Pieces of Our Lives: A Honey and Clover story

By Cal-Reflector

Author's notes and Disclaimer: After submitting the story thus far to my former English teacher for critique and editing, I was able to work out a few serious technical mistakes reload the documents. Please enjoy the new and improved "Pieces of Our Lives."

I do not own Honey and Clover. If I did, I would make Shuuji marry Rika and the two of them live happily ever after with their four beautiful children somewhere warm. I would also give Kaoru, Morita's older brother, ten times more page/screen time.

I do, however, own this story, and am determined to salvage a happy ending out of it, and darned if I don't.

The three of us are out by the lake late one winter night. Not having enough money in our pockets to visit a bar, we buy drinks from the convenience store instead. There was a full moon out, its silver silhouette shimmering on the surface of the lake below. It was not long before Harada and Rika became a little drunk, and before I could stop him, he drops himself into the water. He laughs and swims a little without a bother, but as I look on I can not help but tremble inwardly at the thought of just how bone-numbingly cold the waters must be. Harada is smiling at us now, he reaches out his hand and beckons for her to join him in that icy expanse. "Come in, Rika. Shall we go?" My heart begins to pound harder when I see her step closer towards the edge, towards the plunge into that dark pool where Harada awaited. My body freezes, and I can no longer move, but I hear a voice begin to speak, then yell, then scream, "Don't… Rika… you can't! Don't go! PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME…"

"… RIKA!" And then I awake, sitting upright in my bed, covered in sweat and gasping for breath. I awaken once more from the same dream, by the same voice, my own, crying out her name.

How many years has it been since I last had that nightmare?

Footsteps next door, a moment later I hear a soft tapping on my own. "Come in, Hagu."

A little girl dressed in a lavender night dress pokes her head through the door, long blonde tresses slightly mussed, a pillow clutched tightly to her chest. "Are you alright, Shuu-chan? I heard shouting…"

"Ah, I'm okay. Sorry for waking you… just a bad dream." I wipe the sweat from my brows and climb out of bed. "Now, go on back to sleep. I'll be all right."

She gazes at me intently, a look of concern on her face. "Okay… goodnight, Shuu-chan."

"Goodnight, Hagu." The door clicks shut. I make my way to the bathroom and fill a glass from the tap, draining it in rapid gulps. The water scratches my throat, which has become parched. I slap cold water onto my face and lean over with my arms against the sink, waiting for my racing heart to come down to its normal pace. Looking up into the mirror, I see the water dripping off my face, a tired face, a face that looks too old for the mere thirty years behind it.

As I head back to my room, my eyes arrest themselves briefly on a picture on the shelf. It is a picture of the three of us; Harada is in the back, flashing his usual big grin. He has his arms draped across Rika's shoulder and mine. I sport a small smile, her eyes shied away from the camera; we both look a little nervous and embarrassed. Harada's big frame filled up the space between us, taking up the center of the shot.

I close my bedroom door quietly behind me. Clock on the wall says 1:05 AM, still more than five hours left until morning, but after what I had just seen, I knew there would be no more rest in sleep tonight. I lie on my back and look up into nothing as scenes from that far away memory replay themselves in my mind. When I reach the end of the dream, when Rika placed her feet on the brink, my right arm subconsciously extends towards the ceiling, reaching, hoping to grasp and hold onto that fading form, a second before it all disappears.

For we lose not only by death,
But also by leaving and being left,
By changing and letting go and moving on.

--Judith Viorst

--Chapter 1-1: Shuu-chan's Dreams

-----

It was a beautiful day in Tokyo, and the university's campus was alive with the chatter of the multitude of students moving about their classes with their friends. From the vantage point of his office, Professor Hanamoto Shuuji—thirty, single, and not in a relationship—looked down upon the bustle below as a number of girls, several of whom he recognized as his pupils, came out for lunch break. The sounds of their enthusiastic conversation drifted up and through the open window that he sat by, contrasting sharply with the relative silence of the office, of which he was the sole occupant.

"It must be great to be young…" The smoke from his cigarette drifted lazily upwards until a sudden breeze dissipated it into the bright blue skies outside.

