Pieces of Our Lives: A Honey and Clover story

By Cal-Reflector

Author's notes and Disclaimer: Let me tell you, there are plenty more desireable activities than reloading and editing stories which you wrote two months agoand checked a dozen times already, at nearly one AM in the morning, on a school day. But then, I'm too much a perfectionist for my own good, and Hachikuro deserves nothing less. I'm sure the true Hachikuro devotees will understand.

I do not own Honey and Clover. If I did, I would not let princess Ayu suffer such excessive heartbreak; just the right amount to prompt her to move on... into Morita's embrace. That's right, you heard me, Morita. These two would make a fun couple, wouldn't you agree?

The sound of the door opening startles me, and I quickly spin around, blocking the view to the canvas from the entrance. Shuu-chan appears in the doorway with an open book in hand, apparently to check on my progress. "Sorry to disturb you. Working hard there, Hagu?"

"Yup, I'm getting a lot done!"

Shuu-chan grins at me, leaning against the doorframe between his office and the adjacent room, which he converted to a studio for my use after I first came. "I see. Then, I'll leave you to your work." I watch him until the door shuts completely before turning back to my work. The rough outline is nearly finished, and perhaps by tomorrow I can start coloring, but… slowly, I close my eyes to envision it all again.

The scenery in my painting appears all around me: Shuu-chan and I are resting on top of a hill covered fully in clovers and dotted with vivid flowers. We lie down side by side, with a checkered picnic blanket beneath us, the wonderful scent all around us, and look up at the light feathery clouds floating above; we have the entire world to ourselves. I point out different shapes formed by clouds, he scratches his chin in a solemn professor-like way, and says that my cat looks more like a pig; I puff my cheeks at him for teasing me, he reaches his big hand over and rubs my head.

We laugh together. It is just the two of us, and it is more than enough. But somehow… the picture was not right.

I open my eyes, that picturesque world vanishes, and I find myself sitting alone in the quiet studio. I return my attention to the canvas in front of me. I can not draw the Shuu-chan I want: I can not visualize that look of true happiness on his face.

Lately, Shuu-chan has not been very cheerful, and though he always has a smile prepared for me, even on that night when he had the scary dream, I know that he is doing it just to keep me from worrying.

And I am worried about you, Shuu-chan. Hagu has been watching the whole time: You talk a little less now, you smoke a little more now, and your laughter is little quieter than it used to be. I was sad when you became like this. I thought that it was Hagu's fault; when I decided to stay in Tokyo after you asked me to go with you to Mongolia. I thought I had made you unhappy, because I was leaving you by yourself. I hoped that once you came back and we were together again you would be happier again...

… But that was not the reason. There is a hole in Shuu-chan's heart right now, a dark, deep hole that I can not fill, even though I want to so badly. I can not fill it, because Hagu was not the one who made it. That emptiness in Shuu-chan's heart was there a long, long time ago, even before Hagu came to stay with you. It is what makes your smile always hide a little sadness, it is what causes you to look far away sometimes. Little by little, as time goes by, I feel that void growing deeper… but I can not do anything.

I love you so much, Shuu-chan, do you know? Hagu may be making new friends and spending time away from you, but I still love Shuu-chan the most. You were the one who showed me a new world by bringing me to Tokyo, where I can do all the things I love, where I have found friends who I have come to cherish. When I come home, Shuu-chan is there waiting for me, and we talk and eat dinner together, and Shuu-chan nags me about eating vegetables… I did not have such things back then. Back then, Hagu could not talk happily at dinner, could not have friends to laugh with, and all I could draw was the same scenery over and over again.

Do you remember? Just before you left on your trip, everyone helped me look for a four leaf clover. Hagu cried, because I could not find one to give you; it was so that your dreams could come true, so you would stay safe and healthy. You said to Hagu then that it was alright, that I already gave you very much.

But do you know how much you have given me, Shuu-chan?

