Chapter 4

A/N: Sick as a dog. The chapter order of this story got incredibly screwed, and I had no idea until very recently. If this happens again, email me please! Next 2 chapters in November, and I need a beta, because I think that the quality of this story is going noticeably down, mostly because I dont have time to rewrite it like I used to. School is kicking my ass.

I know, this is such an incredibly unrealistic portrayal of divorce.

DVD Extra

5 Pieces of Clothing that Should Really Be Banned, Organized by Level of Discomfort:

5. Those little skirts that look like mini-skirts, but are A-line, and therefore don't hold up well to even the slightest gusts of wind. Does anyone else know what I'm talking about? They're kind of ruffle-y, and they don't really reach your thighs...

4. Stiletto sandal heels, esp. those higher than 3 inches.

3. Short-shorts

2. Corset tops

1. Thongs (Floss for your butt)

deep dramatic voice Last time on The Harry Potter Soap...

"No, I don't want kids right now."

"Yes, you do."

"No, I really don't."

"Give me your ring, Ron!"

"No!"

(The credits roll, and the story resumes)

It was at this moment that the magic mirror (which Hermione had enchanted to sound like a telephone) rang. Momentarily distracted, they went to answer and found Harry, hung-over and disheveled, asking for news of his wife.

Hermione and Ron looked at each other. In their midst of concentrating on Ron's poll numbers, the two had completely forgotten about Ginny. To smooth things over Ron drew on his political skills, using the classic excuse:

"Yeah, Hermione, what ever happened to that locating charm you had on her?"

"Well, at first it was made to alert whenever Ginny left the house. But I forgot to account for the normal stuff, like groceries, etc. It only alerts now when Ginny is being taken somewhere against her will. Wherever she is, she's there voluntarily."

"That's good, right?" asked Ron.

"Wrong." said Hermione flatly. "She'll be much harder to find if she doesn't want us to find her. We'll say that she and her husband are on vacation, if anyone asks. The public loves a romantic getaway. Harry, lay low for a little while. When she shows up, we can get her up to speed. Clear?

"How low do I have to lay?" Harry questioned, thinking about his almost empty liquor cabinet.

"Don't leave the house. We'll get you whatever you need."

"What about prostitutes and alcohol?"

"Really, Harry, that's not in very good taste." She glared at Ron, who was laughing.

"Someone's at the door." said Harry abruptly, and cut the connection.

"Well," said Hermione. "That was rude, wasn't it?"

"He had someone at the door, Hermione."

Hermione sniffed. "Well, I think he was just trying to get rid of us. Accio Ring! she shouted suddenly.

"Don't, Hermione!" yelled Ron "You have no idea what you're getting in to!" It was too late. In went the ring to the potion, and Hermione took a long, triumphant sip.

"Tastes good." she said evilly.

Ron looked down at the recipe, which was lying on the table next to Hermiones ominously empty glass. "Ha!" He said. "It says here that we have to have sex first!"

"Not a problem."

"What?"

"Well, really, Ron." Hermione said. She had made her voice low and seductive. "How long can you last?"

"You'd be surprised! By the time I'm done with you, you'll be begging to reverse your evil little conception charm!" Ron wondered whether this blatant lie was showing on his face. As a rule, the term politician was not usually synonymous with sex symbol and Ron, though not by any means ugly, was no exception. Hermione, on the other hand, was gorgeous. She was not only the Witch Weekly Most Powerful Woman in Politics; she was number 7 on Dragons Sexiest Women with Power. Interestingly enough, Ginny made neither of these 2 lists, but was number 1 on both Dragons Hottest, Most Desperate Housewives and Witch Weeklys Luckiest Women in the World.

"I suppose were going to find out, aren't we?" said Hermione.

There was someone at Harrys door, although Hermione wasn't wrong when she thought he was looking for an excuse to leave. When Harry answered the door, he felt joy rise within his heart. Ginny had come home at last.

"Ginny! You're back!" he reached out to gather her in his arms. Ginny put a surprisingly strong hand on his chest, forcing him back into the house, while staying outside herself. She handed him a piece of paper.

"I've come to give you notice: We're getting divorced. Since, without your money, I cant afford a big, fancy, lawyer to draw up the papers for me, were going to court this Tuesday to get a judge to grant us one. You can bring a lawyer if you want." She pushed Harry back a few steps, then reached inside and slammed the door shut.

Harry just stood there, completely shell shocked, then immediately went to the mirror to call Ron and Hermione.

Gee, that was easier than I thought it would be. Ginny took a deep breath and thought about what she had to do next. She started working with Ron tomorrow, and she hadn't told him so yet. She muttered an apparation spell, and the next thing she knew, she was in Rons attic, where a strange sight greeted her.

Hermione was talking to Harry on the mirror. Harry had his court notice pressed against the glass. Ron was completely oblivious to everything that was going on, and instead was frantically flipping through old, dusty, spell books. He sneezed occasionally.

"Um...Hi everybody!" said Ginny. Everything kind of stopped.

"Ginny, where the hell have you been?" said Hermione finally.

"Well, funny story, actually. Its like this: My husband is a clueless cheating drunk, so I left. I'm staying at Neville and Colin's, because they're the only faithful men I know."

Hermione shot an interested look at Ron.

"Tomorrow, I'm working as a secretary, right near you, Ron. You won't like it, but it pays better than anything else I could apply for. I need to go shop for something to wear tomorrow, so I'll be leaving now. Harry, tell your little whore girlfriend to watch herself."

And as everyone yelled for her to wait, Ginny disappeared with a light pop.

She went to a nice, custom boutique and bought five different tailored work outfits with Harry's money. She went back to Neville and Colins, where they all had a nice, civil, dinner, and eventually got to sleep, thinking about how great destroying Harry's life was going to be. Her boss was the last thing on her mind.

As always, however, her boss was the first thing on his own mind, and Draco was quite looking forward to a little "him" time. More than usual, even. He planned on going home, having a hot bath, pouring himself a drink, and having a masseuse come in to help him relieve his tension. He had almost made it to Step2 when a high scratchy voice greeted his ears.

"Honey? Is that you? Look, I was thinking, maybe we can work this out after all...Things can't be too bad between us, can they?"

Draco turned the corner to the master bathroom and found his ex-wife relaxing in his tub, up to her neck in his pink bubble bath. "Please?" she said.

"Ahh...Let me think...No! Go away!"

She looked at him with a little pout on her face. "You're a stupid asshole."

And then she disappeared with a pop, bath and all.

Great. thought Draco. Now I need a new bathtub.