Shuuji did not mind solitude. It was not that he preferred being alone, as obviously evidenced by his attachment—some say to the point of being unhealthy—to Hagu, but rather that he had acquired a taste for it as he adjusted to the circumstances of life. Lately, he had been having more than enough time to appreciate the quiet pleasures of being by himself, as Hagu spent more and more of her time with her new friends, or at work at the studio, away from home. He found himself eating out more often, since cooking for one was simply too impractical, and it might well have been the effects of this double deprivation of his two greatest pleasures in life—Hagu and cooking—that compelled him to smoke twice as much his already considerable regular quota.

In truth, Shuuji was growing quite sick of the pleasures of solitude.

Before this thought left his mind however, his office door slammed open and in flew Morita, springing with energy. "Yo, Sensei! Long time no see!"

Dragging deeply on his seventh cigarette that morning, the young professor immediately began to miss the solitude which he had just started to loathe a moment before. "Ah, Morita, energetic as usual I see."

The young man scratched the back of his head and laughed before replying. "Ahahaha, of course! My motto has always been 'Time is money!'"

Overlooking the awkward quote application, Shuuji doused his cigarette in an ashtray and said. "So, what brings you here today?"

"Got an assignment to do, humanity is the basic theme, but we're free to choose any specific theme. And…" A dark blush spread over the young man's cheek as he cast an abashed sidelong glance at the professor and spoke in a quiet, nervous tone. "If… if it's alright with Sensei, I would like to draw you…"

Shuuji, although a little revolted by Morita's impersonation of a school girl in the spring of youth, was nonetheless impressed that he would pick him as the subject for a drawing. Perceiving the respect which was accorded him as a teacher and senior, the young professor felt gratified, "Well, if you so insist, I suppose I will be your subject."

"Thank you so much, Sensei!" Morita hopped into the chair across from Shuuji's, and immediately went to work.

"So, what exactly is the theme you're addressing that made you think of me? The maturity of an adult? The charisma of a teacher?"

Morita looked up from his sketch pad and smiled brightly before shaking his head. "Nope, the title of my work is 'The Solitary Mid-life Crisis.'" He continued to smile brightly even after Shuuji choked violently on his tea and was hunched over clearing his throat.

"OI! I'm only thirty-one years old darn it!"

Without a pause to his work, Morita replied to his incensed elder in an offhanded tone. "Ah, is that so? Could hardly tell by just looking at you, in fact…" The young man leaned across the table in apparent scrutiny, "is that a gray hair I see?"

Shuuji's face grew dark as he cracked his knuckles audibly, "You…" Much to the professor's surprise however, Morita was apparently unfazed, and continued talking even as he loomed over him with a dangerous aura.

"You know, Sensei, it's not just me, but everyone feels that your behavior, especially of late, has resembled that of a tired old man." The suddenly earnest attitude of Morita gave Shuuji pause. "When you aren't teaching, you basically sit by yourself in here and chain smoke. Hagu tells me that on weekends you stay home and read all day… she's hardly ever seen you go out with your own friends."

Shuuji did not reply; he did not explain that the reason why he did not go out often was because there were very few people he considered himself familiar enough with to call friends.

"Maybe it's because you just don't have any people to hang out with aside from us." The proximity of the younger man's blunt observation from the truth made Shuuji's wince inwardly. "But that doesn't mean you need to start acting like a geezer contemplating retirement. Do things you enjoy! Take some risks in life, live a little, be happy! I mean, look at me, 25 and still in college, but I'm doing great!" Here, the young man seemed to radiate such optimism that his face appeared almost glowing. Unfortunately, Morita's bright outlook on life apparently did not rub off on his intended audience, as a weary-looking Shuuji put another cigarette in his mouth, his eighth of the day; he had a feeling he would be needing many more before Morita was finished.

But something in the eccentric young man's words had remained in Shuuji mind, as he once again diverted his attention towards the scenery outside the window. Taking the cigarette from his lips, he spoke absently to himself, "What I enjoy, huh…"

-----

Shuuji looked at the table on which his handiwork for the past hour was displayed. The clay pot holding the soup base for the nabe was sitting atop the electric hot plate. The leek, cabbage, and lettuce were cut into bite-sized pieces and artfully arranged on a large platter. Tofu, fish cake, shiitake, enoki, and shimmeji mushrooms, fine slices of beef, and clear harusame noodles… down to the two kinds of dipping sauce which he had prepared personally. The table was set, the rice was cooked, everything was ready to go.