That's why I will work hard: Hagu will do her best and make more and more beautiful things, and make more and more friends, and grow up to be strong and be happy, so Shuu-chan will know how much he has done for me, and never have to worry. That's why I will draw this painting, because I wish with all my heart that Shuu-chan can be happy too. That this time, for sure, your dreams will come true, and someone will come who can fill the hole in Shuu-chan's heart.

Just like how Shuu-chan filled the hole in my heart.

--Chapter 2-1: Hagu's wish

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It was an overcast afternoon in Tokyo, where winter had truly begun to arrive. Brief and mild drizzles fell intermittently throughout the day; just enough to be a nuisance but not enough to dampen the spirits of the city's numerous inhabitants, who carried on busily in spite of the uncomfortable cold and wetness. Forecasters predicted an early snow this year, and as temperatures dropped and the year wound down towards its final month, the atmosphere on campus was one of anticipation and excitement as students and staff looked forward towards the holiday festivities. Those who had a special someone made plans accordingly, those who did not made plans to find a special someone, and those unable to achieve either made their own plans as well… to commiserate with similarly fated comrades and together celebrate yet another year passed in unwilling solitude.

Far removed from such bittersweet dramas of youth, Hanamoto Shuuji was presently waging a furious battle against his office space, which in seeming physics-defying fashion stubbornly refused to become reorganized into a presentable state. Papers strewn across desks, books stacked haphazardly from floor to ceiling, document files disgorged like confetti from overflowing cabinets. It had been far too long since he cleaned the place, during which the mess had multiplied in severity of disorder until it cumulated in its present state of administrative bedlam.

But Shuuji was not a feeble-hearted weakling easily daunted; a refined scholar of arts though he was, he was still a man, a man who could roll up his sleeve and summon the strength to accomplish great feats of physical exertion when the occasion arose. And so he wrestled and shoved; he lifted, pushed, and pulled until after a long struggle he tamed the beast that was the mess in his room and emerged victorious. When Hagu walked in twenty minutes later, she found the office to be in an extraordinary state of cleanliness, with all papers filed away and all books and articles restored to their proper places. It was truly a magnificent sight to behold, one which left Hagu wondering what sudden impetus could have motivated Shuuji to perform such a dramatic deed.

Presently, Shuuji had stationed himself next to a cupboard with his back resting against the wall, taking a moment to rest as he loosened his dark green tie and the collar of his dress shirt. Next to him, a large black and silver toned coffee machine sat atop the cupboard and percolated away. Hagu came up next to her uncle, a smile appearing on her face as she closed her eyes and whiffed the rich, pleasant aroma that filled the air. "It smells wonderful, Shuu-chan. Is that a new coffee machine?"

"Yup, I bought it just several days ago. Thought it might help ease my nerves as I cut back on smoking… I'm glad you like it." Shuuji appeared relaxed and pleased by this new acquisition, though it did not escape Hagu's notice when his fingers twitched a bit at the mention of his long-standing habit. Here was yet another mystery in addition to the sudden makeover of the room: Hagu did not know when or why Shuuji resolved to start smoking less, but the unpleasant scent of tobacco which was usually heavy around her uncle was indeed largely absent now.

For a while, uncle and niece enjoyed the silence and the pleasant bubbling sounds coming from the handsome coffee machine. Then Shuuji remembered something. "Ah, that's right. Hagu, I forgot to tell you something." He bent down to face towards his niece. "Today, I invited a friend to join us for tea. She should be arriving anytime now."

Hagu's curiosity was aroused. "Who's coming?"

"You know her—my friend from college, Rika."

After a moment's pondering, Hagu recalled the night in front of their apartment building. "Is she the lady whom you had over for dinner and lent your scarf to, about a week ago?"

Shuuji scratched his face a bit. "Well, yeah... that's her. So is it okay if she joins us?"

"Mhmm, no problem, because she's Shuu-chan's friend."

