Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter and I don't particularly want to anymore.
Note Concerning AU status: The release of HBP has rendered this AU. For the purpose of this story, none of the romantic relationships mentioned in HBP happened, a certain person was not revealed as evil and is not evil, a certain person did not take the previously mentioned person's position, a certain student refused to take the Dark Mark, and a certain person did not die. Also, just so long as this is an AU, I'm saying that Sirius fell to one side of the Veil. Every else is as per canon.
A/N: I'm sorry about having left out the smut last chapter, but I read it over and realized it was rated NC-17 at least. I'll post it at or somewhere. I'm making up for it by posting this the moment it's finshed.
A/N2: What did you think of my versions of Ron and Hermione? They're deliberately out of character; Ron is meant to be an affable twit and Hermione is a miniature and considerably less pleasant Mrs. Weasley.
A/N3: What do you think of the Ron/Draco subplot? I'm thinking of making it unrequited, just for the sheer amusement of watching Ron make an ass of himself over Draco. Vote for whether or not you want the two to actually get together. The vote ends when I post Chapter 5.
And now for something completely different...A REVIEW RESPONSE!
lady sakura cosmos: Thank you so much for reviewing all three chapters. They will go back to the Chamber, I'm just not sure when.
The next morning, Hermione was in no mood to wait for Harry, not after he'd done. Ron tried to get Harry to come down, but there was no response and Hermione, who had run out of her miniscule supply of patience, dragged him to breakfast by his tie.
He went quietly, knowing that resisting was the surest path to doom. He sat passively as she gave a bowl of muesli with chopped bananas, despite her knowing he hated both muesli and bananas. He didn't even object when she stopped him putting sugar on his god awful muesli. He was too busy staring at the object of his heart's (or at least, a related organ's) deepest desire.
Draco nudged Crabbe with a pointy elbow. "Vince, is someone staring at me?"
Crabbe took a quick look around. "Draco, Weasley is giving you a very odd look, but no one is actually staring."
"What kind of funny look?" asked Draco suspiciously. "An 'I'm going to hex you look', a 'I've poisoned your coffee look' or a 'What the hell is he wearing look'?"
"Ummm, it's more like an 'I'm going to try to snog you as soon as we're alone look'." Crabbe said uneasily.
"This is an outrage! He's meant to fear me, not lust after me! We must do something horrible to him before lunch. I must make him cower in fear at the sight of me."
Goyle, who had until then been focusing exclusively on coating his bagel with as much cream cheese as humanly possible, spoke. "And how do you propose we do that? He's not even scared of your Aunt Bella anymore, not after last year. Even you're terrified of her, so what can you do to make him fear you?"
"We must put an acromantula in his sock drawer!" declared Draco.
"Where the hell would we get an acromantula? The Magical Menagerie?" inquired Crabbe sarcastically.
"I don't see you coming up with any suggestions." said Draco sulkily.
"We'll talk about it at lunch." soothed Goyle. "I'm sure you can think of far better methods when you're more awake."
"Are you pandering to me?" asked Draco, looking blearily at him. "If you are, I will be very annoyed."
"No, no, we're not pandering at all."
Draco squinted at him, trying to determine if he was trying to be sarcastic, then gave up. "Let's go, breakfast is nearly over anyway."
He stood and sauntered over to the door, not realizing that not only were Crabbe and Goyle following him, so was Ron. Of course, Hermione followed Ron, and the first years, not knowing any better followed Hermione. The mass exodus of the first years convinced the rest of the Gryffindors that breakfast was over, so they went as well. The Hufflepuffs, not wanting to left out, went along with the crowd.
Unfortunately, the first thing every one saw when they got past the doors of the Great Hall was the feared Potions master, bane of the Gryffindors, in a passionate embrace with the Boy-Who-Lived. Draco stopped dead and stared. Crabbe and Goyle gaped. Hermione clapped her hands over the eyes of the nearest first year. Only Ron retained his equanimity.
"Um, Harry, could you please get a room? I don't mind so much myself, but I think the 'Puffs are going into shock."
The amorous pair broke apart abruptly and stared at their unexpected audience. Harry went pale. Snape buried his head in his hands. "My reputation is ruined, isn't it?" came the muffled moan.
"Well, it depends on what reputation. I have to agree that your reputation as someone who's never gotten laid is sunk." Ron gave him an evil grin. "On the other hand, your reputation as an exhibitionist just went up a hundredfold."
"Twenty points from Gryffindor, Weasley." Snape said tiredly; it was clear his heart wasn't in it. Then stared in horror at the entrance. "Black, Lupin! What are you doing back so early?" He gave then a terrified grin.
"Snivellus, why is there a crowd gathered around you and Harry?" asked Sirius threateningly.
"I would like to know as well, Severus." Lupin said quietly.
"Well, it's a bit of a funny story, that." Severus stalled.
A voice in the back of the crowd called out, "What's so funny about snogging in public?"
Severus blushed and cringed as Sirius choked and turned brick red. Lupin just gave him an extremely disappointed look.
"YOU TOUCHED HARRY? HOW DARE YOU! YOU FOUL PERVERT!" Sirius roared. Lupin quietly walked up behind him and quickly stupefied him.
"We will discuss this, Severus." said Remus threateningly, then left, levitating Sirius behind him. As he left, he called over his shoulder, "Meeting in Dumbledore's office in half an hour. Harry needs to be there as well."
Severus nodded his understanding, then fled.