Disclaimer: Don't own them.
Lunar Ninja: I saw The Lion King again awhile back and that whole Rafiki part totally made me think of Splinter! You didn't think so? As for Raph and Kovu… well… um… they're both rebels… and Mike said it not me! (hides behind Mikey) Barney does give reptiles a bad name! I had to show Raph was still a bit Raphy and that was the best way I could think of doing so. And about Mike singing the real TMNT song?… He's going to create the TMNT in one of my later stories. Mike's just being Mike. Thanks for reviewing!
Pacphys- I'm surprised about the feedback on who everyone thought was who in the Lion King TMNT mix I had going on. Poor Mike needs to be beat on once in awhile. I never even thought of Zazu and Leo though now that you mention it seems pretty good! Who says Raph didn't like the Carebears and is just denying it now? Donny seems like a my little pony fan to me. That came from another one of my stories where the guys are making fun of him for it. Yes at this point every little thing is going to set Raph off because he's so sensitive. Leo's really trying to hide his true feelings around Raph. He's worried to death about him but won't show it to Raph because he knows Raph doesn't want to be treated like a baby. For some reason though instead of just being Leo he really seems to be hard on Raph. Thanks bunches for the review!
Chibi Rose Angel: Two people already said Leo should have been Zazu… I never even thought of that! I love taking walks down memory lane. Some days I break out the old baby movies like Mikey did and sit in front of the tube and watch them. I'm glad I brought out the kid in you… that's always a good thing. Blind people being more lethal than us is a common misconception though… when they go blind they are pretty much starting from day zero again. They have to relearn everything and it's not easy. All the martial arts stuff they have blind people doing is for the movies. I'm not saying that they're aren't people out there that can do that but not all of them can. The fifth sense if smell though LOL you're not looney just a little bit slow to the draw today. Thanks for the review!
Fireandsun: Everyonce inawhile I'll close my eyes and walk around my house just for the heck of it. Using my other senses in place of my sight is a challenge.Thanks for the review!
Leo almost couldn't wait till noon. He knew the half hour he was forced to still wait would seem like an eternity. He kept on replaying the look that would be on Raph's face when he got Leo's surprise. And he only had to wait another half hour. To help pass the time he decided to go check up on Raph. He hadn't come out of his room all day. When Splinter went to get him for morning practice or in Raph's case, meditation, all Raph did was sit there. Despite Splinter's coaxing he wouldn't say a word or venture out from his room.
Leo cracked the door and peered into the darkness that was Raph's room. He could just make out his brother's figure from the light in the Lair. He was sitting up in his bed with his arms folded over his plastron staring at absolutely nothing.
"Hey." Leo called softly as he stepped into the room. "How's it going?"
"I thought about suicide." Raph's voice was dreamy like he was still in deep thought.
Leo felt his heart jump into his throat.
"I even got into the medicine cabinet."
Leo's jaw clenched and his eyes widened. This wasn't good. This wasn't good at all, but he couldn't say anything.
"But I couldn't tell which bottle was which. For all I knew I could have ended up downing a dozen vitamins."
This didn't make Leo feel any better. He felt fear for his brother and what he was going through. He didn't want to say anything to him. He wanted to go to his room and cry or something for the sake of his brother. He even started to turn away when he noticed something. Raph's bandanna was darker in color around the eye slits. Even in the darkness he noticed the red cloth was more of a chrism and he realized he wasn't the only one who felt like crying. He wasn't going through this, Raph was and he needed more comfort than Leo did right now. Wasn't it just a few seconds ago that his brother was speaking of suicide? Leo wanted to turn tail and run away but forced himself to step even farther into the room which seemed to be looking and feeling more and more like a black hole.
"Raph," he started.
"I'm scared Leo. When was the last time I was scared?" his voice cracked and shook a little.
Leo was about to answer, but Raph continued.
"For shell's sake I got lost in the sewers." He shook his head. "My own home. I can't stand up straight or take a step without losing my balance." His voice cracked again which seemed to cut him off and shut him up. He sniffed and wiped a hand across his face.
Leo could only think to say what Master Splinter had already told him.
