… "Please don't take another three years to update…" lol.

chap 4

Sleep was hard to come by for Obi-Wan. He was basically "healed", if one chose to call being restricted to quarters and not doing anything physical healed. It was the only way he would be able to participate in the saber sessions, if he was healed and well. His master was else ware, ever elusive since his return home from the healers. Obi-Wan had awoken once earlier to a darkened room. He'd blinked, momentarily forgetting where he was… his room. Since then, sleep had been just out of reach, hopelessly dangling before the young Jedi. The boy grunted, and rolled out of his sleep cot.

His room was rather bare – his river stone rested on his desk, beside his data pad that was currently charging in its holster. The thin carpet was cold and rough against his bare feet. Obi-Wan stood shakily, and sent a hesitant ping of force through the residency, but his master was still not home. He had not seen his master since Qui-Gon had gone to visit Tahl. Thankfully, the padawan felt strangely numb about knowing this fact. Numb like he'd been out in the cold for too long.

Fire hissed at Obi-Wan's side as he moved lethargically over to his desk. Yesterday, had it been only yesterday since the fight? The accident? He decided it didn't matter and sat heavily in his simple black chair that accompanied his desk set. He rested his forearms on the table, his eyes blinking moisture back into his eyes.

Outside, the snow continued to fall. His room had a small window with a synth shade pulled part of the way up, the lower half letting the light of the city cast the quarters with an eerie blue glow. The snow was thick and heavy, silently falling.

Obi-Wan had never felt this cold in his life. It had been as if the coldness had been stalking him forever, its tiny teeth nipping here and there, its frost caressing his heart. But it wasn't until that fight, where his master struck him, and the time he spent in hiding… it was as if all the warmth was gone. There was just nothing… left. Where was his passion? What was his passion?

To become a Jedi.

Or was it? Did it really matter anymore? With padawans like Kinah and Bruck to take his place, why did he even stay here?

His master. Because his master believed in him. He loved his master dearly.

Pity the master didn't love him.

Obi-Wan shook his head slowly, a low groan worming its way out of his chest. His master didn't care. Well, he'd had his suspicions before, but what kind of caring master doesn't believe you when you're telling the truth, the /truth, and listens to another padawan before you? Yes, Xanatos had been arrogant and not trustworthy, but for force sake's he was most certainly not Xanatos. Perhaps his master would never really trust him, perhaps Qui-Gon never had.

And what point was there to being a Jedi when the one you hold dearest doesn't want you? Isn't that what Jedi fight to protect against, apathy?

The flashing of his datapad distracted the boy from his dark thoughts, the small keyboard alerting him that the battery was at full capacity. Lifting his torso off the desk, Obi-Wan lifted the small computer from its resting place and set it on his lap. He paused, and then ran a search:

J e d i

He backspaced,

P a d a w a n s / l e f t / j e d i / o r d e r enter search.

A C C E S S D E N I E D

He scowled, and paused, then entered the username QUI-GON JINN with the password of TAHL. It failed. He tried XANATOS. …. That worked.

The screen blinked green, and displayed a small number of names. Obi-Wan's eyes scanned the data, looking at each name with a sense of curiosity. What drove these fellow padawans to leave? Oh – his eyes fell upon Xanatos. He clicked the name, and an entry came up – a detail of the situation on Telos, and the boy's leaving to join his father, the war, death, destruction. The end of the entry marked with bold red letters – /warning – dark force usage/.

He scanned all the names in such a manner, and in each case, something had happened, some tragedy or some war, something of the darkness took each padawan. The warning of dark force usage lined the last five entries he'd read – and then he stumbled upon an entry that was not lined in red, but a light gray. This particular padawan had been different. It was a she, and she had been thirteen when she'd left he order. No red warnings marred the bottom screen, so Obi-Wan read –

Inryl Dran suffered the loss of her left arm as a result of the explosion. Onderon authorities were able to pinpoint the location of her master's body and the remains here transported to the Jedi Temple…. / Student found deceased five weeks after departure from Jedi Order / -

Obi-Wan blinked, and moved to the next page. Again, a she, and only 17 at the time of the entry.

padawan Karin suffered injury alongside her master. Their attempts and negotiation on the moon of Jaongar II proved a failure. The uprising caused a cataclysmic event in the republic of the world, and three separatist groups rallied against the dominant political group. War ensued, and Master Jedi Arkken fell in defense of the commandent leader of the republic of Jaongar while Padawan Karin continued the defense of the civilian sector on her master's orders. … Upon return to the Jedi Enclave, Padawan Karin remained for her master's funeral, but disappeared shortly afterwards. / warning – whereabouts of student unknown / -

He winced, thinking of the pain the lost of a master must cause a student… and then exhaled quickly when he realized he might be suffering some of that pain. Finally, the last bio Obi-Wan read gave him a sense of familiarity.