All he needed now was someone to help him eat all of it.

"Argh… guess I did go a little overboard, I'm out of practice." Shuuji was stumped: After considering what Morita had said to him during the day, he decided that it might be worthwhile to return his attention back to some of the pursuits he used to enjoy, like cooking, and seeing how whispers of winter were just starting to set in, nabe sounded like a good idea.

So after work had ended, he went shopping, picking up along the aisles all the necessary ingredients for a delicious, wholesome meal… and then some, even splurging a little on particularly choice cuts of meat. As he expertly examined the market's selection of goods and produce, his mind calculated the complimentary effects the different ingredients would have on each other to create the richest flavor. The anticipation of seeing delight spread over Hagu's face when he surprised her with the feast had made him smile with an immense sense of satisfaction.

And so it was not far from the truth to say that a hefty figurative hammer fell on Shuuji's head when Hagu called back at around dinner time, saying that she had forgotten an important project deadline, and would not be coming home to eat. A dilemma now presented itself: the food had been prepared and laid out, so returning it to storage for another day was out of the question. He therefore had to proceed, but there was no way he could finish the painstakingly prepared meal by himself, and the thought of expensive meat and his hard work becoming leftovers was unbearable.

"Why not just call up another person?" he asked himself, slapping himself mentally for not thinking of the obvious solution sooner as he reached for the phone. The obvious solution, however, was not to be: Takemoto also had an imminent deadline and thus had no time to spare, Yamada had already eaten with her family, Mayama was expectedly swamped by his work, and Morita… well, he didn't know what happened to Morita, since his cell phone was turned off and he couldn't be reached at his apartment room, and should history be any indicator, will probably remain out of touch for the next half-month or so.

All of which added up to put Shuuji in the unenviable position of having prepared too much food, no one to eat it with, and no one left to invite. The young professor sank into a chair and lamented acting upon Morita's advice. "I really am pitiful… aside from my students, do I really have no friends of my own?" After a moments silent pondering, Shuuji's mouth opened slightly as he appeared to think of something, and picked up the phone once more.

-----

Inside her apartment suite several city blocks away, Harada Rika blinked, roused by the sound of a ringing phone. Brushing a few stray hairs away, she rubbed her eyes and slowly sat up, gathering her thoughts for a moment before realizing that she had fallen asleep at the design table, apparently for too long, for other than the light from the table lamp that made her squint, the house was dark and unlit. Picking up the cordless phone besides her, she glanced at the time, "It's already this late… Hello?"

"Hello? Is this Rika?"

Her eyes widened at the sound of the familiar voice. "… Shuuji?"

"That's right, long time no see, Rika-chan."

A small smile formed at her lips as she replied. "Long time no see, Hanamoto-kun."

"To tell the truth, I was wondering if you have had dinner yet. I've prepared nabe, you see, but made too much. So if you haven't already eaten…"

Rika, of course, had slept through dinner. "No, I haven't eaten yet, but…" A trace of hesitation was in her voice, and for a moment Shuuji thought she would decline the sudden offer. "… if it isn't too much trouble for you, then I guess I will intrude."

She could clearly hear his delight on the other end of the phone. "Really? That's great! I'll come pick you up…"

"No, no, its fine, I'll just take a taxi... see you in a bit." Setting the phone down upon the table, Rika rose from her seat, the effects of napping at an irregular hour and posture telling as she felt tired still rather than refreshed. Rika exhaled deeply as she surveyed her dark surroundings: Distant lights from the neighborhood entered through the windows and illuminated the interior of the spacious studio, casting a cold hue on everything inside the room. For a minute Rika took in the familiar, shadowy sight, and then walked towards her bedroom to prepare.

-----

Shuuji had been drying his hands with a piece of cloth in the kitchen when he heard the doorbell ring. He opened the door to find Rika standing outside, in a tan-colored jacket buttoned all the way up to keep out the evening chill. "Welcome! Sorry for calling you over so late."