"Just give it time bro." He was about to stop there but he sensed it wasn't enough. A sudden idea struck him and he began to talk again. "You know I'm still scared of heights. It doesn't normally bother me but every once in awhile I'll look down before I make a jump and feel that old fear come back, and I wonder if I'll make it across. Sometimes when I'm on the rooftops by myself and that fear hits me, I have to stop and take a fire escape down and back up, but when I'm with you guys and it hits me I force myself to keep going because I know I'll be wasting time. It took me years to even get that far. The fear is still there but I learned to live with it. You will too. Just give it time."
"It's all the same Leo. Day and night it all looks the same. It's enough to drive me nuts. I can't sleep anymore. Even when I can get some sleep it's normally nightmares, either that or when I wake up I realize I really am blind and that fact is always fun to be reminded of."
Raph could feel his sour mood coming back. All morning he had been pretty mellow. His leg and arm were both throbbing and Don had put him back on the crutches. He had said the wounds were healing well but he wanted them to heal some more before he let him off the crutches again, especially now that they busted open again. Getting lost was bad but not being able to let out his rage only added fuel to the fire.
Leo checked his watch and found that it was almost time.
"Come on. I have something that will cheer you up."
When Raph made no move to get up Leo grabbed his arm and gave a small pull, telling him he wouldn't take no for an answer. So Raph found his crutches and let Leo guide him out of his room. They had just gotten to the door when Raph heard a faintly familiar voice ring through the Lair.
"Hello anybody home?"
"Tyler?"
He turned in Leo's direction.
"You wouldn't believe how hard that kid is to find. When I finally did get a lock on him I went to his housed only to find out he was at school, so I had to wait three hours until he came home to ask him to come down today. I thought you'd like to see him again."
It must have been just then that Tyler noticed Leo and Raph on the second level because he yelled Raph's name and he could be heard scrambling up the fire escape stairs. He grabbed hold of Raph's good leg in a huge bear hug, almost causing Raph to topple over. He chuckled for the first time in two days as he patted Tyler on the head.
"Hey kid, long time no see."
"I thought I'd never see you again but yesterday your brother came to my bedroom window and said I could come and see you if I wanted. Mike came to get me get me today to show me the way. I can't believe you really live in the sewer! What happened?" he asked Raph, referring to Raph's crutches as they slowly descended the stairs with Leo on their tails.
"I uh… kinda got in a fight."
"Were they big guys?" Tyler asked still skipping all around.
"Yeah," Raph chuckled again. "Yeah they were pretty big."
Raph found the couch and eased onto it, putting his leg up on the coffee table.
"So how've you been kid?"
"Oh alright I guess. Mom is going to court soon to put those bad guys in jail." He punched his fists in the airs and whirled around. "I got an A on my report card and my goldfish died. Mom said she'd get me another one though. My teacher doesn't like me very much anymore after I accidentally dropped a worm into her coffee cup. You know Mike is really cool. He had to blindfold me but he carried me here on his shoulders and told me all these stories…" He trailed off suddenly and sucked a huge breath of air like he was out of breath and didn't have anything else to say. "So what's going on with you?"
"Besides that fight? Nothing much."
"Oh Raph!" Tyler reached into his pocket and pulled out a pog. "I got this from mom. She said she used to collect them when she was a kid and she let me have this one. Isn't it cool?" He moved the round piece of plastic so the holographic dragon on it flashed in the light.
"What is it?"
"Mom says it's called a pog. There's a ton of different ones and there are some that are more heavy that you use to play a game with but the game isn't that fun. I like the pictures. Isn't this one the coolest?" He moved it so the dragon scales flashed again.
Raph was silent for a moment before he made his decision.
"I can't see it Tyler. I'm blind."
"What?" Tyler put the pog, back in his pocket. "You mean you never got better?"
"No, I did, for awhile. When I got in that fight about a week ago, the one where I got shot, I got hit on the head too. I went blind again. This time permanently."
"Oh," Tyler ducked his head. "Well we can still have fun together right?"
"Sure we can." He ruffled Tyler's hair again. "Remember how we beat those goons up together?"
"Do I?" He ducked out from under Raph's hand and threw a few punches at an imaginary opponent. "Man those guys were as good as toast. You and me beat their butts!"
Raph chuckled. "Yeah, we did."
"Skateboard at twelve o'clock Raph!" Tyler called as they headed into the kitchen.
"Tyler's more help than any of you guys." Raph joked as he found his seat.
