Disclaimer: Nothing has changed since my last chapter…I still don't own digimon.

I actually hadn't modeled my story after Columbine; it was about shootings in general. But yeah, I guess it is a lot similar.

Thanks for all the great reviews

Chapter Five: Regrets: Joe's Story
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In the morning when we all got there, I felt pretty uncomfortable. No, that isn't true. I felt perfectly fine…until Tai showed up. We still hadn't really gotten over our fight so I didn't know whether I should apologize or wait for him to apologize. Maybe we didn't need to apologize, but I wasn't too sure. Instead of dealing with the situation, I ran away to the library like a coward. I should have apologized to him. I should have hugged him and told him that he was one of my best friends, but I had no way of knowing that could be the last time I ever talked to him.

By the time 10:30 rolled around, I was really nervous. This examination was really important and my entire career in medicine depended on it. I knew my dad was really counting on me to ace it. I felt I knew the material pretty well, but it still didn't calm my nerves and stop the butterflies from fluttering around my stomach.

Sitting in that library reading over those books was making me go crazy. I kept glancing at my watch, thinking that I had lost track of time and missed my exam. Anyone that knows me at all will tell you that I'm slightly pessimistic, so I don't think it was a surprise that I left for my exam a half hour early. I still remember exactly what Mimi and I said to each other before I left.

"Aren't you going to be a little early?" Mimi had asked me.

"Yes, but I don't want to risk it. What if on my way to the classroom something catastrophic happening that would cause me to miss my exam?" Of course, it was just me overreacting. How was I supposed to know that something absolutely horrible would happen that day?

"Oh please…nothing is going to happen to you, Joe. Today's going to be a fine day, you'll do fine on your exam and we'll all live happily ever after. The end." Apparently, Mimi didn't know either. It was almost ironic, in a way.

"Whatever. Good luck you two, I'm still going now." With that, I got all my stuff together and left.

As I walked down the hallway I passed by Davis and a few of his friends. I recognized one of them from my years at Odaiba. His name was Cody. I'm pretty sure he was in the same grade as T.K. and Kari, one below Davis. I said a friendly hello—I was never too good at snubbing anyone—and continued on my way. I probably would have roped myself into a quick conversation, but they seemed busy with some kind of drawing. They were so lucky, I remember thinking. My entire future hangs in the balance and they're drawing a picture!

I rushed up the stairs to find my class. I knew where it was and managed to find it pretty quickly, since I used to have biology it in the year before.

I got to the exam room and wasn't surprised to see that I was the only one there. In fact, I was so early that the door was still locked. I sat down outside the classroom, looking about as cool as an old man in suspenders, and waited for the teacher to come and open it up for me.

"Why Joe, you're rather early," my teacher said when she showed up, ten minutes later. "Is anything wrong?"

"No, I just wanted to make sure I wasn't late," I said, shrugging. She laughed quietly to herself and unlocked the door. I stood up from the floor, stretching out my stiff legs, and walked into the room. About a minute later, a few other guys came in. We talked for a bit until the clock finally struck 11:00 and the exam started.

I dove right in and was actually doing pretty well. I knew basically all of the material extremely well, since I had practically studied for a week straight. This always happens to me: I'll study and study and study, only to take the test and find it like a thousand times easier than I expected it to be. Whatever, this only means I'll get an even better grade than I thought, I told myself happily.

That was the moment I should have known something was going to happen. Since when did good things happen to me? Things never worked out for me, the way I saw it. So why, all of a sudden, would things be going terrific? But I didn't give it a second thought as I continued with the exam.

I stopped writing for a second because my hand was cramping up. I shook my hand slightly as I looked up at the clock. It was 12:00 on the dot. My pencil touched the paper again and I applied a bit of pressure.

BANG

The noise made me jump slightly, causing the lead in my pencil to snap. All I could think of at that exact second was how I didn't have a pencil to write with anymore. That was my only care in the world. I had absolutely no idea of the chaos taking place a few feet below me, on the main floor.

Another bang went off and I think we all realized what it was by then. We rushed out of the room and into the hallway. I ducked and ran as fast as I could down the stairs. I had never been the athletic type and running was definitely not my thing, but none of that mattered anymore. All that mattered was that I was still in the school, running the risk of getting shot at any minute.