The young professor grinned. "Great! Oh… hold on, I think that's her arriving right now." Shuuji said as he straightened up and looked towards the entrance to the university. Quickly grabbing his overcoat from a chair and moving towards the door, he turned around just as he was about to leave. "Sorry Hagu, but could you get out some cups and dishes from the cupboard? I have some snacks as well in there."

"Ok, leave it to me, Shuu-chan." After Shuuji left, Hagu proceeded to fetch the proper utensils. Since a year ago, she and her uncle had begun having teas together in his office, and over time it had grown into a tradition of sorts for the two, to meet once or twice a week by themselves to chat and enjoy each other's company over refreshments. It was never an outright stated rule, but everyone, even Morita, had understood that this was their private time together.

Which is why Hagu found it unusual when for the first time, they would be joined by someone else for tea. Opening the proper cupboard, Hagu extended her full length to reach for her own mug—one with her name and a flower logo inscribed on it—and Shuuji's, which was of a warm earth-toned color. She then returned to find another one for Rika, picking out a round tapered cup of white porcelain. When Hagu had finished setting the table and brought out the bowl of crackers and biscuits, she climbed onto a stool by the window and looked outside.

The sky remained gray with no signs of clearing up. The wind had picked up a little, scurrying a number of loose leaves into the air. Shuuji was returning from the direction of the front entrance to the college, walking closely side by side with who must have been Rika. From a distance Hagumi observed that she limped a little and could not walk very quickly. At one point she stumbled against an uneven spot in the pavement, but Shuuji quickly caught her before she fell and helped her regain her footing.

A few minutes later, the door to the office slid open and the two adults entered. Hagu recognized the scarf that Rika wore as the same one she saw that night when she was coming home. Shuuji proceeded to present his guest. "I don't think I've formally introduced you two to each other. Rika-chan, this is my niece, Hanamoto Hagumi. She is staying with me right now. Hagu, this is my dear friend Harada Rika. Rika and I have known each other since our first year in college."

Rika bowed lightly to the deceptively childish-looking girl who she knew to be near twenty years of age. "I'm Harada Rika, pleased to meet you." She smiled gently as she made eye contact with Hagumi. "Shuuji has told me a lot about you, Hagu-chan."

Hagu gazed intently at the face of the woman before her; she felt her cheeks began to glow bright pink when she realized that she was staring. When she returned Rika's bow, she kept her eyes on the ground and spoke in a timid voice that trailed off towards the end. "I… I am Hanamoto Hagumi, pleased to meet you…"

Aware of Hagumi's shyness before Rika, Shuuji held up a decorated box for her to see. "Look Hagu, Rika brought us some pudding cake!" The mention of one of her favorite delicacies had an instant alleviating effect on the abashed girl's nervousness, and Hagumi's eyes began to shine. "Shall we eat it together?" Shuuji chuckled and Rika smiled when Hagu nodded her head vigorously in response.

Shuuji poured steaming cups of coffee for Rika and himself, adding only a little bit of the dark brew to Hagu's mug, which he filled with milk. Hagumi served the cake, and when they had seated themselves and were just about to begin, the door to the office slid open and a bespectacled student came in, his face scrunched into a frown. Shuuji recognized the third-year as one of his student assistants. "Yo, Yamase-kun, what's the matter?"

"I'm so sorry to interrupt you sensei, but…" He motioned for a private word with the professor. After listening to the student speak in quiet undertones, Shuuji nodded and turned towards his two guests who were waiting at the table.

"Sorry, but I need to take care of something first. You two go ahead and start, I won't be too long." With that, he stepped out of the room.

The room became quiet after Shuuji left. Hagu eyed her slice of cake eagerly and swallowed. Rika, taking notice of the younger girl's appetite, said to her. "Hagu-chan, if you are hungry, please go ahead."

Hagu hesitated, but encouraged by Rika's smile and unable to resist the pudding cake that sat so enticingly before her, she relented and dug in. Rika watched the girl eat happily before opening two packets of sugar and emptying the contents into her mug. When she realized that Hagu was watching her, Rika explained with a slightly embarrassed tone. "It's because I don't like bitter things."