Mike dished out his own concoction which only slightly resembled grilled cheese.
"Mike," Don picked up his sandwich and watched as a glob of chunky orange goo plopped onto his plate. He stuck out his tongue. "What is this?"
"It's my version of a reuban." He answered proudly as he sat down in his seat. "We didn't have any roast beef and I don't like sauerkraut, so I made it with Thousand Island dressing, ham, and cheese from the tacos we had the other night caused it to be kinda drippy but trust me it's good!"
"It's burnt!" Leo turned his sandwich over to see mostly black burnt bread.
"Just try it." Mike commanded. Raph and Tyler were the first to put their lives in their hands by taking a bite. Raph nodded his head in approval and Tyler grinned. This seemed to give Don and Leo the courage to try it.
"'t's good." Leo commented. "But it'd be better if the bread wasn't burnt to a crisp."
"Sourpuss." Mikey pouted.
Splinter came in and sat at the table. He took one look at the burnt sandwiches oozing orange globby goo and reached for the fruit basket. He selected an apple and bit in.
"Leonardo, I trust you will be taking our guest home after lunch? I do not wish for his mother to worry."
"I'll take him." Donny butted in. "I need to make a stop at the dump any way and scrounge up a few circuit boards."
"I think I'll tag along too. This Lair is getting way too stuffy for me."
Raph didn't want to admit that he wanted to make sure he could still navigate through the sewers fairly well when he wasn't raging mad.
Leo stopped eating mid chew.
"Are you sure that's a good idea Raph? I mean with your stitches."
"Aw they're fine. I'll stop and turn around if they start buggin me. So can I come or what Daddy Don?"
Raph stressed the last two words. Don could only shake his head in amusement.
"Well considering you haven't been up and about for almost a week you might as well come along and stretch your legs."
"I'm not going to use your idiotic bimbo's. They'll botch the whole mission." Cobart paced angrily in front of Saki. The Shredder smiled slightly to himself. It was good to see Cobart's temper flare for once.
"Well you can't use your army of old useless grandparents."
"They could fight better than your brain dead tune deaf children." He stopped his pacing. "Give me money and I'll hire mercenaries, ruthless blood thirsty bastards that would kill their own mothers given the chance." Saki was silent, deep in thought. "Give them to me or I'll drop the job right now and leave."
"You are too selfish to do that. You wouldn't leave the money."
"Oh to make you mad I would."
"You may have half a dozen mercenaries, the rest will be my Foot soldiers, but if you fail you will pay your debt with your flesh."
Cobart grinned.
"I don't intend on failing."
"So why'd you need to go to the dump Don?" Raph's crutches clicked as they met the sewer floor making a din in the silent sewers.
"I needed some circuit boards. I'm working on a new project for Mikey." He quickly changed the subject, not being a very good liar. "So Tyler's pretty nice."
"Yeah. He's a pretty good kid. Bounces of the walls though."
"Yeah." Don agreed with a slight guffaw.
All was silent for the next few minutes as they walked along with only Raph's crutches and dripping pipes as background noise.
"Raph," Don began slowly and hesitated. "What's it like, to be blind?" He flinched a bit as if preparing for a physical blow.
"I thought it'd be like having the lights off. You know when the light filters through he door from another room. It's what it was like before. I could see shadows a bit, but this time it's just pitch black. The darkness seems to move and grow. I never knew how much that little bit of light was worth."
Then he was silent. Don was slightly relived that he hadn't got mad. He couldn't think of a response and Raph didn't seem too eager to strike up another conversation. Silence reigned the whole way home.
Back in the Lair Leo bit his lip as his shin slammed into something else in his path. He thought about lifting his blindfold to see what it was, but he told himself he wouldn't this time because Raph couldn't.
"My son," Splinter emerged from his room with his cane. "You have been acting odd of late. May I ask what is troubling you?"
Leo took off his blindfold and sat next to Master Splinter's chair.
"I'm trying to get a feel for what Raph is going through. You know, so I can help him. I decided to try and walk around the Lair with a bo to see what it was going to be like for him, but I had to wait until he was gone. I don't think he would take too kindly to me bumbling around the Lair. He'd think I was mocking him. Mikey tried to help me yesterday. We were sparring and it WAS easier, trying to fight something alive, but most of the things Raph is going to have to face aren't going to be alive. I…." Leo faltered in his rambling for a second then continued more slowly. "Raph told me this morning that he thought about offing himself."