"No… thanks for inviting me." As soon as she stepped in, Rika was immediately warmed by the heated interior of the brightly lit house. Taking her jacket, Shuuji led her to the dining table, where the hotpot was already boiling and giving off a delicious aroma.

The two seated themselves across from each other, whereupon Shuuji began to serve them both and add more ingredients. "Now, eat up! It's just the two of us, so don't hold back. If you hadn't come, I don't know what I would have done."

Rika regarded the bowl of food set before her. Taking it with both her hands, she raised it slowly to her lips as Shuuji looked on nervously, a veritable knot of anxiety forming in the pit of his stomach. He resumed breathing however when a look of surprise came onto Rika's face that soon turned into a smile as she set the bowl down, a warm glow spreading across her pale complexion. "Delicious…"

"Haha, is that so? Thank goodness. It's been a while since I seriously cooked, and I was afraid that I might've messed something up." His worst fear now aside, Shuuji picked up his chopsticks and began to eat, his appetite evidently bolstered by Rika's favorable reception of his cooking.

Rika watched Shuuji eat for a moment before returning her attention back to her plate. "It's been a long time since I had your cooking… It tastes even better than I remembered." Saying this, she picked up and admired a slice of carrot skillfully fashioned into the shape of a flower before placing it in her mouth.

Shuuji seemed to contemplate this comment as he chewed. "Yes, it has been a long time since we last ate together, hasn't it…" Standing up from his seat, he extended his arm across the table and placed several pieces of fish into Rika's bowl from his own. "Here, try some of this carp. I made the dipping sauce for it myself."

A mild look of amusement and appreciation came across Rika's face when she saw how there was still plenty of food in her dish. In her mind, she wondered whether dinner at the Hanamoto residence usually proceeded like this; the image of her old friend constantly pressing more food onto Hagu-chan brought a smile to her face, and she marveled at how the girl managed to remain so small in spite of how Shuuji must be feeding her.

For the next several minutes the two adults concentrated on the food in front of them, the bubbling sound of the hotpot underscoring the cozy atmosphere at the dinner table. After his third helping, Shuuji took a break with his teeth to observe his friend. His forehead creased into a frown when he saw how thin her neck and wrists still were, an indicator of how she had not been eating properly. Consciously placing more meat into the pot, he asked. "So, how have you been doing lately? Is the recovery coming along?"

"Yes… though I still can not move around quickly, I am doing much better than when I had to rely on a walking stick. And you? How have you been doing? You seem a little tired…"

Caught off guard, Shuuji looked up and saw the concern in his friend's eyes. "Eh? Ah… just been smoking a bit too much lately." He laughed sheepishly and scratched the back of his head. Rika did not inquire further, and another moment of quiet passed before Shuuji renewed the conversation. "How's Mayama?"

Rika placed her bowl down. "He's doing well at his new job. Someone from the design firm he works at is an acquaintance of mine, and she says that Mayama-kun has been a tremendous help to them."

Shuuji listened to Rika's words as he gazed into the frothing surface of the pot, which continued to bubble quietly. "So… you have not been seeing him lately?"

In the silence, a sigh ever so slight was heard before Rika replied. "Mayama-kun… he's called me several times, visited a few times, even showed up at the door unexpectedly once or twice." She chuckled quietly to herself as she recalled the events. "That child… he's reliable, and strong, but…" Shuuji watched as she slid her right hand onto her left wrist, where the bracelet Mayama had put on her several months ago was now conspicuously absent. "… He tries so hard, I think he doesn't know when to give up sometimes."

Shuuji didn't reply, but merely stirred the nabe without a word and placed more ingredients into the simmering pot. After a while, he reached over and picked up Rika's empty bowl. As she looked on, he ladled several meatballs into the dish along with more clear broth, and then set it down in front of her. "Eat up, it's chicken meatball… your favorite."

Rika regarded him intently, slightly confused. "… I thought you didn't like these very much."

Shuuji shrugged as he added the harusame noodles, the last ingredient to go in a nabe, and sat back down. "Well, I made them for you, that's why." When she said nothing but looked at him, Shuuji fidgeted a little under her gaze and looked away. "Anyways… just eat up or it will get cold."