Screams echoed through the halls as I reached the main floor. It was about a hundred times louder and crazier than it was on the top floor. I looked around and could see people falling to the ground. I wanted desperately to stop and help them. After all, I was trained in medical care. But I couldn't stop. I had to keep running and get out of that hellhole. I managed to get out pretty fast, considering how many people there were and how crazy it was. Though it seemed like an eon I knew that, logically, it hadn't been a long span of time at all.

I got outside and looked around for my friends. I hoped that they all got out safe, but I had this weird nagging feeling that something bad was happening. Of course something bad was happening, but this was different. Something really bad was happening, and I knew it went a lot deeper than a school shooting, if that makes any sense. I can't really make sense of it myself so I don't expect you to, but it's how I felt. I think that in the back of my mind I knew one of my friends was hurt.

I wandered around for a long time, probably as long as I was in the school, before I saw anyone I recognized. Finally, I spotted Mimi and Izzy. Mimi looked pretty upset, and Izzy was trying really hard to comfort her.

"You guys, hey!" I screamed. Izzy looked up but Mimi didn't move. I just ran up to them, not really sure how to act around Mimi right then.

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After a while, we ran into Sora and Matt. Then we looked around and found T.K. and Kari. It turns out that T.K. had actually gotten injured, taking a bullet to the shoulder. The paramedic informed us that he would be fine, he just had to get to the hospital for stitches soon. Nobody really seemed in a rush to get to the hospital to treat T.K., including Matt and even T.K. himself, which was a shocker to me.

In time, I managed to figure out why. Everyone was waiting around for the time Tai showed up, safe and sound. But that never happened. T.K. went to go investigate, and came back with the news that Tai had been hurt and we all needed to get to the hospital right away. We split up and went in two cars, I took Mimi and Izzy in mine.

The entire car ride over, I was somewhere else. I couldn't stop thinking about Tai. Was he alive? If he was, how badly hurt was he? I was so, so angry at myself and for many different reasons.

I was mad for not stopping and helping some of the people in the hallways earlier. They had all been friends to someone, just like Tai was my friend. I felt like if I had stopped to help even just one of them, Tai would have been okay. I knew it wasn't really possible, but that's how I was feeling. I wondering if the people I had passed were dead now. Would me stopping have made any difference, or would I have just gotten shot, too? Or, would I have wound up saving a life? I'd never know. All I knew was this: For the rest of my life, I would ask myself that question over and over, never getting a real answer.

But that wasn't even the thing that bothered me the most. The most pressing matter on my mind was how I left things with Tai. The last thing I said to him was in anger. Well technically, that wasn't right. The last thing I had said to him was 'I'm going to go hit the library, anybody want to come?'

I couldn't believe that out of all the things I could have said, I chose those words. What if I never got the chance to apologize? What would happen if I never got the chance to tell Tai I was sorry I overreacted and that his friendship meant a lot to me? I kept trying to get myself to think positive, saying things like 'hey Joe, you will get the chance to say those things. Tai's gonna be just fine,' but I didn't really believe it. Hey, what can I say? I am a pessimist.

I vowed that from that day forward, I would never leave a room without hugging each person in it and telling them how much they meant to me. I would no longer go to bed angry, or hold a grudge. I would try to live each day to the fullest, be more adventurous and try to take more risks. I know, I know: Nothing like me, right? That's why I said I would try. I was going to honestly make some changes in my life. I wanted to live more like Tai. He was always living on the edge and having fun with life. I had always admired him, ever since the day we met.

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We all met up in the front entrance of the hospital, but we didn't look for Tai yet. We decided it would probably be more appropriate if we waited for Mrs. Kamiya to arrive. She got there shortly after we did, looking visibly distressed. She rushed in and immediately went right to Kari.

"Oh sweetie, are you okay?" she asked, wrapped Kari in a tight hug.

"Yeah, I'm okay," Kari whispered. I felt terrible for the two of them. Mr. Kamiya was away on a business trip and they would have to contact him with the news pretty soon. How do you call someone and tell them they need to get home because their son has been shot, and they needed to come home right away? They embraced for a few minutes. Mrs. Kamiya hugged her so tight it seemed she was running the risk of squishing her to death if she kept it up any longer.

When she did finally let go, she turned to Sora and did the same to her.

"What about you? Are you okay? You aren't hurt, are you?"