"Offing himself? I'm afraid I don't understand." Splinter cocked his head to the side.
"Yeah, suicide. I wasn't sure if he was joking or not but I don't think he was. He doesn't feel useful anymore Sensei."
Splinter nodded. "I will see what I can do, but this is not your problem Leonardo." He laid a paw on his son's shoulder. "Raphael can sense your worry and it does nothing to calm him. He wants things to be the way they once were. Maybe if you act like it is he will adjust better."
Leo nodded and stood just as Raph and Don came walking back through the door.
"Raphael!" Raph was jarred from his sleep by Splinter's sharp curt don't-mess-with-me voice centimeters from his ear. He sat bolt up right.
"What! What is it?"
Splinter took a step back.
"You are late for practice."
Raph fell back into bed and rolled on his side.
"I don't go to practice any more Sensei." His voice was muffled by his blankets.
"Raphael!" Splinter barked again. "You will get up out of bed and attend practice."
Raph sighed as he sat up again tiredly and searched the floor for his crutches.
"Donatello removed them from your room. You no longer need them"
Raph untangled himself from his covers and stumbled around his still wrecked room looking for the bo he had thrown two days before.
"Master Splinter," he sighed. "Can you help me find my bo?"
"You must find it yourself Raphael, and you will join us in the dojo when you do."
Raph growled softly. Ten minutes later he came limping into the dojo. He headed towards the meditation area but another sharp bark from Splinter caused him to stop.
"Raphael I said you would join US in practice."
Mikey shared a glance with Don who cocked his head at Leo who could only shrug.
Raph carefully made his way over and took his place next to Mike. He made a move to put his bo down but once again Splinter stopped him.
"Keep it."
He motioned for Mike and Leo to go get staffs from the weapons cabinet.
"Now," Splinter instructed. "Put your blindfolds on."
Three of the four obeyed without question.
"Raphael!"
Raph clenched a fist as he heard his name being yelled once again.
"Hai Sensei?"
"Put your blindfold on."
"Sensei, what difference does it make? It's not like I'm going to peek or anything."
"If your eyes are blindfolded you will not try to use them . Now put your blindfold on."
He led them through kata after kata, blindfolded, for three hours. The sounds of kee ya! echoed throughout the Lair. Finally for the last hour Splinter ordered Raphael to go meditate while the other three spared with their bos.
After the light workout Raph had found it easier to meditate. He was sure Master Splinter had taken it easy on all of them for Raph's sake but for some reason Raph didn't really care. His leg and arm actually felt a lot better after being worked, but he knew later on in the day his leg would be aching.
"My sons," Splinter spoke after he called a stop to the sparring. "We have an hour until Ms. O'Neil gets here."
"An hour for what?" Mikey couldn't help but ask.
"An hour to pack up."
Once again the bothers shared an odd look. Raph stopped his meditating to listen in.
"Pack up for what Sensei?"
"We are going to stay at Mr. Jones'" before the word 'farmhouse' could leave Splinter's mouth Mikey was whooping away.
"Alright!" He yelled as he raced for the door before remembering they were still technically in practice and racing back to his place in line.
"I called her last night. She said she and Mr. Jones would come up for the first few days but then they would have to get back to refurnishing her shop. Now go pack. Dismissed."
He bowed and the four turtles bowed back before rushing off to their separate rooms, Raph a little slower than the rest.
Splinter silently followed his son to his room and watched as he packed for the trip.
Raph managed to find his extra masks and joint pads fairly easy. On his way to find topside cloths he kicked something on the floor. Crouching down he down he found the offending object. His sai. He thought about taking them with him but put them back on his nightstand instead. He wouldn't need them and even if he did he wouldn't be able to use them . he found his topside cloths and stuffed them into his bag. He stopped for a second and thought about taking them back out. He wouldn't really need them either. Would he? He kept them though. It might get could up at the farmhouse and then he might need them.
The farmhouse. That was going to be a whole load of fun to navigate around. A fairly unfamiliar place for him at this stage was going to be a whole load of fun. Raph wondered briefly if maybe they were going up to the farmhouse for him. Master Splinter had had a get-up-off-your-lazy-shell attitude all this morning and it they went to the farmhouse he'd almost have to do that.
