Disclaimer: this is also for the before chapter, i don't own lotr, or any of its characters, those are all tolkiens. i own the idea of the story.. go me, but that was inspired by tolkien, so it is also not mine.
authors note: after much request (one) i have decided to put another thing up, merry's pov, and it is probably way way worse than before, if you don't like it, don't feel bad, because i don't believe it is that good either, but if you still want more, review and i will try and write a continuation of pippin's pov, and discard this attempt.
Merry's pov. After a request for a sequel/new chapter.
In my head I hear Pippin. His voice has been constantly in my mind since a few days after Zillah's death. And I hate him for it, he is screaming and I don't want to save him. He is yelling that he hates her, and I am crying into my pillow, because I hate him so much for thinking it. I cry harder when he starts whimpering that he loves her. And I can't believe he even wonders if I am hurting. She was my sister. How could I not hurt?
I wish he would stop screaming. I wish it so much.
But he never stops, he is being torn from his childhood and no one is there to save him, not even me. I refuse to look at him, because I am hurting so much, and he is always in my head, just screaming.
Finally he shut up, but then I was worried. I could hear his mind ticking over, millions of voices talking, and I couldn't hear anything. And then he starts the screaming again, the helpless screaming, which I am obliged to obey, and I do, holding him, rocking him to sleep, letting him cling to me, letting him cry on me, being strong for my younger cousin, as he struggles through the pain and hurt, which grows stronger everyday, so I am afraid to talk, to do anything, but sit there, and comfort quietly, mechanically.
In the middle of the nights my dreams are interrupted by Pippin, his searching for me, his eyes trying to look into me, trying to figure me out, when all I want to be is left alone. And the images of Zillah float from his head to mine, her dancing, her running, her hair flowing, her short scream, over and over, reverberating through my mind.
Pippin falls, but I cannot comfort him, I am afraid I will burst out crying. I hardly see Pippin at all anymore, I hide in my room, or up in the orchard, perched in the branches of a tree, so he has to search me out if he wants to find me. And his screaming fills my head, his crying, whimpering. I wish it would stop. I wish it would stop.
I hear a short gasp in my head, and then there is complete silence, silence worse than the horrible lost screaming, and I panic. I start to shake, and run towards Pippin's room, run and run, throwing open the door. His eyes are full of tears, they are escaping down his cheeks, and I forget why it was that I couldn't look at him, and I don't know if I will forgive myself, when I see the knife. Held on his wrist, inching closer. I must have screamed, because Pippin looks up at me, as I rush to him, throwing the knife across the room with such strength that it wedges itself in the wood of the wall. I sit in front of him, feeling as though my legs will not support me, taking his hands, and checking them, searching them for cuts of any kind. There are none on his wrists, for which I sigh in relief, but as I am turning his hands over I see a cut, which makes my blood run cold. On his thumb, a slash, deep, and bleeding still. I gasp in a breath, holding back the tears threatening to spill. I force him to look at me.
"Did you, Pippin? Did you do this on purpose? Pip?" I ask, my eyes full. The truth is evident in his eyes, his lost eyes, searching mine for reassurance, which I feel I cannot give him.
"Why?" I ask, "Why? Why Pippin? Why?" and I continue whispering, as the tears stream from my eyes, and I pull him to me, holding him as we cry, he is clinging to my shirtfront, so desperately, as if afraid I will leave him. I can feel him getting heavier, and his sobs getting slower, as he starts to fall asleep. I lay him down, lying with him, as he won't let me go, and I know he doesn't want to be alone. He screams a bit in my head, when I tried to pull away, so I stay where I am, combing his hair with my fingers, lulling him into a peaceful sleep, where I hope he will have dreamless sleep and get rid of some of the black circles under his eyes. I feel myself becoming drowsy as well, and I pull the blankets over us, resting my head against his, and letting myself drift off. I am safe, I am not afraid, I am not going to leave him alone, I won't let him become lost once more.
Sorry this took ages to come, you see i thought i'd already put it in, but it hadn't, and then iwas looking at other stories and writing more and studying for school, so i forgot to check all that often, and then i came on and agreed to the guidelines again, and it said, you can now load the story, and i was like, oh, oops...sorry.
hope you liked it more than i did...please review...thanks