"I'm fine, really," Sora smiled reassuringly, trying to hide her ankle from Mrs. Kamiya. She probably didn't want her to worry about her, when she needed to focus on her own kids. Mrs. Kamiya then turned around and spotted T.K.

"Oh my God! T.K., honey, don't tell me that you were…" she trailed off as T.K. nodded.

"Yeah, but I'm fine. No worries," he said casually. She went on with the rest of our group, making sure that everyone was okay.

I had always liked Mrs. Kamiya. She was one of those cool moms that you could go to with your problems. She was so sweet and caring and that definitely showed now. Her son was in the hospital and she was making sure his friends were all okay. She was really a great woman.

We all approached the front desk and asked for information on Tai. We got his room number and took the elevator up to the fourth floor, where he was. We had to take two since the eight of us didn't all fit in one. We got to his room and waited outside as Kari and her mom went to talk to the doctor.

I looked at Sora and couldn't believe what I was seeing: she was fine. She wasn't crying…hell, she wasn't even shaking or anything. She was standing against the wall completely still, looking almost lifeless. Granted, she didn't look like her normal self at all and I knew for a fact that she was probably falling apart inside, but her exterior was very calm and collected. She managed to keep her composure the entire day, I had noticed. Not once did I see her breakdown and cry. I guessed she was going through post-traumatic shock or something.

"He's gonna be okay, right?" Mimi asked us quietly. It was the first thing I had heard her say all day. Maybe she had been talking in the car, but I hadn't really paid attention.

I looked into her eyes and saw the same little girl I met on the first day of school, when we were four. She looked nervous, anxious, insecure…afraid. Weren't we all? I looked away from her and when I glanced back I no longer her. I saw a scared little girl who just wanted someone to hug her and tell her everything would be okay in the end. So I did.

I learned that day what fear really was. Sure, I had been scared of something or another all throughout my life, but never like this. When those gunshots went off, you weren't scared, you were afraid. It wasn't like the dark corner in your house that freaks you out at night; it was death dangling in front of your face, just within your reach. We were so close to death in that school that it was almost unimaginable. Every move you make can influence your death. Crossing a street can change your entire destiny…that's all it took.

If when I was in that school I ran a little bit faster than I had, I could be dead right now. I would have made it down the stairs faster and reached the main floor sooner than I had. One of those bullets could have hit me instead of the person in front of me. In a way it was almost euphoric, like I had cheated death. Had Tai cheated death? Was he safe and sound with just a little injury like T.K., or was he hanging in the balance fighting with everything he had to stay alive? I didn't know and that was what scared me most of all. Not knowing…fear of the unknown. It can tear you apart inside and there's nothing you can do about it…not a damned thing.

Fear's a funny thing. While we're all technically adults—which the exception of Kari and T.K.—we were all children at that moment in time. Fear has the ability to transform anyone from an adult to a scared little child, who wants nothing more than to be held by their mommy. Right now, I think we could all use a hug from our mothers.

I don't really know how long we stood there waiting for Kari and Mrs. Kamiya to return. It could have been a minute; it could have been an hour. Frankly, I didn't think to keep track. All I knew was that every second dragged by and time would stand still until they came back with word that Tai was okay and ready to go home any minute now. But I would soon come to learn that that wasn't going to happen.

Mrs. Kamiya returned with tears in her eyes, clutching a shaking Kari. We looked at her anxiously, wanting to know the truth. Part of us already knew it was bad…who cries and shakes because their son is alive and safe? But we still needed to hear it from her.

"The doctor says that he's…he's in a coma," Mrs. Kamiya whispered.

"Oh Jesus," T.K. whispered as he stood up from his chair and put an arm around Kari. She pushed past him and went to Sora, seeking comfort. I saw the expression on T.K.'s face and it was of utter shock. However, I knew exactly why Kari went to Sora, and was kind of surprised T.K. didn't realize it too. Sora was the only one of us who knew exactly what Kari was feeling. Kari was losing her brother, her hero, but Sora was losing the love of her life…which one was worse? I hope I will never know.

My heart broke for Sora then. I've known the girl practically my entire life and I like to think I can read her pretty well by now. She had that look on her face that told me she was about to break down, but she also had the look that showed she was trying to stay strong. She wanted to cry but she had to be there for Kari and Mrs. Kamiya to lean on.