He searched the bathroom for his tooth brush and grabbed a few other necessities that he shoved all in his bag. He was about to zip it up when he remembered one other thing. Should he take it? Raph found the Braille book and chart by his bed. He held them for a second, debating. He might get bored so he threw them in his bag too.
He limped out of his room and laid his bag down next to the elevator.
"Hey Raph," Mike called as he too headed for the elevator doors. "Tell Leo I have a quick errand to run and I'll be back in like ten minutes."
Mikey put his biking jacket on and stepped through the elevator doors. He had to write a quick note to Kevin about where they'd be and give April the do dads Don created for her to sell.
He hopped on his bike and was at Kevin's place in a matter of minutes. He parked his bike in a side alley and entered through the window he had used a few days before. Kevin wasn't around seeing as it was Sunday and Mike recalled him saying something about going to visit his family in Michigan this weekend. He found a scrap piece of paper and quickly summarized everything that had happened in the last day and a half. He wrote that he wouldn't know when they'd be back but he'd have the money for the watch when they returned. He stuck the note on Kevin's chair and slipped back out the window. He made a quick trip to April's to drop off Don's inventions. He didn't even bother to tell her was there and gone as he figured she was probably packing. Then he was home again.
Despite the fact that he had only been gone a total of fifteen minutes the packing efforts had jumped tracks. Everyone had their personal things packed up and stacked near the elevator. Now they were working on getting food together. Leo was loading up a cooler and Don was putting canned food in boxes. Raph stood at the door and listened. Every once in awhile one of the two other turtles would jump up and yell out an item they had forgot to pack. Raph would limp into another room and search for the item until he found it, then set it next to the other things by the elevator.
Mike started loading things into the elevator to make trips up to the Battle Shell.
In no time at all, slightly less than forty minutes, all the packing was done and they were ready to go. Don went around turning off appliances and Mikey seemed to forget about a comic book in his room he needed to take. Leo went to go help Master Splinter finish his packing and Raph called that he'd be up in the warehouse waiting. He rode the elevator up and as the doors hissed open the smell of oil and gas immediately assaulted his senses. 'One of the best smells in the world' he thought. He limped out of the elevator and headed right for where he knew his shell cycle was. He ran his fingers over the seat and thought about how Don had made it specially for him. The other guys had bikes and really Raph had two but the shell cycle was his baby. It didn't even compare to his other bike. His hand moved it's way from the seat to the handles. Hung on the bar closest to him he found his helmet. Unlike the bike, this helmet wasn't the first. He remembered how Don had stopped putting in the built in shell cell. This helmet was his forth? Fifth? As he put it back on the bar he felt his spirits take a dip. He wouldn't be able to ever ride it again. Maybe he should just give it to Mike and be done with it. No, he thought. Mike would ruin it, and even if he could never ride it again maybe he could figure out how to tune it up once in awhile. It wouldn't be that hard. He knew that bike like the back of his hand. He knew the whole garage pretty well in fact. Summer was when he and his brothers came up here to work the most. In a matter of a few more months it would have been summer and they would all spend their days in the garage working on projects of all kinds. Be it the Battle Shell or equipment for the dojo they always seemed to find something to do during those days in summer in the garage.
He jumped slightly as he heard the door to the garage open. He was about to try and run and hide when he heard Casey call his name. he breathed a sigh of relief and tried to slow his heart rate down.
"Hey Raph, you ready to go?" He asked as he entered the warehouse.
"Yup. The guys should be up in a sec. Why are we taking this trip anyways?"
"I donno" Casey answered with a shrug. "April just called me and said we were goin. I'm only staying for two days though."
As if on cue the elevator doors parted and there stood the rest of the family.
"Ready to go?" Leo asked as he loaded Splinter's things into the back of the Battle Shell.
Raph nodded. Leo handed Splinter the hoodie to his streets side cloths so he could ride with April and Casey in the car while the boys climbed into Don's rig, and before anything else could be remembered to bring they were off.
A/N This is kinda a deep chapter after the funny one. I guess that was backwards to have the comic relief before the dramatic scene but Raph has a little farther to fall before he his rock bottom. I better get to bed because I have Disricts for Track tomorrow and I promised my coach I would get a 12 min flat two mile. Thanks for reading and reviewing all!