Disclaimer: I don't own ER, I just wish I did.
Time to say goodbye
"John, she is gone. We couldn't save her." Susan whispered, barely able to choke out the words. Sitting next to John, she began to sob, Abby had been a member of the ER for a long time, and now when things were just starting to work out for her, she was gone. "Susan she thought you were a great friend, and now, its time for us to say goodbye to what use to be our dear friend." John said standing up. Susan nodded and they walked into the trauma room. The room was still a mess, bloody gloves, sterile drapes, blood bags, IVs, and gowns. John walked up to the gurney, "Abby, I know you are no longer here, but it doesn't matter. I still loved you, and now you're gone, never to know. This was never meant to happen, I'm sorry, I didn't even get to say goodbye." John said tears falling down his face. "Abby, I'm sorry I couldn't save you. I'm going to miss you so much, goodbye." Susan said barely making out the words. John gently bent over Abby, and kissed her cold pale cheek. Susan squeezed her left hand, it was still a bit warm.
The funeral had been huge; they had to say the ceremony out in the cemetery because so many people wanted to come. John had paid for everything, ashamed he could not spoil her when he had the chance. As the priest said the mass, John looked around he was shocked at all the lives Abby had touched. "She was a great person." Susan whispered, as she looked at all the people John had been staring at. The funeral was short, and somber, not a dry eye left the cemetery that day. The burial plot was flooded with flowers of all sorts. Most of them small bouquets, but the ones that stood out the most were the pressed flower bouquets the ER staff had placed next to her grave. It was a small memory to Abby's love for dead flowers. John watched everyone leave, all of the Cook County ER Staff decided to stay behind. "Abby, we know that were not like a real family, but we were a tight group. Now there is a void in our family chain, one so great that will never be replaceable, and never will be. Our family chain is broken and nothing will be the same, until the day we are all over the rainbow with you, Mark and Lucy." Kerry said, this was most likely the first and only time a lot of people had ever seen Kerry openly cry over someone that was just a co worker.
"John, were going to go." Susan said patting her friend on the shoulder. "Alright, I'm coming." John said looking at Susan, noticing how red her eyes were. They walked hand in hand to the limo, and sat next to each other. "John, I think everyone is going out to Lava Lounge for a little toast to Abby, after work of course." Malik said, with a smile. "You mean a get drunk to make all of the sadness go away?" John asked, a bit miffed that they would go drinking after a funeral for a friend who was a recovering alcoholic. "Actually we were going to have soda, nothing with alcohol, this is for Abby." Kerry said smiling at John, she had already thought this through, and it was perfect. "Does the Lava Lounge know we the drunken ER staff is coming or are we just going to surprise them by ordering non alcoholic beverages." Susan said with a small smile, remembering the time Abby had gotten drunk and bit Carter, and did a nice hula for everyone on a table. "I think Abby would have wanted us to get drunk, keep up our good name." John said smiling, remembering spending all night with her helping her sober up before his shift started.
At the hospital John worked on "easy" patients. He could not go in the trauma room, especially not in the one Abby had passed away in. It was like an automatic shut off button whenever he got close to them, the memories would flood back to that god forsaken night. It was just way to much, and all of the staff respected that. John smiled at a little girl who had broken her wrist. "Why are you all dressed up?" The little girl asked pointing at John's tuxedo. "I had somewhere special to go this morning." John said placing a small splint on her wrist. "Is that why everyone looks so sad?" The little girl asked again. John nodded, "One of our good friends died, and we went to her funeral." He said softly, wondering if he would start to cry. "The doctor with the long brown hair?" she asked again. John nodded, he stood up, it was to much, to soon. He walked into the lounge and freely began to sob. He wasn't alone for long when Susan joined him, her eyes brimming with tears. They didn't ask each other, they just quietly sobbed together, wondering if anything would ever turn back to normal.
The rest of the shift went by extremely slowly, everything reminding him of Abby. A patients name, or a med students question, it all reminded him of Abby. It wasn't fair, she had so much to live for. At the end of the shift John saw everyone begin to leave. As he walked into the lounge he saw a young man near Abby's locker. "What do you think your doing?" he asked noticing Abby's locker wide open. "There wasn't a free locker, and she doesn't work here anymore." The young man said. "She died! She died here! And then you go and start taking all of the personal stuff out of her locker like you own it! Well you don't, now get out! Just get out!" John yelled so irritated by the young mans arrogance. He watched the young man leave, and began putting all of Abby's stuff back into her locker. After a few moments of redecorating her locker John shut it, and opened his. Inside was his jacket and a handful of pictures of Abby and him together. Hugging or just smiling, even a few singles ones she had given him when he went away. He smiled as he put his jacket on, and then placed the pictures back on his shelf and shut his locker and walked out of the lounge, and out of county.