BREAKING NEWS! ZELDA LOVES WOMEN! LINKS STILL A DRUG ADDICT AND PERVERT!

Princess Zelda was seen with Princess Ruto, apparently only swimming, when two fishermen spotted them. "I said, Kotake, ain't those the princesses?" commented Koume. "And sure enough, it was. And that ain't no swimming they was doing."

Only the Great Deku Tree has known of this secret love affair and told the Hyrulian Times that it was for the great good of the Zora's race.

King Zora had no comment. When questioning the citizen's of Zora's Domain, all our reporters were slapped by fins and came back smelling like fish.

The King of Hyrule had no comment.

Ganondorf, reinstated citizen for good deeds to Hyrule's kind, had this to say:

"GANON WILL RISE ONCE MORE! Oh, I'm sorry, I have occasion outbursts of lunacy. Anyway, I find this all a misunderstood scandal. Princess Zelda is a good women. She would never do anything to jeopardize her land."

Will bring you more as this story updates.

Last nightLinkwas caught snorting Faerie Dust again. Navi, his high-flying sidekick, is in rehab for the fourth time that year. Kaepora Gaebora, Link's drug counselor, has told, exclusively to the Hyrulian Times, that he warned Link against going, that if caught, he would be banished to the deserts surrounding Desert Colossus. Link would scream back something coherent like, "Kid. Gauntlets."

He was caught four months ago at Lon Lon Ranch being over-excited with a cow, while watching Malon ride Epona around the arena. Malon had no comment. Workers of Lon Lon Ranch told our reporters that Malon is in counseling, trying to recover from the trauma Link has left in her already fragile life.

One month ago, he was found roaming the sacred Water Temple naked. The Zora's have spoke to the Sacred Realm. Investigations are still in progress.

And last night, he was caught in the Kokiri forest with Saria. They say nothing happened, but found at the scene was a pouch of Faerie Dust and several naked pictures of Impa, a nursemaid and bodyguard at the Hyrule Castle. Saria's position as Forest Sage is being discussed at the Sacred Realm. When Impa was questioned she demanded the pictures back, stating that they were stolen a few days ago.

When questioning Link in the dungeons of Hyrule Caslte, all he kept asking is if we could get him some Faerie Dust.

More to the story as it updates.

To subscribe to the Hyrulian Times, write you name, race, and preferred language on a leaf, and send it to:645 Castle Way, Hyrule attn. Subscribe