When she bit into the succulent flesh, the savory juices from the meat mixed with the broth to create a soothing sensation that seemed to spread through her palate. Ever so gradually, a warm smile spread across Rika's face as she looked across at her friend. "I think that… someday, Hanamoto-kun will make a wonderful husband for someone." The remark's timing caused Shuuji to catch a piece of mushroom in his throat, and the minor pandemonium that resulted made Rika chuckle with genuine mirth in her voice this time, a detail the choking professor mentally noted between his own dramatic bouts of hacking.

At the conclusion of the meal, the two cleared the table together. Standing side by side in front of the kitchen sink, Shuuji rinsed and handed the dishes to Rika, who dried them with a clean cloth and placed them in a dish rack. At one point, as Shuuji scrubbed the bottom of the large pot, he remarked nonchalantly to the woman standing besides him. "So… you really think that someone would be willing to accept me at this age? An obscure arts teacher renting a one bedroom apartment?"

Rika turned her head towards her old friend. "I've made you worried about that, haven't I?" She smiled lightly when she heard him mumble a muted reply in the negative. "I think someone with Hanamoto-kun's qualities would have no trouble finding a partner… you just haven't tried, that's all." At these words, Shuuji paused his work and lifted his head towards Rika, who had already returned to her task. He gazed quietly at her for a moment before he too went back to scrubbing.

Ten minutes later, the two stood facing each other at the entryway before the door as Rika buttoned on her jacket. "I have not had such a wonderful meal in a long time… thank you for inviting me over."

Shuuji was pleased to see that the nabe had returned much color to Rika's complexion. "No, no, the pleasure is all mine, you just helped me out. You sure you don't need me to drive you home?"

Rika smiled at Shuuji. "I will be alright, I have troubled you enough already." She finished buttoning her jacket. "Then, I'll be taking my leave now…"

When she opened the door, a gust of chilly air rushed into the house. Shuuji, dressed in just a plain dress shirt, realized then just how cold it was outside. After seeing Rika shiver a little and wrap her arms around herself, he pulled the door shut. "Hold on, wait just a moment." He disappeared back inside, and returned a few minutes later with a woolen scarf and a paper bag. "Here, use this. I also put in a thermos some left over soup. Heat it up for breakfast after you go home or something."

Rika was slightly taken aback when Shuuji proceeded to put the scarf on her. "But… Shuuji, there's no need for this, it's not that cold even…"

"Then… think of it as indulging me then, okay?" She remained quiet after that, watching him wound the soft material around her neck, large hands working slowly and carefully. When he finished, he took a step back to examine his work, and was satisfied to see that her cheeks had already begun to glow with warmth. "Much better. Now you are ready to go. So I guess I'll see you later. Feed you next time maybe?"

She nodded and smiled gently. "Un, that sounds nice."

"Then… good night, Rika, take care."

"Good night, Shuuji, and…" As Rika spoke, her right hand began to reach towards his, but then she appeared to hesitate, and drew it back to her side. "…Look after yourself; try not to smoke so much… ne?"

"Ah…" Shuuji returned Rika's concerned smile with his own. "I'll try."

-----

When Hagu arrived at the apartment building where she and Shuuji lived, she saw a taxi in front and a vaguely familiar figure climbing into it. Walking by the vehicle, she recognized her as Shuuji's friend who sometimes visited him at school, and also the beige wool scarf that she wore as his own. When she unlocked the door to their apartment, she found her uncle sitting in the living room, appearing to be laid back and deep in thought at the same time. He brightened up when Hagu entered. "Ah, Hagu, welcome home. Did you finish your work? Did you eat?"

"Mhmm, I did, and I'm almost finished. How about you Shuu-chan? Sorry that I didn't come back for dinner…"

"Ah, zenzen-okay, don't worry about it. I had a friend come over."

"The one who left just now? The lady you knew from college?"

"Rika, that's right."

"I see…" As Hagu unbuttoned her jacked and started towards her room, she caught a glimpse of her uncle looking out towards the the city, and perceived a slightly different atmosphere about him than from the morning: What had been a grayness that made him seem continuously weary of late was fading, and in its place she felt a disposition that could only be described as varied, confused even: It was a rejuvenated air, a more hopeful air, intertwined with melancholy, reminiscence… and a trace of longing.

--Chapter 1-2: Dinner for Two.