It would be okay; everything would work out fine. Tai would come out of this any moment now and we'd all get on with our lives. Everything would be back to normal and we'd be happy again. If not, I would be the one that Sora could lean on.

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We were all allowed to go in and visit Tai, but we had to go one at a time. We let Mrs. Kamiya, Kari and Sora go in first. After Sora came out, Matt went in. T.K. went in after him and Izzy went next.

"Go ahead Mimi, I'll go after you," I told Mimi when Izzy came out. She shook her head and gestured to the door, insisting I go in.

Mimi was acting pretty strange. She didn't seem like she had any desire at all to visit her comatose friend. In fact, part of me questioned whether or not Mimi really knew what was going on. She seemed to be in another world ever since I found her and Izzy outside the school. I shrugged it off figuring she'd come to terms with it at her own pace, and went in to see Tai.

I walked in and was taken aback by all the monitors Tai was hooked up to. There was a ton of tubes going through him. I was studying to be a doctor—my father and brother were doctors—I had a lot of experience…but I don't think anything could have prepared me for that. It's one thing to walk in and see a patient hooked up to all these beeping monitors, but it's a whole other ball game when you walk in and see one of your best friends there instead. I sat down in a chair beside his bedside and put my head in my hands.

"Jesus, Tai…how could this happen to you?" I asked him, knowing he wasn't able to answer. I thought about talking to him. After all, it's been theorized that comatose patients can hear sounds and detect motion.

Then I decided against it. I mean, what would I say? I'm not that skilled in the art of conversation to begin with, let alone when I'm talking to nobody. I might as well go talk to the wall.

I know, I know, I'm being an asshole. It's just so hard to see Tai like this…he's probably the strongest person I know. But I guess even the strong can take a tumble sometimes.

I sat there watching Tai, not really believing what I was seeing. How could Tai, someone I saw just this morning, be laying before me with a bullet inside him? Maybe if I shut my eyes real tight, when I open them I'll realize it was all a dream. I shut my eyes tight: pretty foolish, huh? I knew it was but I didn't really care. I was willing to try anything. When someone close to you is that close to death, you'll do anything you can think of to just humour yourself for even a few seconds. I probably sound crazy and I don't expect you to understand. Truthfully, I hope you never get the chance to understand, because it's a horrible situation to be in.

I know I already stated that I wasn't going to talk to Tai, but there was something that I needed to get off my chest.

"Tai, look, about last night…I'm really sorry. I mean, if I knew the last time I talked to you could be the last time I talked to you, things wouldn't have happened that way. I feel really stupid for acting so childish. I totally overreacted to everything that happened. I just got really stressed out and…oh hell, why am I making excuses? You didn't deserve it and I'm really sorry...for everything." I wrung out my hands as I confessed my feelings to Tai.

"For this morning, especially. That was really silly of me to just run away. I think you know that I don't really like to face my problems head on and confrontation isn't exactly listed until my favourite pastimes, but still…that's no excuse." I sighed, hoping he was hearing all of this.

"See Tai, this is why you have to wake up. I don't really know if you heard this so you gotta open up your eyes and tell me whether or not you did. And all those people out there…they're all waiting for you to wake up. They're all praying for you Tai, so just give them what they want. Please answer their prayers. We're all going to fall apart without you. It's hard to admit, but you really were the glue holding us all together." I didn't really want to keep going, but I had to. It was hard to say, though. It's one thing to think something, but it's a whole other thing to say it aloud and make it sound real.

"Sora and Kari will just fall apart without you. T.K. will go when he sees what it does to Kari and Matt will go soon after. And Mimi, something is seriously up with that girl. I don't know what it is but she's barely hanging on anymore, I can tell. She's weak to begin with so she'll be gone, especially after seeing what this is doing to Sora and Matt. Izzy will go next and no matter how hard I try I know I'll wind up just like the rest of them. I want to be strong but I can't, Tai. That was always your job, not mine."

I shifted in my chair and bit my lip. I could feel my eyes start to water so I tried to blink back my tears. Though I may look it, I'm not the type of guy who cried easily. But then again, this was a pretty tough situation. After I said it, the reality of it all really hit me. If something—God forbid—did happen to Tai, nothing would ever be the same. It would be hard enough for things to go back to normal anyway, but if he didn't make it…everything would change.

And I liked things the way they were.

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And there's chapter five!