10

Lois called when she landed, and asked if she could meet him. Before Niles could even get a word in edgewise, the doorbell rang, and his fiancée was flinging her arms around him and pressing her lips against his.

"I've missed you," she said, pouting. "It really did suck without you there."

Niles laughed. "You called from the limo, then?"

"I called from the front steps," she clarified. "I just wanted to make sure you'd be the one to open the door."

"Or else Mr. Sheffield would have had one hell of a greeting," Niles laughed, already feeling an overwhelming wash of guilt.

"There was a method to my madness, I assure you."

Niles nodded, before taking her jacket and hanging it up. He thought he'd have more time to put his plan to action, but apparently not. Still, he'd promised himself he'd do it the first time they'd met up when she returned from her trip, and the moment had arrived. "Why don't you come in? Everyone went out for dinner and to a movie, so we've got the house to ourselves."

Lois grinned mischievously. "Well, if we have the whole house to ourselves, why don't we…"

Before she could finish the statement, Niles led her to the couch, and sat down beside her. "Would you like a beverage?" He tried to keep his voice level, though there was no hiding that he was nervous. Try as he might, he couldn't stop his hands from shaking. This was, conceivably, the hardest thing he had ever had to do. Quickly pouring two healthy shots of scotch into heavy crystal tumblers, he handed one to Lois, and took the other for himself. He didn't even take a moment to savor the liquid, instead drinking it all in one long gulp.

"I'd like to know what's got you so edgy." Stroking his cheek, she looked into his eyes. Something was wrong, and she knew it.

"Well, I've been doing a lot of thinking, while you were away," Niles said, taking a breath and hoping that his courage would see him through. Had he more time before she arrived, he might have taken a shot of scotch to calm his nerves, but now he was flying without a net.

"Uh oh…Thinking about the wedding? Because I promise, things will get under control as soon as we fix the whole mess with the caterer," she assured him. At the moment, she was praying that it would be that simple, because the look on his face was telling her that it wouldn't be.

"It's not about the wedding," he began, but then he realized he had already fumbled. "Well, it is about the wedding, but it's not about… It's about me."

"Uh oh...Should I be worried?"

Niles shrugged. "I'm not sure how I feel right now--this is much more difficult than I would have ever imagined, not that I expected it to be easy…"

"What is 'this'?"

"I realized that … we can't get married. I can't marry you." Niles watched as her expression fell, and he knew he hurt her.

"You can't marry me?" Swallowing hard, Lois tried to remain still, and tried not to let her emotions overwhelm her.

"You see, the problem is this: you remind me of someone I once loved. Or maybe I still love her. It's all irrelevant though, because the point is, even if it's not love, it is deep affection and it's really..." Niles knew he was rambling, but this was an awkward situation. He never thought he could be so taken by someone who barely even knew he was alive, but now he was turning down someone who had very openly confessed her love for him. Life was funny sometimes, he realized. "I can't give you what you want or deserve." Tears formed in his eyes, and for once it seemed like he was making the wrong decision. No matter, he thought, because he was already a good way down a long road in a direction away from Lois, and turning back now wasn't an option.

"Who?" Lois tried not to cry, but it was all too much. She had all but given up on falling in love, and then she met him. He changed her life, and now he was walking away.

"It doesn't really matter, does it? I mean, all that matters is..." Niles realized how cruel what he was about to say sounded. 'It's not you I love...'

"It isn't me. That's what you wanted to say, right?"

Taking her hand in his, Niles sighed. "I do love you, but not like I'm supposed to; I love you like a friend - a best friend. I just don't think you're the person I'm meant to marry."

"And she is?"

"No, she's probably not either. But that doesn't change how I feel." He tried to think rationally, but if he was being honest with himself, he knew that he was just reverting back to the life he had before he met Lois. "I've had the most incredible time with you, these past two months. You've been the best thing to happen to me in a long time."

"But we can't give this a shot? We can't postpone the wedding and see if you come to love me like you love her?" Now it was her turn to be irrational, she thought. It was her turn to wonder what could be, and what it would be like to have little ones in their likeness running around.

