened and even tried to comfort her, and she had thrown all his actions back in his face.

She abruptly stood up and spoke into the air. "Dammit. I better go find him. He didn't deserve that."

After promising herself, she walked off in the direction she had seen Spike wander off before, determined to mend things between them.

End of Chapter

A/n: sorry I haven't updated in soo long! OMG the next chapter is like my all time favorite! Please r&R