Dismissal of the padawan was in error. Master Juk-aiik was faulted with inconclusive data that lead to the expulsion of his padawan. Charges brought against Padawan Jennic were unjust as the boy was innocent. The padawan escaped trial by the Jedi Council after his disappearance after his charges. Lack of the Master's interest in his padawan is said to be the lead to the boy's disappearance and later death. His body was found two months later on a Mandelorian cargo freighter past Dantooine. / Student found deceased two months after departure from Jedi Order / -

Obi-Wan scrubbed his face with his hand – the boy had left. And died. Because his master didn't believe him.

He spun his chair, facing the window again. The snow was thickening as it pelted his window. He wondered where his master was. Apparently it didn't matter. The padawan stood, gingerly stretching his limbs to test his wounds. His joints protested and Obi-Wan felt a wave of dizziness overcome him. He absently shut his datapad and went back to his cot, not bothering to pull up the blankets as he lay there, waiting for his head to clear. He barely noticed himself falling asleep.

"There we are," Qui-Gon said with a small smile, and he and Kinah placed the newly formed clay pot on Talh's mainroom table. Kinah smiled and had her eyes grow large with happiness while she frantically tried to get the dry clay off of her hands by scraping them on the table. The taller master stood and bowed slightly. It had taken last night and most of today to finish the piece, but it was done and beautiful.

"And with that, its off to see to my own padawan. Goodnight," Qui-Gon nodded, and swept out the door of Tahl's quarters.

Kinah watched him leave and then headed to the washroom to clean up. She shut the door behind her and groaned, upset at having wasted a perfectly good evening making a useless pot as opposed to doing something a little more fun. Her brother would surely be off with the group having a good time while she was stuck inside… pah! She grunted, digging the soil out from under her nails. She turned off the water and froze, hearing a familiar voice in the mainroom.

"Speak with you later, I will. Meaning to, I have been."

"Forgive me, master. I have been busy preparing Kinah for the upcoming sparring matches. May we speak tomorrow, after the first session?"

"Meeting me in the council chamber, you will," there was a pause, "Alone."

Kinah swallowed and suddenly found her heart beating faster.

Qui-Gon entered his residence quietly, his thoughts leaning to the pleasant evening he'd shared with Tahl and Kinah. He looked up and into the living room, all was dark. As much as he hated to admit it, a small twitch of some unpleasant emotion stirred within him – oh how he owed his padawan an apology. The vase… had not been broken by Obi-Wan, and the idea that he thought his padawan would do such a thing bothered him. And more so, the accident… the injury. Qui-Gon sighed. He moved silently through the small rooms, sending a quiet pulse through the bond he shared with his student. It was all but dormant now… and as usual he was blocked on the receiving end. It was really something he should talk about with the boy.

The healers had cleared Obi-Wan for the duels tomorrow, though the elder master was not sure it would be a good idea for his padawan to participate after such an event as his recent injury. Another thing he meant to talk to his student about.

He paused at the door to Obi-Wans room, and gently opened it. It took a moment for his eyes to adjust to the darkness of the room, the window producing the only light. Obi-Wan lay curled into a ball on his bed, his skin washed in a pale blue from the windows soft light. As if acting on impulse, Qui-Gon came forward, and sat on the edge of the bed. Hesitantly, he reached a hand to his padawan's cheek, and almost jerked back when he felt the chill of the skin. Obi-Wan made a soft noise, curling towards the warmth. His master paused, wondering how a boy such as this could have been responsible for that act… how he thought that it could even have been a possibility. He shook his head, his hair swaying gently. He reached for the covers at the end of the small bed and brought them over his student, a large hand resting upon them, feeling his student beneath the barrier of cloth. He felt compelled to stay… but no. His padawan needed rest, as did he for the upcoming sparing matches for tomorrow. Nothing could be accomplished by his staying. He stood, rather awkwardly, and made his way to his bed chambers. He hadn't realized he'd spent so long with Kinah, it was late. Tomorrow would be a long day.

sewing the seeds, setting up a story….