"I've felt like this for the better part of twenty years, and I don't think it's going to change now," he confessed, for the first time ever sharing the way he felt for the woman in the room down the hall.

"Twenty years?"

"Most of your life," Niles laughed shyly. "But we've never made a go of it, nor will we ever. I just can't do that to you, though. Don't you see why it wouldn't work for us?"

Nodding, Lois tried to find words. She should be bitter and angry, she knew, but something inside of her was telling her that she was thankful. It wasn't that it didn't hurt, because at that moment she was feeling more sadness and emptiness than she had ever felt, but she also understood what was happening and why. She understood what Niles was feeling; she herself had said that everyone had his or her someone, and if he weren't it, then whoever it was would have one hell of an act to follow. "Can I still drag you around to parties? People love you - I love you. I'd understand if you said no, but I would like to have you in my life, if not in my bed."

Niles nodded. "I don't want to lose you over something so silly as breaking off our engagement," he said, with a small smile.

"As long as I get to keep the cat." Lois thought for a moment; things were much too serious, and if they continued with all of the heavy conversations, she might not survive the night without exploding.

"We didn't have a cat," Niles pointed out.

"Oh, well...Um, I'll keep the apartment?"

"Seems only fair - it was your apartment." He grinned. "You're one of a kind, you know? Here I am, being the biggest idiot ever, and you're taking it like a pro."

"I'm good at rejection," she offered, though the bitterness one would expect with such a statement wasn't there.

"You're a classy woman, Lois Brennan." Squeezing her hand, he meant every word of it. There was no one he could think of that would have taken one in the chin quite like that and stayed standing.

"I like your theory better." Standing, she looked down on her ex-fiancé. "I'm gonna miss you, you know."

"I'm going to miss you too - but this isn't goodbye, so don't get all sappy on me. We still have dinner parties and events to attend, and I need someone to go with me to see all those horrible movies that keep coming out."

"And I'll need someone to come with me to buy me a cat. I was used to having something warm to sleep beside at night," she said sweetly. "My luck, the cat will propel itself off my balcony into Time Square, but it's worth a shot."

"Take care, Lois," Niles said, walking her to the door. "And don't be a stranger, please?" The request had used all of his strength to not cry. It had only been two months, but they were the most exciting and happiest two months he had ever had.

"I will. Be good to yourself, and if that woman doesn't come around, tell me who she is, and I'll beat the hell out of her for breaking a perfectly good guy."

Niles laughed; Lois would probably follow through on that. She was tough-as-nails, and had a heart of gold. What the hell was he thinking? "I might take you up on that."

As Lois disappeared down the steps, Niles wondered if he had made the wrong decision. Waiting for CC was like waiting for rain in the desert, and he had spent twenty years drinking the sand. "Goodbye, dear woman," he whispered as she hailed a cab and climbed in. Only when the cab made its way around the corner did he close the door, and closed that chapter on his life.

11

Niles locked the door behind him. All of his demons were on the inside of the house anyway, he thought, but it seemed that he didn't need to invite in anymore trouble from outside. A further complication was the last thing he needed.

As he made his way through the living room, he realized it still smelled like her perfume, and the glasses they had been drinking from were resting on the coasters on the end table. When did he lose his mind, he wondered. He had just forgone the only chance of happiness he'd likely ever have for someone who didn't know he existed, and to make matters worse, now he had to look at her every day for likely the rest of his life. "I'm a schmuck," he whispered, as he picked up the glasses from the table and made his way back into the kitchen.

"What are you still doing up," he asked, none-too-politely.

"I had a craving for mint-chip ice cream with whipped cream," Fran said mischievously. She hadn't intended to get caught but obviously that plan was spoiled.

"Ah. Well, just toss all the dishes in the sink; I'll do them in the morning." Emptying the contents of the glass in his hand, Niles watched the water swirl hopelessly in the sink before being pulled down the drain.