"Ah, me too! That's why Shuu-chan only adds a few drops to my milk." The two smiled at each other in their new-found rapport. Outside, a light drizzle began to fall, and the sound of rain drops created a welcome backdrop to the cozy atmosphere in the room.

In between forkfuls of cake, Hagu's eyes rested upon on Rika, who sat on her right hand side. This was the first time she saw Shuuji's old friend up close, the only other times being the night before and from pictures. Compared to images of the young, somewhat timid girl kept in Shuuji's old photo albums, the Rika in front of her now was poised and enchanting. Dressed in a lavender dress blouse and dark brown skirt that extended to half way down her calf, she rested her slender arms on top of the table and from time to time brought the steaming mug to her lips, sipping the rich, dark brew. Hagu was spellbound, captivated by the tranquil and studied beauty that Rika possessed.

But she noticed too that the elder woman seemed a little frail; her wrists were too thin and her skin was fine and pale. Hagu saw that her calm was accompanied by an air of emptiness, her grace weighted down by a hint of sadness… as if she were an exquisite flower, delicate and lovely, but had lost the colors from her petals; drained, washed out and bent by the torrents of a heavy rain.

It struck Hagu that the impression she received from Rika felt very close, very similar to someone familiar.

"Rika-san…" Rika turned towards Hagu, who had placed her fork down. "You… have known Shuu-chan for a long time right?" Rika smiled and nodded, prompting Hagu to continue. "… Could you tell me what he used to be like?"

Rika took a sip of her drink then set the mug down before answering. "Hanamoto-kun, your uncle, was… very responsible. He kept things in order, and made sure that we always ate right, even when we didn't have much money for him to buy ingredients to cook with." Dabbing the corner of her mouth with a napkin, she continued on as her expression became one of deep reminiscence. "He was… not the most talented of artists, but he worked hard and was always ready to help others, so everyone liked having him around. He was always thinking about others before himself, a really kind man… maybe too kind, which is why…"

Rika did not finish the sentence. She closed her eyes and shook her head lightly before she looked up to Hagu and smiled. "In fact… he has not changed at all. Just like then, he is still … one of the most compassionate, warm-hearted people I know."

The sense of familiarity returned once more, and Hagu found herself warming to this woman, whose image of her beloved uncle matched so closely with her own. Scrambling off her seat, Hagu ran into her studio next door and soon returned with the painting that she had been working on, holding it up for Rika to see. "It's a painting of Shuu-chan and me. I'm making this so I can give it to him later as a surprise."

Rika found herself deeply moved by the drawing; the work, despite its unfinished state, displayed a tremendous amount of artistic intuition and earnestly conveyed Hagu's wish; her intense desire for her uncle's happiness. Taking the canvas with the hands, Rika replied in an awed tone. "… It's very beautiful, Hagu-chan."

The short girl became a bit downcast as Rika handed the picture back to her. "Shuu-chan… has been very gloomy lately. That's why Hagu wanted to do something to cheer him up." She returned the painting to its hiding place and came back, considerably brightened as she remembered the latest bit of good news. "Ah, but I think he's starting to feel a little better though! He just told me that he was going to start smoking less. That's why he bought a new coffee machine."

A look of surprise appeared for a moment on Rika's face before she smiled and laid her hand on Hagumi's head. "That's wonderful to hear! It must be because of Hagu-chan that Hanamoto-kun is doing better, right? After all, who could be unhappy for long when you are nearby? Hanamoto-kun is very lucky to have you around."

Hagu looked at Rika's face intently, a trace of doubt forming above her brows as she pressed her lips together tightly, wanting to say what was on her mind but hesitant. "I… I don't think it's me…" Her sentence was cut short when the door slid open and Shuuji returned, an annoyed expression on his face.

