Wasted.
Kim laid on her bed, listening to the radio. She always had it on now - she got so lonely without it. Her father had been away in rehab for almost a month and Chase was still in the hospital recovering from his injuries. The two rang her often enough, but it just wasn't the same, hearing them wasn't enough, she missed them both so much. She didn't have anyone else so until they returned it was the radio which kept her company. Although what she really craved was physical contact, the radio would be her only companion for now. She closed her eyes as she listened like she always did, making the voices seem more real, as though they were there in the room with her, like she wasn't alone.
Once again the music took her back to a place she often tried to forget.. She laid thinking about her parents, but more specifically, her father. She thought of how good the two had been together and how they really had been meant to be, they were soul mates. Until Nina came along, that was. Even now, looking back she could see why he did what he did.
Although clearly in love with her mother, Nina was the other part of his life which he had been looking for. Someone who could understand why he was the way he was - because of his work. As much as she hated to admit it to herself, Nina had been right for her dad. Just like Terri had been right for him in a different way - but it wasn't a perfect world and he could only have one of them.
But which one would have been the right one for him, she wondered. Terri had been his other half for over 20 years, she was his life and his family. But Nina was his work; which was his world, in a sense. She closed her eyes as she realised just what her father had been up against. She felt that Nina was the right choice for him, yet he still chose Terri. She would be forever thankful that he made that decision, as with choosing Terri he chose her too. Despite his own needs he had still gone back to his family - that was what a father did, she thought regretfully, sad that she was only realising this now.
She knew that her mom had been angry at him anyway, despite what he was giving to be there for them. She wondered if her mom had known about Nina, and just how much her husband had gave up for her. She felt sorry for him that her mom had reacted that way, and often wondered if any of their separation really mattered when their love had prevailed through it all. Until of course, that day happened. But he could not be blamed for that either, she thought. She silently wondered if her mom did blame him for her fate, wherever she was now.
She felt her angry rise slightly as the song continued on. Even though her father had made the right decision, it didn't matter. Nina had done her damage in their short period together. She had left her mark on him, that was all that mattered. The rest of it would fall to place for her, while things continued to fall apart between him and Terri.
She couldn't help but wonder what Ninas intentions towards her father had been. Had she loved him, or was it a simple relationship? It didn't matter really, she would never know, Nina was dead, her mother was dead, perhaps she should finally let it go. Jack was having too hard a time letting go, and he had killed the woman. She wondered how he would react if he knew of her own dark secret. How she still wondered about her mothers murderer ever day - whilst making him think everything was fine and that she had moved on a long time ago. He wouldn't be pleased, she knew, he would be upset. And angry... at himself. He would go through the whole 'I let you down' motions, and she herself couldn't bear to inflict that on him.
She didn't want him to go through it again, but at the same time she couldn't let it go either. She had thought that Nina's death would help her move on, but it hadn't, instead it stirred up more questions and memories. She had thought that if she figured out what went on between them it would be easier for her to forget it and move on. But their whole relationship had been too complex and she couldn't figure it out.
She knew she had to get it out off of her mind, it was as simple as that. How would Chase react if ever knew she was obsessed with her fathers once lover? It wouldn't look good, and it would only widen the gap and deepen the void inside her. She had to let it go.
Kim knew she had to let go of it all, but now found herself wondering if her dad had let go of it too. Would he have killed her if he had? He said it was self defence, but was it really? Was this his own way of finally accepting it and making things right himself? She hoped that if he had still been hurting inside over her, then killing her had been the final nail in the coffin for him. Now she would be gone for good.
She wanted him to move on, but she wanted him to get back to his old ways just as much. She knew that for the most part it was impossible, but it didn't stop her from hoping. She wanted to hear him laugh again, see him smile and mean it, she wanted to take back what was took from him those few years ago. She didn't want him to waste away anything else he had.
Review please, thanks for reading… AGAIN!