"Why so glum, sugarplum? Did Lois tell you her plans for the wedding song? I know, I know, it's a little untraditional, but why not?" Fran was ready to break into a tangent about the songs Lois and she had thought their way through when Niles cut her off.

"I broke up with Lois," he said, giving breath to the words he wanted to speak least of all.

"You broke up with her?"

"I had to. It wasn't right," he said quietly. "I couldn't string her along."

"Now you're starting to sound like Mr. Sheffield, and that worries me."

"I didn't mean to string her along, but I just didn't love her like I should," Niles admitted. "I loved her, but not as a man should love a woman he's going to marry. There's a difference, you know."

Fran nodded. She had left Danny, and that had all worked out for the better, but this was a totally different circumstance. Danny was a schmo, and Lois was a stunning businesswoman who was head-over-heals in love with her best friend. They had been the perfect couple, Niles and Lois, and now they were...what were they now? Would they all remain friends? Would they still picnic in the park, and make jokes about the passerbys? "How'd she take it?"

"Amazingly well," he admitted. "I think it hurt her more than she would admit, but she didn't let on about it. I'm going to send her flowers tomorrow, and a bottle of her favorite wine. It hardly makes up for what I've done, but it's a start."

"It's something, I guess..." Fran thought about calling Lois and seeing how she really was. If it had been Fran instead, she probably wouldn't have taken it very well, but then again, Lois was also very pragmatic; it was one of the things that made her so perfect for Niles.

"Little things count for a lot, you know."

"Sometimes. Sometimes they're just little things," Fran rationalized.

"I'm in love with someone else. I loved Lois, but I wasn't in love with her. That sounds stupid, right?"

"You're in love with someone else? Who?" Fran practically leapt forward, her ice cream suddenly not even a secondary concern.

"No one worth mentioning," he said sadly. There really wasn't much point to telling her the whole story when nothing would ever change.

"Does she know you love her?"

He laughed, and wondered what kind of sadistic torture she'd subject him to, if only she knew how he felt. "No, most definitely not, and it's going to stay that way."

"You should tell her," Fran said honestly. If nothing else, he had as much a right as anyone else to have a happy ending to his story, and if this other person would be the one to give it to Niles, then he had to talk to her.

"I should, but it wouldn't make a difference," he said quietly.

They lapsed into a calm silence, though they were both reeling from the weight of the night's revelations. Finally, after a few minutes, Fran stopped shoveling ice cream into her mouth and sighed. "I can't believe you called off the engagement, I guess it is better that the invitations hadn't gone out yet."

"It is, but it's still hard. I've yet to tell Mr. Sheffield, and I'm not sure how to go about it. This is all very...new to me."

"Breaking up a wedding?"

"It's not like I stormed a church on a wedding day - I called off an engagement. My God, woman, you make it sound like I've pulled some daring feat!"

Fran smiled. "If this were my family, you would be lucky to escape with your life," she laughed, trying to console her friend.

12

CC scrambled about the office, trying to pull together all the necessary papers. It was Monday afternoon, and if she hurried, she might be able to escape before Niles made it home from his shopping excursion. So far, she had managed the better part of the day without speaking to him, and if she were lucky, she'd make it out without a run-in.

"Mr. Sheffield, have you seen Niles," Fran said, storming into the office.

CC cringed at the nasal intrusion. She was so deep in concentration trying to get everything organized that the shock had caused her to drop most of what she was doing. Papers were now scattered everywhere on the floor. "Nanny Fine, have you ever heard of knocking?"

"Yeah, but the door was open. Maybe you should up your nerve pills or somethin'? You're too jumpy." Turning her attention back to Max, she sighed and rolled her eyes. "So?"

"So, what?"

"So, have you seen Niles?"

Max shook his head. "I've not seen him since this morning, but he did promise he'd be back in time for dinner. He was really quite upset."

"Well, what do you expect? The engagement is off, and now everything is in shambles."

CC perked up. The wedding was off? Surely she couldn't have heard them correctly.