"Ah, sorry that it took so long… Eh? What's with you two? Did I interrupt something?"

Rika chuckled at the puzzled look on her friend's face. "Yes, you did. We were just having an important conversation between women." She turned back towards the slightly confused girl and gave her a confidential look. "Right, Hagu-chan?" Hagu caught on, smiled and nodded in return, causing Shuuji to cock his head and frown cluelessly, wondering just what had passed between the two during his absence.

The three of them chatted happily together about a variety of subjects. Rika was particularly delighted to hear all the tales Hagu had to share, and Hagu was thrilled to find an eager audience to tell her stories to, from the crazy antics of Morita (and the longsuffering of Takemoto, the frequent victim of the said crazy antics) to the bold cooking experiments she did with Yamada when the two were living together. Shuuji was, for the most part, content to simply listen to and laugh along with the two, the sight of his niece so animated and Rika enjoying herself giving him such satisfaction as he had not felt since the night he cooked hotpot for Rika and himself. As he watched Hagu gesture excitedly in order to enhance the storytelling, Shuuji smiled self-indulgently and raised his cup to his lips, immensely gratified and confident that nothing in the world could ruin this perfect afternoon.

Which was why, in his state of peaceful bliss, the warning signs in his mind began popping up just a moment too late, having failed to notice that the topic of the conversation had moved away from Hagu's friends and onto himself.

"… and then Shuu-chan's old professor with the white beard said that Shuu-chan would lie in bed all day, sometimes for many days, moaning and groaning Hagu's name at drawings of me he pinned on the walls."

A sinking feeling began to seep into the young professor's heart when he saw Rika chuckle and turn towards him, an amused expression on her face. Shuuji swallowed and paled a little, fearful of what other less mentionable aspects of his private life his niece might divulge next. "Umm… that… Rika… uhh… Hagu, maybe you shouldn't…"

But Hagu was on a roll, and in her excitement failed to notice the pitiful pleading looks that her uncle was directing towards her. "Rika-san may think that Shuu-chan is very mature, but sometimes he is still childish."

"Oh? And what does Hanamoto-kun do that makes Hagu-chan think that way?"

"Well, he still has scary dreams. Shuu-chan even woke me up about a week ago when he woke up crying Rika-san's name…" Hagu's words trailed off when she noticed the atmosphere change; Rika, who had been listening to her intently this entire time, now appeared mildly taken aback, her mouth open a little. An uncomfortable silence hung thick in the air, and Hagu became uneasy once more, as she looked back and forth worriedly between Rika and Shuuji. "Umm… is… something wrong?"

Neither of the adults replied. Shuuji gritted his teeth and wished that he could disappear from the room as confused mortification washed over him and caused his mind to nearly go blank. With a heavy heart racing with nervousness, he forced himself to remove his vision from his shoes and see Rika's response. She also had her eyes directed towards the ground, and held her hands tightly in her lap. Their eye locked with each other's when she turned to face him; gazing at her face, Shuuji saw what he imagined might have been a reflection of his own state of mind: conflicted, uncertain, unreadable.

It was the last expression that Shuuji wanted to see. "Rika, I…"

"Mouse Number One!" The startled three in the room snapped their heads towards the direction of the shout, where Morita had flung open the door emphatically with a bang that threatened to shatter the glass on the window. Shuuji stared speechlessly as Morita marched in with chest puffed out and head held high, his pace completely unhindered by the lumpy burden attached around his right leg that was Takemoto.

"Sempai! Please stop! You mustn't do such a thing!" At the moment, the oft-picked-upon young man was near tears as he desperately wrapped his arms around Morita's right leg, trying and failing to stop his sempai as he was dragged unceremoniously across the floor like a mop while clinging on with all his might.

Morita stomped his way forward until he stood towering before Hagu, an expression of steeled determination on his usually goofy face. He thrust out a suspiciously pink and effeminately styled bag towards the girl, who reached for it with shaking hands, herself on the verge of nervous tears. In a tone that could only be construed as a direct command, Morita said to her. "Wear this."