"Things seemed to be going so well for them," Max added, taking his glasses off and rubbing his nose with his other hand.

"I just can't believe it's all over so soon. They were perfect for each other." Wringing her hands, Fran shrugged. "I'm gonna go rent a movie for tonight; maybe if we keep him distracted he won't feel so bad."

"Just don't get anything sappy and romantic," Max warned. "If he starts crying on my shoulder, I'll blame you."

Listening to them, for once she wasn't annoyed at Nanny Fine and her incessant interruptions. Niles' engagement was called off? He was heartbroken? So the little trollop finally did come to her senses, eh?

CC grinned and took her time putting the last of the files back together. This, she thought, was turning out to be a good day after all.

It wasn't long before she heard the back door open, and CC looked up from her cup of tea. A little after four o'clock, she had made her way into the kitchen and sat down with a pot of tea. He would be home soon, she figured, and she wanted to see his misery first hand. Not that she wanted to see him miserable, she rationalized, as much as she wanted to see his state of heartbreak for herself. Seeing him was just going to cement the truth in her mind: if he and Lois had broken up, she'd be able to tell just by his demeanor, and from that she'd have to make her next decision. Seeing was, after all, believing.

"Miss Babcock, what are you doing here?" Niles tried not to look too stunned, but he couldn't help to think it was quite miraculous. He had been thinking about her all day, and suddenly there she was.

"I'm having a cup of tea. Of course, I had to make it myself because you were no where to be seen."

Shrugging, Niles put down the bags he had carried in and began carefully placing their contents in the fridge and cupboards.

No comment, CC wondered. He really was hard up. "I still haven't received my invitation to the wedding," she said, more pointedly. She didn't want him to know that she was already aware of the cancelled nuptials, but at the same time, she wanted it out in the open.

"Well, I don't suppose you'll be receiving one now," he said coolly, trying not to look up at her.

"You've decided to elope and get married in the Hunk-a-Hunk-of-Burning-Love chapel in Vegas, as fitting with your relationship?" Watching carefully, she was almost certain she saw him flinch at her statement. Why couldn't she be a normal person and treat him like someone with a soul? She cringed at the thought, realizing that if she was too kind to him, her only way of being near him would be to hold him, and that would lead to…more than she was comfortable with.

"The wedding is off." The words were blunt, but his eyes never left the bag of groceries.

"So, she finally realized how old and decrepit you are," CC grinned, thrilled at this new development. It was true that the engagement was off, and suddenly a thousand-pound weight had been lifted from her shoulders.

Niles just ignored her. It was easier than trying to lie to her, and he certainly didn't have any witty banter available to him; he couldn't think clearly enough to pull out any of the insults he so frequently employed.

"Or did you have a hard time…you know, pleasing her. She was very young – maybe she had high expectations that you couldn't meet?" Sipping her tea, CC felt right for the first time since she'd heard mention of that Lois character. Still, she wished she could be a little more civil towards him, without the fear of her actions.

"Miss Babcock, please," Niles pleaded. He continued to sort the shelves of the fridge, hoping that she'd disappear before he snapped. He was still feeling very raw about the whole situation.

"Come on Hazel; just tell me why she dumped you. It's like Christmas came early this year!" Surprised that he was being so quiet, she wondered what he was thinking. She was certain that it couldn't be bothering him that much; Lois was a flash in the pan, so to speak. He couldn't have actually loved her, could he?

"I broke up with her," he said quietly. Everything still seemed so surreal; less than 72 hours before, his life seemed perfectly on track. Now, he felt like his life was back on pause with nothing but doubt and uncertainty on the scene.

CC tried to bite back a squeal of joy at his admission. He didn't love Lois, and although she knew that she shouldn't derive so much pleasure from that tidbit of information, the realization made her giddy. CC justified it as a 'misery-loves-company' kind of mentality.

"Well, once an old maid, always an old maid," CC said with glee. It wasn't until a full minute past without a smart-ass reply from Niles that she realized just how hard up he really was.