Shuuji felt his heart stop beating when he saw the contents of Morita's "gift:" From the bag Hagu withdrew a yellow one-piece bathing suit, the old-fashioned type which might have dressed little girls named Veronica on their days to the beach in early 20th century picture books. The design incorporated heavy use of frilly edges and other charmingly antiquated elements of fashion coquetry…

… was what Shuuji would have said, had he been in the mood for artistic appreciation. Presently a figurative volcano began to rumble and boil in the young professor's soul as his vision turned red and thoughts of violent behavior too graphic to be described on paper filled his mind; several veins popped out on his temples.

The imminent eruption was brusquely snuffed out however, when instead of running to her uncle in tears, Hagu broke out in a beaming smile and held up the offending article of dress in an admiring light, even going so far as to do a few twirls of joy which, had he not been so rudely flabbergasted, Shuuji would have found utterly adorable under any other given circumstance. "Oh! It's so cute!" Hagu ran with her new prize to her uncle. "Shuu-chan, look, look! Isn't it cute?"

"…Gah?" Said Shuu-chan, his verbal abilities incapacitated by confusion.

The eighth-year student nodded to himself, a look of understanding on his face. "Sensei must be overwhelmed by the awesome vision of art this opportunity presents, just like how I felt when I first saw this item on display." Patting the debilitated professor on the shoulder, Morita continued in all seriousness. "I knew then that this suit, a symbol of absolute innocence and purity, was meant for Mouse Number One; that the moment she and this bathing suit became one, my greatest vision of art yet would be complete."

Not minding the fact that Shuuji showed no indication of understanding, or even hearing, any of his words, the young man took Hagu's hand and proceeded towards the door, with Takemoto still clinging desperately to his leg. "Now, it's off to the studio! My burning soul, my vision of art will not wait!" Turning one last time towards the stunned professor, Morita took up Shuuji's limp hand and gripped it tightly with both of his own, and in a tone so brimming with sincerity and earnestness that a tear glistened in his eye, he said to the man. "Do not worry, Father. I swear with my life that I will give your daughter happiness!" With that, Morita spun around and made his exit with Hagu and Takemoto, leaving naught but the echo of his uproarious laughter lingering in the hallways.

Morita's final statement had reached through the chaos in Shuuji's befuddled mind to click with his brain and bring it back online. Presently the young professor's shoulders began to tremble, and then like an arrow unleashed he snapped back to life and raced to the door and roared down the hall with such force that a number of heads turned around. "WHO… who the heck are you calling DAD? Ahh? Morita!"

The unexpected sound of laughter behind him caused Shuuji, panting and tightly wound to the point of breaking, to turn around. His eyes widened in surprise when he saw Rika shaking lightly, one hand around her abdomen and the other covering her mouth as she attempted to suppress the laughs. Shuuji gazed wonderingly at his friend, his temper forgotten. "Rika…"

Recovering herself and catching her breath, Rika exhaled and sat down on a chair. "Excuse me… I… I've just never seen you act like that, just now. It was just… too funny…" She started chuckling once more as Shuuji began to feel his face heat up, the silliness of the scene he just created beginning to dawn on him. "Hanamoto-kun acted so much like a dad just now."

Shuuji reddened further at the remark and shifted his feet uncomfortably, scratching his face. "… Don't say things like that. I'm only thirty-one, still too young to be someone's dad you know." The reminder to his over-protectiveness and over-maturity bothered him a little, but when he saw Rika smiling at him with such amusement in her eyes, Shuuji's could not help but relax the tension which he had been holding in. He even started to appreciate how abrupt and absurdly funny the last five minutes of his customarily boring life had been, and began to laugh as well. In the midst of their joviality, neither of the two realized the significance of the moment—that for the first time in many years, since Harada passed away, they were laughing together once more.

--Chapter 2-2: Tea for Three